A fork in the road with 3 separate paths.

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    May 21, 2014 4:32 PM GMT
    I never thought I would be desired or be in a relationship! At the moment there are 3 guys really interested in me that I am really interested in. 2 are around my age and are closer to where I live than the 3rd. All 3 wanna be my first. The one (mister dreamy) that is not around my age (about 24 years older than me) puts a smile on my face, sexy, compasstionate, and I really want to see if its possible if we could be a couple, but that would mean leaving my family behind and moving to a different country. Another one is very assertive and the hottest (fit and looks great) but has not even tried to get to know me better personally. The third (who I just started to chat with) is kind, flirty, and is almost like half mister assertive and half mister dreamy.

    I can't decide because that would mean hurting 2 human beings and that is not what I like to do. I would really appreciate some advice or your opinion.

    PS I may have fallen for mister dreamy and he is the one I don't want to hurt the most.
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    May 21, 2014 4:33 PM GMT
    Take the road less traveled by. I hear it makes all the difference.
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    May 21, 2014 4:37 PM GMT
    Sharkspeare saidTake the road less traveled by. I hear it makes all the difference.



    It never even occurred to me to think that :0
    Thank you Sharkspeare

    I forgot to also say that I don't think mister assertive and I would last long at all because I feel like he would just dump me if someone caught his eye for a second. But that's just me being paranoid
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    May 21, 2014 4:39 PM GMT
    Okay, let me be serious for a moment.
    Moving to another country? For a guy? and as young as you are? Seriously bad idea. Seriously bad.
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    May 21, 2014 4:46 PM GMT
    I know that but I also forgot to say that I tried conning out to my mom a few days ago and she shot me down and said "feminine guys still marry girls" even though I am not very feminine. Also my GPA in college has been dropping every semester by .5 to .05. I failed one class last semester and my dad called me a "f... up" I'm just sick of my parents at the moment and my older brother who grad from college last week with a GPA of like 3.7 makes me look bad. I hate getting compared to him when it comes to grades icon_sad.gif
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    May 21, 2014 4:51 PM GMT
    JamesHour94 said
    I can't decide because that would mean hurting 2 human beings and that is not what I like to do. I would really appreciate some advice or your opinion.

    An excess of BFs clamoring for you... that we should all have such problems!

    But I recognize your dilemma. And I do agree you may have to make a difficult choice, that may hurt someone. Actually, it must.

    Some thoughts:

    - You are 19. I've never known a guy your age who began a life-long gay partnership that young. And I know guys who've been together for over 40 years and more, but never before they were in their 20s. So I would think you may need to view this not as a permanence, but as passing. That could make a big difference in your thinking & planning.

    - Leaving the country for a guy is kinda extreme. And again, especially at 19. You could find yourself marooned, unless you have your own independent resources. I would judge that the riskiest path.

    - Between the other 2, well, follow your heart. The rest of us here aren't there, we don't know these guys. Or else... don't choose. Must you? Have you been given ultimatums? I always dated several guys before I selected one. That's a legitimate tactic.

    Again, your age tells me you shouldn't rush things or feel pressured. Take your time!
  • MikeW

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    May 21, 2014 5:02 PM GMT
    IMO, 19 is awfully young to be thinking about a 'R'elationship, period. Dating, maybe even 'going steady' but Relationship? You have no idea how much you, your sense of yourself and your direction in life is going to change in the next 10 years.

    All that said, I'd advise thinking of it this way: Which option would you regret giving up the most? This should give you a clue. As for hurting people, they'll get over it. We all do, more or less, but especially if it hasn't been a long-term, intimate relationship (that means IRL).

    Practicalities: If you're seriously considering moving to another country you'd better have money. If this doesn't work out, the last thing you want is to be financially dependent on anyone, especially the other man.
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    May 21, 2014 5:08 PM GMT
    Art_Deco said
    JamesHour94 said
    I can't decide because that would mean hurting 2 human beings and that is not what I like to do. I would really appreciate some advice or your opinion.



    Some thoughts:

    - You are 19. I've never known a guy your age who began a life-long gay partnership that young. And I know guys who've been together for over 40 years and more, but never before they were in their 20s. So I would think you may need to view this not as a permanence, but as passing. That could make a big difference in your thinking & planning.

    - Leaving the country for a guy is kinda extreme. And again, especially at 19. You could find yourself marooned, unless you have your own independent resources. I would judge that the riskiest path.

    - Between the other 2, well, follow your heart. The rest of us here aren't there, we don't know these guys. Or else... don't choose. Must you? Have you been given ultimatums? I always dated several guys before I selected one. That's a legitimate tactic.

    Again, your age tells me you shouldn't rush things or feel pressured. Take your time!


    I'll be 20 on 7/21 and I'm not really looking for a permanent relationship, just a looking for a "go with the flow" relationship cause I've never been in one before.

    The older one hated it when I web camed another guy. The other guy was mister assertive.

    You have a point about leaving the country.

    I don't think my heart could handle multiple boyfriends at once, I would rather see how each small relationship would go before I do decide. I also might not be ready to come out yet either but I will when I find the right time.

    I'm am just tired of being lonely, and I don't mean with family and friends.
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    May 21, 2014 5:10 PM GMT
    Sharkspeare saidTake the road less traveled by. I hear it makes all the difference.


    Hahahahahaha
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    May 21, 2014 5:18 PM GMT
    MikeW saidIMO, 19 is awfully young to be thinking about a 'R'elationship, period. Dating, maybe even 'going steady' but Relationship? You have no idea how much you, your sense of yourself and your direction in life is going to change in the next 10 years.

    All that said, I'd advise thinking of it this way: Which option would you regret giving up the most? This should give you a clue. As for hurting people, they'll get over it. We all do, more or less, but especially if it hasn't been a long-term, intimate relationship (that means IRL).

    Practicalities: If you're seriously considering moving to another country you'd better have money. If this doesn't work out, the last thing you want is to be financially dependent on anyone, especially the other man.


    By relationship I mean dating.

    Option1 (older guy): We both like each other and that's the one I think I would regret the most. But I would regret not seeing my family probably even more. Oh I get it now icon_idea.gif

    Option2 (mister assertive): He is like a 10 and I'm like a 4 or 5 (comparing myself to him). I've never had someone so hot and around my age want me so badly. So he is tied with option1 with the most regretted.

    Option3 (the new guy): he reminds me of a mix of option1 and option2 but its too early to make that distinction accurately. That's what I would regret with him.
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    May 21, 2014 5:20 PM GMT
    Snaz said
    Sharkspeare saidTake the road less traveled by. I hear it makes all the difference.


    Hahahahahaha


    Oh snap! I'm the path least traveled by icon_eek.gif lol
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    May 21, 2014 5:22 PM GMT
    I don't get it
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    May 21, 2014 5:26 PM GMT
    I think what I meant by that was I wouldn't chose any of them, but I was kidding
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    May 21, 2014 6:24 PM GMT
    JamesHour94 said
    MikeW saidIMO, 19 is awfully young to be thinking about a 'R'elationship, period. Dating, maybe even 'going steady' but Relationship? You have no idea how much you, your sense of yourself and your direction in life is going to change in the next 10 years.

    All that said, I'd advise thinking of it this way: Which option would you regret giving up the most? This should give you a clue. As for hurting people, they'll get over it. We all do, more or less, but especially if it hasn't been a long-term, intimate relationship (that means IRL).

    Practicalities: If you're seriously considering moving to another country you'd better have money. If this doesn't work out, the last thing you want is to be financially dependent on anyone, especially the other man.


    By relationship I mean dating.

    Option1 (older guy): We both like each other and that's the one I think I would regret the most. But I would regret not seeing my family probably even more. Oh I get it now icon_idea.gif

    Option2 (mister assertive): He is like a 10 and I'm like a 4 or 5 (comparing myself to him). I've never had someone so hot and around my age want me so badly. So he is tied with option1 with the most regretted.

    Option3 (the new guy): he reminds me of a mix of option1 and option2 but its too early to make that distinction accurately. That's what I would regret with him.


    Who loves you the most...just the way you are?
    Who do you love the most...just the way he is?

    Maybe these two questions can help you to gain insight.
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    May 21, 2014 6:36 PM GMT
    GAMRican said
    JamesHour94 said
    MikeW saidIMO, 19 is awfully young to be thinking about a 'R'elationship, period. Dating, maybe even 'going steady' but Relationship? You have no idea how much you, your sense of yourself and your direction in life is going to change in the next 10 years.
    All that said, I'd advise thinking of it this way: Which option would you regret giving up the most? This should give you a clue. As for hurting people, they'll get over it. We all do, more or less, but especially if it hasn't been a long-term, intimate relationship (that means IRL).
    Practicalities: If you're seriously considering moving to another country you'd better have money. If this doesn't work out, the last thing you want is to be financially dependent on anyone, especially the other man.


    By relationship I mean dating.

    Option1 (older guy): We both like each other and that's the one I think I would regret the most. But I would regret not seeing my family probably even more. Oh I get it now icon_idea.gif
    Option2 (mister assertive): He is like a 10 and I'm like a 4 or 5 (comparing myself to him). I've never had someone so hot and around my age want me so badly. So he is tied with option1 with the most regretted.
    Option3 (the new guy): he reminds me of a mix of option1 and option2 but its too early to make that distinction accurately. That's what I would regret with him.


    Who loves you the most...just the way you are?
    Who do you love the most...just the way he is?

    Maybe these two questions can help you to gain insight.


    mister assertive love me for the way I am cause I asked him once if I should change something about myself and he said don't change a thing.
    I really like older guy but he is sometimes too secretive about things. I really like mister assertive because he says the nicest things sometimes.
    New guy happened too soon so he would be the easiest to let go, I think?
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    May 21, 2014 8:45 PM GMT
    I ended it with older guy. Hopefully on good or ok terms. I want to go for mister assertive cause I think he will add more spice to my life ;)
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    May 21, 2014 10:35 PM GMT
    1) You're 19. Don't you have ambitions of your own that you'd like to pursue at this point, instead of running off to another country with some guy? What if it doesn't work out or you find that the relationship isn't quite all it seemed it was going to be? This reminds me of Sex in the City, when Carrie Bradshaw realizes that after relocating from her home in New York City to a lavish place in Paris, France with the seemingly perfect Russian architect Aleksandr Petrovsky, at the end of her 'happy ending', she didn't find love... she found only an empty lust.

    2) You're 19. Based solely on your assessment that this guy has barely even tried to get to know you, despite his perfect "10" rating, he sounds like more of a frog as opposed to a prince. It's your choice if you want to kiss it or not; you're young so even if this does only turn out to be a limited fling, not a terrible amount of harm done.

    3) He sounds like the best of both worlds here, though you haven't given us much of an impression - and maybe that's because you haven't had the time to form a solid one yourself.

    So, pick your poison.
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    May 21, 2014 11:27 PM GMT
    Rolfron said1) You're 19. Don't you have ambitions of your own that you'd like to pursue at this point, instead of running off to another country with some guy? What if it doesn't work out or you find that the relationship isn't quite all it seemed it was going to be? This reminds me of Sex in the City, when Carrie Bradshaw realizes that after relocating from her home in New York City to a lavish place in Paris, France with the seemingly perfect Russian architect Aleksandr Petrovsky, at the end of her 'happy ending', she didn't find love... she found only an empty lust.

    2) You're 19. Based solely on your assessment that this guy has barely even tried to get to know you, despite his perfect "10" rating, he sounds like more of a frog as opposed to a prince. It's your choice if you want to kiss it or not; you're young so even if this does only turn out to be a limited fling, not a terrible amount of harm done.

    3) He sounds like the best of both worlds here, though you haven't given us much of an impression - and maybe that's because you haven't had the time to form a solid one yourself.

    So, pick your poison.


    1)I will be twenty in July. he is out, now down to 2 choices
    2)I am hoping it could be something (fling,date,ect...)
    PS sometimes when we chat it feels like he just wants sex and not really anything more but I will try to work out something so he does want to know who I am.
    3)he is cute and we were flirting in an awesome way. I could email you the details if you would like them? He also has a bigger interest in me than #2 does and makes me smile icon_smile.gif
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    May 21, 2014 11:47 PM GMT
    JamesHour94 said ... The one (mister dreamy) that is not around my age (about 24 years older than me) puts a smile on my face, sexy, compasstionate, and I really want to see if its possible if we could be a couple, but that would mean leaving my family behind and moving to a different country ...


    so you are leaving family & country for a relationship that is really a date? ok
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    May 21, 2014 11:51 PM GMT
    pellaz said
    JamesHour94 said ... The one (mister dreamy) that is not around my age (about 24 years older than me) puts a smile on my face, sexy, compasstionate, and I really want to see if its possible if we could be a couple, but that would mean leaving my family behind and moving to a different country ...


    so you are leaving family & country for a relationship that is really a date? ok


    I have no clear clue to what I was thinking. But no not leaving. He is not a choice anymore, will miss chatting with him about all the things he was gonna do to me.
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    May 22, 2014 7:46 AM GMT
    Guy#2 and I might actually work!!!!!! I am extremely happy and I cannot wait to see where things go
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    May 24, 2014 3:13 PM GMT
    UPDATE!!!

    Guy#2 and I have made plans and I'm very excited and happy!icon_biggrin.gificon_biggrin.gificon_biggrin.gif
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    May 24, 2014 3:34 PM GMT
    Actually there is a 4rth choice, return back from the 3
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    May 24, 2014 4:44 PM GMT
    silverwolf94 saidActually there is a 4rth choice, return back from the 3


    Haha. Very cute that you said that, but I am sticking to Guy#2.
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    May 24, 2014 4:56 PM GMT
    Go around the fork. It could cause a blowout.

    Fork_in_the_Road_by_bluefishrun.jpg