Islamic boyfriend and Ramadan

  • Camz03

    Posts: 91

    Jun 01, 2014 3:20 PM GMT
    My boyfriend is Islamic and the month of Ramadan is approaching. I don't have a very high sex drive so sex isn't really a problem for me (and our relationship is somewhat open...) but I was wondering if it was a problem for any other guys dating muslim guys?

    For muslim couples, what do you usually set as acceptable and what is off-limits between you and your partner during the month of Ramadan?

    My boyfriend said we might not even kiss during the month (he's still deciding how strictly he wants to adhere to it) and if he decides that.... then I think I might go a little bit crazy haha.

    Any ideas of how I can still be a good partner to him and support him with this? Besides giving up food and fasting with him... He's already been informed that will not be happening icon_lol.gif
  • creature

    Posts: 5197

    Jun 01, 2014 3:59 PM GMT
    I hope someone with experience in this kind of inter-faith relationship can help you. I have a limited view of this: my mom is Muslim and my dad is an atheist. My mom's side of the family actually has a couple of inter-faith relationships.

    I think what makes the relationship work, as far as the religious aspect is concerned, is that they made practicing their religion a private matter. There was never any expectation that the respective husband/wife/boyfriend should fast too to show support. This is why I'm glad you're not fasting with him—you don't need to. That's his religion, not yours.

    Now when you say that kissing is off-limits, is that only on the lips. What if you were to kiss him on his forehead. Or instead of kissing, what about a good strong hug? Would he allow that? Would that be enough of a substitute? Depending on how lax he's willing to go, this can give you two an opportunity to be creative with displays of physical intimacy.

    It's nice to see that you're trying to be very understanding. I hope all works well.

    And if he is making any samosas, tell him he can send them my way icon_wink.gif
  • Buddha

    Posts: 1767

    Jun 01, 2014 4:12 PM GMT
    I had no idea people couldn't have sex during Ramadan. When looking this up though, it seems it's only forbidden during the fasting? Meaning that once the sun goes down it shouldn't be a problem.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 01, 2014 4:27 PM GMT
    Ok as the resident MUSLIM I can tell you this.

    First off is he fasting? Fasting is when you go without ingesting any food substance/smoking or swallowing any liquid (including semen ;) ) . The timing of fasting is from the start of Dawn till the Dusk.

    If he is in fact fasting, then kissing may only be permissible when it out of affection. Same for cuddling. There must be no sexual contact between you an him or his fast will break. When I mean sexual contact, nothing that will gives him boner and no intercourse by any means. This includes pre cum leaks.

    If he breaks it, or rather you accidentally cause him to break it, he'll have to at least give a small amount of donation for chairty.

    You may only have sexual contact after the you have opened the fasting. If you do indeed have sexual contact. He must perform a ritual cleansing (a shower) before Dawn.


    Fasting is meant to abstain and purify from carnal pleasures. Its meant to reflect thoughts on the world around us. I know I am not a perfect Muslim and when I was younger I didn't quite follow it. Now if I did any debauchery if I was fasting I would feel very guilty!


    I am very happy to hear that you are supportive of your boyfriends faith and beliefs.

    If you have any other questions feel free to ask me!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 01, 2014 5:28 PM GMT
    It's very nice to know that you're supporting your partner, kudos!

    coming to the answer you're looking for, i think it would be more useful for you if you know what and why Muslims do Ramadan. Why fasting, why 30 days, why body cleansing etc. Etc.

    To me, inter religious relationships aren't much different from same religious relationships. Just like normal couples support each other; by each understanding the other's habits, background, likes, dislikes and giving respect and space to express their identity. Similarly it's same for you guys, but you guys have a bit more wider area to cover. And that's where I think you need to work on.

    I'll give much more in detail later...for a start I think this info will suffice for now, to think about.
  • Camz03

    Posts: 91

    Jun 01, 2014 9:01 PM GMT
    Buddha saidI had no idea people couldn't have sex during Ramadan. When looking this up though, it seems it's only forbidden during the fasting? Meaning that once the sun goes down it shouldn't be a problem.



    I thought so, too, but he said it's also a time of abstaining from worldly pleasures and luxuries; that it's about putting yourself in the shoes of the less-fortunate and stuff like that. So I have considered that we might not be able to do anything even after the fast is broken each day.

    I thought maybe I could get away with a nice hug and cuddling at least - that would sustain me, except now...
    Fivealive said
    ...

    If he is in fact fasting, then kissing may only be permissible when it out of affection. Same for cuddling. There must be no sexual contact between you an him or his fast will break. When I mean sexual contact, nothing that will gives him boner and no intercourse by any means. This includes pre cum leaks.

    If he breaks it, or rather you accidentally cause him to break it, he'll have to at least give a small amount of donation for chairty.

    You may only have sexual contact after the you have opened the fasting. If you do indeed have sexual contact. He must perform a ritual cleansing (a shower) before Dawn.
    ...

    Yeah... so I guess that might be difficult considering he says I make him hard easily, especially when we kiss, even though we're both not very sexual guys. But I like that I can kiss him out of affection icon_biggrin.gif I just have to make sure I don't stir any trouble downstairs hehe

    And yeah, he is fasting by the way.
  • Import

    Posts: 7190

    Jun 02, 2014 7:38 PM GMT
    lol, cute how he's gay and in a relationship with another man, which is strictly prohibited in Islam, yet he's all "omg, its ramadan, i need to participate or i'll be a bad muslim"


    fail
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    Jun 02, 2014 7:51 PM GMT
    Import saidlol, cute how he's gay and in a relationship with another man, which is strictly prohibited in Islam, yet he's all "omg, its ramadan, i need to participate or i'll be a bad muslim"


    fail


    Actually his reasons were, 'he said it's also a time of abstaining from worldly pleasures and luxuries; that it's about putting yourself in the shoes of the less-fortunate and stuff like that.'

    I take it you've met his BF, have you?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 02, 2014 8:07 PM GMT
    Import saidlol, cute how he's gay and in a relationship with another man, which is strictly prohibited in Islam, yet he's all "omg, its ramadan, i need to participate or i'll be a bad muslim"


    fail


    +1
  • Camz03

    Posts: 91

    Jun 03, 2014 10:03 AM GMT
    kevex said
    Import saidlol, cute how he's gay and in a relationship with another man, which is strictly prohibited in Islam, yet he's all "omg, its ramadan, i need to participate or i'll be a bad muslim"


    fail


    +1


    Guys, just because he understands a perspective of his religion that allows for him to engage with the loving partner of his choice does not mean that the other religious elements are stripped away or invalidated... Yoh, get a clue.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 03, 2014 10:42 AM GMT
    ^^^
    Well, I had a wise Jewish friend who told me that there's no sense trying to follow Jewish dietary restrictions if the kitchen ain't Kosher to begin with. When he was at my place, he ate whatever I ate.

    And this, erm, ain't exactly a Kosher kitchen. So why try to follow the restrictions???

    Why is it that gay men constantly try to create and enforce some bizzaro version of the very rules and restrictions that heterosexual society set up to subjugate and restrict sexuality??? I see this a lot in the whole gay dating arena.

    1. You struggled.
    2. You finally set yourself free.
    3. You turned tail and crawled right back into a bizzaro version of the same ugly little cage where society had you trapped 50 years ago.
  • Camz03

    Posts: 91

    Jun 04, 2014 4:03 PM GMT
    JDuderrr said^^^
    Well, I had a wise Jewish friend who told me that there's no sense trying to follow Jewish dietary restrictions if the kitchen ain't Kosher to begin with. When he was at my place, he ate whatever I ate.

    And this, erm, ain't exactly a Kosher kitchen. So why try to follow the restrictions???

    Why is it that gay men constantly try to create and enforce some bizzaro version of the very rules and restrictions that heterosexual society set up to subjugate and restrict sexuality??? I see this a lot in the whole gay dating arena.

    1. You struggled.
    2. You finally set yourself free.
    3. You turned tail and crawled right back into a bizzaro version of the same ugly little cage where society had you trapped 50 years ago.


    I hardly think that that is a fair comparison... In any sense, just because a follower of any religion does not follow the scripture perfectly, it does not mean that all religious practice should go out the window. Look at christianity: so many people disagree with the teachings of the bible and which prophets to believe that there are multiple sub-divisions of the entire religion.

    Just because he falls in love with guys and occasionally eats non-halaal meat when it would inconvenience someone terribly, doesn't mean he doesn't still believe in Allah and the importance of his religion. The same way a christian may 'sin' and go against their teachings, but are still able to abide, for the most part, by most of the teachings. They just ask for forgiveness.

    I've noticed a trend in many religious followers these days to become more accepting of a modern lifestyle despite it being unacceptable in the eyes of ancient scripture. Can we not even get started on what the bible says about slavery and women... The point is that culturally, things have changed, and religious followers have adapted to the modern social environment as well. Honestly, if most people followed religion 100% strictly then we'd have some very uncivilized and barbaric behaviour in terms of how we operate in today's day and age.

    I hardly think he's clinging to religious practices in order to fulfill some desperate desire to allign and maintain his social identity with dominant heteronormative culture. If you believe all religion in general "restricts and subjugates sexuality" then I'll agree with you there, but for the most part some people are grappling with the fact that they both have beliefs pertaining to events from many thousands of years ago and beliefs from modern culture today that they are trying to integrate and reconcile.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 04, 2014 4:41 PM GMT
    My grandmother, bless her soul has always told me that you can not change your nature but you can learn from what the Quran has to say. Its not meant to be a rule book. In fact the minimum as both my Grand Mother and Mother have mentioned countless of times is to just say your prayers at least five times a day.

    To be honest I've been very lax about it. But funny enough I've been getting signs that I should 'get back' on the horse

    All I want is to be good, find a man who loves me regardless of any inherit flaws I may have.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 04, 2014 5:48 PM GMT
    Still don't get it, OP. You created a thread asking what would be an acceptable way, under Islamic law and practice, to consummate something that Islamic law and practice strictly forbids; and you want to do this during the high holy time of their year??? And then YOU tell US, "Yoh, get a clue."???

    Qu'est ce que fuc, dude?

    You would prefer that the tenents of Islamic law be severable. If you want to help him pick and choose what restrictions to follow and basically make it up as he goes along, then you need to talk to HIM, not us; because at that point, he'll basically be heading up his own new religion and he's the one holding full creative rights.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 04, 2014 7:16 PM GMT
    ^^^
    Just tryin' to get some logical thought goin' here. Can't honestly say that I've had bad experience with religion. Check out the GoD and DoG video on my profile.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 04, 2014 7:54 PM GMT
    I know this is off topic and I'm in no way trying to be offensive, but I'm just fascinated by how you and your boyfriend manage to make things work bearing in mind the harsh Islamic sirah law & their regard of homosexuality ?

    Once again I'm just being curious, are you guys out in the open ? Is his family accepting ???
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 04, 2014 8:18 PM GMT
    Here's something to lighten this up a little, and provide some contrast and perspective. The following is a much loved fave of mine. All muslims are NOT the same, and I feel that too many look at them as a monolithic block of single thought instead of the individuals they are. Everyone with a faith applies it differently, and individually. Yes there are blocks of fanatics, but sometimes it's a good idea to see the trees instead of just a forest.



    It's written and directed by.....a Muslim.

    cheers!

    The world is wide and anything, anything, is possible.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 05, 2014 8:40 PM GMT
    Seriously mate ignore some of the hard core stances some guys have here. You already buddy listed me so you know I'll try to give an insider perspective.

    Plus people seem to forget that there a plenty of hardliner Christians and Jewish folks who reject same sex relationships.

    What matters the most is that the BOTH of you are giving each other the understanding and support.

    All the naysayers can kiss my booty! icon_lol.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 06, 2014 1:13 AM GMT
    Fivealive saidSeriously mate ignore some of the hard core stances some guys have here. You already buddy listed me so you know I'll try to give an insider perspective.

    Plus people seem to forget that there a plenty of hardliner Christians and Jewish folks who reject same sex relationships.

    What matters the most is that the BOTH of you are giving each other the understanding and support.

    All the naysayers can kiss my booty! icon_lol.gif

    Is it available for kissing by non-naysayers too?
  • Apparition

    Posts: 3529

    Jun 06, 2014 4:43 AM GMT
    in for a penny in for a pound...if you are going to be a gay muslim, you might as well delete ALL the rules about sex.

    and like they said, it is just daylight, you can fuck all night. Just face east.


    I used to work with muslims on night shift. They loved ramadan, it didnt affect them at all. They were sleeping throughout.