Another 'straight' guy question

  • Nayro

    Posts: 1825

    Jun 04, 2014 5:59 AM GMT
    Hiya,

    so since I moved to a new town (small) I have started to wonder about this. There is almost no gay life here and I remembered all of the stories the members who are a bit older and still lived in the times when it was less normal to be gay about that they have had 'straight' guys to have sex with them. Since this is a predominantly straight town I was wondering, how did that go back in the days? How did you feel the vibe that a guy was into you. We may just have become a bit too dependent on the gay apps at the moment, at least I am. If I don't see a guy I think is hot on grindr I just assume he's straight since that's easy and it won't set me up for rejection or even worse..

    So what are the 'signs', how do you approach a guy if you get the 'signs'. Teach a young grashopper! ;)I'm expecting at least some stories of Art_deco!! icon_smile.gif

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 04, 2014 6:03 AM GMT
    Wasn't there like a special handshake or something? icon_lol.gif
  • Nayro

    Posts: 1825

    Jun 04, 2014 6:06 AM GMT
    That may be a bit outdated, plus I don't shake everyones hand icon_razz.gif I've had guys look me in the eyes and smile while I walked past them but then again, that can just be a happy guy who likes to smile at others... It's a hard life :p
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 04, 2014 6:19 AM GMT
    I too would like to hear any stories of how it was done. You might ask Shawnathan - I believe he recently confessed to doing a straight guy.

    I don't know of any "signs," but I have heard of two scenarios (outside of military situations).
    1. You become known as the local fag, who will do anyone. Somehow, this doesn't sound like your style.
    2. You patiently get them really drunk, late in a bar, as it is getting late, where they have struck out at picking up a girl. Then offer them a ride home.
    There's always craigslist (or the Australian equivalent) in the men seeking men section of casual encounters (at least in California.) Incendiary will hate this, but stroking yourself in a gym sauna has been known to attract attention.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 04, 2014 11:40 AM GMT
    I came out in 1991, in a small town (population under 3000), over 50 miles from the nearest gay bar, which was frequently attacked by "fag bashers" while the cops turned a blind eye to it.

    Back then, and still today, the best way to "hook up" with a straight guy is to NOT hook up. You genuinely become friends over a period of time, hang out and each other's company, and let him know you're gay.

    Here's the tricky part: The more he feels uncomfortable with your sexuality, the more likely it is that he'll eventually admit having sexual feelings for you. Be patient and understanding with him and it'll eventually happen; but be careful too, because it could backfire and get you physically hurt if you try to push the issue. Let it be his decision.
  • Nayro

    Posts: 1825

    Jun 04, 2014 11:54 AM GMT
    I kind of hope guys have gotten a bit more comfortable with the idea of gays in the world in the last 23 years though.. But I guess thats true just need to take things slowly.. As they don't want to be caught..
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 04, 2014 1:14 PM GMT
    lol I'ved had two "straight" married guys icon_razz.gif
  • Nayro

    Posts: 1825

    Jun 05, 2014 3:21 AM GMT
    Where is art with his stories? icon_sad.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 05, 2014 6:34 AM GMT
    It is usually circumstantial. A longer stare than normal is always the key. Places like nude beaches, video arcades, parking lots. Also situations like riding 3 or 4 to a seat in an old pickup truck on the way up to go skiing can do it by closeness. That happened once for me. Lots of legs to rub up against.
  • Nayro

    Posts: 1825

    Jun 09, 2014 11:39 AM GMT
    In some ways the old days weren't so bad haha
  • MikeW

    Posts: 6061

    Jun 09, 2014 3:28 PM GMT
    Both HikerSkier and Paulflexes have pretty much nailed it.

    I grew up in the rural midwest. The thing you have to understand is the smaller the environment, the more 'everybody knows everybody'. Most of them grew up there. They know one another, they know one another's family, they know one another's family history. The women watch and gossip amongst themselves. The men do too, but tend to be more quiet about it. Due to these 'histories' there are always dynamics going on between them that you won't know anything about.

    You're still a 'stranger'. That has +s and -s. Some may want to get to know you. Others not until you've been there for years. I don't know how 'out' you are but once anyone knows you are gay, chances are good the word will spread. It may only be a 'rumor' but those have weight. One tends to be 'found guilty' first.

    Where I grew up (for example) it was an 'open secret' that the county prosecuting attorney was a homo. Now, he was deep in the closet. Had a fiancé, a lesbian who was (stereotypically) a high-school english teacher, his 'beard'. The women would often gossip about their relationship, "I wonder when Don and Wilma are going to get married?" He liked to pick up teenage boys and hitch-hikers. This eventually literally got him killed.

    I was back home visiting the folks not long after his murder and it was interesting to witness a conversation about it. My mother and sister were asking my nephew (a grown man a few years younger than me) about what had happened. My nephew basically laid it out that Don had been murdered by a stranger he'd picked up and brought home. They asked if anyone knew why and my nephew basically shrugged and said, no. BUT both he and I knew the truth. We'd talked about it. He'd picked up a guy and, although we don't know exactly what went on, we could pretty much guess. Don made advances, the guy went ballistic and murdered him.

    What interested me about this is that they "gay" word never came up… especially across the male/female line. A whole denial dynamic was in play there. MEN seldom talked about homosexuality AT ALL and certainly not to the women folk. *They* pretty much all knew far more than they would ever let on to them.

    Now, of course this was in the later 1970s so the whole social environment concerning "gays" has changed a lot since then. Nowadays TV and the internet make gay issues common topics of conversation… But the 'closeted' nature of man on man sex, *especially* regarding straight men in more rural environments, probably hasn't changed all that much. "Gays" are something that live in big cities, not the guy next door. But the straight men all know which public restrooms or parks to go to to get their cocks sucked by queers when or if the need arises. They may not all do that but they *all* know. The women folk, probably not so much.

    I have other stories like the 'Don' one, too, but this is already long enough. Just saying, small rural communities have a lot more going on than meets the eye. Tons more (men cheating on their wives is far more common than recognized). Chances are most of them aren't going to share any of that with a stranger. If there are straight men on the down low, better be sure they take the DL seriously. They have to know you can be trusted to keep your mouth shut *and* keep your emotional distance. Their local reputation depends on it.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 09, 2014 4:26 PM GMT
    One of my roommates is 21 years old and from a small town in the deep south. He told me of his younger days growing up there. He's straight, but used to get wasted on drugs and alcohol and "experimented" with his friends in order to get more drugs or booze.

    So, if you're so inclined to become an alcoholic and addict, then that might be one way to get laid.

    BTW, my roomy is straight. Now that he's gotten recovery and sobered up, he feels kinda awkward telling me about those experiences. I told him "damn dude, I wish I'd known you when we were both getting wasted." icon_lol.gif