Does Anyone Else Think That Guys Are Getting Damn Lazy On Dates!?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 30, 2014 5:37 AM GMT
    Since being back in my hometown for two years now, I've dated a few guys. All of them were just incredibly slack with contributing any type of good atmosphere on the date. Hardly any conversation, if at all, and hardly no reciprocating when it came to intimacy after a few dates; was the regular experience. Now with intimacy, I'm not referring to any sexual acts, more so just intimacy with cuddling, spooning, massaging, kissing etc. But even with the sex that took place with one of the guys I dated for a while....I could blow him for an hour, rim him for the same amount of time, and let him penetrate me on many occasions; and he couldn't even reciprocate in any of these things for damn five minutes!

    But aside from the guys in my hometown, the guys in Sydney were not too much better! My ex boyfriend being one of them.

    Have any of you guys experienced the same treatment with guys you've dated, or even with relationships you've had??
  • AMoonHawk

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    May 30, 2014 5:41 AM GMT
    You just haven't met the right guy yet ... then again, some guys need a little alcohol to warm up ... maybe the guys you are going out with are straight and just gay curious ... or new to gay
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    May 30, 2014 5:53 AM GMT
    AMoonHawk saidYou just haven't met the right guy yet ... then again, some guys need a little alcohol to warm up ... maybe the guys you are going out with are straight and just gay curious ... or new to gay


    Perhaps I haven't met the right guy, that is true. But even if the guy was or wasn't right for me, what the hell is with these dudes not even knowing how to give, what they get???

    In all honesty...the point you made about them being in fact straight, and just curious; had crossed my mind countless times. Even when they assure me they are Gay, their whole demeanor and actions indicate otherwise.
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    May 30, 2014 6:39 AM GMT
    Curtster said
    AMoonHawk saidYou just haven't met the right guy yet ... then again, some guys need a little alcohol to warm up ... maybe the guys you are going out with are straight and just gay curious ... or new to gay


    Perhaps I haven't met the right guy, that is true. But even if the guy was or wasn't right for me, what the hell is with these dudes not even knowing how to give, what they get???

    In all honesty...the point you made about them being in fact straight, and just curious; had crossed my mind countless times. Even when they assure me they are Gay, their whole demeanor and actions indicate otherwise.


    "Bi- curious" guys are much less fun to sleep with than you think to begin with
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    May 30, 2014 10:35 AM GMT
    They are either tops who do not understand that a good top has to please his bottom too or tops who are bisexual.

    But thinking about it, when it comes to intimacy, i always like to cuddle my guys post sex. Kiss them softly and stuff. But TBF, most bottoms develop an emotional attachment if i do that. Most of the times, I do not want that.

    Also , sexually, I do not blow much and forget abt rimming. Diff Tops have diff inclinations.

    I guess the guys that you found on dates want to just fuck and leave and def are not looking for any romantic partnership.
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    May 30, 2014 12:11 PM GMT
    Yea, I kinda agree with the guy above. Looking back I realized that if a guy wants to be intimate with you, he will be. And OP maybe you're just moving a little too fast? and maybe you're making yourself just a little too available when it comes to sex and stuff like that. A guy is more willing to reciprocate the feelings if he respects the guy he is with.
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    May 30, 2014 12:17 PM GMT
    Ohno said
    Curtster said
    AMoonHawk saidYou just haven't met the right guy yet ... then again, some guys need a little alcohol to warm up ... maybe the guys you are going out with are straight and just gay curious ... or new to gay


    Perhaps I haven't met the right guy, that is true. But even if the guy was or wasn't right for me, what the hell is with these dudes not even knowing how to give, what they get???

    In all honesty...the point you made about them being in fact straight, and just curious; had crossed my mind countless times. Even when they assure me they are Gay, their whole demeanor and actions indicate otherwise.


    "Bi- curious" guys are much less fun to sleep with than you think to begin with


    I wouldn't ever sleep with a Bi-Curious guy! And if I have, then it's purely because I was lied to by the guy.
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    May 30, 2014 12:23 PM GMT
    Python_ds saidThey are either tops who do not understand that a good top has to please his bottom too or tops who are bisexual.

    But thinking about it, when it comes to intimacy, i always like to cuddle my guys post sex. Kiss them softly and stuff. But TBF, most bottoms develop an emotional attachment if i do that. Most of the times, I do not want that.

    Also , sexually, I do not blow much and forget abt rimming. Diff Tops have diff inclinations.

    I guess the guys that you found on dates want to just fuck and leave and def are not looking for any romantic partnership.


    I wasn't necessarily talking about guys who are Tops. I was just talking about guys full stop, who give me experiences such as what I described.

    What you wrote about Tops being somewhat inexperienced in pleasing both themselves, and the other guy; I fully agree with. I think that guys who are Tops, seem to only hyperfoucs on their own pleasure; instead of making it a mutually enjoyable experience.

    I do think you are very right about the guys whom I have dated, only being interested in having sex, and sex only!

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    May 30, 2014 12:30 PM GMT
    Varus saidYea, I kinda agree with the guy above. Looking back I realized that if a guy wants to be intimate with you, he will be. And OP maybe you're just moving a little too fast? and maybe you're making yourself just a little too available when it comes to sex and stuff like that. A guy is more willing to reciprocate the feelings if he respects the guy he is with.


    And wait a million years???? How do you determine whether a guy wants to be intimate with you, if most tell you bullshit, and then surprise you with a forceful hinting into getting down???

    If I was moving fast, wouldn't I be the one wanting to have sex so extremely badly?? And how am I making myself available by simply going about the process of getting to know the guy, and dating him?

    In essence, you are saying that I am the reason that they want to have sex, because I am way too easy with giving it up; therefore they don't respect me to be intimate with??

    Please correct me if I am wrong.
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    May 30, 2014 1:12 PM GMT
    Curtster said
    Varus saidYea, I kinda agree with the guy above. Looking back I realized that if a guy wants to be intimate with you, he will be. And OP maybe you're just moving a little too fast? and maybe you're making yourself just a little too available when it comes to sex and stuff like that. A guy is more willing to reciprocate the feelings if he respects the guy he is with.


    And wait a million years???? How do you determine whether a guy wants to be intimate with you, if most tell you bullshit, and then surprise you with a forceful hinting into getting down???

    If I was moving fast, wouldn't I be the one wanting to have sex so extremely badly?? And how am I making myself available by simply going about the process of getting to know the guy, and dating him?

    In essence, you are saying that I am the reason that they want to have sex, because I am way too easy with giving it up; therefore they don't respect me to be intimate with??

    Please correct me if I am wrong.


    you mentioned sex. How long do you really wait until you have sex with the guy? dating is getting to know someone.


    YEA

    you can take the 2 cents or leave it, clearly whatever you're doing isn't working, and retaliating especially to someone who is trying to help clearly shows me why anyone would want to be intimate with you. Yea good luck with that.
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    May 30, 2014 2:26 PM GMT
    Curtster said
    Have any of you guys experienced the same treatment with guys you've dated, or even with relationships you've had??

    Yes. Some guys are as romantic as a block of wood. Women have this complaint about straight men all the time, it's more a male issue than a gay issue.

    A lot of men aren't into the intimacies you mention, gay or straight. Or they may be when you first date them, you think you've got a keeper, and 6 month later he's acting like your brother, not your lover.

    All I can say is keep searching, because these guys you want do exist. It also helps if you can find a guy who's really turned on to you. Maybe these other guys haven't been that into you.
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    May 30, 2014 4:35 PM GMT
    Good post OP
    and yes...careful what you wish for, as a lot of hyper-masc guys are exactly as you describe, gay or straight.
    I venture they learn this from their roll models, but can only assume this from my limited experience.
    It does; however go both ways. I have been with men that refused reciprocation, seeing it as feminizing.
    -Something, that almost broke me and mine up early in our relationship.
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    May 31, 2014 5:44 AM GMT
    Varus said
    Curtster said
    Varus saidYea, I kinda agree with the guy above. Looking back I realized that if a guy wants to be intimate with you, he will be. And OP maybe you're just moving a little too fast? and maybe you're making yourself just a little too available when it comes to sex and stuff like that. A guy is more willing to reciprocate the feelings if he respects the guy he is with.


    And wait a million years???? How do you determine whether a guy wants to be intimate with you, if most tell you bullshit, and then surprise you with a forceful hinting into getting down???

    If I was moving fast, wouldn't I be the one wanting to have sex so extremely badly?? And how am I making myself available by simply going about the process of getting to know the guy, and dating him?

    In essence, you are saying that I am the reason that they want to have sex, because I am way too easy with giving it up; therefore they don't respect me to be intimate with??

    Please correct me if I am wrong.


    you mentioned sex. How long do you really wait until you have sex with the guy? dating is getting to know someone.


    YEA

    you can take the 2 cents or leave it, clearly whatever you're doing isn't working, and retaliating especially to someone who is trying to help clearly shows me why anyone would want to be intimate with you. Yea good luck with that.


    Commenting back in reply to your post, is not retaliating. It's called interacting. And, if you were reading the entire Original Post correctly, I mentioned that I had sex with only one of the guys. I dated him for five months; before anything of a sexual nature occurred. I am fully aware of what "Dating" is about. And CLEARLY yes, whatever I am doing is not yielding the results I desire, hence why I created this Thread in the first place to discuss the Topic with RealJock Members. And I have already taken your input into consideration but I wanted clarification on a few of your points. So, if anyone is retaliating in a negative way, it's in fact yourself. And, to state in your reply that it's now clear to you why no guy would want to be intimate with me; is completely a retaliating swipe at me!
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    May 31, 2014 5:53 AM GMT
    Art_Deco said
    Curtster said
    Have any of you guys experienced the same treatment with guys you've dated, or even with relationships you've had??

    Yes. Some guys are as romantic as a block of wood. Women have this complaint about straight men all the time, it's more a male issue than a gay issue.

    A lot of men aren't into the intimacies you mention, gay or straight. Or they may be when you first date them, you think you've got a keeper, and 6 month later he's acting like your brother, not your lover.

    All I can say is keep searching, because these guys you want do exist. It also helps if you can find a guy who's really turned on to you. Maybe these other guys haven't been that into you.


    Mmmmmm, I couldn't agree more with all you wrote! Thank-you very much for your wise advice and input. The point you made about it not being a "Gay" issue, but a "Male" issue; is especially true!

    I will continue searching, and based on a few things that I have noticed on these dates, reflecting back; is that they didn't exhibit enthusiastic signs of being "into me".
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    May 31, 2014 6:01 AM GMT
    dustin_K_tx saidGood post OP
    and yes...careful what you wish for, as a lot of hyper-masc guys are exactly as you describe, gay or straight.
    I venture they learn this from their roll models, but can only assume this from my limited experience.
    It does; however go both ways. I have been with men that refused reciprocation, seeing it as feminizing.
    -Something, that almost broke me and mine up early in our relationship.


    Thank-you!

    OMG The whole: "this is feminine to reciprocate mindset, I am sure these guys have convinced themselves of; is so true!
    And, as you pointed out, this behaviour is obviously learnt behaviour from their role models most likely. I do agree with that too.

    I am so sorry that the lack of reciprocating in your relationship, almost created a breakup to occur! I am glad whatever you did to counteract this from happening in your relationship, worked! icon_biggrin.gif
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    May 31, 2014 9:10 AM GMT
    Selfish is as selfish does?
  • MikemikeMike

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    May 31, 2014 9:29 AM GMT
    Nope.
    Pick quality over quantity..works every time!
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    Jun 01, 2014 9:05 AM GMT
    Snaz saidSelfish is as selfish does?


    SO VERY TRUE. You can't be more simple than that! Seems like there is a prevalent rising of selfish men, compared to a prevalent rising of unselfish men! SAD.
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    Jun 01, 2014 9:06 AM GMT
    MikemikeMike saidNope.
    Pick quality over quantity..works every time!


    I intend to, from now on! Thank-you for your comment! icon_smile.gif
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    Jun 01, 2014 9:14 AM GMT
    The last guy I went on a date with, he went a little overkill. He was like, let's have Chinese food. I was fine with that, then he was like let's get a Latte/Starbuck and then he proposed a midnite movie on a Thursday night. I was like **Um, sorry, I'm tired dude. Maybe next time, Surprised, I didn't call or text back. I wasn't that into him after the date.

    If I like the guy and the date is going well, I'm not going to get bored or lazy on him. lOl
  • LEANDRO_NJ

    Posts: 1116

    Jun 01, 2014 11:01 AM GMT

    I am exactly the same way when it comes to intimacy! it isn't all about the actual sex, as a a matter of fact I get turned off and easily bored if it is about about that. Having said that when dating a guy I make sure we both share common interests on things we both feel strongly about. I love the outdoors, animals, and consider myself a highly spiritual/non-religious person, as I am also a very sexual person, and my current boyfriend shares all those interests. I met him through a local hiking club.

    Our lives doesn't just revolve around sex though! my boyfriend and I find new and interesting things about each other everyday, and that adds a stronger emotional and sexual bond in our relationship. To the OP, please don't make the mistake in making sex the only venue for intimacy in your relationships, because you will be largely disappointed later on.
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    Jun 11, 2014 9:04 PM GMT
    LAXWill10 saidThe last guy I went on a date with, he went a little overkill. He was like, let's have Chinese food. I was fine with that, then he was like let's get a Latte/Starbuck and then he proposed a midnite movie on a Thursday night. I was like **Um, sorry, I'm tired dude. Maybe next time, Surprised, I didn't call or text back. I wasn't that into him after the date.

    If I like the guy and the date is going well, I'm not going to get bored or lazy on him. lOl


    It's understandable that you were tired, but I guess he was just really keen in seeing more of you sooner; because he was really into you. I agree that guys who go overkill on dates with wanting to engage in a lot of activities, should be politely told to reign in it a bit with subtle but obvious hints. It's definitely a balance that needs to be properly exercised.
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    Jun 11, 2014 9:08 PM GMT
    LEANDRO_NJ said
    I am exactly the same way when it comes to intimacy! it isn't all about the actual sex, as a a matter of fact I get turned off and easily bored if it is about about that. Having said that when dating a guy I make sure we both share common interests on things we both feel strongly about. I love the outdoors, animals, and consider myself a highly spiritual/non-religious person, as I am also a very sexual person, and my current boyfriend shares all those interests. I met him through a local hiking club.

    Our lives doesn't just revolve around sex though! my boyfriend and I find new and interesting things about each other everyday, and that adds a stronger emotional and sexual bond in our relationship. To the OP, please don't make the mistake in making sex the only venue for intimacy in your relationships, because you will be largely disappointed later on.


    Thank-you for sharing all of the above to my Thread! icon_smile.gif

    I certainly don't make sex the focal point in anything, and never would. I am just expressing the need to provide that after Dating has taken it's toll for a good amount of time. And, that gift of sex was only extended to one guy only. The guy I mentioned in a previous post, in which we Dated for five months.
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    Jun 11, 2014 9:56 PM GMT
    Curtster saidPerhaps I haven't met the right guy, that is true. But even if the guy was or wasn't right for me, what the hell is with these dudes not even knowing how to give, what they get???


    All dates start out as a negotiation; both men are thinking "What can this person do for me?", when they should be thinking "What can we do for each other?". If this mentality of both sides doesn't change from the former to the latter by the end of the date, you more than likely have not met your match.

    It's all about the vibes. The way he looks at you, the questions he asks you, the way he speaks of himself, etc. Getting a man isn't as simple as throwing yourself at him; it doesn't matter what you're willing to do for him in bed - as a matter of fact, if anything it's more than likely putting out and going above and beyond early is a good way to flag yourself as a thrilling booty call. You have to make the guy want to give himself to you. If you've given yourself to him too fast, you've ensured him that he's won the game without hardly any sacrifice and that he can have as much of you whenever he wants. You really have to establish your wants, needs and expectations before you start giving yourself out like candy. This really isn't dependent on how long you've been dating, but how you've been dating.

    You could make the argument that guys are lazy and entitled on dates based off on geographic location and that could be perfectly legitimate; I haven't been to Sydney and I'm not sure which hometown you are referring to. However, I'd like to think that the dating dynamics that I've mentioned could be universal, if not completely, at least somewhat.

    As far as my personal experiences go, I've had my good dates and my bad ones - similiar to the ones that you've described and also ones that were quite the opposite.