Would you date someone who is married and still in the closet?

  • sexyjam

    Posts: 24

    May 20, 2014 5:51 AM GMT
    I keep hearing all these stories of guys dating DL/married men. Would you date a married/closeted man?
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    May 20, 2014 5:55 AM GMT
    Omg and perpetuate a cycle of repression and oppression that is taboo and very well known... lol no

    Know what a truck is without a trailer in the trucking community?

    "Bob tail"

    I'm ashamed this is a subject for serious discussion.
  • Pheo

    Posts: 198

    May 20, 2014 6:27 AM GMT
    sexyjam saidI keep hearing all these stories of guys dating DL/married men. Would you date a married/closeted man?


    Nope. Why? I'd rather have very open and honest people that can handle being in truth rather than uncertainty. It just screams disaster. Probably ending with me at the receiving end, soaking in a hottub and she throws something electrical in there with me. That or push me into a woodchipper.
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    May 20, 2014 9:24 AM GMT
    Hell no icon_neutral.gif
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    May 20, 2014 9:56 AM GMT
    sexyjam saidI keep hearing all these stories of guys dating DL/married men. Would you date a married/closeted man?

    No. That would be as bad as dating a woman that you know is still married. Or dating a legally married gay guy. And I've dated single closeted men, and that was often a hassle in its own right.

    Among the reasons not to: If his wife learns about it (assuming she's in the dark) you could find yourself in legal hot water. You might even run the risk of getting yourself shot in the US, by her or by someone she hires. Plenty of cases of that in the news on a regular basis. I also wouldn't have much respect for a cheater. And wonder how loyal he'd be to me in turn, if and when the wife's out of the picture.

    So no, I wouldn't date him. But I might advise him, and just go out for drinks with him to discuss his situation, like buddies do. Maybe reaching the conclusion that he should stay married. Or separate/divorce. But not get romantically involved with him until he's got "clear title" to his own life. In the meantime, if a wife (or gay husband/partner) can still lay claim to him I'd stay clear of doing anything more with him.
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    May 20, 2014 11:58 AM GMT
    sexyjam saidI keep hearing all these stories of guys dating DL/married men. Would you date a married/closeted man?
    Well, considering the fact that I am dating a guy who has a girlfriend, I guess that would be a yes. However, he's not shy or DL about it.
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    May 20, 2014 2:50 PM GMT
    i would not date any man that did not have a future with me.
    this is not a date, its something else
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4435

    May 20, 2014 3:13 PM GMT
    Depends on what you're looking for. If you don't see yourself settling down with anyone right away, I can see situations that would be OK. People forget how fast how far we've come. Five years ago things were much more dicey to be out and gay in most of the country and even today it is still problematic in more conservative areas. If a guy married and had kids and is done or about done with raising them, honoring his obligations, and is beginning to think of the next chapter in his life and getting divorced, I could see it. A lot of honorable guys tried to live the straight life only to find they couldn't make it work. Just understand he is starting down a very long road that may not end with you. If he's just a player cheating on his wife, I'd say no.
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    May 20, 2014 3:25 PM GMT
    Snaz said...
    I'm ashamed this is a subject for serious discussion.


    Ha
    Than for you're own humanity I would not suggest you do a simple search of this topic.



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    May 20, 2014 3:27 PM GMT
    No. Bye bye
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    May 20, 2014 3:27 PM GMT
    I was married so I'll answer this from that perspective, no. I wouldn't 'date' a married man, I might hookup with one if that was his intent but I would not date. I think that just creates way too much drama looking for reciprocal love when it often will not be there, at least in an open and outward way.
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    May 20, 2014 3:33 PM GMT
    --sure quite of few of us have been down this road and there is an urban legend or two of it working out; of you helping the guy to come out and the two of you living happy ever.
    My observation and experience is they do eventually come out, but after you've gotten tired of their shit and moved on.
    It can be a mutually beneficial, if only, in the sex department, but for some crazy reason the constant desperate sex get's old and someone wants to cuddle or, God for bid, kiss.
  • BloodFlame

    Posts: 1768

    May 22, 2014 9:23 PM GMT
    No never. I only say this because I do seem to attract some closeted men every now and then and I always turn them down. I remember this one guy I met last year who claimed he was single only to come and say he was married, I just couldn't do it.
    Not even hook up with. Though this is because of my own moral compass.

    Now, if the guy was going through a divorce, then that could be different but still, I don't seem myself dating one.
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    May 22, 2014 11:33 PM GMT
    LOL !!!! Nope, you shouldn't either unless you want the wife to throw acid in your face. icon_razz.gificon_twisted.gificon_redface.gificon_redface.gif (Ok that was harsh).


    tumblr_m3od0qqnm31qbb166o1_400.gif
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    May 23, 2014 5:11 AM GMT
    I have committed this GRAVE SIN but I was not 'Dating' , just 'hooking up'.

    I really liked the guy. So much that i forgot my own ethical rule of not sleeping with married men. I will never forgive myself for doing that.

    It is WRONG to aid some one in cheating on their spouses.
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    May 23, 2014 5:14 AM GMT
    I wouldn't date someone who was married or seeing someone, but I'd consider someone who was in the closet if I thought they were making real progress in slowly coming out.
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    May 28, 2014 11:01 AM GMT
    eb925guy saidI was married so I'll answer this from that perspective, no. I wouldn't 'date' a married man, I might hookup with one if that was his intent but I would not date. I think that just creates way too much drama looking for reciprocal love when it often will not be there, at least in an open and outward way.


    I'm sure your wife was just thrilled when you came out and you STILL think it's okay to sleep with this kind of man? SMH.
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    May 28, 2014 12:23 PM GMT
    the_realz_dealz said
    eb925guy saidI was married so I'll answer this from that perspective, no. I wouldn't 'date' a married man, I might hookup with one if that was his intent but I would not date. I think that just creates way too much drama looking for reciprocal love when it often will not be there, at least in an open and outward way.


    I'm sure your wife was just thrilled when you came out and you STILL think it's okay to sleep with this kind of man? SMH.


    I don't know how his wife felt when he came out, some are okay with it, but his response caught me off guard. I thought he had more class than contributing to someone's infidelity.
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    May 28, 2014 3:36 PM GMT
    SomeHermit saidI wouldn't date someone who was married or seeing someone, but I'd consider someone who was in the closet if I thought they were making real progress in slowly coming out.


    +1
    very practical way to look at an imperfect world
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    May 28, 2014 5:59 PM GMT
    No, it's a terrible idea.
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    May 28, 2014 6:02 PM GMT
    No and no.
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    May 28, 2014 6:45 PM GMT
    SomeHermit saidI wouldn't date someone who was married or seeing someone, but I'd consider someone who was in the closet if I thought they were making real progress in slowly coming out.


    This is my answer too. If they won't hug or kiss though, no chance.
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    May 28, 2014 8:33 PM GMT
    sexyjam saidI keep hearing all these stories of guys dating DL/married men. Would you date a married/closeted man?


    Date a DL? :No, too much BS
    Date a Married and DL man?: No, ethics for one, pragmatically it never works. If they cheated on their spouse they will cheat on you.

    Date a closeted man?: No, too much baggage for this day and age. Come out and we can talk about it.
    Date a closeted and Married man?: NO, see above. I'm not the Welcome Wagon or be responsible for your divorce.

    What's the difference between closeted and DL?
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    May 28, 2014 8:55 PM GMT
    God, no! Even I wouldn't do that and I'm a married guy on the DL!

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    May 28, 2014 9:48 PM GMT
    no