Meet with a guy yesterday... learned a lot about myself.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 01, 2014 12:58 PM GMT
    Hey fellas,
    I wanted to share with you an experience I had yesterday in which I learned a lot about myself. I met with a guy from RealJock yesterday in order to explore my feelings and attractions to men. I have done hookups before and I promised myself this time would be different... and it was!

    In previous encounters I have indulged my muscle fetish which lead to more sexual things (I'll spare you the details here, but feel free to email me). This time I decided to engage something else I've longed for.... the longing for an embrace. So I asked the gentleman if I could just lay in chest while he hugged me. I grabbed his hands and wrapped his arms around me and just stayed there (I bet he thought I was crazy). But all i wanted to do was hold his hands and feel him hug and hold me. We were both clothed by the way. I didn't want it to end but our time was up and we had to part ways.

    It's unfortunate that he's married else I would consider something long term with him. I'm happy to say we didn't do anything that could compromise his marriage.

    I learned this about myself: I really am hungry for intimate, non sexual intimacy with a guy. I want for that guy to be strong and muscular and I want to feel safe in his arms. I wonder..... is this experience something I didn't get from my father that I'm trying to make up for now?

    At any rate, I decided that if there is a guy out there interested in something like this, I'd be willing to start a relationship.

    Just my thoughts. Thanks for reading the long post!
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Jun 01, 2014 1:15 PM GMT
    Glad to hear you are exploring variations in relationships and approaches with those you meet.
    So many great options out there, its all in how you approach it. Good job and don't hold back, keep it up!
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    Jun 01, 2014 1:28 PM GMT
    You're not alone. I crave that too. I think hugging and cuddling are much more satisfying for me emotionally. I never really crave for oral/anal sex but just touch and to be touched.
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    Jun 01, 2014 1:46 PM GMT
    there is a slim chance the married man is in the process of a divorce but if the man is married you will always fail. its a hook up not a date.
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    Jun 01, 2014 2:33 PM GMT
    pellaz saidthere is a slim chance the married man is in the process of a divorce but if the man is married you will always fail. its a hook up not a date.


    Agreed. I'm not going to be meeting with him again.

    But the idea of physical intimacy of a non sexual nature is so crazy attractive to me now.... I feel like I've found something I've been missing!
  • MikeW

    Posts: 6061

    Jun 01, 2014 2:43 PM GMT
    AusTxDude said
    pellaz saidthere is a slim chance the married man is in the process of a divorce but if the man is married you will always fail. its a hook up not a date.

    Agreed. I'm not going to be meeting with him again.

    But the idea of physical intimacy of a non sexual nature is so crazy attractive to me now.... I feel like I've found something I've been missing!

    Well, its not like we can't have both! I can't imagine a relationship without cuddling but, usually, sex is apart of it too. icon_wink.gif
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    Jun 01, 2014 2:44 PM GMT
    AusTxDude said
    But the idea of physical intimacy of a non sexual nature is so crazy attractive to me now.... I feel like I've found something I've been missing!

    Then you've been missing something most gay men experience. It's NOT all about sex. Though that's lovely, too, and you can have both, as I've always tried. One does not exclude the other, in fact they often compliment & enhance each other, the ideal situation in my view.

    I wouldn't try to relate your desire for intimacy as something dealing with your father, a kind of Oedipus thing. You seek intimacy with men because you're gay (I presume from your being here), and that's the normal thing for a gay man.

    That's all you need to think about, not your father or look for any other explanation. No more than we would question a straight man why he wants to be intimate with women. We're just being our natural gay selves; it's what DEFINES us as gay. OK?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 01, 2014 3:45 PM GMT
    MikeW said
    AusTxDude said
    pellaz saidthere is a slim chance the married man is in the process of a divorce but if the man is married you will always fail. its a hook up not a date.

    Agreed. I'm not going to be meeting with him again.

    But the idea of physical intimacy of a non sexual nature is so crazy attractive to me now.... I feel like I've found something I've been missing!

    Well, its not like we can't have both! I can't imagine a relationship without cuddling but, usually, sex is apart of it too. icon_wink.gif



    Yeah I hear ya... just not there yet myself. The emotional and physical intimacy of a non sexual nature is really what i'm after for the time being.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 01, 2014 3:55 PM GMT
    There is nothing better that holding or being held , there is a feeling of intimacy with each embrace .
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 01, 2014 4:06 PM GMT
    neffa saidThere is nothing better that holding or being held , there is a feeling of intimacy with each embrace .



    WELL SAID!!!!!!!!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 01, 2014 5:10 PM GMT
    I've met up with a lot of guys from RJ and I have yet to hookup with even one.

    I must be doing something wrong.
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    Jun 02, 2014 10:50 PM GMT
    GAMRican saidI've met up with a lot of guys from RJ and I have yet to hookup with even one.

    I must be doing something wrong.


    Nah, hookups are highly over rated man. Get to know the guy and see if something more happens. Much better icon_smile.gif
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    Jun 03, 2014 1:33 AM GMT
    Well, I'm glad you've realized that!

    To me, fucking a hot guy will always be hot, great, amazing, relieving etc. Sex and love/intimacy are two different things and as you'll learn, they often don't go hand-in-hand.

    However, there is something much more valuable about just laying contently with someone, just to pass the time or relax. If you hit it off with someone and find the right chemistry, you'll feel like you're in heaven. You'll feel out of touch the longer and further you are away from them and right back where you belong when you're right next to them. It really can be quite magical (not to sound super ghey, here, but honestly).

    AusTxDude saidI wonder..... is this experience something I didn't get from my father that I'm trying to make up for now?


    What are you saying, you've got some daddy issues!? If that's the case, get yourself a sugar daddy icon_lol.gif!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 03, 2014 2:59 AM GMT
    I get that. Sometimes I crave affection. Laying on a chest, hugging, just feeling the warmth of a man next to me.
  • LEANDRO_NJ

    Posts: 1114

    Jun 03, 2014 10:06 AM GMT
    Congratulations! you just experience a feeling of trust! non sexual physical contact is very rewarding, soothing, and even healing when one feels unloved, vulnerable, alone, misunderstood, down, bitter, and even angry.

    The act of hugging, cuddling, caressing, and even tender kisses without going all the way brings a sense of trust and safety. Trust is the first feeling one must explore and reassure one's self before going all the way.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 03, 2014 12:12 PM GMT
    Hey guys thanks so much for the encouragement!!! Now I just need to find mr right. lol
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    Jun 03, 2014 5:47 PM GMT
    AusTxDude said
    pellaz said


    But the idea of physical intimacy of a non sexual nature is so crazy attractive to me now....

    I think most long term relationships include that, and it's important to most. It's a side benefit of a sexual relationship. For example, I fall asleep every night with my arms wrapped around my partner, or vice versa.
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    Jun 03, 2014 9:14 PM GMT
    AusTxDude said

    I learned this about myself: I really am hungry for intimate, non sexual intimacy with a guy. I want for that guy to be strong and muscular and I want to feel safe in his arms. I wonder..... is this experience something I didn't get from my father that I'm trying to make up for now?

    I don't know. But Do women desire that because of a lack of a father figure? Not likely. Do straight men not wish to embraced by a woman with large breasts? Were they not breast-fed enough? icon_razz.gif
    Sometimes sex is a bit deeper than "Part A goes into slot B".
    If -just that- was stimulating for you, than maybe that's your view of sex. Consider that a moment.

    Personally I'd have no problem, if I really liked a guy, to just lie there with him if that's what he wanted to do instead of sex. If he wanted me to give and to never receive, that's actually fine too. I desire intimacy WAY more than sex. Making someone else feel good should make you feel even better, right?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 03, 2014 10:06 PM GMT
    LEANDRO_NJ saidCongratulations! you just experience a feeling of trust! non sexual physical contact is very rewarding, soothing, and even healing when one feels unloved, vulnerable, alone, misunderstood, down, bitter, and even angry.

    The act of hugging, cuddling, caressing, and even tender kisses without going all the way brings a sense of trust and safety. Trust is the first feeling one must explore and reassure one's self before going all the way.


    In AusTXdude's profile:
    "So now I find myself asking the question "is there a way that I can act on his desires in a God honoring fashion." So far I think I've gotten some guidance but it is incomplete."

    I've often heard in afterlife scenarios where they come back with the feeling of (Gods? but it seems universal) warmth and unconditional love in that tunnel to meet the spirit. Equally as you say "rewarding, soothing, and even healing" would fit also.

    Your father has little to do with it IMHO. Male intimacy, even for straight men is nothing new, certainly long before "bro-mance" was coined! It's a need most people have. If it has religious overtones for you, that's great! It can be a feeling of God's love, here on earth! Humans are sexual beings, that is also God's plan. So is being Gay, and you have to embrace that before you get mixed up with anyone. DON'T have sex outside of a relationship, I don't think it would work for you. Look for someone in Dignity or another Gay church group. Look for a kindred spirit...who works out!!!
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    Jun 03, 2014 10:52 PM GMT
    Rolfron saidTo me, fucking a hot guy will always be hot, great, amazing, relieving etc. Sex and love/intimacy are two different things and as you'll learn, they often don't go hand-in-hand.

    However, there is something much more valuable about just laying contently with someone, just to pass the time or relax. If you hit it off with someone and find the right chemistry, you'll feel like you're in heaven. You'll feel out of touch the longer and further you are away from them and right back where you belong when you're right next to them. It really can be quite magical (not to sound super ghey, here, but honestly).

    Not sounding gay at all! I think you're spot on with your comments. I also think that you need to 'whore yourself out' if you will, at least a little, to truly understand the difference between sex and intimacy. Sure, sex is fun, and it can be intimate but the intimacy goes well beyond the sex. It's that feeling when a guy walks up behind you when you're washing dishes and wraps his arm around you. That's the feeling that gives you hope, strength and a peace with the guy you're with. There is NO other feeling that's better, in my opinion.

    A good lesson, a well learned lesson. One that you can now embrace (no pun intended) and recognize and enjoy!
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    Jun 03, 2014 11:14 PM GMT
    I wish i knew how to meet a guy that I could be close friends with. Seems like most guys are afraid to show any signs of intimacy. Guess I feel like I'm forever searching and not really ever finding my best friend... at least it's been like that ever since college. Sucks...
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    Jun 04, 2014 12:47 AM GMT
    AusTxDude saidI wish i knew how to meet a guy that I could be close friends with. Seems like most guys are afraid to show any signs of intimacy. Guess I feel like I'm forever searching and not really ever finding my best friend... at least it's been like that ever since college. Sucks...


    It can be tomorrow or a lifetime. You may not find him in Austin or even Texas.

    It can't be that hard! I came out at the U of M in 1975! And Austin is a Gay friendly city. You're a smart guy, plan it like it was a school course. Do your research.

    http://www.unityhills.org/ministries/fellowship/

    http://gaychristians.meetup.com/cities/us/tx/austin/

    http://www.yelp.com/search?find_desc=gay+church&find_loc=Austin%2C+TX
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 04, 2014 3:47 AM GMT
    oh wow! I didn't know any of that stuff even existed! I guess I was hoping to bump into someone at the gym or any of my regular hangouts...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 04, 2014 4:02 AM GMT
    AusTxDude saidI wish i knew how to meet a guy that I could be close friends with. Seems like most guys are afraid to show any signs of intimacy. Guess I feel like I'm forever searching and not really ever finding my best friend... at least it's been like that ever since college. Sucks...

    I think it would be hard to find a 'close friend' to be intimate with without them feeling that it's more sexual. I think most of those types of relationships are based upon years of knowing each other and understanding that there will be no sex (no interest in that) but it's OK to be intimate (cuddling watching a movie or sleeping in the same bed while on vacation and spooning). Trying to develop that at a later age with someone new would probably just send a mixed signal to the other person.

    I think you could eventually find a partner that loved that kind of intimacy but as they say, you have to kiss a lot of frogs.....
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    Jun 04, 2014 4:03 AM GMT
    lol... well said icon_smile.gif