Need some advice on the guy I'm dating right now. thank you guys.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 03, 2009 3:47 AM GMT
    Hi there,

    I think I need some advice on the guy Im dating right now. Havent felt this way for a long time...Im not sure what to do next. should I continue to see the guy or should I keep distance from him??icon_sad.gif

    Story: I met this guy in a friend's house-party 1 week ago. we did hit it off with each other and he asked my number after party. we went on several dates... he seems to be a veryyyyyy sweet and honest guy but he is too sticky. we had very deep/wonderful conversations about what we want from the relationship. we agree with each other on most issues. but it seems we are so different that I dont think we can work it out eventually. I still go to graduate school and he works. I will be SUPER busy after semester starts;he didnt finish his college but worked hard to get everything done.(though Idont mind his education since he promises he would get his degree in a couple of years, he can barely live a good life with his wages. besides, he would send me >20 messages a day!; he keeps saying hi/,asking what Im doing/ & how much he likes me. I feel sweet but scared based upon the fact that we only know each other for 1 week.

    to make the long story short:
    1. I think it's just infatuation.I would rather slow it down and see how far we can go. I just need more space and time.
    2. any suggestion?? BTW, both of us are in our twenties; me: in my early twenties (foreign student); him: mid-twenties. we all had a very LTR before.
    3. We did make out and spent 2 nights together but didnt have sex... Im not comfortable to have sex with sb that I cant emotionally related to. he respected my decision. that's also one of the reason I wanna contintue to date him.
    4. we can make each other laugh. I really feel happy being around him.
    5. one of my friends reminded me of how different the way we were raised. I was born with a silver spoon in my mouth;he can barely be financially independent. I dont mind spending money on the right guy but uncertain whether he stays with me out of the reason he needs money?


    any suggestions???? I appreciate it.~~~ happy holiday
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 03, 2009 4:21 AM GMT
    I can see no reason NOT to continue dating him. You are in the "discovery phase" of your relationship.

    People almost never know everything about someone else at first contact. Dating is how you answer those questions, fill in those blanks.

    Infatuation is often the starting point for our attraction to someone. Subconscious things we can't analyze may initially draw us to a person; repeated exposure gives our "executive" consciousness a chance to do a "background check" and see what this guy is really all about.

    So don't be afraid of a little "animal attraction" at first. Date him, take your time to judge him, while he no doubt judges you. If it doesn't work out, you both move on, more experienced & wiser than you were before.

    As for silver spoons, I was also raised in a rather privileged world. But pedigree interests me less than personality. I know upper-class guys who are total jerks. If this guy connects with you, don't get hung up on arbitrary distinctions.

    Some of the most enduring couples aren't clones of each other. They bring individual abilities & skills into the relationship, that combined make them a powerful team, covering all the bases.

    At the same time, many interests should be shared. If you can't find some commonalities in the food you like, the movies & TV you watch, music you like, the home furnishings you prefer, the vacations you want to take, etc, then you probably won't be happy together for very long.

    So I recommend you continue to date, and see what you learn, where this takes you. Dating doesn't commit you to an LTR, but it's the best way to start one.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 03, 2009 4:56 AM GMT
    You have only known the guy a week and already you think that there are so many differences it wont work in the long term? It sounds like you are sabotaging this right from the beginning. You are just dating, you aren't in a long term committed relationship. You can't possible come to know a guy in one week of dating. Give this some time and see where things go.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 03, 2009 5:19 AM GMT
    funny pictures of cats with captions

    ... that's as deep as your discussions should go after one week .... stop being a total tool ... icon_rolleyes.gif
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    Jan 03, 2009 5:25 AM GMT
    Red_Vespa saidI can see no reason NOT to continue dating him. You are in the "discovery phase" of your relationship.

    THANKS! I do want to continue to date him. there is sth I feel drawn to in him that cant be explained by my rational brain. I ended my 6-year relationship around 2 years ago and had bad dating experiences afterwards. that;s probably the reason why I distrust people?icon_redface.gif[u]UNDERLINE TEXT GOES HERE[/u]

    People almost never know everything about someone else at first contact. Dating is how you answer those questions, fill in those blanks.

    Infatuation is often the starting point for our attraction to someone. Subconscious things we can't analyze may initially draw us to a person; repeated exposure gives our "executive" consciousness a chance to do a "background check" and see what this guy is really all about.

    So don't be afraid of a little "animal attraction" at first. Date him, take your time to judge him, while he no doubt judges you. If it doesn't work out, you both move on, more experienced & wiser than you were before.

    As for silver spoons, I was also raised in a rather privileged world. But pedigree interests me less than personality. I know upper-class guys who are total jerks. If this guy connects with you, don't get hung up on arbitrary distinctions.

    Some of the most enduring couples aren't clones of each other. They bring individual abilities & skills into the relationship, that combined make them a powerful team, covering all the bases.

    At the same time, many interests should be shared. If you can't find some commonalities in the food you like, the movies & TV you watch, music you like, the home furnishings you prefer, the vacations you want to take, etc, then you probably won't be happy together for very long.

    As for this part......it's funny that he didnt say what he really wants. seems he is a happy-go-lucky type of guyicon_sad.gif he just follows my interests.


    So I recommend you continue to date, and see what you learn, where this takes you. Dating doesn't commit you to an LTR, but it's the best way to start one.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 03, 2009 6:43 AM GMT
    evansf saidHi there,

    I think I need some advice...

    I feel sweet but scared based upon the fact that we only know each other for 1 week.
    ...

    to make the long story short:
    1. I think it's just infatuation.I would rather slow it down and see how far we can go. I just need more space and time.
    2. any suggestion?? BTW, both of us are in our twenties; me: in my early twenties (foreign student); him: mid-twenties. we all had a very LTR before.
    3. We did make out and spent 2 nights together but didnt have sex... Im not comfortable to have sex with sb that I cant emotionally related to. he respected my decision. that's also one of the reason I wanna contintue to date him.
    4. we can make each other laugh. I really feel happy being around him.
    5. one of my friends reminded me of how different the way we were raised. I was born with a silver spoon in my mouth;he can barely be financially independent. I dont mind spending money on the right guy but uncertain whether he stays with me out of the reason he needs money?


    any suggestions???? I appreciate it.~~~ happy holiday


    My opinion in short: If a guy wants something, he goes for it. If you don't want to go for it, chances are that you're just not that into him. Age, money, and all that vain crap are just ridiculous excuses. Just tell him how you feel in as clear a way possible, and take it from there.
  • imperator

    Posts: 626

    Jan 03, 2009 7:34 AM GMT
    evansf saidHi there,

    I think I need some advice on the guy Im dating right now. Havent felt this way for a long time...Im not sure what to do next. should I continue to see the guy or should I keep distance from him??icon_sad.gif[... stuff stuff stuff...]


    Next time he spends the night, gore him to death with an ice pick while he sleeps. A relationship with another person will compromise your personal sovereignty so you must destroy him. Be your own master, eradicate anyone who would so much as approach your throne. It's your only option! icon_confused.gif

    {/cynical humour... or is it?}
  • awayfromtheci...

    Posts: 154

    Jan 03, 2009 8:16 AM GMT
    never did you say that he asked you to marry him.....you are getting way ahead of yourself......let life happen.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 03, 2009 8:40 AM GMT
    Be honest with the guy. It seems you two are very mature and understanding. Let him know that you care about him, but he needs to give a little space.
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    Jan 05, 2009 8:38 PM GMT
    thanks guys!!!

    I talked to him openly about thaticon_smile.gif glad he pretty much understands. I'll see how far we can go.

    too much things going on in my life right now. hopefully, I can balance my school work, career, friends, personal life, and relationship.... everything well.

    thanks again. I appreciate ur advice