Balancing a Full Plate

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 05, 2009 7:55 PM GMT
    This is for guys in Long Term Relationships

    Is it just me and my lameness or does anyone else have a problem balancing a Full-Time Job, A Relationship (another full time job), the Gym, hobbies and friends? I usually find that the "friends" get the butt end of the deal. When I make more time for my friends, the gym and hobbies usually suffer, and being neurotic, it bugs me when I miss the gym. And since I do so much during the week, by the time the weekend comes around, all I wanna do is veg and sleep.

    Anyone else have this problem or does the cheese stand alone here?
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    Jan 05, 2009 10:01 PM GMT
    There's nothing wrong with being neurotic about missing the gym, and there's also nothing wrong in being selfish putting the gym before friends and hobbies. In the next two weeks I'll have a full-time job, my relationship, school (one class twice a week with lab - human anatomy and physiology), the gym, friends and hobbies. It'll be difficult "balancing" all of these, but it's do-able. I've found that the friends I have hung out in the past with, are still in that stage of "finding themselves." Yes, at 27 years, I too still am, but I have realized that partying all night and sleeping the weekend away is not what I want any longer. I need to take care of myself and leap to the person I want to be doing what I want to do. Other friends that have received the short end of the stick had actually come into a relationship around the same time as I, so although we may not hang as much, we still make time to call, email, text and even have dinner here and there.

    You have to realize what is right for you and how each aspect of your life will help you reach our desired goal. Most of all, YOU come first and no one else.
  • cowboyathlete

    Posts: 1346

    Jan 05, 2009 10:10 PM GMT
    Single here, but I have seen plenty of couples working out together.
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    Jan 05, 2009 10:26 PM GMT
    My partner & I have this problem, though it's a "self-inflicted wound" as we used to say in the Army, meaning it's our own fault, and doesn't have to happen. I'm retired, and he only works part-time to help with AIDS work, so there's no reason for our schedule to be so full.

    But we constantly over-commit ourselves, with fundraisers & functions, gay chorus and gay community center, MCC church, other gay social groups (we're hosting a party tonight here in 2 hours), I've got the gym, etc, etc.

    Fortunately we do most of these things together, and I even volunteer where he works part-time, so that helps. But I've been saying to him that we've gotta learn how to say "No" and to spread ourselves less thin, to pace ourselves.

    One can very definitely burn-out by trying to do too much. The only solution I know is to make yourself do less, or hire someone to do it for you. LOL!
  • UncleverName

    Posts: 741

    Jan 05, 2009 10:58 PM GMT
    I have this problem and can definitely relate.

    Working from home has helped tremendously, because I can workout during the day, instead of a lunch break, and work in the mornings on weekends, when my partner is still asleep.

    I don't spend a lot of time with my friends, and when I do now, it's usually in conjunction with my partner, or in conjunction with exercise. i.e. I rock climb with one of my best friends once a week. Or I invite friends out when we go to movies, unless it's a special date night.

    As far as I know, my friends are mostly understanding, as well as my partner. Sometimes I focus too much on the gym, and Ryan (the partner) tells me, in which case I make a bit more effort to spend time with him, letting work or my friends drop out for awhile.

    It is a big balancing act, but I'm not really ready to quit on any of those things right now (work, gym, partner, or friends).

    All in all, I try to remember that it's a good thing to have to balance all of those things in my life.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 05, 2009 11:51 PM GMT
    Well first, a relationship is not a job, its a pleasure and a privilege, second, you don't have to spend a great deal of time with your partner, whats more important is that when you are spending time with each other you are enjoying every moment of it, making the time together special in what ever way that means to you.

    I once had points where I'd only see my ex for 20 minutes a day and sometimes it wasn't even every day but once a week, but, we'd spend that time together like it was no bodies business, it was intense, fun and forfilling and it was only 20 minutes.

    Friends are the same, you make the time worth while..

    Hobbies you can do with people, with friends..

    But sometimes you will need down time, with just you and someone special, sometimes just you, you need to make time for that otherwise you burn out and that can go pretty badly.

    Don't feel guilt over how much time you aren't giving someone, feel happy over how much you give them in the time you have.
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    Jan 06, 2009 2:24 AM GMT
    Following lilTanker, I'd give you that the people that have the hardest time balancing are those that separate parts of their life. If work is separate from family, separate from friends, separate from love, and separate from fitness, then you are going to have a difficult time keeping all things afloat. I had this very problem for many years.

    What has been the most rewarding thing for me is letting those separations blur where it can. I can't really talk about work in much detail (yay confidentiality) but I do let all others (excluding patients) into all aspects of my life, including my relaxing.
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    Jan 06, 2009 2:49 AM GMT
    I´d love to balance Brady. Sorry off topic, but icon_wink.gif
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    Jan 06, 2009 2:55 AM GMT
    Time management, and a balanced lifestyle, can be a major juggling act in American Society, particularly if you have a time-wasting commute thrown in there as well.

    One has to decide what's important to them in the big picture and set that as a priority and set the rest aside.

    I know folks who make 95K working from home, and others who sit in traffic every day for a lousy 30K.

    It's all about creating a plan for success / happiness and executing that plan.

    While I can easily make 100K plus it would involve no home life, no exercise, an unhealthful lifestyle and dealing with "corporate ethics." I choose to walk away from that and lead a life with less money, but, more personal freedom and higher ethics.

    It's all a matter of personal choice.

    Study up on time management skills (I used to teach the class), and I think you'll find yourself happier if you hone those skills. In addition, let the shit go that doesn't matter. I.e., don't sweat the small shit. Exercise, and get to bed on time.

    Remember that life is not all about work. Life is not all about play. It's about a balance that we try to achieve for each of our own personal preferences.

    I had a great uncle who literally lived in a shack, but, did what he wanted with whom he wanted, when he wanted, and he lived to be 104. I had another friend who retired from TWA Airlines at 42, a boatload of money, a beautiful home, but died at 59 from COPD (breathing problems from smoking). At 48, I don't make as much money as I could, but, my cholesterol is 140, my BP is great, and I'm in the top 2% nationally in terms of fitness. I do worry, however, about retirement, and finding a balance can be difficult.

    Americans are over-worked, materialistic, and shallow in many ways. It's hard not to get caught up in all that. Your balance is wherever it is. As we grow older, our brain more completely develops (it gets hard-wired around 30), and our judgment process becomes much keener. We realize that we are mortal creatures, and our values change to some degree. Often, we end up changing directions from a younger time when we lacked sound judgment or the willingness to be judgmental which is critical to our maturation process.

    With proper discipline, time management, and patience, we often can have most of what we want. We all know someone who has everything they touch turn to gold, and is in great shape all the time, and so on.

    Most of the game is mental, and being able to make sound judgments by looking at the big picture.

    I have a friend who is a multi-millionaire (actually several who are). When he approaches an idea, failure is not a consideration. He just does it. Just this past year he took a startup up (medicareprosaver.com) from 0 to 17 million in just four months.

    Many gays have a self-centered, I,I,I,me,me,me attitude that clouds their judgment and actions. Most would do well to set that aside for a more positive, pay-it-forward, karma.
  • DCEric

    Posts: 3713

    Jan 06, 2009 3:02 AM GMT
    The best thing I have found, balancing life, is to toss out the Internet. Hours of life disappear along the intertubes. Serriously, RJ is great, but rather than look at this screen- I could be at the gym, hanging out with friends, running in a 5K or hiking with the partner.

    What you have to do is figure out what you are doing, that you don't want to be. Get your spare time there. Get off the computer, hire a house cleaning service.

    /Is getting off the Internet now, to harrass a certain someone.
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    Jan 06, 2009 3:05 AM GMT
    So very true.
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    Jan 06, 2009 3:13 AM GMT
    I work full time, also work part time, work out 4 days a week, love my family and friends, and still maintain my relationship.

    Its all about understanding and making it work. All the people in my life know how hard I work to try to make time for everything, so they are all great about it. Also, I don't get veg out time. Just doesn't exsist in my world. But I love my life and can't complain!
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    Jan 06, 2009 5:40 PM GMT
    DCEric saidThe best thing I have found, balancing life, is to toss out the Internet. Hours of life disappear along the intertubes. Serriously, RJ is great, but rather than look at this screen- I could be at the gym, hanging out with friends, running in a 5K or hiking with the partner.

    What you have to do is figure out what you are doing, that you don't want to be. Get your spare time there. Get off the computer, hire a house cleaning service.

    /Is getting off the Internet now, to harrass a certain someone.


    On that note, Ive thrown out the TV and that has free'd up so much of my time. Its a balancing act that I am not good at and working hard on it. I just need to tell myself "its okay if I miss the gym one day and I am not going to turn into a flabby monster in one day"
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    Jan 06, 2009 5:42 PM GMT
    My house gets put on the back burner. Not ideal.
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    Jan 06, 2009 5:49 PM GMT
    Here's what happens: all that stuff that you do independently will become joint activities. His hobbies and your hobbies will morph into collective hobbies. Your friends and his friends will mingle into a difficult-to-divide mass of shared friends. You'll go to the gym together. Etc. Heck, for awhile we were even working together.

    Anyway, some stuff suffers but there is a limit to the number of hours in each day. I think this is easier for gay guys than for straight couples, actually, as the opportunities for activity/friend overlap are greater.
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    Jan 06, 2009 6:07 PM GMT
    i struggle with this a bit. more than a bit. work is a big deal for both of us; we make time for each other; i always make time for friends (often with him in tow, they're his friends too) and the gym is what suffers. whenever i find extra time, i'm in the gym, but i really want fitness to be a shared goal. he isn't into it, though he's older and would really benefit from a better diet and regular excersize. instead he resents it when i spend free time at the gym, and openly scorns fitness as though it's a waste of time. it's frustrating.
    when we met 2.5 years ago i was in the best shape of my life and he was kickboxing regularly. as our relationship grew, the more our fitness suffered. i'm trying to turn it around, and making some progress for myself, but it's a real struggle and a test of will power, which i lack...icon_rolleyes.gif
    still, i'd rather be in a great relationship and have a gut than single and fit...but i'd really rather be fit AND in a great relationship.icon_smile.gif is that too much to ask? never mind that i'd really, REALLY rather we were both fit and in a great relationship...
    good thread -- i appreaciate the chance to vent as an ltr realjock... so few threads for us "coupled" guys.
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    Jan 06, 2009 6:07 PM GMT
    hobronto saidHere's what happens: all that stuff that you do independently will become joint activities. His hobbies and your hobbies will morph into collective hobbies. Your friends and his friends will mingle into a difficult-to-divide mass of shared friends. You'll go to the gym together. Etc. Heck, for awhile we were even working together.

    Anyway, some stuff suffers but there is a limit to the number of hours in each day. I think this is easier for gay guys than for straight couples, actually, as the opportunities for activity/friend overlap are greater.


    This is great and I totally agree with hobronto bout this one.
    I had a 13 year relationship. In the last three years our schedules changed and therefore our routine was off kilter. The relatiohship began to suffer and soon the rest all started to go down hill. The things that we once did together eventually gave way to us spending more and more time apart and then "he" came in. I had been replaced and inadvertedly at that time basically lost the relationship. I was stubborn and due to that stubborness ended up replaced...period. Its taken three long years to learn that hard lesson. If anything I miss the connectedness and the sharing that once was and are more apt to not repeat the past. Remember, that partner when you set up schedules and make it work. you can and good luck.