Dating a guy- turns out he is bisexual.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 08, 2014 3:37 AM GMT
    Hi, so, I'm dating a guy, and this isn't just some guy. Back 7 years ago I was working as a cashier at a grocery store, fast forward all the way now I get a message on grindr two weeks ago saying If I worked as a cashier for well the grocery store I used to work at, I said yes. And he told me he remembers me. and would always go to my line to check out regardless of the wait on my line. So now we went on like two dates, he's amazing! and we talk every day, texting each other every morning, afternoon on our lunches and night time.

    But just a few moments ago he asked about my x. Told him about it, then asked about his x tells me he's never been with a guy before in a relationship. So I asked is he bisexual, he said yes. My heart sank, I've told myself I would never again be with another bisexual man, I want to get close to him, and be able to be vulnerable around him, but I feel like there is now a barrier between us, and i'm sure he is feeling it too.

    I don't really know what to do, I like him, but, I just can't. icon_sad.gif

  • Karl

    Posts: 5787

    May 08, 2014 3:40 AM GMT
    what's the problem with bisexual ?
    The thing is he doesn't cheat on you and currently he's honest to you, he likes you, who cares what's his sexual orientation ?

    If you think "that" would happen again, well it would if you do think so.
    You really like him ,then enjoy every moment you spend being with him icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 08, 2014 3:49 AM GMT
    Just go with it. I've met a bisexual who digs girls but he's been in solid relationships with men too.

    You just need to be frank with him and listen to his thoughts. You can't just quash something that may have great potential.
  • MikeW

    Posts: 6061

    May 08, 2014 4:00 AM GMT
    The future is never like the past. I basically agree with the other two above me. Be honest with him about your fear. If he wants to know where it's coming from, share that. See how it goes. Don't break it off *just* because he says he's bi. If there's a real problem, then yeah, but get there first.
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    May 08, 2014 8:39 AM GMT
    MikeW666 said The future is never like the past. I basically agree with the other two above me. Be honest with him about your fear. If he wants to know where it's coming from, share that. See how it goes. Don't break it off *just* because he says he's bi. If there's a real problem, then yeah, but get there first.


    +1. This totally makes sense to me.
  • killercliche

    Posts: 948

    May 08, 2014 9:11 AM GMT
    sounds like you don't deserve him.
  • buddycat

    Posts: 1874

    May 08, 2014 9:26 AM GMT
    I agree, I would talk to him about that fear of yours. I don't really fear bi guys in general. Just those that will only be in a relationship with women.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 08, 2014 12:30 PM GMT
    Lol he went to your check out line for
    1) liking you
    Then
    2) picked you on grindr
    So
    Conclusion)
    Go for it.

    I'll prefer a checker but, I've never thought about them afterwards...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 08, 2014 12:35 PM GMT
    he texted me this morning like nothing has changed. icon_neutral.gif

    I know this isn't about him being bisexual, but it's more about me not accepting the fact he is bisexual. It's clear, he's a good guy, but it just hurts that I can't provide him what a girl could. I mean a girl could give him a family, I can't, a girl might make him feel better sexual wise, I don't know if I can compare.

    I just have a lot of questions for him, but I don't want to feel like I'm analyzing him in a negative light for something he is born with, I wouldn't want to make him feel uncomfortable, for being the way he is, but I have so many things to ask him.

    if you bi guys have any suggestions and share some of your thoughts on this, it would be greatly appreciated.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 08, 2014 2:13 PM GMT
    Would he ever be comfortable introducing you to his parents as his boyfriend (of course lots of gay guys fail this test)?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 08, 2014 2:17 PM GMT
    Insecurity :/

    Tell hiiiiiiiiiiiiiim, its up to yooooou.. I say air out your laundry! This reads toxic

    <-- not bi' sorry..
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 08, 2014 2:39 PM GMT
    Well Grimz is apparently gone, however in case he's still reading this:

    "It's clear, he's a good guy, but it just hurts that I can't provide him what a girl could. I mean a girl could give him a family, I can't, a girl might make him feel better sexual wise, I don't know if I can compare."


    What about what he wants? I'm not sure how you'd know he wants that instead of you....
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 08, 2014 2:40 PM GMT
    Grimz saidhe texted me this morning like nothing has changed. icon_neutral.gif

    I know this isn't about him being bisexual, but it's more about me not accepting the fact he is bisexual. It's clear, he's a good guy, but it just hurts that I can't provide him what a girl could. I mean a girl could give him a family, I can't, a girl might make him feel better sexual wise, I don't know if I can compare.

    I just have a lot of questions for him, but I don't want to feel like I'm analyzing him in a negative light for something he is born with, I wouldn't want to make him feel uncomfortable, for being the way he is, but I have so many things to ask him.

    if you bi guys have any suggestions and share some of your thoughts on this, it would be greatly appreciated.


    What makes you think you can't give him a family? Because you don't have a uterus? There are women out there who can't conceive but find other means of having a family. Surrogacy and Adoption are the two top choices.
    Without knowing where you live, those two options are viable for you.
    As for making him feel comfortable sexually, you are the only one who hampering any future effort of sexual contact at your fears of being compared. Btw, bisexual men tend to be more attentive to his male partners needs as he knows a trick or two from his experiences with a female partner.

    You really need to write all your questions down. And be honest with him. If you're not sure any longer, then cut your losses because you and him deserve other people instead.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 08, 2014 3:00 PM GMT
    the OP has fled the forum, deleted his account.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 08, 2014 4:23 PM GMT
    No, I haven't fled at all, it's just I'm actually a regular poster here, and well I want to keep my identity confidential.

    Well, I really like him, i'll keep dating him, and try to figure him out some more, so far all the signs says he likes me, I even gave him the option of having sex (before I found out he was bi) we kinda fooled around, no penetration, and he told me he loved it, and while we were doing..stuff. he was rock solid down there, so that's a good sign, his kisses were passionate, we kissed for maybe over 30 minutes non-stop, after that was done he texted me right after and asked if he wanted to hang out, I said sure, but this time he said he wanted to take me out to a movie instead of doing dirty things.

    So at this point, I can't have sex with him without having emotions weaved in through, and I'm afraid the next time we meet, it wont be the same, and that those questions I have in the back of my mind will come flooding out, and turn him off.

    but thanks guys for giving support, it means a lot to me.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 08, 2014 4:42 PM GMT
    I dont get the worry and things against bisexuals icon_neutral.gif i mean whether your straight gay bi or what ever your in a relationship and or like that one person right so if you think correctly anyone no matter their orientation as a likely hood or cheating dont they just because you like more sexes than the average person dont mean more chance of cheating.
  • MikeW

    Posts: 6061

    May 08, 2014 4:53 PM GMT
    Grimz saidWell, I really like him, i'll keep dating him, and try to figure him out some more...

    Frankly, I never trust "figuring out" guys. I've seen guys do this to one another, "he did this, I wonder what that means?"… and then they go off in their heads about it running around in circles.

    Guys, COMMUNICATION is *not* having to guess or "figure out" what the other guy is thinking and feeling, okay? Just ask him. Find your truth, be willing to share it. Let him find his truth and be willing to hear it. This is not rocket science… its simple basic non-maniuplative human interaction.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 08, 2014 5:08 PM GMT
    Lucky you !

    Bi guys are so much hotter !
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 08, 2014 5:17 PM GMT
    whateveryo saidLucky you !

    Bi guys are so much hotter !


    no, if I had it my way I'd want him to be gay icon_sad.gif

    though I'll take him as is because he actually cares and wants to get to know me.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 08, 2014 5:22 PM GMT
    Grimz saidhe texted me this morning like nothing has changed. icon_neutral.gif

    I know this isn't about him being bisexual, but it's more about me not accepting the fact he is bisexual. It's clear, he's a good guy, but it just hurts that I can't provide him what a girl could. I mean a girl could give him a family, I can't, a girl might make him feel better sexual wise, I don't know if I can compare.

    I just have a lot of questions for him, but I don't want to feel like I'm analyzing him in a negative light for something he is born with, I wouldn't want to make him feel uncomfortable, for being the way he is, but I have so many things to ask him.

    if you bi guys have any suggestions and share some of your thoughts on this, it would be greatly appreciated.


    Who told you he wants kids etc.?
    You are thinking too far ahead, you don't even know if you two are compatible.
  • MikeW

    Posts: 6061

    May 08, 2014 5:22 PM GMT
    Grimz saidno, if I had it my way I'd want him to be gay icon_sad.gif

    though I'll take him as is because he actually cares and wants to get to know me.
    Good, cuz you can't change him any more than he can change you. But as to the first part, a gay guy isn't necessarily going to be more loyal than a bi one. Besides, you need to find out what 'bi' means to him… It may not be quite what you think it does.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 08, 2014 5:23 PM GMT
    MikeW666 said
    Grimz saidno, if I had it my way I'd want him to be gay icon_sad.gif

    though I'll take him as is because he actually cares and wants to get to know me.
    Good, cuz you can't change him any more than he can change you. But as to the first part, a gay guy isn't necessarily going to be more loyal than a bi one. Besides, you need to find out what 'bi' means to him… It may not be quite what you think it does.


    Woman, man, gay straight etc.
    A cheater is a cheater...
  • MikeW

    Posts: 6061

    May 08, 2014 5:26 PM GMT
    Sweetooth saidWho told you he wants kids etc.?
    You are thinking too far ahead, you don't even know if you two are compatible.
    Yes, this. It sounds to me like the OP is afraid of getting hurt. Understandable but relationships are one-step-at-a-time things. It's hard because our fears often want to put the cart before the horse. Don't work like that.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 08, 2014 5:45 PM GMT
    Grimz said
    I don't really know what to do, I like him, but, I just can't. icon_sad.gif

    It's difficult to rationalize a choice when your heart has already given its veto. I've always tended to follow my heart, it seems to be smarter than I am.
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    May 08, 2014 5:50 PM GMT
    Art_Deco said
    Grimz said
    I don't really know what to do, I like him, but, I just can't. icon_sad.gif

    It's difficult to rationalize a choice when your heart has already given its veto. I've always tended to follow my heart, it seems to be smarter than I am.


    I usually always follow my heart, but his time I know it's because of fear, so not sure if it's a valid reason to give.