Dating in your 20s Vs Dating in your 30s

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 15, 2014 1:35 PM GMT
    I'm in my early 20s and these are a lot of the issues I face dating other guys my age.

    -a lot of guys are still coming out or DL
    -guys are still trying to figure themselves out and what they want
    -they're busy with school & working at the same time
    -a lot of guys just want to fuck

    But I feel as you get older the men get more mature and self assured... (I would like to believe that at least lol)



    How is dating in your 30s comparable to dating in your 20s?

    Does it get better?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 15, 2014 1:53 PM GMT
    WOW! Excellent question!

    I think it a loaded question... Yes on the whole I think it is better. Typically there is more money able to be spent, so you go to nicer places <- not a must, but I think the chosen atmosphere says a lot about a person, and also can set a mood.
    Typically the conversations are better because with age comes the opportunity to speak in a more positive and worldly tone and about more topics you didn't even knew existed when younger.
    Individuality is more present and conversational topics are less black and white (always a good thing!)
    Guys are typically more comfortable with themselves and so the energy is more free to be compatible....
    Also, the sex is typically better, not to say it'll be good... but the things you thought were weird and gross and vowed never to do when in your early twenties are now the things that excite you and crave to engage in.

    Having said all of this... I'm almost thirty and just started grad school this year so dating is not my top priority at this time.

    I am sure other men will be able to give you a better contribution, but I will say that I think it is hard and Atypical to find a dedicated and committed life partner in your young twenties. Not impossible.... but more unrealistic I'd say.
  • thadjock

    Posts: 2183

    May 15, 2014 1:58 PM GMT
    it was easier dating in my teens/20s. when you get to your 30s alot of guys have had relationships/breakups and they don't know how to let it go in a healthy way so you end up dealing with alot of baggage/history.

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    May 16, 2014 10:11 AM GMT
    I get contacted by lots of guys who are in their 20s who want a guy with his own place who can afford to pay for all the dates (which isn't me lol). I also get contacted by lots of older guys who think they are compromising by not chasing a guy in his 20s. I don't get contacted by many guys in their 30s because they are too busy with the other two groups...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 17, 2014 12:06 AM GMT
    thadjock saidit was easier dating in my teens/20s. when you get to your 30s alot of guys have had relationships/breakups and they don't know how to let it go in a healthy way so you end up dealing with alot of baggage/history.



    Yeah I could see that being an issue a lot of times.
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    May 17, 2014 12:41 AM GMT
    20's: needy, clingy--a man is all he needs that and the air that he breaths.
    late 20's, he realizes food and shelter are more important then dick.
    Yearly 30's he'd rather just pay for it. It's easier that way, plus he can schedule it in on Friday before the gym.
    Mid 30's; that's the sweet spot...
    by 40 you're too set in your ways to compromise or give up closet space...
  • Eli_jah

    Posts: 1391

    May 17, 2014 1:18 PM GMT
    Have never dated someone, been too busy with life stuff. Now that I'm starting to enter my late 20s, I think maybe I should.

    I'm such a free soul though.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    May 17, 2014 1:40 PM GMT
    It got a lot better...in my 20's I was dating women and in my 30's, I started seeing my partner before I had come out or fully accepted being gay. All fell into place, "dating" became our relationship, which lasted 13.5 years. No regrets, really awesome.
    He could have so jerked me around at that beginning stage.

    So for me, the difference was night and day... "night" in my 20's and seeing the "light of day" (so to speak..haha) in my 30's.

    icon_biggrin.gif
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    May 17, 2014 1:55 PM GMT
    HndsmKansan saidIt got a lot better...in my 20's I was dating women and in my 30's, I started seeing my partner before I had come out or fully accepted being gay. All fell into place, "dating" became our relationship, which lasted 13.5 years. No regrets, really awesome.
    He could have so jerked me around at that beginning stage.

    So for me, the difference was night and day... "night" in my 20's and seeing the "light of day" (so to speak..haha) in my 30's.

    icon_biggrin.gif
    Thats what i fear (in bold)
  • thadjock

    Posts: 2183

    May 17, 2014 10:48 PM GMT
    dustin_K_tx said20's: needy, clingy--a man is all he needs that and the air that he breaths.
    late 20's, he realizes food and shelter are more important then dick.
    Yearly 30's he'd rather just pay for it. It's easier that way, plus he can schedule it in on Friday before the gym.
    Mid 30's; that's the sweet spot...
    by 40 you're too set in your ways to compromise or give up closet space...


    wow I never found any of that to be true, just goes to show you every life is different and "results may vary"

    but i've always been strong willed and self reliant, never needed to be with someone to "feel complete" it's always great when i find someone i really click with but, i'm totally ok flying solo. Prefer it to putting up with some fool who bores me or annoys me.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 17, 2014 10:49 PM GMT
    wow so if ive never dated ever and im 25 in a few weeks i well and truly am fucked in the dating world wow ive truly lost then
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 18, 2014 10:49 PM GMT
    Sex was awful in my 20's. Remarkably better as soon as I hit 30.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 19, 2014 1:01 AM GMT
    Dating in your 20s is easier IMO
  • nomad4life

    Posts: 332

    May 19, 2014 5:42 PM GMT
    Dennis89 saidwow so if ive never dated ever and im 25 in a few weeks i well and truly am fucked in the dating world wow ive truly lost then


    You're not fucked, just your beginning stages are happening later than other people's. The first one may be like "OMG I"M DATING A DUDE!" but after that your natural mid-twenty maturity will kick in.
    At least I think. I'm just approaching mid-twenties myself
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    May 19, 2014 6:34 PM GMT
    friendlyface08 said
    Dennis89 saidwow so if ive never dated ever and im 25 in a few weeks i well and truly am fucked in the dating world wow ive truly lost then


    You're not fucked, just your beginning stages are happening later than other people's. The first one may be like "OMG I"M DATING A DUDE!" but after that your natural mid-twenty maturity will kick in.
    At least I think. I'm just approaching mid-twenties myself
    Thats a nice thing to say icon_smile.gif as it would be my first ever relationship in total. Even before i came out i never had any girlfriends either. I just get upset at all the young time i have missed out on gaining basic experience icon_sad.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 19, 2014 9:30 PM GMT
    I wasn't that picky when I first came out in my early 20s. I did my whole whore around phase and hooked up with a lot of hot guys. I had about 2 serious ex-bfs in my late 20s. Now, I'm in my 30s, I discover that I don't put up with a lot of shit anymore. I become more selective and picky. I tend to hook up less and in a mindset of getting a husband. I mean, I still like younger guys but I tend to set my sight on guys who are a little older than me. Nothing is permanent though. But yeah, I do have a little shield up, I don't go gaga or crazy over guys like when I was younger.
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    May 19, 2014 11:14 PM GMT
    Youngun saidI'm in my early 20s and these are a lot of the issues I face dating other guys my age.

    -a lot of guys are still coming out or DL
    -guys are still trying to figure themselves out and what they want
    -they're busy with school & working at the same time
    -a lot of guys just want to fuck


    - Not many guys are still "coming out" or DL in their 30s?
    - Do guys ever figure out exactly what they want?
    - Guys aren't busy in their 30s with their careers, home improvement projects or other engagements?
    - Not many men in their 30s just want to fuck?

    Perfectly legitimate issues to be going through, but they don't sound age specific to me. Maybe I'm wrong.

    However, I'm inclined to agree that there is a lot of maturing that goes on throughout your 20s; eventually, you phase out of the "young, wild and free" mentality and you're forced to get your shit together (or find a sugar daddy).

    Sounds like you're right in some ways but it also sounds like there are other challenges that present themselves in dating into your 30s. I'm 26 and this seems like the prime time to snatch somebody up - post slutty-college years when you're starting to mellow out and figure out what comes next in life.
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    May 19, 2014 11:59 PM GMT
    I would also add that many guys are still building their bodies in their twenties. By their thirties everyone's bodies are better and with this new power comes the power to pick who among the hot guys is most compatible with you, instead of just being with the first (and only) hot guy who gave you the time of day and crossing your fingers hoping he's no psychopath.
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    May 20, 2014 2:08 AM GMT
    dustin_K_tx said
    20's: needy, clingy--a man is all he needs that and the air that he breaths.
    late 20's, he realizes food and shelter are more important then dick.
    Yearly 30's he'd rather just pay for it. It's easier that way, plus he can schedule it in on Friday before the gym.
    Mid 30's; that's the sweet spot...
    by 40 you're too set in your ways to compromise or give up closet space...


    I find so much of what you said ringing true for me. Now that I'm on the cusp of 29, food and shelter and money (as well as family and friends) are so much more important than dating/being with someone and I'm grateful for that. I'm also finding myself to be rather set in my ways and pretty selfish, which may be the Gemini in me coming out a lot more.

    Additionally, like others have alluded to, the older you get, the more picky and selective you become in regards to the amount of crap and immaturity you'll put up with. Which may partly explain my preference for men over 35 who have their shit together.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 20, 2014 4:37 AM GMT
    All of the questions you ask in your 20s go away in your 30s. Then they reappear in your 40s.

    Kidding! 40s are a breeze. Hopefully 50 treats me right.
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    May 20, 2014 5:04 AM GMT
    bachian saidI would also add that many guys are still building their bodies in their twenties. By their thirties everyone's bodies are better and with this new power comes the power to pick who among the hot guys is most compatible with you, instead of just being with the first (and only) hot guy who gave you the time of day and crossing your fingers hoping he's no psychopath.


    Superficial much?
  • MarvelClimber

    Posts: 511

    May 20, 2014 5:53 AM GMT
    Rolfron said
    Youngun saidI'm in my early 20s and these are a lot of the issues I face dating other guys my age.

    -a lot of guys are still coming out or DL
    -guys are still trying to figure themselves out and what they want
    -they're busy with school & working at the same time
    -a lot of guys just want to fuck


    - Not many guys are still "coming out" or DL in their 30s?
    - Do guys ever figure out exactly what they want?
    - Guys aren't busy in their 30s with their careers, home improvement projects or other engagements?
    - Not many men in their 30s just want to fuck?

    Perfectly legitimate issues to be going through, but they don't sound age specific to me. Maybe I'm wrong.

    However, I'm inclined to agree that there is a lot of maturing that goes on throughout your 20s; eventually, you phase out of the "young, wild and free" mentality and you're forced to get your shit together (or find a sugar daddy).

    Sounds like you're right in some ways but it also sounds like there are other challenges that present themselves in dating into your 30s. I'm 26 and this seems like the prime time to snatch somebody up - post slutty-college years when you're starting to mellow out and figure out what comes next in life.


    I'm about to turn 32 and I have way more sex than I did when I was in my 20s. And I find a lot of guys my age that just want to fuck. Guys are guys; they always wanna fuck. I still encounter guys in their mid and late 30s who are still coming to terms with their sexuality. (Can you say, "bottom shame?") As we live longer and our economy plummets, one age group drops to the next bracket. 30 is the new 20 and, with enough botox, 50 is the new 30. Guys still don't know what they want; they're not financially independent; they went back to school, or worse, just stayed in school because they couldn't find a job; they have insurmountable mountains of debt; and they still think Prada loafers are a better investment than a lump-sum payment on the principle. Even for those on the grind, they're climbing the corporate ladder or just breaking in with a creative field or start-up, all the while cultivating professional and post-collegiate friendships. Many young gay professionals aren't thinking about some arm candy. And who has their own place in a major city nowadays? Hell, I fuck with abandon while my shared-wall roommate is on the phone with abuela. #NoShame #HiAbuela. I date guys in their 40s who are still figuring their lives out. (BTW, when you think it's figured out; there's a curveball. And when it actually is figured out, you're dying.) Though there are milestones that come with age and experience, it's not like they are set in stone.

    Ultimately, you're searching for someone you're compatible with. What that means in your 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s, 60s, etc changes as you develop. How you find that person changes. What you're attracted to changes. Dating isn't done in a lab with controls. Things might be better as you get older because other factors change your dating pool and overall environment. There's a spontaneity and recklessness in your youth that gets tempered as you age. 30s can be a time of confidence and decisiveness that makes you more discerning about who you date. This could be good, or it could be bad if you're not willing to take chances. Is dating better in your 30s, I don't know. It's definitely different. Is the sex better? DEFINITELY! #DirtyThirties
  • Pheo

    Posts: 198

    May 20, 2014 6:19 AM GMT
    I feel like I'm an exception to the whole maturity thing. icon_sad.gif Makes me feel boring. icon_lol.gif

    I never really had that whole desperately seeking the dick phase. I had the whole 'desperately seeking a job' phase by the time I hit 20. By 24 I got a better job, a vehicle, an apartment, but I kept pursuing a better career. I found a better job at 25, which I still keep up with at the same time as my gigs, I've changed residences to a better location (other than it's in the middle of wasp territory), and I converted to a newer van (NO I'M NOT A SOCCER MOM). I'm 27 now. I'm just as busy as I was back then. While I've been dating since I was 16, I've had a total of 7 relationships. Two of them even ended because I was too mature for them. Instead of buying a 1,200 dollar TV, I put it towards future car payments (and paid my van off 3 years early).

    People tell me all the time that I need to date guys in their 30's, but I don't know if I'd be fun enough for them either. icon_lol.gif In seriousness though, I think it'll be better in my 30's because I'll have all this stuff already done and out of the way. At least that's my optimistic outlook. Who knows, I may go back to school. Then this may turn out to be a "Mea Culpa" post. But who knows, could be easier that way too. Well, so long as the guy could get over the fact that I want to stare at skeletal remains and get paid for it all day.


  • DarkWoods

    Posts: 91

    May 20, 2014 9:05 AM GMT
    I don't know what to consider dating luck. If I look at my friends, most of them have not been in long term relationships for the past two years, or have been in terrible relationships that need to end. My last long term relationship was when I was 22, and only for a few months. I should have known it wasn't going to last, physical chemistry can be easy, but I was starting to see that it wasn't going to be enough. I met guy one night and things seemed to be going good, great convo, we danced, I got his number and we were planning to hang out, but then work came up for him and our plans kept being put on the back burner until they never happened. I think he had a crush on his friend and they ended up getting together. Recently I met another cool guy. There were things I liked about him but I worried a little bit that I was trying to make myself like him more than I did. We had a great night, light hooking up but it was just more kissing and very tender, we made out on my bedroom floor for about four hours. Then later today I get a text saying how he should have been more upfront, that he was sort of seeing someone and thought it deserved more of a chance, which I understand but it still kind of sucks.

    Is this the dating life? I've met some other guys recently that I think would take up the offer to a date, one if moving in three months though. I don't know if this is good luck or bad luck as far as dating goes. Immaturity has definitely been a complicating factor in the other guys. As I mentioned before, physical attraction is easy with raging hormones, but I try to slow things down so they don't burn up too quickly. I want a guy who can keep me interested, and maybe someone I'm threatened by. All in all I guess I can't complain, but are there so many lonely people? It makes me sad.
  • thadjock

    Posts: 2183

    May 20, 2014 5:40 PM GMT
    the_realz_dealz said
    bachian saidI would also add that many guys are still building their bodies in their twenties. By their thirties everyone's bodies are better and with this new power comes the power to pick who among the hot guys is most compatible with you, instead of just being with the first (and only) hot guy who gave you the time of day and crossing your fingers hoping he's no psychopath.


    Superficial much?


    yeah i had the same thought, but let it go, either cuz i'm getting old or i just don't give a shit about people who think that way anymore.

    but it's true alot of gay guys are super vain and measure their own self worth by the hotness of the guy they can get to date them, no matter how empty the relationship is.