Question about the FWB thing

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 18, 2014 5:52 PM GMT
    So I haven't done the hookup thing much, but each time I've done it I've become super amazing friends with the people I've met.

    I was in committed relationships for a while but they all ended in some way or another. I often feel like I need to go through some type of sexual exploration stage before I hop into anything again. Is that normal for someone my age (21) to feel that way? Not that I want to hump every man that comes my way (unless he has a beard then nvm it's slut time), but I just feel that meeting new people and exploring things sexually is exciting icon_biggrin.gif!

    Anyway, how normal is it for the people you meet up with to become friends with? I've been seeing a man on and off for the past year or so who's really awesome, sweet, and kind. He admitted to me he's in an open relationship first and foremost and honestly I'm okay with that. I've never done anything too crazy with him or the people I've met, because I'm cautious about STD's, HIV, ect and I've never been with someone I did not feel comfortable with. I always meet for coffee, food, ect so I can get a clear idea of who the person is and use my best judgement.

    So, here's my questions:
    1.) Do you/did you find yourself doing the hookup thing with a regular person at age 21 to be such an odd thing? Do you feel your serious relationships with have improved because of it?

    2.) Is becoming great friends with someone you've fooled around with normal? Meaning it's not just sex (hanging out at the movies, going to the mall, dinner, ect).
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 18, 2014 6:07 PM GMT
    It may not be "normal" in the gay community, but I think it's healthy to become friends with your former lovers and a great idea to meet lots of guys before you settle down with just one.
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4435

    May 18, 2014 6:08 PM GMT
    Don't now about #! because I wasn't out at 21 (long time ago). But #2 is totally great. Shows you have depth of feeling and are a solid guy. And I like your recovery between relationships of enjoying some random fun. Clears away the cobwebs. Good luck guy.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 18, 2014 6:09 PM GMT
    I would never be friends with a dude I fooled around with. Too awkward.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 18, 2014 6:16 PM GMT
    Before all the slut shaming, it was quite normal to have lots of fun while you were single, anonymously, fbs, fwbs, you name it. So a 21 year old having sex with lots of men is normal and healthy for me. Esp. if he's as comfortable with himself as you are.

    It is not normal to become friends with hook ups, BUT everyone one here would probably love to have that happen to him, too. So, you're way ahead of the curve.

    I want to be you when I grow up icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 18, 2014 9:07 PM GMT
    Relationships are very dynamic and subjective. There's not a one-size-fits-all answer.
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    May 18, 2014 9:32 PM GMT
    I'm currently in a FWB situation with 2 older men, though I'm older than you. Both started as a random hookup and they've developed into a situation where I see them about once a week or once every 2 weeks. They're pretty great situations, each with its own particularities.

    Guy #1 is a busy doctor with an amazing home full of reptiles and aquariums. He messages me with about 1 or 2 days of anticipation. I go over, ring the doorbell, he calls out to me to open the door and come in, we immediately have wild sex (as in 2 seconds within me getting there) often 2 time directly in a row (a couple times 3. THAT'S exhausting). We cuddle for a while, then he takes me out for a ridiculously expensive meal on him. We go back, cuddle, then I go home. I've stayed over a few times but's it's a little awkward when I do. That's our exact routine every time.

    Guy #2 is an interior designer. Our dates vary and there's potential for it to actually develop into something more serious (but I doubt it will, I don't think I even want it to). The sex is great too and he often cooks for me.


    I had a third FWB but it kinda fizzled out, kinda for the better.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 18, 2014 11:27 PM GMT
    tumblr_mklj780rdy1ql5yr7o1_250.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 18, 2014 11:28 PM GMT
    Wish I had a FWB.

    Or two.

    icon_neutral.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 18, 2014 11:31 PM GMT
    unfounded7 saidtumblr_mklj780rdy1ql5yr7o1_250.gif


    FB #1 calls me a variation of that during sex...I miss him now icon_sad.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 18, 2014 11:45 PM GMT
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  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 18, 2014 11:48 PM GMT
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  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 18, 2014 11:49 PM GMT
    xrichx saidWish I had a FWB.

    Or two.

    icon_neutral.gif


    ou can have mine... he's an ass right now
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 18, 2014 11:53 PM GMT
    You just can't get Jealous ...

    I speak with authority in this area ;)

    But here's an awesome new song about that.

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    May 18, 2014 11:54 PM GMT
    xrichx saidWish I had a FWB.

    Or two.

    icon_neutral.gif
    Mine turned into more of a shopping buddy.
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    May 18, 2014 11:58 PM GMT
    shawnathan said
    xrichx saidWish I had a FWB.

    Or two.

    icon_neutral.gif
    Mine turned into more of a shopping buddy.

    Hope my potential FWB turns into a running/lifting buddy.
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    May 19, 2014 2:09 AM GMT
    shawnathan said
    xrichx saidWish I had a FWB.

    Or two.

    icon_neutral.gif
    Mine turned into more of a shopping buddy.


    I had one of mine turn into a rock of pure salt, but admittedly I was using bewitched lube.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 19, 2014 5:16 AM GMT
    Oh I remember 21. That was fun. I was out in my 2nd school and in a two-year open relationship. Some friends I had sex with, others not but sex with friends back then wasn't called friends with benefits or at least I don't recall it being categorized like that.

    I remember one str8 friend who wanted sex so we tried it once but he didn't know what he was doing so we remained friends but didn't try that again. And then there were other friends who you'd have sex with intermittently, when the mood struck or before the booze wore off, more likely.

    I don't recall it being anything that we analyzed. I remember it as being natural behavior. I even had friends growing up who fairly regularly "hooked up" with me though back then it would be considered "experimenting", back in our early/mid teens and back then it wasn't full on, just some touching you didn't talk about the next day.

    When did we even start using the term friends with benefits? Googlinggggggggggg.....

    I don't see a date but found this

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Casual_sexual_relationship

    A recent study published by the Archives of Sexual Behavior discovered that sixty percent of college students have participated in a casual relationship. Wayne State University and Michigan State University conducted a similar survey and sixty-six percent of the undergraduates in this study said they had also been in a casual relationship. About half of this sixty-six percent said they were currently in one right now.[8]

    A casual relationship, unlike a romantic relationship, is very undefined and it is difficult to ascribe norms, scripts, and expectations to it.[9] Rebecca Plante, an associate professor at Ithaca College, has specialized in research on casual relationships, and says that this type of relationship can be beneficial. Casual relationships establish a "healthy outlet for sexual needs and desires