Why am I being ignored?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 20, 2014 7:59 PM GMT
    About a year ago, a friend of mine (also an rj member)started to date his partner whom he eventually moved in with. They live outside of Toronto,rarely coming into the city. If they do I make it a point to see them.

    However for past few months it seems I have been given the silent treatment for no apparent reason. I've tried contacting them through their phones except my friends phone is out service and his boyfriend doesn't pick up his. Also he doesn't have Facebook and the boyfriend does as they've given an update of having a new pet. Sent him fb messages without any responses either.

    Whats worse is that they actually came into town on Friday and I didn't know about this until they checked in. I even offered to make a pit stop to see them as I was going somewhere else and they still didn't reply!

    I just don't understand as to why they are ignoring me. There is nothing I am aware of that would validate this seemingly cold front from the both of them.

    His boyfriend has been very charming, friendly with me and I don't detect any indications of him being abusive.
    So what am I to do? I don't want to just cut them out with having some idea as to why they're purposely ignoring me.
    I've given nothing but support and always considered them to be their friend.
    What's their deal? I don't deserve this kind of treatment.
    icon_confused.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 20, 2014 8:07 PM GMT
    Go to their house and see what kind of reception you get.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 20, 2014 8:10 PM GMT
    Maybe you're just so hot that they're both tempted to cheat on each other when they're around you. icon_razz.gif

    Other than that, there's no way for us to know since we don't know all the details.
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    May 20, 2014 8:10 PM GMT
    The new boyfriend doesn't like your friend to have any contact with former friends. Because jealousy and control issues. Let it go. When they break up your friend will come crawling back. (What you decide to do about it at that point you can determine later.)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 20, 2014 8:11 PM GMT
    Because they're busy with their relationship and having fun. Duh
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    May 20, 2014 8:18 PM GMT
    They have new lives and are disconnecting with the past. Time for you to do the same since they have chosen not to take you forward into their lives together.
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    May 20, 2014 8:23 PM GMT
    Sharkspeare saidThe new boyfriend doesn't like your friend to have any contact with former friends. Because jealousy and control issues. Let it go. When they break up your friend will come crawling back. (What you decide to do about it at that point you can determine later.)


    No because he's made a point to see the friends who live in the village. May I also point out that his friends aren't really nice with me either.

    Oh and just because they are in a relationship does not mean they exclude their single friends.

    And I doubt he's come crawling back to me.
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    May 20, 2014 8:30 PM GMT
    paulflexes saidMaybe you're just so hot that they're both tempted to cheat on each other when they're around you. icon_razz.gif

    Other than that, there's no way for us to know since we don't know all the details.
    It's not cheating if they do it together.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 20, 2014 8:51 PM GMT
    I have to agree with has been said before, the new bf doesnt like you. Hes probably insecure, he sees you as a threat. I would personally take that as a compliment.
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    May 20, 2014 8:52 PM GMT
    jmusmc85 said
    Sharkspeare saidThe new boyfriend doesn't like your friend to have any contact with former friends. Because jealousy and control issues. Let it go. When they break up your friend will come crawling back. (What you decide to do about it at that point you can determine later.)


    This.

    If you may recall, I had a similar falling out with my best friend and his new bf. There really was nothing I could do to change it without going through drastic measures.

    Sometimes, life takes people in different directions. Some good, some bad, some neither. You just have to roll with it.

    Your friend has different priorities right now, and it looks like you are not at the top. Sorry. icon_neutral.gif


    what'd you do? icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 20, 2014 8:54 PM GMT
    LionEyes said I've shed tears for people I thought were my friends through thin and thick but not worth it, you're better than that.

    I don't shed tears for former friends. I just have someone kill them.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 20, 2014 9:01 PM GMT
    jmusmc85 said
    JarIan said
    jmusmc85 said
    Sharkspeare saidThe new boyfriend doesn't like your friend to have any contact with former friends. Because jealousy and control issues. Let it go. When they break up your friend will come crawling back. (What you decide to do about it at that point you can determine later.)


    This.

    If you may recall, I had a similar falling out with my best friend and his new bf. There really was nothing I could do to change it without going through drastic measures.

    Sometimes, life takes people in different directions. Some good, some bad, some neither. You just have to roll with it.

    Your friend has different priorities right now, and it looks like you are not at the top. Sorry. icon_neutral.gif


    what'd you do? icon_smile.gif


    We still remain friends, though certainly not to the extent we once were.

    A part of me wanted to tell his bf to get over his wild insecurities but that would have only did more damage than good.

    We hang out from time to time, but I place more efforts in being with people who want to be with me.


    I agree totally
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 20, 2014 9:03 PM GMT
    If the friend is still an active RJ member you might be getting that reply shortly after he reads this thread icon_eek.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 20, 2014 9:09 PM GMT
    Ohno saidIf the friend is still an active RJ member you might be getting that reply shortly after he reads this thread icon_eek.gif

    Maybe that was his plan from the very start.
  • PR_GMR

    Posts: 3831

    May 20, 2014 9:19 PM GMT
    Sharkspeare saidThe new boyfriend doesn't like your friend to have any contact with former friends. Because jealousy and control issues. Let it go. When they break up your friend will come crawling back. (What you decide to do about it at that point you can determine later.)


    It's basically this. Many gay men are tremendously insecure and protective of new relationships. Something went on.. a conversation happened.. and now neither one of them want to speak to you. You will never find out why. There are probably jealousy issues in the new relationship. Don't kill yourself trying to reach out to them anymore. Just move on. I know it's though.. but focus on other friends and pursuits and move on.

    I had this exact conversation with a gay friend of mine last night who had tried to befriend another gay couple only to have the new couple never respond back to texts/messages. He decided it was disrespectful and try to do the same. Just because we are all gay doesn't mean we're all meant to be friends; I've learned that the hard way.
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    May 20, 2014 9:26 PM GMT


    ON the other hand, your old friend may be worried about his new BF taking a too friendly shine to you.

    See? We can all navel gaze and try to come up with an answer, but really, you should talk to your buddy about this, if at all. Personally, I'd just let them go. Whatever is going on it's their problem, not you. icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 20, 2014 9:28 PM GMT
    Before opening this thread I wondered if it was a passive aggressive ignore like what this scumbag did on this other thread...

    http://www.realjock.com/gayforums/3824311/

    LionEyes saidI can't believe nobody here doesn't have an ex that doesn't want to see again and go through lengths to have to exchange words with, or simply ANYBODY that they loath to have a conversation with.


    hours after I'd posted on that page...

    theantijock said... I do not care to breathe the same air...My one abominable xcousin in particular... There is no sitting shiva with that shit...


    Or was it a more direct ignore like when I tell such a douche--not that he'll read this having passive aggressively declared me on ignore so it must be safe to say--that I've mutually clicked him onto ignore and that he should go fuck himself, just like I tell that directly to anyone who's attempted abusing me with the intent to hurt me instead of turning me on.

    Okay, I wasn't really wondering any of that. I just felt like saying it and it seemed to fit the thread.

    But to respond directly, here's a little secret for you that I rarely share with anyone: people suck. I know, I know, it's hard to believe. But it's true.

    It could have been anything. Your friendship with the one could have been bullshit from the beginning. Not necessarily on your part and this is just random spec but the guy could have been using you for profit or entertainment or to fill in as friend until he found someone better....suited to his next current need.

    People suck. They'll say anything. It could even be that they believe it while they say it. But tomorrow what they said yesterday might not mean shit. One of the most heart felt love letters I ever received was by a friend who would later screw me big time, within days of my mother dying. Where went that love? Kick'm when he's down. People suck.

    So this could have been anything. I had another dear and wonderful friend who fucked me over when she got married because she could only love one man at a time so she no longer had use for the gay play-husband who it turned out she'd been using all those years that she was pretending to be my friend. People suck.

    It's difficult to separate yourself from that situation as it could have been something you did. So explore that and be honest with yourself. If it wasn't you, it was them and there's nothing you can do about how people want to be. They are who they are.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 20, 2014 9:29 PM GMT
    AMoonHawk saidThey have new lives and are disconnecting with the past. Time for you to do the same since they have chosen not to take you forward into their lives together.

    +1
    Very true on the aspect.

    Carry on then, don't bother much if that's the culture they inhabit, you have done your part.

    Well there more joy to live up to in your path when you start bothering less on these kind of people.icon_wink.gif

    icon_biggrin.gif smile & stay Sunny!
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    May 20, 2014 9:34 PM GMT
    Fivealive saidMay I also point out that his friends aren't really nice with me either.

    This sounds like an important clue to me. I'd guess that one of his friends, or someone, is bad mouthing you.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 20, 2014 10:31 PM GMT
    I don't believe I am a threat to their relationship at all. I understand that priorities change but why does coupling mean exclusion of the single folks. Because we can't share the joys of being in a relationship?

    Also I highly doubt he's going to reply to me regard this thread because he is no longer in fitness mode. He's content with his man, the three cats and a bird.

    Plus I am planning to head up to where they live with my maternal Grandmother because she wants to see the place where they shot a famous tv series.
  • Pheo

    Posts: 198

    May 21, 2014 12:15 AM GMT
    LionEyes said
    Sharkspeare said
    LionEyes said I've shed tears for people I thought were my friends through thin and thick but not worth it, you're better than that.

    I don't shed tears for former friends. I just have someone kill them.


    Nah, death it's an easy way out of the pain that is life. I'll rather learn though other people about their miseries LOL


    Not when you randomly push them in the woodchipper! Feng Shui 4 FREE!!11!1!!one!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 21, 2014 4:58 AM GMT
    Lol maybe they just don't like you anymore. Haha, kinda harsh. But anyway, what I discovered from being in a relationship - you tend to forget other people. There's so much time in a day or do or hang with certain people. Maybe the new bf doesn't like you or something. You should hang out with your other single friends. I mean, after like 2-3 times when friends ignored you, take a hint and move on. Or go psycho and ask them **What's up!! icon_cool.gificon_razz.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 21, 2014 5:13 AM GMT
    Fivealive saidI am planning to head up to where they live with my maternal Grandmother because she wants to see the place where they shot a famous tv series.


    Not sure that is going to end well icon_eek.gif
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    May 21, 2014 5:17 AM GMT
    Ohno said
    Fivealive saidI am planning to head up to where they live with my maternal Grandmother because she wants to see the place where they shot a famous tv series.


    Not sure that is going to end well icon_eek.gif


    Yea but I'll treat as if they weren't there.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 21, 2014 7:04 AM GMT
    If you dont know, how do you expect us to know or have any idea?

    We can speculate different reasons all day. Truth is, we don't know your 'friend' or his bf.

    Sure, it kind of sounds like the bf might be jealous. Or it kind of sounds like mutual friends are bad-mouthing you. Or this, or that. Who knows? You can jump to just about any conclusion here.

    You've tried the direct approach. I guess now you know who your friends are(n't).