How did you come out? If at all.

  • NeweraLB

    Posts: 42

    May 31, 2014 6:17 AM GMT
    My dad overheard me talking to my friend about something personal when I was a senior in high school a couple years back. When I saw him he acted very strange so my heart dropped and new he must've overheard me. Sane with my sister I think she read some text message and saw pictures that were sent to me. That was a while ago and to this day they still don't even bring it up. My dad is kinda bigoted and still insults gay people around me and talked about my lesbian friend. W
  • NeweraLB

    Posts: 42

    May 31, 2014 6:21 AM GMT
    continuing, so I don't know if they're in denial or what but I mean I feel like they don't know or forgot about it so i'm not sure.
  • NeweraLB

    Posts: 42

    May 31, 2014 6:24 AM GMT
    To sum the rest up did anyone have a similar situation happen and if so how did you deal with it later when you "came out"?
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    May 31, 2014 6:26 AM GMT
    I came out to my mom first. Then my dad and my brother.
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    May 31, 2014 6:33 AM GMT
    My experience
    when they insult or make derogatory statements they do it because they have an idea already and want to make sure you know they don't want to know.

    I didn't come out, out, like Thanksgiving at the ChinaStar.
    Navy bf ran up a cosigned credit card was mom's first clue.
    Baby sister was the first to ask after I'd disaper for weeks at a time "camping".
    and by camping I mean Wyndham Hotels.
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    May 31, 2014 6:36 AM GMT
    I told my Mom when she was senile. Is that wrong?
  • MarkW1

    Posts: 118

    May 31, 2014 8:05 AM GMT
    To family and closer friends - told them and kinda found some stuff in the room when I was younger icon_redface.gif

    To everyone else I announced it on FB, wanted my sexuality to no longer be a secret to anyone. The response was overwhelming in a very positive way. It spread round afterwards so others found out, shocked many. But still no negative responses so far
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    May 31, 2014 9:55 AM GMT
    The fact that your dad is against homosexuals is something that seems like a disadvantage, but at the same time it's a chance to cure someone of homophobia. A lot of people are against differently oriented people because they don't know any of them personally. You have the chance to prove him that there's nothing wrong about it. Go and do it.
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    May 31, 2014 11:25 AM GMT
    As for me... At that time I was in a huge stage of depression, so I just said fuck it this is me, there. First my brother, then my mom, then my dad, the rest just followed so whatever. If I think back, it was a huge weight off myself and I'm happy now.now - just need that boyfriend, he he ;)
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    May 31, 2014 11:31 AM GMT
    I had been in depression and still am and well.... i broke down in tears and told my parents and they hugged me icon_smile.gif
  • creature

    Posts: 5197

    May 31, 2014 12:11 PM GMT
    My parents discovered my porn stash. I think it was easier that way.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    May 31, 2014 1:10 PM GMT
    To the OP: I find your Dad's behavior really outrageous considering he probably either knows, or suspects you may be gay. The idea he's making bigoted comments about friends of yours is bad enough, but I think it is simply a way to try and manipulate your perceptions and behavior.

    When you are financially able to do so on your own, I'd talk about the fact you're gay. What's worse than family members who remain "hush hush" about something like this. I say make it a topic of open discussion (when it is possible for you), no more closet bullshit.

    For me, I really didn't accept myself until I was about 30 and I would call my "coming out" sort of a "slow door pull" open (and that isn't unusual), meaning that you fully accept being gay, but I tend to share it with those with whom it matters. I'm a professional person and making my sexuality a topic with clients makes no sense and would be unprofessional in my view. I don't spend a lot of time talking about it either. It is one facet of who I am, there are many.
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    May 31, 2014 1:16 PM GMT
    I just told them. That was all.
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    May 31, 2014 1:21 PM GMT
    Well, I come froma Chrsitian family, and it was an absolute car-crash. My brothers knew first, but didn't say anything about it, they don't care and doesn't like to talk about it. My mom was outraged andsaid me horrible things, like making a deal with someone to beat me up. My dad was more calm, but still dissapointed that his first son was gay, and talked to me more, but still he disagrees and is never going to accept it. My aunt, knew I was in a bad mode, so she said she was proud of me but, she said that with truth out, i should not be it anymore. The week was harsh, I guess I didn't prepare myself psychologically to a negative response. My best girl told me that I could go and live with her if that happened, but still, I had to be in home. The subject these days is not talked, last time they talked about it, my mom (she is at US for a while) talked with my dad about it, he said that everything was normal, that I always were who I am, but my mom told him to always talk to me about it, but he can't because I don't let him, it is too emotionally stressfull for all. icon_neutral.gif

    BTW, they discovered Im gay via my FB and in father's day :p.
  • theob

    Posts: 64

    May 31, 2014 2:39 PM GMT
    Just because you have overheard your parents say homophobic things doesn't mean that they really feel that way about gay people or you. I heard all sorts of negative stereotypical things from my parents before I came out. It doesn't mean that when you do come out, they'll treat you any less well than they did beforehand.

    Mine accepted me. They even gave me relationship advice not two weeks after it happened. I would never have expected that, having heard some of the things that once came out of their mouths.

    That said, if you aren't totally financially independent right now, you may want to consider waiting until you are to tell them. You never know how some people will react. I'm super hesitant to tell people to just go for it when it could result in them being kicked to curb and spending the next few months trying to figure out how to eat.
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    May 31, 2014 2:45 PM GMT
    I didn't.

    Strange family.
  • Bunjamon

    Posts: 3161

    May 31, 2014 3:44 PM GMT
    I told my first friend when I was probably 14. I wrote it down on a piece of paper and gave it to her.

    I told my parents and my sister not long after that. My sister and I were taking a trip to Hungary to visit a friend of ours who lived there and I thought about the plane crashing (not morbid at all!) and my parents finding out from reading my journal or going through my things. I wanted to be able to tell them on my terms, but I had trouble finding the words. So like with the first friend I told, I wrote them letters and put them on their pillows. The next day, we talked about it and then it was like nothing had changed. I consider myself lucky in that respect.
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    May 31, 2014 3:55 PM GMT
    The fact that my dad's brother was gay and out for 10 years made it easy for me to announced them i was as much attracted to men and girls .
    Any how , my parents are very open minded and i admire that in them , my mum's motto was : "as long someone isn't by his actions hurting someone else , he/she can do anything he/she wants "
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    May 31, 2014 5:00 PM GMT
    So far I've told some friends and one of my many brothers.
    Reactions have ranged from "love the sinner, hate the sin", to "yeah! I'm so proud of you!!" to "duh! About time you realized it!"
    I'm a late bloomer.
    Didn't admit to myself that I liked men till 25, had my first sexual experience with a guy at 28, finally admitted to myself that I was gay at 32.
    Like I said, late bloomer! I grew up in a very religious family and had this deep seated assumption that I needed a wife to have a family. I honestly didn't even know i believed that! I started seeing this guy with a baby girl. Seeing him with her made me realize I could have a husband and still have kids! icon_cool.gif
    Speaking of, I'm babysitting while he works and the baby is waking up. :-)
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    May 31, 2014 6:10 PM GMT
    When your family & friends don't see you dating or talking about women, they might begin to wonder. I was raised by grandparents (enlightened, kind, loving, well educated and not all that old). They'd mention certain girls who were the daughters or granddaughters of their friends - to gauge my interest. When there wasn't much interest on my part, I'm sure they began to suspect. My grandparents had a number of friends who were gay and those were some good, quality role models who were accomplished, admirable people. So that made it easy for me to declare my sexuality when - one day, my grandfather asked me in a casual, offhanded way - "Are you one of the boys, G?" (Probably a World War II phrase for gay guys). The other phrase from their era was this one: "He's just not the marrying kind".

    Anyway - my coming out was easy, thanks to a good number of older, sophisticated, well educated gay people my family knew. My friends were fine with my sexuality. Good friends like and accept us as we are. Any 'friends' who start trouble or give you crap about this are really not friends at all. Best thing is to let that kind of 'friends' go. Sweep your life clean of people who don't bring you any happiness.
  • rrrazorsharp

    Posts: 30

    May 31, 2014 6:12 PM GMT
    I grew up in a small hick town, where gay was not something that "existed". Extremely homophobic atmosphere growing up, so I pushed my sexuality aside. Finally accepted it at the start of my second year of college, and told a few close friends. Then when I flew home for christmas break told my family. My dad acknowledged it, but did not accept it. My mom and sister freaked out. It took a week or so for my dad/sis to be ok, my mom longer.

    It was a process for my parents, I sent them some reading material to help them go through the emotions they were feeling and my dad later told me it helped alot. You have to remember that as much as this is about you, in the moment they are thinking about themselves.....it just takes time. Now, at a point where they have told all my extended family and things couldn't be better between us. The conversation has shifted from, "Why don't you have a girlfriend yet?" to "Why don't you have a boyfriend yet?"lol.

    Friends back home were super accepting as well, and never faced any issues going home. It just came down to that they have known me their whole life, they like the person I am and I've always been gay, so it doesn't change anything. It forced them to examine their perceptions and adjust accordingly. Plus they said if I ever have issue with someone, to tell them because they would "take care of it". Last summer when I went home I was at the bar and a couple guys (losers in high school) where mouthing of to me and one started to say faggot. Friend near me otherheard, walked over and said, "Finish the fucking sentence. I dare you." Guy ran with his tail between his legs haha.
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    May 31, 2014 7:30 PM GMT
    I take a need-to-know approach,and most people don't fit into that category.
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    May 31, 2014 7:41 PM GMT
    My brother went on my computer and yea....
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    May 31, 2014 7:49 PM GMT
    My parents came home from church early and walked in on me and my bf in bed together. Oops...
  • waccamatt

    Posts: 1918

    May 31, 2014 7:50 PM GMT
    I came out to most of my family my senior year in college. My dad found out from a letter to the editor I wrote. icon_smile.gif