How to stop "dating" someone

  • Arabbottomln

    Posts: 19

    May 18, 2014 6:16 PM GMT
    I'll keep this short and to the point.

    Met a guy who is really nice and pretty good looking. We met up a few times and it were very couply. I know he wants a relationship but Im not out and im not prepared for that. I also dont have much time to see him and have one more year of uni left. In my last year of uni I dont want to be dating anyone, I want to be smashing my exams. No distractions.

    I've led him on to think I do want to have a relationship eventually but thats because I didn't really know what I wanted.
    Basically never done this before and don't know how to end it without being a dick. I do want him as a mate (if he wants the same).
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 18, 2014 6:19 PM GMT
    Honesty is the best policy.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 18, 2014 6:24 PM GMT
    It's to late for you to not be a dick to him. You've led him to believe that you're interested in a relationship although you're not. Dick-move par-excellence.

    Be honest with him as soon as possible and end it in a way so that he's not blaming himself. Maybe then he'd like to have you as a mate.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 18, 2014 6:25 PM GMT
    You should probably tell him, "I know you want a relationship but Im not out and im not prepared for that. I also dont have much time to see you and have one more year of uni left. In my last year of uni I dont want to be dating anyone, I want to be smashing my exams. No distractions."

    Another one of the 'why is this so difficult?' questions we so often here.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 18, 2014 6:39 PM GMT
    bhp91126 saidIt's to late for you to not be a dick to him. You've led him to believe that you're interested in a relationship although you're not. Dick-move par-excellence.

    Be honest with him as soon as possible and end it in a way so that he's not blaming himself. Maybe then he'd like to have you as a mate.

    The OP also has "Dating or Relationship" listed in his 'Looking For' in his profile. This really comes to down to more "I'm not out" than any of the other reasons the OP has listed in his post. People with a full-time job, a spouse and kids put themselves through full-time university, law school, or medical school. By not being honest upfront, the OP has made his fear cause the life of someone else to be unpleasant.
  • Arabbottomln

    Posts: 19

    May 18, 2014 6:43 PM GMT
    Okay fair enough, I'm an asshole then.
    Will clear things up now.
    It's just a bit uncomfortable to do and I was looking for a push.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 18, 2014 7:13 PM GMT
    Arabbottomln saidI'll keep this short and to the point.

    Met a guy who is really nice and pretty good looking. We met up a few times and it were very couply. I know he wants a relationship but Im not out and im not prepared for that. I also dont have much time to see him and have one more year of uni left. In my last year of uni I dont want to be dating anyone, I want to be smashing my exams. No distractions.

    I've led him on to think I do want to have a relationship eventually but thats because I didn't really know what I wanted.
    Basically never done this before and don't know how to end it without being a dick. I do want him as a mate (if he wants the same).


    You sound exactly like the guy I was dating, bi guy who isn't out to anybody. Why don't you do the guy a favor and stop pretending to be a nice guy and just be the dick that you are and break it off with him, the more you lead him on the more it will hurt him in the long run.
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    May 18, 2014 7:30 PM GMT
    1. How long have you been doing the dirty deed?
    2. You're not being a dick, you're just not at a point in your life where you are ready to come out, or make a commitment. Hey, at least you didn't let it go on for years and years. You are just being honest with yourself, and facing facts. He's not the one for you, otherwise you'd have no problem coming out. I'm sure it has probably been fun, but better to break it off now then let it go on and destroy you both.

    You're doing a good thing.
  • Arabbottomln

    Posts: 19

    May 18, 2014 7:37 PM GMT
    Varus said
    Arabbottomln saidI'll keep this short and to the point.

    Met a guy who is really nice and pretty good looking. We met up a few times and it were very couply. I know he wants a relationship but Im not out and im not prepared for that. I also dont have much time to see him and have one more year of uni left. In my last year of uni I dont want to be dating anyone, I want to be smashing my exams. No distractions.

    I've led him on to think I do want to have a relationship eventually but thats because I didn't really know what I wanted.
    Basically never done this before and don't know how to end it without being a dick. I do want him as a mate (if he wants the same).


    You sound exactly like the guy I was dating, bi guy who isn't out to anybody. Why don't you do the guy a favor and stop pretending to be a nice guy and just be the dick that you are and break it off with him, the more you lead him on the more it will hurt him in the long run.


    Okay chill man. I've already done it. He didn't mind. Wanted to be friends. Only been seeing him for like 4 weeks.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 18, 2014 7:45 PM GMT
    4 weeks??? You're not going to hurt someone's feelings from only knowing him for 4 weeks. You have so much more to learn!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 19, 2014 9:32 PM GMT
    You tel him how feel, if he doesn't get the hint. Then completely ignore him. I don't think it's that serious though, he'll bounce back and move on from you.
  • PR_GMR

    Posts: 3831

    May 19, 2014 9:49 PM GMT
    Oh boy... exactly the situation that I'm getting over.. except I was the guy that got dumped because he said he was in graduate school (but when on to get into a relationship with someone else less than a month later).

    Do both yourselves a favor: End it with him now. If this is how you're feeling, it's not going to change.. and you're leading him on. Also, most likely you're not into him strongly enough to have a relationship. When you meet someone that truly makes you 'fuzzy', you'll want to be with him despite your busy schedule.

    End it now.. and do it humanely. I'm 6 months past my dumping and only now I'm feeling like I can move on.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 19, 2014 9:56 PM GMT
    LAXWill10 saidYou tel him how feel, if he doesn't get the hint. Then completely ignore him. I don't think it's that serious though, he'll bounce back and move on from you.

    No games. No "get the HINT" crap. Just tell him plainly and simple. You owe some dignity at least that you get from having closure rather then being a bloody coward and ignoring him....
  • PR_GMR

    Posts: 3831

    May 19, 2014 10:02 PM GMT
    IceBuckets said
    LAXWill10 saidYou tel him how feel, if he doesn't get the hint. Then completely ignore him. I don't think it's that serious though, he'll bounce back and move on from you.

    No games. No "get the HINT" crap. Just tell him plainly and simple. You owe some dignity at least that you get from having closure rather then being a bloody coward and ignoring him....


    The guy that dumped me went the ignore route after Xmas of last year. He got into a relationship less than two weeks later. icon_mad.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 19, 2014 10:35 PM GMT
    It sounds more like you just don't want any strings attached. I have a hard time buying the "I'm busy with school or work" excuse.

    And that's okay. You don't HAVE to want a relationship or anything, for that matter. However, as the others have stated, if you don't want to be a dick, you should be more honest. Not just to him, but more importantly to yourself.