What exactly am I doing wrong?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 19, 2014 11:00 PM GMT
    I'm sorry to post one of these types of threads.
    But I'm just a little lost, and being a dumb person that I am, really could do with some advice.

    So been using this site (and others) for over a year now, and I feel like I'm making no progress, in making any friends or dates.

    I've done my best to write a very honest profile of myself.
    I verified my account.
    I've tried writing to local guys who I find interesting and try to get to know them a little better from time to time, but they don't seem to what to reply.

    Am I just trying to hard, does my mental disorder put people off?
    Or am I just ugly to look at or talk to?

    I know finding friends and such takes time, but I just feel like I'm getting no where.
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    May 19, 2014 11:14 PM GMT
    ISOMB87 saidWhat exactly am I doing wrong?
    Being online when you should be outside.
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    May 19, 2014 11:20 PM GMT
    Your lack of (especially face) pics inspires little to no trust and/or physical attraction (should those be things you are interested in).

    If you send out enough mail enough to a wide range of profiles, you may likely land a pen pal who is similar to you, or how you come across via your profile (hidden, reticent, lonely, somewhat low self esteem, wanting to connect to somebody who they can relate to), as it stands.

    From reading what you are looking for on your profile, the bodybuilder with available photos of himself, which you specify, is likely to want similar to himself: somebody who is in good shape, and has uploaded/sent photos of himself (& verified).

    Be like that which you are looking to attract.

    That and become more active (online dating & offline interaction).
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    May 19, 2014 11:22 PM GMT
    Have no clue if you are ugly as you have no head shot, but I'm sure you probably are not.

    Anyone making friends or meeting a lover off of the internet sites, is really just a fluke and a lot of hype put out by dating sites. I'm pretty sure your odds are way better playing the lottery.

    The internet is strictly a money making entertainer. Sorry, but you are going to have to put the i-phone/android phone down and go out and meet people in real life. If you can, get a job where you deal with a wide public, join groups and volunteer and really just get out there and have some fun. That's how you are really going to make friends and a potential partner. Forget the internet, it is just a time waster, just like playing any computer game.
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    May 19, 2014 11:22 PM GMT
    don't give up, they'll come in time
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    May 19, 2014 11:28 PM GMT
    - You've been here for over a year and only posted in the forums 15 times.

    - You have no face pic and as SAGE said that doesn't help.

    - You lack confidence and self esteem, that doesn't help either ("being a dumb person that I am").

    - Not to be mean but let's not avoid the fact you got Aspergers, that probably affects the way you interact with people in general and also your communication here.

    My advice:

    - Change your profile picture.

    - Get some confidence.

    - Interact with people in the forums so we all get to know you.
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    May 19, 2014 11:30 PM GMT
    Just as an FYI ... It used to be that people would hang out at the park on the weekends, they'd drive round and round, get out and toss the frisbee or football, and that's how you made friends and met people. (Before the internet was around.) There was a time when people use to drive up and down the strip at night and talk to each between cars, or they'd pull over in some parking lot and watch every drive by, and everyone would shout at each other in fun. Then came the malls and people gravitated to the malls. Get out there every holiday and every festival where all the people meet. Maybe you'll meet people maybe you won't, but there is a good chance you will have fun doing it.

    The internet is a government conspiracy to control people. Don't depend on it for your life. Live in the real world.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 19, 2014 11:35 PM GMT
    You don't workout but you're looking for a bodybuilder? Good luck with that.
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    May 19, 2014 11:40 PM GMT
    And I just realised I posted this thread in the wrong section. icon_redface.gif
    I thought I put this in Dating & Relationship section.
    Is there a Moderator I can talk to, to move this thread if possible?


    To comment on AMoonHalk, I work in retail so I do communicate to a wide range of the public, and I'm a member of a model railway society that meet up once a month.

    But neither know that I am gay, and I;m not to sure how to bring it up, since most always comment that one day I will find the right woman.

    I guess it goes back to the shyness for my troubles of admitting my true self.
    Since all my high school friends ditched me when came out, life hasn't never really been the same for me, and being more causious with my actions.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 19, 2014 11:48 PM GMT
    Real friends are the ones you meet face to face. People you meet online are irrelevant. Go outside more.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 20, 2014 12:07 AM GMT
    1) Don't let being on the spectrum stop you. I'm probably very similar to you and I've never let it stop me.

    2) Like David said to make friends on here contribute to the forums more.

    3) Don't rely on the net to fulfill all of your friendship needs. It's not possible. Instead carry on with going to your model railway club and perhaps just drop into conversation you want a boyfriend or something to that affect, it will basically be like coming out but not making a big deal out of it. You'll probably feel more fulfilled when you don't feel like you're keeping secrets from your friends.

    4) Broaden your social circles by maybe hanging out with colleagues after work. I have lots of different social circles so when I need a break I can go to a different city for a while and crash with a friend. It keeps life interesting.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 20, 2014 12:10 AM GMT
    You are more than your disorder. Your disorder would not deter me from being your friend and it would honestly depend on how severe your Asperger's is if our friendship were to go beyond that.

    As many have already said you should at least put up a pic of your face icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 20, 2014 12:43 AM GMT
    the forum can move fast in a single day. even posts like forum games can get you noticed... and maybe make friends
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 20, 2014 2:15 AM GMT
    Most of the guys on your Hot List are fake profiles. Are they the ones you've been trying to befriend? icon_neutral.gif
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    May 20, 2014 2:45 AM GMT
    xrichx saidMost of the guys on your Hot List are fake profiles. Are they the ones you've been trying to befriend? icon_neutral.gif


    some of the worse fakes...like they didn't even try.

    Yeah, buddy
    Maybe try messaging some of the guy with profiles like yours first.
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    May 20, 2014 2:52 AM GMT
    dustin_K_tx said
    xrichx saidMost of the guys on your Hot List are fake profiles. Are they the ones you've been trying to befriend? icon_neutral.gif

    some of the worse fakes...like they didn't even try.
    Yeah, buddy
    Maybe try messaging some of the guy with profiles like yours first.

    Yeah but getting a PM from a random dude you never seen before and who dont even have a face pic?? Who would even reply to him? I would even think hes spam.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 20, 2014 2:54 AM GMT
    you know, a face would be nice to talk to instead of your shirt. just sayin.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 20, 2014 3:01 AM GMT
    David3K said
    Yeah but getting a PM from a random dude you never seen before and who dont even have a face pic?? Who would even reply to him? I would even think hes spam.


    I would
    But then I'm not a huge penis like you are.


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    May 20, 2014 3:04 AM GMT
    I've only tried about 3 of the local Brisbane guys on my Hot list, but none were interested in chatting.
    When they said no I just say sorry for troubling them and move on.

    I watch the others international guys just out of interest to see what they do.
    Fakers are one of the reasons I hide my face, I only show if I fully trust someone.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 20, 2014 3:04 AM GMT
    ISOMB87 saidI'm sorry to post one of these types of threads.
    But I'm just a little lost, and being a dumb person that I am, really could do with some advice.

    So been using this site (and others) for over a year now, and I feel like I'm making no progress, in making any friends or dates.

    I've done my best to write a very honest profile of myself.
    I verified my account.
    I've tried writing to local guys who I find interesting and try to get to know them a little better from time to time, but they don't seem to what to reply.

    Am I just trying to hard, does my mental disorder put people off?
    Or am I just ugly to look at or talk to?

    I know finding friends and such takes time, but I just feel like I'm getting no where.
    re

    Its ok bud, people are hursh to others sometimes, or they tend to ignore them... thats normal. You only have to know how to deal with strangers and be always friendly to get to know quality people. Youre socializing which is good, but try to come up with a better actitude
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 20, 2014 3:06 AM GMT
    ISOMB87 saidI've only tried about 3 of the local Brisbane guys on my Hot list, but none were interested in chatting.
    When they said no I just say sorry for troubling them and move on.

    I watch the others international guys just out of interest to see what they do.
    Fakers are one of the reasons I hide my face, I only show if I fully trust someone.

    You have to be objective here. The guys in your buddy list (at least the ones who are real) are super hot dudes who probably get tons of PMs a day. You have to ask yourself "why would this guys write back to me if I dont even have a proper pic?". Because its true, what you offer right now is not enough to call attention of that type. Try following the advices many gave you here and that should change.
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    May 20, 2014 3:12 AM GMT
    David3K said
    ISOMB87 saidI've only tried about 3 of the local Brisbane guys on my Hot list, but none were interested in chatting.
    When they said no I just say sorry for troubling them and move on.

    I watch the others international guys just out of interest to see what they do.
    Fakers are one of the reasons I hide my face, I only show if I fully trust someone.

    You have to be objective here. The guys in your buddy list (at least the ones who are real) are super hot dudes who probably get tons of PMs a day. You have to ask yourself "why would this guys write back to me if I dont even have a proper pic?". Because its true, what you offer right now is not enough to call attention of that type. Try following the advices many gave you here and that should change.


    So true, those kind of guys are such a waste of time

    And youre back for sixth time!icon_rolleyes.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 20, 2014 3:22 AM GMT
    Danny_boy93 and David3K hit the nail on the head. If you suffer from an autism spectrum disorder, you have to force yourself to be more social. Sure, there are creeps who will attack you for your illness, but who cares about them? Sure, there are narcissists who won't respond to your messages, but who cares about them?

    There is no way we or anyone you've written to can know if you're ugly. You have a pretty shirt. It doesn't matter; someone will be attracted to you. I don't agree with Sage's advice to become the body type you want to attract. It just doesn't make any sense. In thread after thread on this site asking if bodybuilders like skinny guys, plenty of bodybuilders respond that they do.

    It may be hard for you to participate in the forums, but that is a proven method of attracting interest.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 20, 2014 3:31 AM GMT
    Well thanks to the advice of everyone, I have taken a step of uploading a photo of my face, except I have covered my eyes.
    I know it's not a big improvement, but it's a start.