Needing Advice: Ways of Making New Friends in NYC

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    May 24, 2014 3:53 AM GMT
    I think recent arrivals to NYC can relate to this, maybe even long time residents. I'm trying to expand my group of friends (currently my ex and an acquaintance which I think is a bit pathetic IMO) and am running into a few walls: one of the most frustrating being everyone is always "busy" and

    I'm also a bit shy; to the point of being socially anxious around new people (ex: worried about what other people think). I don't really know anyone in NYC even after living here for a few years so that makes things a bit lonely on weekends... it's actually slightly depressing but I'm not going to get into specifics since that's for another thread.

    Despite how clueless I seem of where to meet like minded people came up with some potential ways of meeting new people. It seems like 1/2 are internet based...

    There's Meetup.com but that has varying results based off which group you're a member of. There's the added problem of someone you get along with not attending every meetup. Also, a lot of the organizers are seeing they can make a nice bit of money on the side charging those that attend based o the popularity of the group. icon_rolleyes.gif

    There's work of course though many of my co-workers are older or temp interns. There's also the consideration of being friends with your co-workers; which some people advise against interestingly.

    Interestingly I've heard good things about OKCupid (and Grindr bizarrely enough) which worked for me getting dates and meeting people before I met my ex but it's not really great for making lasting friendships....

    Bookstores, the gym, cafes, checkout aisle. Among people my age (20 somethings) meeting friends this way isn't really common way for meeting new people since in big cities most people who are out along are buried in their smartphone, laptop or have earbuds in so they won't be bothered by anyone. Understandable since there's a fair share of crazy/ annoying/ creepy people in public spaces but it's also a barrier to interacting with others around them. There's also the guarded mindset of "what do you want from me?" when a stranger approaches you in NYC.

    There's ways I'm missing, how did you meet lasting friends in NYC?
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    May 24, 2014 4:29 AM GMT
    join a theater group, make the stage stuff, usher something like that.
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    May 24, 2014 4:48 AM GMT
    My experience with New York:

    First of all, I'm quite the extrovert and make friends pretty quickly. Secondly, when I got to New York, my roomie was a native and also very outgoing. I had heard making friends in New York was very difficult so I was glad to have him to introduce me to people. Each time he introduced me to one of his friends, they looked at me like they were ready to kill me. And when I tried to meet people away from him it was even worse. When I would try to greet someone with a simple "hello", I got met with "what do you want?" or simply "what?" Of all the cities I've been to and lived in, I've never been treated so badly as in New York. I have no desire to go back there, even to visit.

    I can't imagine what it must be like to be an introvert in that city.
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    May 24, 2014 4:49 AM GMT
    This won't help but when I moved to New York I immersed myself into the card clubs---bridge, backgammon, whatever. There were two scheduled games per day plus the all-night session (called the "zoo"; you can just imagine). I quickly met a lot of great people that way, people I'm still friends with 35 years later.

    Most of the clubs are long gone, though. That was a different world. People weren't nearly so workaholic.
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    May 24, 2014 4:50 AM GMT
    Scruffypup saidEach time he introduced me to one of his friends, they looked at me like they were ready to kill me.

    I'm sure you're used to that.
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    May 24, 2014 4:54 AM GMT
    The lunchtime crowd in the cafeteria at Bloomies can't be beat!
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    May 24, 2014 5:05 AM GMT
    Sharkspeare saidThis won't help but when I moved to New York I immersed myself into the card clubs---bridge, backgammon, whatever. There were two scheduled games per day plus the all-night session (called the "zoo"; you can just imagine). I quickly met a lot of great people that way, people I'm still friends with 35 years later.

    Most of the clubs are long gone, though. That was a different world. People weren't nearly so workaholic.


    So the old queen made a friend while sitting around playing bingo and swilling cheap wine with the gurls. Somehow I don't think he will find this very helpful. icon_rolleyes.gif
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    May 24, 2014 5:31 AM GMT
    judgingyou said
    Sharkspeare said
    Scruffypup saidEach time he introduced me to one of his friends, they looked at me like they were ready to kill me.
    I'm sure you're used to that.
    His customers probably do it often.


    Aren't you the one who made the thread about how no one wants to be your friend? icon_rolleyes.gif
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    May 24, 2014 5:32 AM GMT
    Summer is upon us. Join a house share at Fire Island?
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    May 24, 2014 5:42 AM GMT
    Scruffypup said
    Sharkspeare saidThis won't help but when I moved to New York I immersed myself into the card clubs---bridge, backgammon, whatever. There were two scheduled games per day plus the all-night session (called the "zoo"; you can just imagine). I quickly met a lot of great people that way, people I'm still friends with 35 years later.

    Most of the clubs are long gone, though. That was a different world. People weren't nearly so workaholic.


    So the old queen made a friend while sitting around playing bingo and swilling cheap wine with the gurls. Somehow I don't think he will find this very helpful. icon_rolleyes.gif

    Your envy is amusing. There are people in the world who actually like me. I realize you have no experience of this.
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    May 24, 2014 5:42 AM GMT
    judgingyou said
    Scruffypup saidAren't you the one who made the thread about how no one wants to be your friend? icon_rolleyes.gif
    Plenty of people on the internet like talking to me and express interest in meeting in person (if money were no object of course) which is funny because I'm way ruder on here than I am to people in real life.

    Anyways, why do you always either ignore it when I call you out or try to distract the conversation by throwing in non-sequiturs?


    Call me out on what? You mean when you try and act like you know about my business interactions? Because it's not worth responding to.
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    May 24, 2014 5:44 AM GMT
    Scruffypup saidCall me out on what? You mean when you try and act like you know about my business interactions? Because it's not worth responding to.

    "Business interactions"? LOL, yeah I've heard about those.
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    May 24, 2014 9:18 AM GMT
    Pay.

    Fact of Life.
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    May 24, 2014 12:07 PM GMT
    Scruffypup saidMy experience with New York:

    First of all, I'm quite the extrovert and make friends pretty quickly. Secondly, when I got to New York, my roomie was a native and also very outgoing. I had heard making friends in New York was very difficult so I was glad to have him to introduce me to people. Each time he introduced me to one of his friends, they looked at me like they were ready to kill me. And when I tried to meet people away from him it was even worse. When I would try to greet someone with a simple "hello", I got met with "what do you want?" or simply "what?" Of all the cities I've been to and lived in, I've never been treated so badly as in New York. I have no desire to go back there, even to visit.

    I can't imagine what it must be like to be an introvert in that city.


    as an introvert in the city I can say it's pretty comfortable to not engage.anyone and be in my own world. its pretty fast paced and most people are doing their own thing so a lot times those looks you get are more from shock than annoyance( butthere are people who get.aggravated easily)


    I cant speak for all introverts but I made many new friends in nyc because they found me relaxing to hang around.
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    May 26, 2014 2:35 AM GMT
    / Yes, introverts can do alright in NYC. I often say it's not the city even though NY residents admittedly are stereotyped negatively but once you break through that defensive barrier you'll be quite surprised but the thing is breaking through that barrier and finding them.

    HikerSkier, that's actually a good idea. Have been thinking of doing that actually.