Oh by the way, I'm getting back with my ex.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 05, 2009 6:15 AM GMT
    GRRRR!

    Why is it that people date you for a few weeks, plan to have a date with you then call you on the day of the date to tell you they are getting back with their ex???
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    Jan 05, 2009 6:24 AM GMT
    Because they need a backup plan icon_razz.gif
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    Jan 05, 2009 6:29 AM GMT
    No, because they are losers who don't know what they want and would prefer to go back to something that obviously ended for good reason.
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    Jan 05, 2009 6:58 AM GMT
    Had that happen to me just once. Know what I said? "See Ya!" What you learn by the time you're my age is - there are SO MANY great, great guys out there you haven't met yet! Go meet 'em!
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    Jan 05, 2009 10:18 AM GMT
    hmm, in my head, it sounds like they are looking for an easy way out of another date with you without making them look bad or feel like they have been mean, cause gawd knows being honest is mean and we should avoid it at all costs!

    at least, thats how its always sounded to me
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    Jan 05, 2009 10:33 AM GMT
    Nope they really are getting back with the ex.
  • MarvelClimber

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    Jan 05, 2009 10:42 AM GMT
    Think of it this way. Maybe you're such a nice guy that he didn't want to complicate things further by falling for you icon_smile.gif People tend to avoid difficult choices. Starting something new with someone great is more scary than staying in a problematic relationship.
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    Jan 05, 2009 11:16 AM GMT
    The solution is to not date anyone who hasn't been single for at least a year. If you decide to do it anyway, you're likely to be his rebound relationship, and therefor it probably won't last anyway.

    Me: I'll be ice-skating on the surface of the sun before I'd get back with my ex. (Ooo, was that in my outloud voice?)
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    Jan 05, 2009 3:29 PM GMT
    It happened to me last year....and if it hadn't of happened, I wouldn't have me the great guy I'm dating.

    It was the exact same scenario - he called the evening of what was to be our date to say he was getting back with his ex.

    The only thing you can do is laugh and be glad you didn't get sucked into his drama.
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    Jan 05, 2009 3:36 PM GMT
    Rebound.
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    Jan 05, 2009 3:41 PM GMT
    I've never 'gotten back' with an ex. Though I'll admit there are 1 or 2 that I could potentially consider it. Sometimes things don't really end with a good reason. People are immature and stupid, and tempers can flare and things are said/done and it ends. Only to let time pass and things cool down, then they realize they really miss each other. I can't say for certain that's the case with this person, but I can see how that scenario can play out.

    Is it frustrating for the person on the other end? Of course. So okay, get a little perturbed about it and move on. Jockbod48 is right, there are a lot of really great guys out there for you to get to know. So get over the lil speed bump of 'what could've been' and find another path. Best wishes! icon_smile.gif
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    Jan 05, 2009 4:32 PM GMT
    I think this has happened to most of us in the dating world. The only way to prevent this is not to date. I have seen people get back with thier exes even after being apart for years.

    It most likely is the comfort they had with thier ex. Even if the relationship was bad, is is a relationship they know and are comfortable in.

    Just go back out there and find someone else and move on.
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    Jan 05, 2009 4:40 PM GMT
    A lightly different version of this happened to me. He was my first BF after my coming out very late, and we began dating just as I was turning 46. He was 52, handsome, kind & very intelligent, and I quickly fell deeply in love with him.

    About 4 months after we met I noticed his attitude change dramatically. He became tense & moody, and told me he had to go back on Prozac. It didn't seem to help, and his condition continued to deteriorate. Nothing I tried helped him, and I felt confused & frustrated. I didn't realize men could be so emotionally fragile, my experience being mostly within the Army.

    Finally he told me his ex-partner had reappeared, and was demanding half of the private home where my BF now lived alone. I knew there was an ex, but was led to believe that was ancient history. Not so.

    My BF started having frequent "meetings" with his ex, ostensibly to negotiate the house rights, and I saw less & less of him. Sensing that I was failing to give him the support he needed, perhaps even adding to his problems rather than helping him, it was I who raised the question of our splitting. He didn't object.

    Epilogue: he bought off his ex and kept the house for himself. But another guy quickly moved in with him (I never lived there), who gay friends told me had a bad reputation in the community. Within a year this guy, who had no income of his own, allegedly convinced my ex-BF to quit his very senior position in city government and start his own business at home.

    We stopped seeing my ex at his favorite places around town, and friends told me stories about the new BF keeping him under virtual house arrest. I was getting ready to relocate from the area anyway, so I decided to stop by the house and say goodbye, and see the situation for myself. It went like this:

    Unknown guy opens the front door a crack: "What do you want?"

    Me: "I wanted to see Wayne, I'm a friend of his."

    Guy: "He's not home."

    Sensing this was a lie, I raised my voice to carry inside the house: "Oh, that's too bad. I wanted to let Wayne know I'll be leaving town soon. We've known each other a couple of years. I'm Tom, and you're...?"

    "I'm Wayne's friend, and I gotta get back to something, so..."

    "Oh, sure, well is there a better time I can return?"

    "No, he doesn't have regular hours." The door started to close.

    "Well maybe I'll try phoning, hate to leave without saying goodbye, and..."

    "Who's that at the front door?" I recognized Wayne's voice. His BF gave me a guilty look and slinked away as I pushed open the door for myself.

    Wayne was happy to see me, and we hugged and spoke inside for a few moments. But I thought I heard feet stirring just out of sight, his BF eavesdropping on us, so I invited Wayne to go outside to see my newest motorcycle.

    We spoke at the curb for a while, and I could catch glimpses of the guy peaking out at us through the window curtains the whole time. We promised to keep in touch by phone and email, but that never happened. Emails went unanswered, until the account was closed, and phone calls either went to voicemail, or the BF would say Wayne wasn't home. We've never had contact again, after 11 years.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 05, 2009 4:46 PM GMT
    Hey, that is great news! You just saved time you would have wasted on a date with someone who either isn't interested in dating you and lies about it or is pining away for a past, failed relationship. But, at least he gave you the courtesy of a phone call.
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    Jan 05, 2009 6:45 PM GMT
    Time to get off the pity pot.

    There are 7 BILLION folks in the world. The further away you stay from flakes, fairies, mentally ill, lazy, and exploitative, the better off you are. Life is to short to deal with those sorts of folks. Be grateful that you didn't waste much time on the guy.

    You should be very happy that you didn't waste time on him. Mark him off. There are another 7 BILLION folks that you can screen.

    Remember being judgmental is always good. You get as far away from him as you can. It's sound judgment.

    If someone doesn't pass muster, get rid of them. Surround yourself with folks that make you happy, and quit feeling sorry for yourself when your fantasies don't come true. Plan for success, and execute that plan.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 05, 2009 8:07 PM GMT
    flex210 saidTime to get off the pity pot.

    There are 7 BILLION folks in the world. The further away you stay from flakes, fairies, mentally ill, lazy, and exploitative, the better off you are.


    Do the math of this equation and you end up with 1. J/K

    It usually seems like there is 1 in 7 billion people that are not any of the aforementioned types of people.
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    Jan 05, 2009 8:27 PM GMT
    glad he informed you about that. but I usually would not invest my emotions before I get to know the guy.
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    Jan 05, 2009 8:49 PM GMT
    because they were already talking with him again and then slept with him the night before your date, which sealed the deal. icon_neutral.gif

    Hey at least he called, most guys just wouldn't call at all and would plan to avoid you.