Moving to Nashville .... tell me it's going to be OK!

  • dj10001dj

    Posts: 21

    May 31, 2014 8:41 PM GMT
    Haven't been on here in a while ... even forgot my old username.

    Anyway wondering if you all have any tips/advice/experience with Nashville.

    Was super excited when a career opp opened up in Nashville. Thought I'd enjoy a change in pace, have heard awesome things about the city, and figured heck why not?!

    Well now that my move is coming closer, I'm starting to think ... what in the world have I done!? Right now I've lived in Chicago for 6 years and before that I lived in Los Angeles for 4 years. I'm realizing Nashville is going to be a huge, HUGE, change. I guess I relied on straight people's comments about Nasvhille and didn't pay enough attention to getting gay advice, haha.

    In terms of my personality (feel like I'm putting up a dating ad), I'm not a huge going out type of guy, but still like to be able to go out for a fun time maybe once a month. I'm a gym and sports nut. Have loved living on Lake Michigan and am always swimming/biking/running on the lake front. Before that I was always down at Santa Monica beach on the weekends.

    I know I'm just having buyer's remorse right now and sad to leave Chicago in the 3 months when we actually have good weather, but I've been reading the gay scene in Nasvhille is kinda lacking ... and what scene is there is kind of twinkly/non-athletic (I know ... gross generalization).

    Anyway, I'm done rambling. Can anyone convince me moving to Nashville is not going to be the end of the world and might actually be enjoyable?!
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    May 31, 2014 8:58 PM GMT
    Recognize and focus on its positive aspects.

    Years ago I lived in San Diego and loved it. My boss had moved there recently from San Francisco and he complained a lot about what a dud place it was compared to SF. To some extent he was correct but he'd have been happier if he'd focused on its positive aspects.
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    May 31, 2014 9:28 PM GMT
    You are doing too much comparing and contrasting. You're not going to know if you are truly going to enjoy Nashville until you move there and see what the city has to offer.
  • dj10001dj

    Posts: 21

    May 31, 2014 9:45 PM GMT
    Yes, I agree. Can anyone comment on the gay scene in nashville?
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    Jun 01, 2014 2:53 AM GMT
    My husband grew up in Nashville. It is really a happening place now. Lots of culture, restaurants, clubs. You'll do fine.

    If I can survive in Kentucky, Nashville is cake.
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    Jun 01, 2014 3:05 AM GMT
    dj10001dj said... Can anyone convince me moving to Nashville is not going to be the end of the world and might actually be enjoyable?!
    Yeah, if you're gullible enough to believe them.
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    Jun 01, 2014 4:55 AM GMT
    "Its going to be OK"

    icon_biggrin.gif

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    Jun 01, 2014 5:37 AM GMT
    you'll be okay
  • KissTheSky

    Posts: 1980

    Jun 01, 2014 5:46 AM GMT
    Can you visit there before you move? I would be very reluctant to move to place sight-unseen.
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    Jun 01, 2014 7:33 AM GMT
    Roomie lived there spoke positively of it
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    Jun 01, 2014 8:29 AM GMT
    My ex lives there now - I can tell you about his impressions, coming from Northeastern/Eastern Pennsylvania.

    You are definitely stepping into a new sub-culture; you are going into Southern USA. I can't really speak too heavily in comparison to the Mid-West, but expect a more conservative climate, as opposed to liberal/progressive. You being someone from the West/Mid-West might have a hard time "blending" in that regard; it may be difficult initially to find people with like-minded views (though, not impossible). There is a large Baptist-Christian influence yet and the politicians tend to be quite outwardly against LGBT community. If you're not very political or set in your ways, this may not be a problem at all.

    Because it is more conservative, attitudes aren't exactly gay-friendly - but they are gay-tolerant. Cities anywhere tend to attract people of more open-minded/progressive attitudes, so it depends on where in Nashville you'll be located for most of the time; the closer to downtown or East Nashville you get, the more gays/gay friendly attitudes you'll encounter. Ex says while he's out to most of the people that he associates with, it's not somewhere he feels 100% comfortable being 'out and proud' -- then again, he isn't exactly an 'out and proud' type of person to begin with.

    He says that for the size of the area, Nashville has a decently populating gay community, especially within the recent years. It's no New York, LA or Chicago, but there is an existing gay community within a few clubs/bars and a few other small businesses and areas. He says you definitely get the local southern-y types of guys as well as transplants from pretty much all over with eclectic tastes. You get your more masculine guys (expect a lot of closet-cases in this category) and your feminine/twinky/non-active types as everywhere. He says a lot of the guys there are into Botox and Facelifts - but I'm not entirely sure how accurate that is or to what extent he meant that.

    He says the weather is usually nice (must be a blessing after surviving 6 Chicago winters) and it is typically beautiful there. Very artsy with a big country/bluesy music scene. Very good restaurants. Downtown is very walkable but otherwise not so much; very poor public transit; plan on owning a car. He also noted that compared to PA, the police were very 'tough'; they 'don't play' - so that may be something to consider going to and coming from the bars.

    Overall, he is enjoying his move to Nashville, Tennessee after having been there for almost 4 years now. He has his likes/dislikes about the place but stresses you'll have those just about anywhere. The cost of living is very affordable there and it works for him.

    These impressions are just that; impressions, not the gospel, but hopefully they have provided some basic insight on what to expect.

    I wish you luck!
  • dj10001dj

    Posts: 21

    Jun 01, 2014 12:08 PM GMT
    Thanks so much for taking the time to write all this Rolfron.

    Anyone have tips on where to start meeting other guys? I know this seems like a dumb question, but in Chicago, there were gays everywhere ... sports teams, here on real jock, etc. Like I said, I'm not a big bar guy, but if that's what it takes then I'll do it. But any tips on where to start meeting the gays of Nashville haha. Preferably a 6"3' educated hot non-douchey masculine muscular guy .... haha only joking icon_smile.gif

  • roadbikeRob

    Posts: 14345

    Jun 01, 2014 1:05 PM GMT
    dj10001dj saidHaven't been on here in a while ... even forgot my old username.

    Anyway wondering if you all have any tips/advice/experience with Nashville.

    Was super excited when a career opp opened up in Nashville. Thought I'd enjoy a change in pace, have heard awesome things about the city, and figured heck why not?!

    Well now that my move is coming closer, I'm starting to think ... what in the world have I done!? Right now I've lived in Chicago for 6 years and before that I lived in Los Angeles for 4 years. I'm realizing Nashville is going to be a huge, HUGE, change. I guess I relied on straight people's comments about Nasvhille and didn't pay enough attention to getting gay advice, haha.

    In terms of my personality (feel like I'm putting up a dating ad), I'm not a huge going out type of guy, but still like to be able to go out for a fun time maybe once a month. I'm a gym and sports nut. Have loved living on Lake Michigan and am always swimming/biking/running on the lake front. Before that I was always down at Santa Monica beach on the weekends.

    I know I'm just having buyer's remorse right now and sad to leave Chicago in the 3 months when we actually have good weather, but I've been reading the gay scene in Nasvhille is kinda lacking ... and what scene is there is kind of twinkly/non-athletic (I know ... gross generalization).

    Anyway, I'm done rambling. Can anyone convince me moving to Nashville is not going to be the end of the world and might actually be enjoyable?!
    Nashville is going to be way smaller than both Los Angeles and Chicago. But good things and exciting things can come in small packages so don't let the smaller demographics discourage you. Nashville is a very beautiful southern city with a lot to see and do. It should easier on your pocketbook as well in terms of living expenses. It is a city of beautiful architecture and immense greenery. If you love Greek Revival architecture, than you are moving to the right city. It is also quite hilly. Don't let Nashville's religious landscape fool you, it is a very progressive city. One feature I like about Nashville is that it is a unified metropolitan government, no little jurisdictions and fragmentation of local services so that could factor in as being easier on your pocketbook in terms of local taxes. The music scene is not just country and western, there is live music for all tastes in Nashville. I have been told that the gay scene in Nashville is among the best in the South. Scenic mountain country is close by for a nice get away for a day. The only drawback I can recall about Nashville other than Tennessee's annoying shift to the right is the fact that it is an older city and the street pattern is rather haphazard. Streets change names and highway route numbers every two blocks or so. It can be confusing to get around Nashville at first. I have been told that summers can be very humid which doesn't surprise me given Nashville's southern location. However you will not have to contend with that pesky lake effect snow during the winter months like in Chicago and throughout the Great Lakes. They get winter cold snaps in Nashville but snow is quite rare. Unfortunately ice or freezing rain is common during their winter months. So there is really nothing to fear about Nashville, it is beautiful country and a vibrant, growing city. Embrace your move with optimism. Best of luck in Nashville.
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    Jun 01, 2014 2:21 PM GMT
    PROS:

    • People tend to be very friendly there, and although a very religious town, they don't seem terribly judgmental (at least outwardly.)

    • It's a pretty city and very clean. Lots of foothills and very green.

    • It has a decent amount of culture.....theater, art, plus some fairly good restaurants (although nothing comparable to Chicago.)

    • Big music scene. Mostly country and western, but a lot of rock bands record and play there too.

    • If you enjoy going out to see live music, you'll be in heaven. However if you're more of a DJ person, this could be a negative for you.


    CONS:

    • It's very spread out, so don't think for a second of going there without a car. You'll be miserable.

    • The gay scene. Where do I start here? The gay scene is....well....weird. Unlike some Southern cities like Atlanta and Dallas, Nashville gays tend to be pretty friendly, however the dating pool there is very sad. They don't seem to be into taking care of themselves as much as other cities and yet I've seen men wearing makeup and as someone mentioned above, obvious plastic surgery mishaps. It's like they're trying to keep themselves in shape via a scalpel. A lot of the gay men there act like Southern Belles (think Scarlet Ohara.) The gay bars seem to be almost exclusively regulars who practically live there. I always felt like everyone there knew each other, which isn't a bad thing I suppose but when you walk in the door, it feels like the music stops and everyone stares at you for a minute.

    • It's Conservative. Even when you meet people who look and dress otherwise, after talking to people, you quickly realize that Conservatism runs deep there. And so does Jesus. People will throw in Jesus or the Bible in the middle of a conversation as if they were talking about the weather and they assume you're a believer too.

    I've never lived in Nashville, so take my opinions with a grain of salt as they are just the opinions of a frequent visitor.
  • dj10001dj

    Posts: 21

    Jun 01, 2014 2:50 PM GMT
    Scruffypup saidPROS:



    • The gay scene. Where do I start here? The gay scene is....well....weird. Unlike some Southern cities like Atlanta and Dallas, Nashville gays tend to be pretty friendly, however the dating pool there is very sad. They don't seem to be into taking care of themselves as much as other cities and yet I've seen men wearing makeup and as someone mentioned above, obvious plastic surgery mishaps. It's like they're trying to keep themselves in shape via a scalpel. A lot of the gay men there act like Southern Belles (think Scarlet Ohara.) The gay bars seem to be almost exclusively regulars who practically live there. I always felt like everyone there knew each other, which isn't a bad thing I suppose but when you walk in the door, it feels like the music stops and everyone stares at you for a minute.



    This is the part that scares me. I know I need to go and see it for myself, but I just signed a contract that is going to keep me there for many years. I guess, I've been shocked at how bad people said the dating pool is ... exactly what you said that people don't really take care of themselves and that the "southern gents" usually escape to Atlanta or Miami etc. I know this is a broad generalization, but can anyone comment on the dating scene etc. that has lived in Nashville?
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    Jun 01, 2014 3:26 PM GMT
    dj10001dj said
    Scruffypup saidPROS:



    • The gay scene. Where do I start here? The gay scene is....well....weird. Unlike some Southern cities like Atlanta and Dallas, Nashville gays tend to be pretty friendly, however the dating pool there is very sad. They don't seem to be into taking care of themselves as much as other cities and yet I've seen men wearing makeup and as someone mentioned above, obvious plastic surgery mishaps. It's like they're trying to keep themselves in shape via a scalpel. A lot of the gay men there act like Southern Belles (think Scarlet Ohara.) The gay bars seem to be almost exclusively regulars who practically live there. I always felt like everyone there knew each other, which isn't a bad thing I suppose but when you walk in the door, it feels like the music stops and everyone stares at you for a minute.



    This is the part that scares me. I know I need to go and see it for myself, but I just signed a contract that is going to keep me there for many years. I guess, I've been shocked at how bad people said the dating pool is ... exactly what you said that people don't really take care of themselves and that the "southern gents" usually escape to Atlanta or Miami etc. I know this is a broad generalization, but can anyone comment on the dating scene etc. that has lived in Nashville?


    What I consider an ideal dating scene might be nightmarish for you and vice versa. Let me ask you.....what type of men do you normally go for?
  • dj10001dj

    Posts: 21

    Jun 02, 2014 12:46 PM GMT


    What I consider an ideal dating scene might be nightmarish for you and vice versa. Let me ask you.....what type of men do you normally go for?


    Usual type of men are non-bar non-scene guys. Guys that are comfortable with being gay but who don't go around advertising it. Masculine and athletic, guys that enjoy the outdoors, ambitious, oh and a 6-pac is a must (haha, just joking!). Obviously those are idealistic qualities and I realize that there isn't some fairytale guy out there, but the thing I've loved about Chicago (besides the city just being great) is that there are so many different types of guys.

    I guess I'm just going to be crazy busy with work and am not really into the bar scene. Here in Chicago, just through living on my block and going to dinners with friends and co-workers etc, I was able to meet some great guys and a couple bf's. I guess I'm going to have to be more proactive in Nashville
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    Jun 02, 2014 1:08 PM GMT
    I read your original post again. Here's my question: is this move for your career? You seem to be concerned about everything else in Nashville, except your job. If this is such an excellent career opp for you, then why don't you focus on that and see where it takes you. Once you've gained your experience, then move out of Nashville and relocate to a city where you don't have to worry about what it's lacking.
  • roadbikeRob

    Posts: 14345

    Jun 03, 2014 2:01 PM GMT
    Erik101 saidI read your original post again. Here's my question: is this move for your career? You seem to be concerned about everything else in Nashville, except your job. If this is such an excellent career opp for you, then why don't you focus on that and see where it takes you. Once you've gained your experience, then move out of Nashville and relocate to a city where you don't have to worry about what it's lacking.
    That is very good, sound advice. However the OP should try giving Nashville a chance before having all these fears about a dating scene which is unimportant at this point. There are many other more important features to a city or region than just the gay bar and gay dating scene. Give Nashville a chance before jumping to conclusions.
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    Jun 03, 2014 3:23 PM GMT
    dj10001dj said

    What I consider an ideal dating scene might be nightmarish for you and vice versa. Let me ask you.....what type of men do you normally go for?


    Usual type of men are non-bar non-scene guys. Guys that are comfortable with being gay but who don't go around advertising it. Masculine and athletic, guys that enjoy the outdoors, ambitious, oh and a 6-pac is a must (haha, just joking!). Obviously those are idealistic qualities and I realize that there isn't some fairytale guy out there, but the thing I've loved about Chicago (besides the city just being great) is that there are so many different types of guys.

    I guess I'm just going to be crazy busy with work and am not really into the bar scene. Here in Chicago, just through living on my block and going to dinners with friends and co-workers etc, I was able to meet some great guys and a couple bf's. I guess I'm going to have to be more proactive in Nashville


    Yikes. Yeah, I'm the same way, which is why I love living where I live. You can meet guys here without ever stepping foot in a gay bar. The only time I go to gay bars is when I travel. I can't say for sure that doesn't exist in Nashville but my feeling is it really doesn't on any large scale. I'm sure there are guys like that in all towns but I don't think it's common in Nashville. If you're that concerned about the social/dating aspect of your move, is it possible to postpone your trip until you can visit there a bit? That way you can form your own opinion.
  • dj10001dj

    Posts: 21

    Jun 06, 2014 5:14 AM GMT
    bump.

    any tips on where to meet guys other than the bars in Nashville.

    In chicago I met a ton of guys just from being out on the beach, IM dodgeball, and co-workers. I guess I didn't think the move through and now am regretting .....
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    Jun 06, 2014 9:44 AM GMT
    dj10001dj saidbump.

    any tips on where to meet guys other than the bars in Nashville.

    In chicago I met a ton of guys just from being out on the beach, IM dodgeball, and co-workers. I guess I didn't think the move through and now am regretting .....


    There's a gay restaurant there called Calypso Cafe and if I'm not mistaken they have several locations.

    There are also a couple of gay sports teams if you're athletically minded, however I have no real knowledge about them other than knowing they exist.

    • Gay Rugby - http://www.grizzliesrugby.org
    • Gay Basketball - http://nashville.ngbaus.com

    There is a music organization - http://www.nashvilleinharmony.org

    You might also get to know people through non profit organizations like the Equality Project - http://tnequalityproject.org

    It's not going to be as easy as you're used to for many reasons, but with some effort I'm sure you'll be able to meet some good guys.
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    Jun 15, 2014 10:37 AM GMT
    Are you going to live in Velocity in downtown? I remember it being built last time I was down there in 2008. It was well positioned and a very nice place it seemed.
  • dj10001dj

    Posts: 21

    Jun 17, 2014 4:17 PM GMT
    No not actually downtown. Ended up buying a house.
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    Jun 17, 2014 6:00 PM GMT
    dj10001dj saidNo not actually downtown. Ended up buying a house.


    icon_eek.gif You bought a house in the city you feared was a "mistake?"