Gay/Straight friend

  • scothman

    Posts: 153

    Jan 04, 2009 9:09 PM GMT
    So a little while ago I posted on here about how I really like one of my best friends that is straight with a girlfriend and all. I always wondered if he was gay or not and now I know for a fact that he is. I was helping him fix his computer and found a lot of visits to gay porn sites. On top of that, he always does things that now make me lead to believe that he likes me too. I haven't a clue what to do now. Any ideas?

    And yes, I realize how pathetic I sound but I could care less. I am just feelin stuck.
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    Jan 04, 2009 10:02 PM GMT


    It all comes down to want you'd like. If you'd like a roll with him, find out more about the relationship with his girlfriend first, then start making small signals if their relationship is an honest and open one. Cheating and sneaking we don't recommend. Then, if you want more than that, think about his girlfriend again, could you have an open relationship? A three-way with a girl?

    Lots to consider, eh?
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    Jan 05, 2009 3:26 AM GMT
    That's a tough spot to be in. I suppose you have two routes you could go. One is confront him in a kind way, as a friend, and take it from there. You could take it from the point of view that he might be bi and if he doesn't want people to know he should be more discreet. Or you could leave it alone and pretend you don't know anything.

    Either way, think of his best interest. Also, know where your boundaries are before you do anything. He may throw you for a loop if he tells you he's really into you. Be prepared.
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    Jan 05, 2009 3:33 AM GMT
    First of all, don't cheat.

    Secondly, be his friend first and hear his thoughts out. Tease out his opinions about gays or being gay. Segway your conversation (piece by piece) so you can get sincere responses all the while remaining OBJECTIVE. Don't let your desire change a "no, I'm not gay" to a "Oh my God, I want to spend my life with you." Don't blind yourself.

    p.s. it isn't pathetic to have a crush.
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    Jan 05, 2009 3:34 AM GMT
    you shouldn't do a thing, there is more then you involved in this, if he has a girlfriend that hes obviously uninterested or not yet ready in coming out of the closet, you shouldn't push it.

    the more likely thing is that hes curious, maybe he wants to know what its like, his mate being gay would have brought up questions, I know it did and still does with my mates, they are just very open about it, still, shocking to be in the middle of lunch and have one of them say something along the lines of "Mate, whats anal like" hell my mates get frisky with me when they are a little tipsy
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    Jan 05, 2009 3:35 AM GMT
    I'll be the first to say IM NO EXPERT, but....

    I reread what you wrote, twice, and I still don't see how you know for a "fact" that he is gay. Until he honestly says "I'm Gay" in confidence to you, you don't really know. I can easily see that this new information could very well mean he is gay, make him appear gay or at least interested in sex with a man but it doesn't mean he is in-fact gay. Does he know you are? People in general flirt a lot and with almost anyone if they feel comfortable- he is your best friend after all. He could be straight or even bi?...after all he does have a girlfriend, assuming they are sexual with/love one another. I only say this out of caution and well.....experience. The worst case scenario is that he isn't gay or whatever it is your hoping for with him and you lose a best friend. If you are like me then a best friend is worth more than anything- they are like family and not something to risk. You wrote that he is one of your best friends, that you like him a lot and that this is your second post on him/this topic. Are you in-love with him? Even if you don't answer on here, you have to be honest with yourself to know what to do in these situations. In my situation, I was just as sure as you were-maybe more and I had proof too....long story short... I lost the friend, had him talk about me behind my back, he is straight to this day and I am still hurt as to how it all happened. You say you haven't a clue what to do....that's when I think the best thing is that you search in yourself for what you want from/with him. Are you willing to risk it all? I don't think you sound pathetic, I think you sound like you don't really know if he is gay and your hoping the website visitations are proof. Sad thing is- It could be a curious/experimental/weird phase he is in and he may get mad at you for confronting him on it. Some guys may like gay porn but wont actually be with another guy. If he is gay....there is still the fact he may not be into you and will have to deal with coming out, being honest, his girlfriend etc etc. I think...well I know.... in time, if he is making advances towards you like u suggest- be they jokes or real, you will have your answer. I just hope its one you like and are ready for.... best of luck and that it all works out for you in the end. Remember, he is in a relationship with someone, and if he is gay.....she is in for a big surprise/upset when all is revealed.....be honest, be careful. Never do anything u will regret.
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    Jan 05, 2009 3:41 AM GMT
    lilTanker saidyou shouldn't do a thing, there is more then you involved in this, if he has a girlfriend that hes obviously uninterested or not yet ready in coming out of the closet, you shouldn't push it.

    the more likely thing is that hes curious, maybe he wants to know what its like, his mate being gay would have brought up questions, I know it did and still does with my mates, they are just very open about it, still, shocking to be in the middle of lunch and have one of them say something along the lines of "Mate, whats anal like" hell my mates get frisky with me when they are a little tipsy


    word.

    The right thing to do is be there for him as a friend and as a gay man. He has questions and needs support. Help him out, but don't let him think it is ok to give head behind the girlfriend's back. Even if he has a real purdy cock.
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    Jan 05, 2009 4:03 AM GMT
    This is very simple. Talk to him about it. Either he'll deny it, or not.

    If he denies it, leave it alone.

    If he admits it, then, tell him about yourself if you haven't already.

    Sexuality should be a non-issue for those folks with personal esteem.

    The best way to handle this is with integrity.
  • scothman

    Posts: 153

    Jan 05, 2009 4:24 AM GMT
    Thanks everybody for your advice, it helps a lot!