Subtle flirting, is there such a thing?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 26, 2007 5:22 PM GMT
    What if this guy was just being nice...? how can one distinguish flirting from nice?
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    Sep 26, 2007 5:53 PM GMT
    Last night at the gym a guy followed me from the steamroom, to the shower, to the locker room, smiling and looking at my package all the way. Can't say I've seen subtle.
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    Sep 26, 2007 6:05 PM GMT
    or subtle stalking?icon_wink.gif that's kinda creepy.
  • iHavok

    Posts: 1477

    Sep 26, 2007 6:08 PM GMT
    I usually judge flirtation/politeness by trying to figure out someone's intent.

    A waiter will act like he's flirting if he wants a big tip, however if he says hi and chats with you when he sees you away from work, that could easily be a sign of something more.

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    Sep 26, 2007 6:50 PM GMT
    Well, for me, it's all about eye contact not just what they say or do. How long a guy looks at you and the way they look at you usually tells me what I need to know. I find that a guy that is interested looks at you just a tiny bit longer than he has to. Sometimes it's not even noticeable if you're not looking for it. I know it's also a dead give away for me when I want to let someone know I like them but don't want to say it.
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    Sep 26, 2007 10:58 PM GMT
    I would be obvious on my intent personally. I can't work my flood gates well enough to be so subtle. I can spot suttle though and i simply go over to them if i am interested and start talking to them about anything simply to make sure that i was right on him being interested. I used to be the guy who waited for someone to come to me and ask me out. But nobody ever seems to be ballsy enough to simply ask me out.
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    Sep 26, 2007 11:05 PM GMT
    Maybe we could get some T-shirts printed up that say something like, "weak gaydar: avoid subtlety!" Or maybe one could design a universal symbol that could be worn as jewelry. Or a tattoo.
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    Sep 26, 2007 11:11 PM GMT
    Brilliant idea mind garden. I frequent gay bars often enough to see the hidden message but i do tend to have terrible gaydar and there was even one time i was wrong on the persons gender. He was a she! WHAT?!
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    Sep 26, 2007 11:15 PM GMT
    LOL... that happened to me once too. She punched pretty hard - Ouch!

    I think my broken gaydar is probably merely a bad case of wishful thinking :-)
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11648

    Sep 27, 2007 10:54 AM GMT
    Subtle flirting is the best!!
    when you are talking to a guy about something completely different like what they saw at the democratic convention and he's smiling at you and standing a little closer than he should be...
    Hey that was last night!!icon_wink.gif
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    Sep 27, 2007 11:38 AM GMT
    Jeez, what is it with so many guys who are bad at flirting? Flirting is an art that has to be practiced. The more you practice, the better you will probably be.

    Modestly I am not bad at it, but my partner could charm the balls off a brass monkey. I have a friend who is incredible at it, he can walk into anyplace you can think of - he just exhudes confidence - and a half hour later he will inevitably walk out with the person he has targeted.

    Flirting behavior is even well documented; It can consist of conversation, body language, brief physical contact, strong eye contact, casual touches: such as gently touching a man's arm during conversation, smiling suggestively, flattery, etc

    One way to flirt is to communicate playfulness or irony. Subtle double entendres, with one meaning more formally appropriate and another more suggestive is cool.

    If you are really bad at flirting, or understanding the signals I have a suggestion for you:

    Go to a pickup bar with the biggest dawg you know and sit back and watch how he flirts, look for the clues he gives off, and incorporate them in your own behaviour...

    Truthfully though the biggest turn on for most men is a little bit of confidence, attitude, even cockiness...

    Think of it as being a salesperson, you are selling yourself; if you are not confident on your product, why would anyone want to buy it?

    If you sit there looking glum and 'poor, poor, pity poor me' then why should anyone want to approach you when they are looking for a bit of fun?
  • swimbikerun

    Posts: 2835

    Sep 28, 2007 7:25 PM GMT
    I sometimes tend to use more of the direct approach, thought I must admit it doesn't work often!
    But by direct I mean asking if he'd like to have lunch or if I could buy him a drink.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 29, 2007 5:26 AM GMT
    Yeah, but how to go about it if you're still not out... but are thinking about easing into the dating scene?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 29, 2007 7:34 AM GMT
    No lie: When someone makes a pass at me, I usually figure out what he's (or she's) getting at about two weeks later.
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    Sep 29, 2007 12:28 PM GMT
    I believe you, MG, because I'm the same way. I usually don't know someone is flirting or making a pass until someone points it out to me.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 29, 2007 1:27 PM GMT
    A nice, subtle (yet colorful) fan dance may provide for clandestine flirtation.

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    Sep 29, 2007 6:33 PM GMT
    i've always separated the two as this:

    being nice is smiling and saying hi, sometimes small talk

    Flirting involves touching, even if just a touch on the arm while you are talking


    that's my experience!
  • gymingit

    Posts: 156

    Sep 29, 2007 7:43 PM GMT
    I spend so much time in the gym now, the staff and owners are like my second family. Lately, I've been taking my lunch, eating there, hanging and chatting up front. Thursday this guy was walking up to the desk as he was leaving and as he came around we made eye contact. His eyes never left mine for at least a minute if not more. He even came over to my table, looked at what I was eating and commented on my meal. He had a ring on his finger, but still.... CUUUUUUUUUUUTE as everything. mmm mmm good.

    LANCE
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    Sep 29, 2007 10:31 PM GMT
    For me.. flirty is pretty easy.. you start the conversation you make eye contact and you try and have a good time doing whatever it is ur doing. Taking the imitative and trying to spend time or making time to be there when he is. A progression of getting closer I guess you could say.

    I don't think I ever was issued my gaydar.. course I can imagine that hottie over there is all over me.. doesn't make it so.

    As for those out there shy and mm can't get there ass up and their tongue to work to make a conversation well there are other things they do.. they get more nervous they get silly goofy or wow open the flood gates and prepare to be boarded.. the silent ones are always the most dangerous.

    At the end of the day... I guess I don't care if someone is flirting with me all that much. Its more about did I flirt with the guy I liked.. cause honestly if ur both flirting with each other umm you'll KNOW it.