Confidence

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    May 29, 2014 10:05 AM GMT
    We all lack it, we all have it? we all comment on it!

    So how do you actually improve it, debate !
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    May 29, 2014 10:11 AM GMT
    From my experience, one can gain confidence in time by constant practice and repetition of the things they are doing in day to day life and turning them into perfection.
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    May 29, 2014 10:20 AM GMT
    It should not be a goal, it's just the side effect of knowing who you are.
  • Marko89

    Posts: 239

    May 29, 2014 10:25 AM GMT
    Inoperable cancer....worked for Walter White, you know until his egotism overtook his personality. Bryan Cranston rocked the shit out of that role.
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    May 29, 2014 10:49 AM GMT
    I don't think that it's something you can consciously change, if you're actively trying to improve confidence then IMO that's faking confidence.

    Not saying that it can't change throughout life but it's not something that you have control over.

    Environment, past social experience/situations and your appearance (or how you perceive it) determine your confidence.
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    May 29, 2014 11:07 AM GMT
    When you think you have gained the bit of confidence you needed say to get in the gym for example and some point like a big bang something will strip it back away so you may get it temporarily but it will never truly set in with you.
  • creature

    Posts: 5197

    May 29, 2014 11:21 AM GMT
    I know I have to work on mine. But the problem is I don't want something superficial, like a bigger body, to build my confidence and make me feel better about myself. I need my confidence to have a stronger foundation than that.
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    May 29, 2014 11:45 AM GMT
    Confidence comes out of knowing what you are, knowing that you are not more, and not less, than that.

    Confidence is about liking yourself for what you are, and not for what you or other think you should be.

    Or take it the other way : lack of confidence comes from the feeling you are inadequate. The feeling you don't meet expectations, and the fear people around you will suddenly realize it and see you as a fraud.

    But if you accept and like who you are, nobody can make you feel bad about it.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    May 29, 2014 12:26 PM GMT
    minox saidConfidence comes out of knowing what you are, knowing that you are not more, and not less, than that.

    Confidence is about liking yourself for what you are, and not for what you or other think you should be.

    Or take it the other way : lack of confidence comes from the feeling you are inadequate. The feeling you don't meet expectations, and the fear people around you will suddenly realize it and see you as a fraud.

    But if you accept and like who you are, nobody can make you feel bad about it.


    Good answer, I like the opinion on acceptance and liking oneself. Achievement begets achievement which builds confidence. If you know who you are, what your abilities and passions are and can harness those into productivity, it helps. Dealing with our frailties in a reasonable way to reduce those always helps. Know yourself and make the best out of who you are. Love it!
  • rrrazorsharp

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    May 29, 2014 12:29 PM GMT
    ^ agreed. My only addition is doing things that make you uncomfortable (public speaking, etc.) Once you get out of your comfort zone, do it and realize it wasn't that bad, the confidence only grows!
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    May 29, 2014 12:33 PM GMT
    It's kinda impossible to be confident all the time because there's always someone around to try and bring you back down.
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    May 29, 2014 12:35 PM GMT
    ^
    "Let others determine your worth and you're already lost, because no one wants people worth more than themselves.”
    ― Peter V. Brett, The Warded Man
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    May 29, 2014 12:46 PM GMT
    Danny_boy93 saidIt's kinda impossible to be confident all the time because there's always someone around to try and bring you back down.


    Confidence all the time ? It would be bad.

    The only way to be like that (not faking it, really feeling it), would mean you have absolute certainties : that you are dead inside, because you no longer discover anything new about you, or worse, don't even want to learn more about yourself.

    We are infinity complex, and evolving day after day. I actually love to realize I assumed something wrong and someone put my nose in it : it mean I learn something new.

    To be realist, what's important is NOT trying to become cnfident.

    What matter is not to let the fear to expose your flaw prevent you for making discoveries and improvement.

    Confidence is overrated.
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    May 29, 2014 12:48 PM GMT
    ^ lol
    “Confidence is ignorance. If you're feeling cocky, it's because there's something you don't know.”
    ― Eoin Colfer, Artemis Fowl
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    May 29, 2014 12:50 PM GMT
    So if we say confidence is the outward appearance of the internal self-esteem
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    May 29, 2014 12:52 PM GMT
    Dennis89 saidSo if we say confidence is the outward appearance of the internal self-esteem


    In a way, yes. But arrogance is also just that ;-)
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    May 29, 2014 12:55 PM GMT
    Arrogance is where you become above your self instead of remaining contempt with the neutrality that one can or may become.
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    May 29, 2014 1:19 PM GMT
    minox said
    Danny_boy93 saidIt's kinda impossible to be confident all the time because there's always someone around to try and bring you back down.


    Confidence all the time ? It would be bad.

    The only way to be like that (not faking it, really feeling it), would mean you have absolute certainties : that you are dead inside, because you no longer discover anything new about you, or worse, don't even want to learn more about yourself.

    We are infinity complex, and evolving day after day. I actually love to realize I assumed something wrong and someone put my nose in it : it mean I learn something new.

    To be realist, what's important is NOT trying to become cnfident.

    What matter is not to let the fear to expose your flaw prevent you for making discoveries and improvement.

    Confidence is overrated.


    Minox, good thinking as your usual.

    In this sense then, confidence can be seen as somewhat compartmentalized, though, when being confident in one part of living but not another, then is that really a lack of confidence or an abundance of trepidation? Does confidence wax and wane or is more stable but at times overshadowed.

    You might always be confident within yourself, always knowing who you are. But if I know that I'm a person who might have some difficulties functioning in the outside world for any various reasons, though I'm completely comfortable with myself, then is my lack of ability to function in ways that others might find easier a matter of confidence? Or is their ability a matter of over-confidence. Does it always take confidence to step off a cliff? Is hesitation to take that step always indicative of a lack of confidence?

    Or is sometimes the trepidation justified and not reflective of confidence?

    Sometimes personality disorders, for instance, can be to someone's advantage. Someone who has no issues with hurting others might make for a ruthless but successful CEO. While sometimes knowing yourself can hold you back.
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    May 29, 2014 1:22 PM GMT
    silver_bullet said
    minox saidIt should not be a goal, it's just the side effect of knowing who you are.


    And how do you know who you are?


    By stripping away the bullshit to understand what you are not.
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    May 29, 2014 1:41 PM GMT
    Confidence without vulnerability is a no-no.
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    May 29, 2014 2:12 PM GMT
    FireLion saidI don't think that it's something you can consciously change, if you're actively trying to improve confidence then IMO that's faking confidence.

    Not saying that it can't change throughout life but it's not something that you have control over.

    Environment, past social experience/situations and your appearance (or how you perceive it) determine your confidence.


    That would make all the advice on this forum to "BE CONFIDENT" seem rather cruel, no?
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    May 29, 2014 3:06 PM GMT
    the more you fuck with men, the higher confidence you are going to gain.
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    May 29, 2014 3:08 PM GMT
    I'm not confident enough to reply to this thread. icon_redface.gif
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    May 29, 2014 3:16 PM GMT
    owl_bundy saidconfidence starts early such as childhood when a kid becomes integrated into society.
    and if it dont start then when you in a sense dont have any pre thoughts on life then your fucked.
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    May 29, 2014 3:21 PM GMT
    Dennis89 said
    owl_bundy saidconfidence starts early such as childhood when a kid becomes integrated into society.
    and if it dont start then when you in a sense dont have any pre thoughts on life then your fucked.


    Don't think that way. As others have said it's knowing your strengths and accepting yourself. Sometimes you just have to "fake it till you make it [acquire it]". Surround yourself with positive people or at least remove the negative ones that make you feel bad.