Disasterpiece saidSorry. I guess I'm a bit naïve but I just don't seem to understand how you can fear/not trust someone that you love and that loves you. It just sounds insane to me.
Good for you, seriously, but it could be that you simply have not yet been betrayed (or ya haven't learned your lesson--half kidding). I've not been betrayed in my partnerships though they were open but not betrayed in any way within them as they were my most loyal friendships.
But I have had very close friends, friends for decades, who betrayed me beyond anything I'd have considered possible to the point that I couldn't even imagine allowing them near me again knowing now what they are capable of. Their action destroyed all of what I held as true about our past together. My entire family was stunned, not just me. These were people--one in particular--who spent a lot of time with both me and my family. I suffer trauma because of them.
Or maybe even easier to relate to, just imagine divorce. Had you thought that would ever happen, you'd never partner with that person in the first place. And then the unthinkable happens.
So, yeah, the unthinkable happens. Those of us who have been burned--and we are not the exception--we get it, we know what's possible.
Maybe that in this sense is a true loss of innocence, not imagining the possibilities but knowing them. We make some adjustments. Find ways to cope. And life goes on.