Tips for dating after coming out?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 12, 2014 8:11 PM GMT
    Hey everyone,

    Finally after two years I am out to nearly everyone I know now, and I feel its time to start thinking about getting into a relationship. I feel it is time to start opening new opportunities and begin a new path in my life.

    So where do I begin...? Where do I meet other guys? Should I start online or look for someone local?

    These might sound like stupid questions, but I really have no idea since I've never dated a guy before.

    Any advice or recommendations would be appreciated!

    Lorenzo
  • Fable

    Posts: 3866

    May 12, 2014 8:26 PM GMT
    Go out in hillcrest by yourself. Meet some people. Make new friends. Don't hook up too early. Don't think everyone is "the one". Take things slow. Realise that being out doesn't mean immediate relationship. Don't be afraid to show your feelings to others.
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    May 12, 2014 8:34 PM GMT
    Will do! I've only been down there once, but I'll check it out this weekend. I should sign up for the front runners club down there as well. Seems to fit me since I run everyday.
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    May 12, 2014 8:44 PM GMT
    Fable saidGo out in hillcrest by yourself. Meet some people. Make new friends. Don't hook up too early. Don't think everyone is "the one". Take things slow. Realise that being out doesn't mean immediate relationship. Don't be afraid to show your feelings to others.

    This. Exactually.
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    May 12, 2014 8:46 PM GMT
    crazyrunnerguy saidWill do! I've only been down there once, but I'll check it out this weekend. I should sign up for the front runners club down there as well. Seems to fit me since I run everyday.


    Frontrunners was on the top of my list! I lived in SD for years. Finding someone you share a passion with is great way to meet people. But then opposites attract too!

    Bowling, pool, the gym, are great places to meet. If you go to the bars DON'T go on busy nights. People are out with their friends and it seems impossible to meet when in a clique.
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    May 12, 2014 8:50 PM GMT
    Firstly, congrats on taking that brave step and coming out. I would recommend learning to spot the difference between a first date and a hookup.

    Someone you meet on an app asking to see your dick and ass pics = hookup

    Someone you meet through mutual friends/activities/etc = probably dating
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 12, 2014 8:55 PM GMT
    thanks for the tips everyone!
    I will definitely avoid hookups at all costs lol...That's really not my idea of a relationship. I'll get out and try making some new friends locally this weekend and see where that takes me.
  • 1AlanZSky

    Posts: 1505

    May 12, 2014 8:56 PM GMT
    So what are you looking for in a relationship?
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    May 12, 2014 9:05 PM GMT
    A gorgeous guy like you will have to fight off admirers with a stick! But yes, frontrunners is a great bet. Ever since I came out in the late 1980s frontrunners has been my big gay fraternity in cities far and wide. When you run with them say hello to my buddy Ken (whom I originally knew from Philly Frontrunners). Message me if you'd like more specific contact info. And congrats on coming out.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 12, 2014 9:13 PM GMT
    AlanZSky saidSo what are you looking for in a relationship?


    Maturity and happiness are my two pointers that I am looking for. I'm a very social and open person. I'm interested in a relationship so I'm not single my entire life. ;)
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    May 12, 2014 11:27 PM GMT
    Don't rely on the Internet as your first option. It's okay to have a few online dating profiles, but it severely limits your dating pool and will potentially make you jaded. You don't want to get into the habit of scrolling through guys as if they are menu options.

    I've met some great guys in person who I would have passed over had I viewed them online. Sometimes there's a look in someone's eye, or an energy that someone gives off from across the room that just captures you. Just go out alone with an open mind, have a few drinks, and talk to people.
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    May 12, 2014 11:39 PM GMT
    Don't hit on women…

  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    May 12, 2014 11:51 PM GMT
    Don't start on line. Most of the people you meet on line are just looking for a hookup. Start with your friends. Let them know you are looking to date and looking for a guy to settle down with. Ask them to keep their eyes out for some one they think you might like.

    You're young hot and handsome, there is a guy out there for you. Just keep doing what you are doing, that is living life everyday and doing things that you enjoy doing. You will find him out there.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 13, 2014 1:48 AM GMT
    crazyrunnerguy saidthanks for the tips everyone!
    I will definitely avoid hookups at all costs lol...That's really not my idea of a relationship.

    Why rule out hookups if you are just coming out? It would not come amiss to a newbie to have a variety of sexual experiences with different personalities and physical types (as long as you are safe of course). How else are you going to know what would satisfy you in a relationship? Besides, coming out is hard enough, you may as well enjoy the fun side of it while it's all still fresh and exciting.
    If you go out specifically looking for a relationship you are guaranteed not to find one because your obvious agenda will deter all but the neediest and most desperate candidates. You will have better luck in the long run if you take part in a variety of activities you enjoy, engage with the men you meet, and be open to what they have to offer.
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    May 13, 2014 1:54 AM GMT
    Be true to yourself and what you want. Don't feel you need to compromise or do something you don't want to just date someone. If you want to randomly hook-up, go for it. If you want to be in a relationship before you have sex, then do that.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 13, 2014 3:11 AM GMT
    All good advice. Will quote MCB since there's too many online dating sites now and meeting someone in person is the way to go since it's real time and you get immediate feedback from someone in person you don't usually get behind a computer screen:

    MCB_ saidDon't rely on the Internet as your first option. It's okay to have a few online dating profiles, but it severely limits your dating pool and will potentially make you jaded. You don't want to get into the habit of scrolling through guys as if they are menu options.

    I've met some great guys in person who I would have passed over had I viewed them online. Sometimes there's a look in someone's eye, or an energy that someone gives off from across the room that just captures you. Just go out alone with an open mind, have a few drinks, and talk to people.


    Try meetup.com also, it's geared toward meeting like minded people offline, maybe there's a GLBT runner's club in your area. Don't focus so much on finding dates as making friends, one of the best relationships I had was developed out of a friendship. When we transitioned from friends to being boyfriends I felt like I had known him forever.

    Bars and clubs are ok... it's fine to go alone but I agree with not going on weekend nights; way too busy and can be cliquey. Go during the off hours. Don't worry you'll attract someone sooner or later to date. Just be yourself.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 15, 2014 1:49 PM GMT
    +1 for MCB's excellent post.

    crazyrunnerguy: Congrats on coming out! icon_cool.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 15, 2014 4:16 PM GMT
    Congrats on coming out....now to the whore sleeping around phase. Jk icon_razz.gificon_redface.gif