You Tube - The Coming Out Venue Of Choice

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    May 27, 2014 7:24 PM GMT

    another one....trendy?

    awww, who cried....me, icon_razz.gif, glad he found himself


    Ben Hobson, Married Father, Comes Out As Gay In Heartwarming Video

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    May 27, 2014 8:10 PM GMT
    he's a dad?!
  • Scalese89

    Posts: 122

    May 28, 2014 9:14 AM GMT
    This is an interesting story. He presents the story as if he once identified as 'straight' and is now 'gay'. Perhaps he was gay all along - that does not preclude him for desiring members of the opposite sex. I have always been an advocate of the 'sexuality continuum' rather than these categories that we are expected to adhere to - ranging from heterosexual to homosexual.
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    May 28, 2014 3:03 PM GMT
    owl_bundy said

    check this out.


    I'm glad you posted that update. I was definitely looking to hear the rest of that story. Despite having a boyfriend, it is going be a while before his ex-wife gets over all the emotions.
  • metta

    Posts: 39144

    May 28, 2014 3:36 PM GMT
    I find it a little strange/uncomfortable that people post every last detail of something so personal. It seems like there is no line drawn between private life and public life anymore.
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    May 28, 2014 3:54 PM GMT
    I was hoping she would speak for her self on the video
  • metta

    Posts: 39144

    May 28, 2014 3:55 PM GMT
    lol

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    May 28, 2014 8:09 PM GMT
    metta8 saidI find it a little strange/uncomfortable that people post every last detail of something so personal. It seems like there is no line drawn between private life and public life anymore.

    I blame it on TV (as usual; no surprise). There's so much private crap on TV that people now think it's normal.
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    May 28, 2014 10:57 PM GMT
    ^^

    Yeah, this is ripe for the picking for media theorists.

    What an amazing cascade of narcissism, which I guess can be forgiven considering the turmoil his life has assumed and the unbridled desire for knowing how life, sex and love will unfold.

    Against my better judgment, I couldn't stop watching. His cheery loneliness is fascinating. Despite hundreds of thousands of views, his videos have an overwhelming sense of isolation—complete, crushing solitude. Some of them were excruciating. Every minute echoes with emptiness.



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    May 28, 2014 11:10 PM GMT
    owl_bundy said

    check this out.


    I was concerned about his family the minute I saw the coming out video. So much wrong with this I don't know where to begin. First of all, is nothing private anymore? Did he ever consider that maybe his wife or kids might not want this to be broadcasted to the entire world? He shows back up with gay hair and waxed eyebrows acting like he's a fucking celebrity and doesn't even seem to notice the tears the poor girl is holding back. Everything seems to be about him and his new life with no regard to the people he supposedly loves. Ughhh.
  • OutdoorAdvent...

    Posts: 361

    May 29, 2014 4:03 AM GMT
    owl_bundy saidyeah... you cried for him but you couldn't think about his wife and kids that he basically threw under the bus for his sake? really thoughtful of you. shows how much empathy you have. hell... to be honest with you, i really could care less about him and whatever especially at 25 years old. if this was 1980 or 1990 or the last decade, i'd understand BUT now.... who forced him to get married at such a young age? nowadays, it's socially acceptable for guys and ladies in their 20s to not get married as well as to not have babies until their 30s and even 40s. it just seemed like he was and is being a selfish ass, that's all. i can relate to the struggle of coming out and etc BUT i damn sure wasn't that selfish where i used some female, impregnated her and toss her to the side when she no longer suits my agenda. that's some weak shit.


    My Gawwwwd, the judgment.
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    May 29, 2014 4:09 AM GMT
    Scruffypup said
    owl_bundy said

    check this out.


    I was concerned about his family the minute I saw the coming out video. So much wrong with this I don't know where to begin. First of all, is nothing private anymore? Did he ever consider that maybe his wife or kids might not want this to be broadcasted to the entire world? He shows back up with gay hair and waxed eyebrows acting like he's a fucking celebrity and doesn't even seem to notice the tears the poor girl is holding back. Everything seems to be about him and his new life with no regard to the people he supposedly loves. Ughhh.




    wow, yeah, new hair cut, they are the new millennials, they both look all of 20, he should have let her speak for herself but, shy girl, hes obviously not shy and yeah, he could become a star, (Davy Wavy style) he already has that 'charisma' about him (James Franco style)

    times have changed, nothing like when we were that age, this aint the days of Liza's husbands, I am sure he has a whole lot of straight 'bro's' his age supporting him, what must her girlfriends think though, who cares, she already found herself a cowboy!, they are young, im sure feelings will pass very quickly, they just need to learn to share the kids, and he could be the youngest dad go-go boy icon_razz.gif

  • starboard5

    Posts: 969

    May 29, 2014 4:33 AM GMT
    metta8 saidI find it a little strange/uncomfortable that people post every last detail of something so personal. It seems like there is no line drawn between private life and public life anymore.


    This 1000%
    The last forty years or so have seen the cultural erosion of a distinction between the sense of public and private. It's largely the result of the pervasiveness of media and the illusion of instant intimacy that they can convey. So what, you say? The problem is that it destroys the quality of intimacy by distorting proportion and context: one minute you're watching a story where a man learns his wife and child have been violently murdered and two seconds later you're looking at a commercial with a talking cat. In a world where anything and everything is at our finger tips on YouTube, value becomes flattened. The only common denominator is stimulation.

    I don't blame this guy. He's the product of the cultural conditioning of his generation.
  • Joeyphx444

    Posts: 2382

    May 29, 2014 9:15 AM GMT
    I agree, shame people need to turn to views and comments over the internet on YouTube to share their lives and very personal experiences. I watch some youtube vloggers for entertainment not for moral support or help
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    May 29, 2014 2:14 PM GMT
    owl_bundy saidyeah... you cried for him but you couldn't think about his wife and kids that he basically threw under the bus ... shows how much empathy you have....


    Perhaps by employing empathy his situation might be perceived differently.

    metta8 saidI find it a little strange/uncomfortable that people post every last detail of something so personal. It seems like there is no line drawn between private life and public life anymore.


    It is the wind of consciousness expanding.
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    May 29, 2014 3:28 PM GMT
    starboard5 said
    metta8 saidI find it a little strange/uncomfortable that people post every last detail of something so personal. It seems like there is no line drawn between private life and public life anymore.


    This 1000%
    The last forty years or so have seen the cultural erosion of a distinction between the sense of public and private...


    Ya know, the way things are going, pretty soon it will be a requirement to have an interwebz connected two-way large screen TV in your home where there is no such concept as "privacy" anymore! Oh, wait...











    2-book-covers-George-Orwell-1984.jpg
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    May 29, 2014 3:56 PM GMT
    owl_bundy saidcheck this out though. how can you have empathy for somebody that doesn't have empathy for others? he obviously doesn't have any empathy or his wife and other guys that are in his situation. supposedly, he outed other married guys that are in the closeted in his little youtube video. that's fucked up.


    He not only empathized--he's staying with his family and encouraging his wife to move on with a more compatible relationship--but also implored others similarly situated to be kind towards their families. That's empathy in action.

    Besides which, when you so judged, did you even know how he got where he was? You didn't even acknowledge in your judgmentalism that he married, made a major life decision, while mourning his mother. You might not be aware of the impact of mourning. Never mind that their 1st born was already 2 months on the way, so do you know if his mom had been ill for a long time? Was he seeking comfort from his friend who wound up pregnant? Did the friend seduce him while he was upset and had trouble thinking? Never mind all the typical issues of coming out, without knowing any of that, you judged.

    (though, ps, I didn't know he outed people. Yes, if true--and please post your source for that info--that part would be fucked up)


    bon_pan saidYa know, the way things are going, pretty soon it will be a requirement to have an interwebz connected two-way large screen TV in your home where there is no such concept as "privacy" anymore! Oh, wait... (or, well, maybe not so new)


    No doubt privacy is eroding as has been predicted for a while now. But while the issues might mingle I'd be careful about conflating them: privacy vs sharing lives. It sure looks like such sharing so openly can add to creating an environment of eroding privacy but to look back before all the sharing, what we had was a neurotic society: on a personal level, spouses not sharing feelings & other damaged psychology; on a society level, the red scare; or internationally, the cold war.

    So this might be a bump in the road on the right direction.
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    May 29, 2014 4:08 PM GMT
    owl_bundy saidhttps://www.youtube.com/user/supernerdfilmz/videos?sort=dd&shelf_id=1&view=0

    this guy is just another davey wavey rip off. next.


    That might be true, but pointing out another person's flaws doesn't disguise our own.
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    May 29, 2014 9:41 PM GMT
    Nice try but that ramble about someone "exploiting" their own life, which once was known as being autobiographical, didn't distract me from my original question, did you know how he got where he was before you judged him? You don't have to walk in his shoes but did you bother to look where he might have stepped? Did you consider his mourning for his mom when he married that girl, before you judged the marriage? Did you consider that there was a child on the way when they married? Was marrying with a child on the way him being non-empathic to her?

    This stance you have on him, based upon your stance on another person, isn't that what we call prejudice?

    I have no idea who this kid is. Just clicked on one of his vids you posted. Happened to be pretty revealing. I just watched a few seconds. When he was a kid, his dad was arrested for molesting a neighbor kid so his mom moved her kids away from the father. And then he was raised as a Mormon. And that's just in the 30 second I watched. Did you know any of that before you indulged in your own judgmentalism?
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    May 29, 2014 10:35 PM GMT
    owl_bundy said

    this is exactly WHY i don't like this guy, his blog or whatever. he just needs to stay in his lane. don't try to be that representative for others.


    Now his kids will grow up to see this video where he says that he should have stayed in the closet so he wouldn't have to pay child support. icon_neutral.gif
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    May 30, 2014 4:08 AM GMT
    Coming out vids - Dan Savage beats off to them.
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    May 30, 2014 6:56 PM GMT
    Scruffypup said
    owl_bundy said

    this is exactly WHY i don't like this guy, his blog or whatever. he just needs to stay in his lane. don't try to be that representative for others.


    Now his kids will grow up to see this video where he says that he should have stayed in the closet so he wouldn't have to pay child support. icon_neutral.gif



    still young and fresh, he doesn't know the half of it yet, hopefully he will stay out of the political side of it and just concentrate on his kids. I know a few guys who had major drinking problems (usually leading to several DUI's) because they couldn't deal with being gay, one of them was my best friend for 15 years, he got so bad, I had to stop associating with him, that hurt me a lot.

    So I give this guy credit for making this choice to come out, I wouldn't have done it so publically though, be who you are, work towards acceptance instead of drowning yourself in self pity, at least he will be around to raise his kids instead of dead or in prison
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    May 31, 2014 4:37 PM GMT
    owl_bundy said
    Scruffypup said
    owl_bundy said

    this is exactly WHY i don't like this guy, his blog or whatever. he just needs to stay in his lane. don't try to be that representative for others.


    Now his kids will grow up to see this video where he says that he should have stayed in the closet so he wouldn't have to pay child support. icon_neutral.gif


    yep, he doesn't care about his kids. if he was a real dad, he wouldn't have made this video at all.

    you know what's even sadder about this mess. the fact that the gay media seems to think that someone like him is news worthy just off the strength of his looks. real talk. the only reason why i think dude even got press from queerty, the gaily grind, huffington post gay voices and etc is because he's attractive. it's annoying how they take these random attention whores on these social media sites, who usually are young white guys, and then put them in the limelight not really doing their research about the type of people they are to begin with. for real.... they only make the rest of us look bad because the world sees it and they think that all of us are like this sorry fuck. they just pluck one video of him writing some shit without looking at the rest of his videos. in his first video, it shows him drinking 10 shots of liquor. icon_rolleyes.gif there's plenty of people out there that could have got press time BUT they chose this idiot.

    he should have never got the attention in the first place.


    You guys are so full of shit it is disgusting. I watched all of 1 minute and 30 seconds of that wherein he's obviously just mulling through his mind some thoughts. That because he came out he lost his friends. He's hurting in that. He states that because he came out, he has to pay child support which HE DECLARES THAT HE'S OKAY WITH BEING RESPONSIBLE FINANCIALLY FOR HIS KIDS. He says that. In the first fucking 90 seconds. What the fuck is wrong with you people trying to mischaracterize otherwise?

    He says: "I have to pay--OH I DON'T MIND IT--I have to pay $500 bucks or something like that."

    He says: "I'M FINE WITH THAT BECAUSE I KNOW IT'S GOING TOWARDS MY KIDS...AND I LOVE THEM...AND I DON'T MIND IF I HAVE TO EAT MACARONI AND CHEESE EVERYNIGHT AS LONG AS I KNOW MY KIDS ARE BEING PROVIDED FOR ".

    How in the fuck did you twist his words into yours that say:

    "he says that he should have stayed in the closet so he wouldn't have to pay child support"

    &

    "yep, he doesn't care about his kids."

    Okay--so I can't believe how cruel you people are--so I watched another 20 seconds to double check myself. He's talking about how because he came out he has to live in a little room instead of his nice place with his family, his wife and kids that he obviously still love and will always love.

    You guys could not be more wrong about this. Your mischaracterizations are completely off base. And that's just youtube. Just imagine your misperceptions of forum poasters and what you must say about them.

    This youtube person is merely lamenting in that vid his losses of coming out--real losses that he has sustained in trying to live his life honestly, after all he's been through as a kid--which he has framed ironically for storytelling purposes as "reasons to stay in the closet".

    Shame on you.
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    Jun 04, 2014 3:05 AM GMT
    ∆ I think you're naive. You don't put a video on the WORLD WIDE WEB listing child support as one of the reasons you should have stayed in the closet. Yeah, he backpedaled alright but it's obvious that was an afterthought once he was finished blurting out that nasty comment. The guy is already talking about moving so far away from his family that he'll only get to see his kids once a year. So you might buy this "loving father" bullshit but I don't. And once you post all your personal business online, you leave it up to people to interpret you however they like. I think he's a self centered narcissist who only mentions his kids to boast his Youtube ratings.
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    Jun 04, 2014 5:41 AM GMT
    owl_bundy said
    Scruffypup said∆ I think you're naive. You don't put a video on the WORLD WIDE WEB listing child support as one of the reasons you should have stayed in the closet. Yeah, he backpedaled alright but it's obvious that was an afterthought once he was finished blurting out that nasty comment. The guy is already talking about moving so far away from his family that he'll only get to see his kids once a year. So you might buy this "loving father" bullshit but I don't. And once you post all your personal business online, you leave it up to people to interpret you however they like. I think he's a self centered narcissist who only mentions his kids to boast his Youtube ratings.



    tell em. don't know why folks want to keep on defending whenever mr. ben basically exposes himself for the lame he really is. a self centered narcissist that cares about himself. the video that scruff is talking about.




    before you go and defend him again, antijock. please explain this. what type of proud father does this???? people STILL wanna defend him though when he's already planning on ditching out of being a father.


    tell em? I'd have gotten back to this sooner but I couldn't stop laughing.

    Would you like me to respond to your question as promptly as you avoided mine? Defend? You think I give a rat's ass about any of this? Huh, who knew? Must be my naivety.

    Who are you two really, Laurel and Hardy? I haven't attempted to defend this kid. He seems to be standing all on his own and in front of everyone. All I've done is point out some of your blatant misperceptions.

    Apparently in this round of the rockem sockem robots, you feel there's a problem with him coming to grips with the reality that he's gonna need more money. Always shocking news. Father's never take jobs on ships that go out to sea for weeks or months at a time. Never enlist for years at a time. Or do they do what they have to do to support their kids and if lucky also get somewhere themselves.

    Never mind, that we've no idea what's going on behind the scenes. Obviously this is just speculation but has he been threatened by her family to move on? Does he think he needs to get out of her way so she can move on with a new relationship and so the kids can have a live at home dad where he's no longer welcomed by her? So there's a lot of things that we might not know.

    All you know by that video, is that he's concerned about money. That's not usually a sign of an irresponsible dad. Again, as before you're feeding on presumption and dishing out judgmentalism. Such attributes shouldn't be your greatest capacity.