The rules of an Ex?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 21, 2014 11:25 AM GMT


    Through personal experience, am a big believer in "if it wasn't meant to be then that's ok" but what about those grey area's between?



    I would like to know your thoughts about dating an EX ? or even just trying to be friends again?

    does it work?
    or is it just a simple case of can't move forward?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 21, 2014 11:30 AM GMT
    Maybe if they (or you) were devastated by the split and abjectly regretted the thing they (or you) did wrong. Otherwise.... no. Maybe could downgrade to friends with benefits but only if both parties can handle it!
  • PR_GMR

    Posts: 3831

    May 21, 2014 11:38 AM GMT
    Don't try to be friends right away. It's hell. On the one occasion that I became friends with an ex, it took at least 6 mos before I could be ok with talking to him. He had moved on and, luckily, I had move on also.
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    May 21, 2014 3:16 PM GMT
    remember how it was before the breakup? Its not like you guys didnt have good intentions and work hard at the relationship the first time.

    you will face all the un resolved issues you had before and a few new ones.


    so start with more than a date but have a plan to resolve previous issues. See if he is ready to do the same.
  • Pheo

    Posts: 198

    May 22, 2014 1:49 AM GMT
    With the exes that I've remained friends with, I would LIKE to think that I'd date them again. However I also see how happy we are as friends and I really wouldn't want to change that. Some of them have even said the same thing. That they still have feelings for me, but they also know that they don't want to tarnish a friendship that's better than being in a romantic relationship.

    As for becoming friends with an ex, it really depends on the situation. If it was a charged breakup, it may take longer than it did me. Most of mine were mutual breakups, aside from sacrificing the relationship so that he could get his kid without an even larger squabble. But we maintained contact. There's a few things I would consider. If the breakup was charged, was there resolve/closure to the arguments? Was it amicable? Have both of you moved on from that experience/relationship?

    It also helps with their actions that caused sourness to begin with. If it's destructive, manipulative, obsessive, and/or explosive behavior, chances are I wouldn't remain friends with them and try to put a little distance between them and myself if they don't take the hint that it's over.
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    May 22, 2014 8:54 AM GMT
    FoxPrime saidThrough personal experience, am a big believer in "if it wasn't meant to be then that's ok" but what about those grey area's between?


    My life is one big gray area. You grow up with this idea that the world is black and white, clear-cut and sensible - then you grow up, you trot around the block a few times and you realize that the world is much, much, very much more complicated then that.

    FoxPrime said I would like to know your thoughts about dating an EX ? or even just trying to be friends again?


    The same concept applies here. There goes the saying "He's an ex for a reason" - but I know plenty of people who rekindle their 'failed' relationships with success. Then I also know people who definitely should not ever talk to their ex's... like, ever again.

    I still chat with my first ex from time to time. Even more seldom we'll meet up and... well, things happen. For better or for worse? Who knows. I also have ex's that I have completely ceased contact with - for what I believe are good reasons.

    FoxPrime saiddoes it work?
    or is it just a simple case of can't move forward?


    There isn't a definitive answer to this question because all relationships are not universally definitive; they are all just as unique as the two(or more) individuals within them. So yes, in some cases. No, in others. Maybe so, in a lot of them.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 22, 2014 4:13 PM GMT


    Thanks to all who answered, there have been some interesting answers. it has given me some things to consider.

    cheers x