The first feeling of realising being GAY

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    May 16, 2014 5:29 PM GMT
    As we all have heard and read a lot of about "Coming Out" to people but how did one first feel like on finding out that he's into guys and not girls?
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    May 16, 2014 5:33 PM GMT
    Horny, Hot and Fabulous...

    icon_twisted.gificon_twisted.gificon_twisted.gif
  • Karl

    Posts: 5787

    May 16, 2014 5:35 PM GMT
    my feeling when I realized I'm gay ?

    smile

    I knew it ! .



    I knew it !
    I knew it !
  • MikeW

    Posts: 6061

    May 16, 2014 5:37 PM GMT
    SteveMarc saidAs we all have heard and read a lot of about "Coming Out" to people but how did one first feel like on finding out that he's into guys and not girls?
    Well the erotic association I had for guys started so young (pre teen) it just seemed natural to me. It was only later that I realized I wasn't *supposed* to feel that way and realized I didn't have those feelings for girls at all. So, early teens it was sort of, why is this such a big deal, anyway? Later I got really depressed about it because I felt like I had to keep it a secret from everyone and that it was going to ruin my life. Of course all this was in an earlier century, a different era.
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    May 16, 2014 5:43 PM GMT
    SteveMarc saidAs we all have heard and read a lot of about "Coming Out" to people but how did one first feel like on finding out that he's into guys and not girls?


    That would have been 1970 for me. Age 16. At that time it was considered a psychiatric illness and treatable, from drugs etc up to shock therapy and in a few cases where the patients had been convinced they had to be cured, partial lobotomies.

    So then, my first reaction was to go to my room and laugh hilariously when I realized I was gay.

    Then the reality set in.

    Three years later the medical gurus decided it wasn't a mental illness to be cured after all, but normal. How nice, except that deconditioning the general population from their previous conditioning that it was sick didn't happen so easily.
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    May 16, 2014 5:57 PM GMT
    thCAZ26VHF.jpg
    I'm gonna say it was early 60s TV what did it.
  • MikeW

    Posts: 6061

    May 16, 2014 6:17 PM GMT
    MovingRightAlong saidthCAZ26VHF.jpg
    I'm gonna say it was early 60s TV what did it.
    Chuck? OMFG. icon_eek.gif For me it started with Circus Boy.

    circus%20boy.jpg

    Now before everyone gets all creeped out, remember CORKY was older than I was.
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    May 16, 2014 6:17 PM GMT
    meninlove said
    SteveMarc saidAs we all have heard and read a lot of about "Coming Out" to people but how did one first feel like on finding out that he's into guys and not girls?


    That would have been 1970 for me. Age 16. At that time it was considered a psychiatric illness and treatable, from drugs etc up to shock therapy and in a few cases where the patients had been convinced they had to be cured, partial lobotomies.

    So then, my first reaction was to go to my room and laugh hilariously when I realized I was gay.

    Then the reality set in.

    Three years later the medical gurus decided it wasn't a mental illness to be cured after all, but normal. How nice, except that deconditioning the general population from their previous conditioning that it was sick didn't happen so easily.


    You really laughed hilariously!! I am still imagining that laugh was for the people or on the situation.
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    May 16, 2014 6:29 PM GMT
    MikeW saidFor me it started with Circus Boy.

    circus%20boy.jpg

    Now before everyone gets all creeped out, remember CORKY was older than I was.

    For those of you too young to remember, Circus Boy grew up to be Monkee Man.

    7825510_orig.jpg

    For those of you too young to remember the Monkees, get off our lawns! icon_eek.gif
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    May 16, 2014 7:16 PM GMT
    SteveMarc said
    meninlove said
    SteveMarc saidAs we all have heard and read a lot of about "Coming Out" to people but how did one first feel like on finding out that he's into guys and not girls?


    That would have been 1970 for me. Age 16. At that time it was considered a psychiatric illness and treatable, from drugs etc up to shock therapy and in a few cases where the patients had been convinced they had to be cured, partial lobotomies.

    So then, my first reaction was to go to my room and laugh hilariously when I realized I was gay.

    Then the reality set in.

    Three years later the medical gurus decided it wasn't a mental illness to be cured after all, but normal. How nice, except that deconditioning the general population from their previous conditioning that it was sick didn't happen so easily.


    You really laughed hilariously!! I am still imagining that laugh was for the people or on the situation.


    It was hilarious, at me. For so long I hadn't a clue why I was so different. Boy crushes. I was the only one doing that. Then eureka! Followed by fear, panic and the desperate need to hide it. Ay yi yi.
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    May 16, 2014 7:41 PM GMT
    meninlove said
    SteveMarc said
    meninlove said
    SteveMarc saidAs we all have heard and read a lot of about "Coming Out" to people but how did one first feel like on finding out that he's into guys and not girls?


    That would have been 1970 for me. Age 16. At that time it was considered a psychiatric illness and treatable, from drugs etc up to shock therapy and in a few cases where the patients had been convinced they had to be cured, partial lobotomies.

    So then, my first reaction was to go to my room and laugh hilariously when I realized I was gay.

    Then the reality set in.

    Three years later the medical gurus decided it wasn't a mental illness to be cured after all, but normal. How nice, except that deconditioning the general population from their previous conditioning that it was sick didn't happen so easily.


    You really laughed hilariously!! I am still imagining that laugh was for the people or on the situation.


    It was hilarious, at me. For so long I hadn't a clue why I was so different. Boy crushes. I was the only one doing that. Then eureka! Followed by fear, panic and the desperate need to hide it. Ay yi yi.


    It was quite interesting though. Olden times.
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    May 16, 2014 7:49 PM GMT
    Well, pretty much throughout high school I would sit in class like this:
    happy-student-sitting-class-5826746.jpg

    But what was actually on my mind was this:
    tumblr_m10n6mkRor1qiha86o1_500.gif
    The-Night-Visitor-2.gif

    So one day it just hit me like:
    tumblr_llw0bidg1h1qkufaeo1_500.gif
    3812884-8851871402-ibupC.gif
    chese2.gif
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    May 16, 2014 7:50 PM GMT
    I always explained it away to myself like, "I find them intriguing on a personal level", but at the time I refused to acknowledge that it was anything gay... despite the fact I jacked the hell off at home. I gradually got clued in, it just took me awhile to really acknowledge and get comfortable with it all.
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    May 16, 2014 9:10 PM GMT
    This answer seems to change for me all the time, BUT...
    (TL;DR, it started with the remote control)

    In the 80s, Cable channel options were just like they are now, with the Pay-per-View (PPV) channels up way past the major movie channels.

    Being the zit-faced up-and-coming horndog teenager that I was, I had figured out, while trying to peek at pro-wrestling PPVs for free (should've been the first hint), that flipping the PPV channels back-and-forth REALLY fast with the remote (up! down! UP!) would cause the first of the two channels to freeze up.

    During the "freeze," the channel would display a free "sneak-peek" of the first channel's PPV event for approximately 30 seconds, before fuzzing out and going back to the PPV preview ads. NO cable charges would occur (I checked by peeking at the cable bill every month). So, with some quick thumb action, you could "sneak peek" pretty much to your heart's content, or the content of any other organs, through whatever floated your boat.

    Of course, ALL of the late-night XXX content was str8, and color-by-numbers. And some of the "tips" I got from watching them helped me get through my virgin-busting "first times," when girlfriends would draw my clueless behind in to partake in some down-low nookie with 'em.

    Relative to the p0rn flicks, there was a LOT of one-way oral pleasure, from me to them, with literal cut-to-the-money-shot J/O scenes at the close before the real-life girlfriends could do much of anything in return. I used an excuse of desiring to "wait for something special" to avoid penetrative action with the ladyfolk, and a persistence with delivering their orgasms (something my other male peers wouldn't do), multiple if necessary, so they'd be too exhausted to try and return the favor. Quickly rubbing one out while they laid in ecstasy, I left many girlfriends momentarily satisfied, but usually frustrated in the longer term.

    I digress: Back to the tube. It was in the process of months of late-night fast-channel-flipping (while studying in the basement, as an excuse for staying up) that I noticed I was deliberately trying to avoid the scenes with the chick(s) getting pleasure, and trying to anticipate and target the brief moments where the video shot would focus on the males deriving pleasure from their actions (volume down VERY low for obvious reasons). The male O-Faces, sneers, winces, grunts and groans were causing me to pitch tents in my dungarees. The females... well, not so much. It took months to figure out in my own brain what I was doing with my fingers, eyes and ears, and couldn't declare out loud.

    Outside the house (buds' houses), I also had access to various sources of p0rn mags, and I was particularly fixated on the "Dear Penthouse Forum" letter-style stories. 99% of them would be about str8 sexual encounters, and I found myself eager to skip to the verbiage where the man (particularly if he was described as a hunk of some kind) was being pleasured and achieving orgasms. The occasional MMF "swinger" stories were like finding a freaking cherry cordial in a box of chocolates. The str8 romance/suspense novels (like Sidney Sheldon) had a lot of male-centric orgasm talk hidden in them, too, that I found enjoyable to find and read.

    From there, the imagery of the male pro wrestlers, the male soap opera and TV/movie stars, TV athletes, models in magazine ads, and eventually some fellow jocks in school that I never fully looked at "in that way," became prominently tied to my sexual responses. They, and those guys on the PPVs, became the nightly objects of my carnal desires. I envisioned myself delivering and receiving both pleasure and pleasurable pain from those guys, and those guys amongst one another, to the point where the chicks served only as buzzkill and backdrop for what I really wanted. What all of that was leading to, at that point, I had NO earthly idea...

    (Okay, I'm cheating, but Batman and Robin on TV, too. lol Throw them in with the wrestlers.)
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    May 16, 2014 9:23 PM GMT
    Sensei saidWell, pretty much throughout high school I would sit in class like this:
    happy-student-sitting-class-5826746.jpg

    But what was actually on my mind was this:
    tumblr_m10n6mkRor1qiha86o1_500.gif
    The-Night-Visitor-2.gif


    I can almost relate to the first pic except that no one is allowed to randomly have drinks in class. (except like senior year)

    and hello, gif's
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    May 16, 2014 9:38 PM GMT
    I told my boy friend I wanted to fuck the hell out of him icon_lol.gif
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    May 16, 2014 10:32 PM GMT
    I'm guessing that most of us were like me and totally denied it to ourselves. It seems that is the course for a while until we slowly recognize that we have that attraction, then we hide it out of shame and fear of being labelled some freak by society. Once we're over lying to ourselves, we then give up the fight and embrace who we are and tell everyone else to go pound salt. That leaves us feeling good as we rid ourselves of an enormous burden that has been upon us. We then find elation in being excited by the looks, sounds or touch of another man. Girls don't do that to us, we generally like them, enjoy being around them but they don't excite us in the same way that we find when near or with another guy.
  • ChiGuy999

    Posts: 31

    May 16, 2014 10:37 PM GMT
    Terrified at first...but the moment I kissed my first dude I realized that the feeling was CLEARLY a thousand times better than with any girl. After having denied it to myself for so long, I finally felt amazing, no bars held.

    Cheers! icon_smile.gif
  • aviddoc

    Posts: 49

    May 17, 2014 4:25 AM GMT
    I was 15 and I wasn't really scared. I thought I should just act like a straight boy and not let anyone know about my attraction to other men. Then I did some pretty gay and naughty things with some of my classmatesicon_redface.gif.
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    May 17, 2014 10:52 AM GMT
    There was always this thing what i never actually knew what it was but it was there, even when i was about age of 4 i remember it and then it wouldnt be on my mind and then it would and i just did not understand it at all i remember being at home sat with one specific song i liked playing at i couldnt get this certain lad out my head at all and that was about age 8, i also just never felt anything for girls at all no interest to look at or be with for any reason, i remember being about 6 and someone showed me a porn magazine and lol simply no interest, but at that same age when all the boybands where on tv etc i remember being obsessed the same but again not knowing what and why, it was just that i preferred and enjoyed looking at them but it felt bad to me that i was liking what i was seeing. Lol i always tried sneak a peek at fit men in the toilets lol and i wouldnt as a got older admit it to my self and sort of whitewashed it with some other excuse which i still can remember today but then i gradually acknowledged it but didnt accept it for years properly and was years again before i came out, thats why i also think i have never managed have a relationship because i was shy ontop of the fact that when i wasnt out girls just didnt interest me at all.
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    May 17, 2014 11:56 AM GMT
    SteveMarc saidAs we all have heard and read a lot of about "Coming Out" to people but how did one first feel like on finding out that he's into guys and not girls?

    It wasn't that I "found out" so much as I was never interested in girls in the first place. And that I always knew, as I much preferred to hang around with other guys, all my close friends were guys, I didn't even have any girls (or young women's) phone numbers.

    I wondered at the time why women didn't interest me at all, since I could see the reactions of other guys to them, all the dating, the men's magazines, always thinking about getting sex. But neither did I believe I had a sexual interest in guys, and I never accepted the possibility that I could be gay, that would have to wait several more decades.

    Main problem was that I didn't fit the exaggerated faggy gay stereotype of my era, and lacking that, I thought gay was out of the question for me. My sexual excitement for hunky (and naked) men was rationalized as being "kinky", something I wouldn't actively pursue. And so I finally forced myself to start dating women (at 26!) to please my nagging parents, society in general, and help my Army career in particular.

    Therefore when I finally came out late, it was something I already "knew" but hadn't known, at least not consciously & fully. After about an hour of revulsion at the idea, and fear, things turned totally around when I realized this explained all the questions in my life, the confusion and contradictions. There's nothing I value more than knowledge versus ignorance, even when the answers are not what I expected or even initially wanted.

    I hadn't TURNED gay, I always WAS gay. And if that's the way I am, then that's the way I am. And so that closed THAT debate, the next step being what to do about it. And did I ever! But those are stories for another of my lengthy posts.

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    May 17, 2014 12:00 PM GMT
    HndsmKansan saidI always explained it away to myself like, "I find them intriguing on a personal level", but at the time I refused to acknowledge that it was anything gay... despite the fact I jacked the hell off at home.

    tumblr_mf4i6cpyko1rkxn8ao1_500.jpg


    I gradually got clued in, it just took me awhile to really acknowledge and get comfortable with it all.


    This.
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    May 17, 2014 3:16 PM GMT
    Sensei saidWell, pretty much throughout high school I would sit in class like this:
    happy-student-sitting-class-5826746.jpg

    But what was actually on my mind was this:
    tumblr_m10n6mkRor1qiha86o1_500.gif
    The-Night-Visitor-2.gif

    So one day it just hit me like:
    tumblr_llw0bidg1h1qkufaeo1_500.gif
    3812884-8851871402-ibupC.gif
    chese2.gif


    Yeah. That's too cool.

    But the first pic makes me wonder and the others that following that, those feelings didn't made you have a crush at your guy classmates?
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    May 17, 2014 3:46 PM GMT
    I think the "pot" was finally boiling over when I was around 43-44. I'd be sitting around a conference table with other Army Colonels and Lt. Colonels, all close to the same age, early to mid-40s. And these guys were buff, you couldn't have an Officer's career if you weren't trim & fit, no weak pudgies here.

    And several times, in the middle of a meeting, I found myself lunging to kiss the Colonel sitting next to me! I mean REALLY! To this day I have no idea why this was happening. But he would just look so adorable, so manly in his uniform, something inside me snapped. It was like a reflex inside me, I still can't explain it.

    Fortunately I always caught myself inches before I actually kissed anyone. I'd intercept my lunge at the last moment and dive for the floor, saying I had dropped my pen, or something.

    I knew if I actually had kissed a fellow male Officer I've have been dragged outside and summarily shot. Well, maybe not literally, but the consequences would not have been pretty. It was at that time, with my health failing anyway, I reluctantly put in my retirement papers. Six months after retiring I came out.

    What I find fascinating is that even before I understood I was gay, there was this unconscious urgency to come out. I was a pot about to boil over, from too many years delayed.

    Another indication to me that being gay is not a "choice" but a natural condition. That left ignored or denied will eventually assert itself, as it did with me.

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    May 17, 2014 4:51 PM GMT
    My slightly older uncle was gay and out to the world and the fact that my family were very open minded about homosexuality , letting my family know was quite a breeze .
    Now that said , i have and still need both sexes to be fulfilled in my sex life , i must have been wired wrong at birth or during conception ..hahaha..