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  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 07, 2014 10:58 AM GMT
    1 week ago my partner of 20 years told me he is having an affair. He moved in with him 3 days ago after changing his mind back and forth about who to be with.
    today he is picking up the last of his possessions from our home that we purchased and built together................................................................................................
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 07, 2014 12:10 PM GMT
    Sounds like you are going to get out of this easy. If you have been with someone for 20 years and they start having an affair and move in quickly, you have been spending 20 years with a shallow moron. Plus, you get the house. Win win.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 07, 2014 12:48 PM GMT
    sorry for how this must feel.
    be cool and let him go.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 07, 2014 2:19 PM GMT
    I guess, I think its a mid life thing
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 07, 2014 2:29 PM GMT
    S60turbo said I guess, I think its a mid life thing


    Kick his mid-life ass out the door. You will survive. Make sure you change that stupid lock, make sure you make him leave his key, if you know for just once second he'll back to bother me (you). Go on now, go. icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 07, 2014 2:35 PM GMT
    Always sad to hear stories like this.

    Everyone will want to tell you how you should feel and what you should do. Sadly, here is another know it all about to weigh in. icon_redface.gif

    The only thing I will advise is that you look for positive ways to move forward. By that I simply mean don't waste time looking for revenge, looking to place blame, or using drugs or alcohol excessively to escape.

    Give yourself some time to process but try to find one improvement project to focus on. Maybe more time at the gym, taking up a sport, joining a group, fixing up the house, anything that allows you to feel good about moving forward.

    It's going to hurt for a while, but I'm sure you will find your way through it.

    Good luck.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 07, 2014 2:42 PM GMT
    It sad to hear this, II'm sorry this happened.
    At least take comfort in knowing his new relationship will fail.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 07, 2014 2:52 PM GMT
    Sorry to hear what you have to go through. Hope you cope with it well.
  • MikeW

    Posts: 6061

    Jun 07, 2014 2:54 PM GMT
    Wow. Sorry to hear this. I know how painful and disconcerting things like this can be. Give yourself timeā€¦ and like someone said, find something positive to focus on. Fortunately we heal, it just takes time.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 07, 2014 2:56 PM GMT
    This is on par with a loved one dying. After 20 years, I'm sure it can be a very traumatic event and something you're not prepared to deal with. Hell, I had a complete melt down after my 8.5 year ended so I can only imagine what 20 must feel like. Regardless of the number of years, I would make an appointment with a good therapist ASAP. They can help you deal with all these overwhelming emotions and help steer you in the right direction.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 07, 2014 2:57 PM GMT
    That's terrible. icon_sad.gif
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4433

    Jun 07, 2014 3:17 PM GMT
    I cannot imagine how sick you must feel. Your best friend just punched you in the gut. I've been there. Cried like a baby. Do not feel any shame it letting it out to a close friend or relative. Do change the locks. Any return should be on your own terms. So sorry, man.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 07, 2014 3:38 PM GMT

    Sorry, man.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 07, 2014 7:10 PM GMT
    So sad. Sorry you are going through this. Feel your pain while it's there. Life will go on. Hope for you that there are better times in the future.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 07, 2014 7:15 PM GMT
    I'm very sorry to hear about this. Wishing better days for you ahead.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 07, 2014 7:23 PM GMT
    Sounds like counseling may be a good idea. That's a huge and sudden change.
  • jasian

    Posts: 21

    Jun 07, 2014 7:30 PM GMT
    I am so sorry to hear that. It must be hard going through this.

    If I were you, I will focus on myself. Exercise, read books, meditate, do things to improve myself. I would cry a few times, or many times, but I believe time will heal the wound.

    And don't lose trust. There are still tons of trustworthy people out there.

    Be patient. Hope everything will be OK.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 07, 2014 8:22 PM GMT
    i dont date no more i wanna be happy forever in my own way icon_smile.gif
  • BloodFlame

    Posts: 1768

    Jun 07, 2014 8:59 PM GMT
    I'm really sorry that happened...

    I wish you the best. You'll see, in time, things will get better and you'll find yourself someone new.

    Again, wish you the best...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 07, 2014 8:59 PM GMT
    WOW!!! I am so sorry. Must be such a traumatic event in your life. 20 years are like a lifetime in this culture.
    I really wish I had the words to make you feel a little better.
    But it is life, we must all carry on eventually.
    Cheers,
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 08, 2014 4:47 AM GMT
    Is the guy he has an affair with younger and prettier than you?
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Jun 08, 2014 5:16 AM GMT
    Sorry for your loss

    funny-gif-brain-punch.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 08, 2014 7:54 PM GMT
    so after the last two days of drinking and laying in bed I Got up today, cleaned, changed the sheets, Vacuumed did some manscaping and went to the gym, just about passed out with an anxiety attack but got through it.
    picked up a few groceries and did some more domestics.
    Going back to work tomorrow as I haven't been able to. Just the thought of going outside made me wanna pass out.
    Hopefully will here from the therapist this week as to when I can get in.
    That is all and thanks for the support.
  • LEANDRO_NJ

    Posts: 1114

    Jun 08, 2014 9:29 PM GMT
    I am deeply deeply sorry for the loss! there are a few things to keep in mind, and I hope it will help you get through this!?

    My dear friend of all the negative things that are hitting you like a brick right now, such as your partner's infidelity, indifference, financial burdens, anger, and so forth to just name a few...there is ONE single and positive thing no one can ever take away, and that is YOU! wait there is more...your sanity, loyalty, dedication, and good heart. Please, please don't let the negatives outweigh the positives! people like your ex are not worth one tear!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 09, 2014 1:49 AM GMT
    I can't; or rather, won't imagine it happening.
    Big HUGs
    You seam to be struck of guard...were there no signs?
    I'm not trying to pile on, mostly scared--20 years!