Being a big slut

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 07, 2014 5:58 PM GMT
    So after almost 12 years with one guy, I've gone from someone that could never have intentionally meaningless sex to only wanting that. Last night I hooked up with 3 different guys and didn't regret it at all.

    One guy I was "seeing" that I told I wanted nothing more than a FWB situation told me if I was going to sleep with the whole city he didnt even want to be my friend let alone FWB. Should I feel guilty? This happened with a 2nd guy as well that was really hurt because I told him I wouldn't date him and wanted to have sex with other people.

    I thought I'd be more ashamed but I'm not at all. But I do feel guilty when I feel like I've hurt someone's feelings but I always tell guys up front - I have zero interest in finding a new bf. I feel like I'm not doing anything wrong.
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    Jun 07, 2014 6:04 PM GMT
    You rang?
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4435

    Jun 07, 2014 6:06 PM GMT
    Go for it, man. I went through a period like that. It was a blast. Made some really good friends along the way, too.
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    Jun 07, 2014 6:11 PM GMT
    I think it's great that you are being honest up front.

    Some people will judge you poorly for your choices others will take it personally, but that is for them to deal with not you.

    As long as you are being safe in your sexual encounters and honest about your intentions up front there is no reason for you to feel bad.
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    Jun 07, 2014 6:11 PM GMT
    Shame is extremely harmful and I really don't think it's something to be ashamed of.

    I have a tendency to fall for guys who are recently single. It's a really bad idea because they need to go through a bit of a slutty phase before they can date again. It's just the way it is.

    Play safe and have fun!
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    Jun 07, 2014 6:13 PM GMT
    Be a slut if you want but take care of yourself, remember HIV is around the corner in the gay community.
  • 1AlanZSky

    Posts: 1505

    Jun 07, 2014 6:24 PM GMT
    As if lots of gay people sleep around. That is not new. That is not new information. HIV, sexually transmitted diseases, etc.

    "Last night I hooked up with 3 different guys and didn't regret it at all"

    Then why post this at all? You sound like you are confessing a sin. It sounds like you do regret it because you doubt yourself. You want validation from the gay community and then you will feel excused this behaviour is ok. You can be a slut if you want to.

    "I feel like I'm not doing anything wrong."

    Excuses, excuses. Again, why post it here? You want validation from us that sleeping around is ok.

    There are many gay men who sleep around with other gay men and they don't commit. If you want meaningless sex, go for it. It just makes you look like someone who is "unashamed" and has no morals.

    "I've gone from someone that could never have intentionally meaningless sex to only wanting that"

    So you want meaningless sex. That is the meaning of a slut and it looks like you don't care about the other person's feelings at all. From the look of things it seems like you only want satisfaction.

    If every gay man feels like the same way you do, we should not have gay marriage.

    Note: I said "every".
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 07, 2014 6:36 PM GMT
    As long a sit was consensual, you do what you wish. Personally, not my thing. I hate meaningless sex.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 07, 2014 6:58 PM GMT
    1AlanZSky saidAs if lots of gay people sleep around. That is not new. That is not new information. HIV, sexually transmitted diseases, etc.

    "Last night I hooked up with 3 different guys and didn't regret it at all"

    Then why post this at all? You sound like you are confessing a sin. It sounds like you do regret it because you doubt yourself. You want validation from the gay community and then you will feel excused this behaviour is ok. You can be a slut if you want to.

    "I feel like I'm not doing anything wrong."

    Excuses, excuses. Again, why post it here? You want validation from us that sleeping around is ok.

    There are many gay men who sleep around with other gay men and they don't commit. If you want meaningless sex, go for it. It just makes you look like someone who is "unashamed" and has no morals.

    "I've gone from someone that could never have intentionally meaningless sex to only wanting that"

    So you want meaningless sex. That is the meaning of a slut and it looks like you don't care about the other person's feelings at all. From the look of things it seems like you only want satisfaction.

    If every gay man feels like the same way you do, we should not have gay marriage.

    Note: I said "every".


    I am asking for validation. I dont' think I should feel bad when I tell someone up front but more than once now I've been made to feel guilty about it.
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    Jun 07, 2014 7:05 PM GMT
    Enjoy it while it lasts, and of course be safe.
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    Jun 07, 2014 7:07 PM GMT
    OnceUponATime saidSo after almost 12 years with one guy, I've gone from someone that could never have intentionally meaningless sex to only wanting that. Last night I hooked up with 3 different guys and didn't regret it at all.

    One guy I was "seeing" that I told I wanted nothing more than a FWB situation told me if I was going to sleep with the whole city he didnt even want to be my friend let alone FWB. Should I feel guilty? This happened with a 2nd guy as well that was really hurt because I told him I wouldn't date him and wanted to have sex with other people.

    I thought I'd be more ashamed but I'm not at all. But I do feel guilty when I feel like I've hurt someone's feelings but I always tell guys up front - I have zero interest in finding a new bf. I feel like I'm not doing anything wrong.


    After 12 years you are entitled to letting off some steam! Especially if the ex was controlling. There is freedom in being single.

    If you run out of men in Toronto there's always NY, Chicago....or Palm Springs ;-)~~~
    You may want to be a little more discrete. You don't need to tell everyone you are seeing 3 or 30 people. Let omission speak for itself. And it allows you to keep your options open, you may find a kindred spirit, if not a typical BF.

    I don't know your status. But know your compatibility. PrEP and condoms if you are truly Neg. Know the difference between HIV+ and HIV+/undetectable. And that Negative and "I'm Neg tested 11/5/13" isn't the same thing.
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    Jun 07, 2014 7:08 PM GMT
    Biologically I believe it's normal for men to want sex with many partners, i.e., be sluts. Before HIV, being a slut was completely unremarkable. I was a total slut before I went celibate.

    But HIV changed all that. Now gays are prudes compared to how we were before. But there has been a nice side effect, which is that heterosexual society now looks upon us favorably. And part of the package is that now gay marriage is now seen as desirable; before HIV it was generally seen as unimportant or irrelevant.

    So don't feel ashamed. You're not some sort of sexual deviant. Just seek out like minded guys.
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    Jun 07, 2014 7:13 PM GMT
    At least you can be honest about it, instead of luring some dude into a monogamous relationship then cheating on him.
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    Jun 07, 2014 7:14 PM GMT
    Lumpyoatmeal said...

    So don't feel ashamed. You're not some sort of sexual deviant. Just seek out like minded guys.
    +1
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 07, 2014 7:15 PM GMT
    Lumpyoatmeal saidBiologically I believe it's normal for men to want sex with many partners, i.e., be sluts. Before HIV, being a slut was completely unremarkable. I was a total slut before I went celibate.

    But HIV changed all that. Now gays are prudes compared to how we were before. But there has been a nice side effect, which is that heterosexual society now looks upon us favorably. And part of the package is that now gay marriage is now seen as desirable; before HIV it was generally seen as unimportant or irrelevant.

    So don't feel ashamed. You're not some sort of sexual deviant. Just seek out like minded guys.


    Good post! Very true.
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    Jun 07, 2014 7:20 PM GMT
    paulflexes saidAt least you can be honest about it, instead of luring some dude into a monogamous relationship then cheating on him.


    lol True
  • tj85016

    Posts: 4123

    Jun 07, 2014 7:21 PM GMT
    maybe just work your way west and suck off the entire country icon_lol.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 07, 2014 7:24 PM GMT
    Before AIDS we didn't call enjoying sex being slutty.
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    Jun 07, 2014 7:26 PM GMT
    tj85016 saidmaybe just work your way west and suck off the entire country icon_lol.gif


    I just might icon_twisted.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 07, 2014 7:28 PM GMT
    theantijock saidBefore AIDS we didn't call enjoying sex being slutty.
    Nope...it was called Woodstock for straights, and Woodcock for gays. icon_razz.gif
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    Jun 07, 2014 8:12 PM GMT
    silver_bullet said
    OnceUponATime said...Last night I hooked up with 3 different guys and didn't regret it at all...One guy I was "seeing" that I told I wanted nothing more than a FWB situation told me if I was going to sleep with the whole city he didnt even want to be my friend let alone FWB. Should I feel guilty?...I have zero interest in finding a new bf. I feel like I'm not doing anything wrong.


    Don't feel guilty and don't tell them you have no intention of getting spliced, you are going to stay a free man.

    Its part of the gay game, everyone running around desperately trying to get a date because they believe they need to be in a relationship to feel validated and not be alone. Simultaneously they're on the look out for a chance to "trade up".

    Enjoy a life of sexual freedom while you are young and still desirable.


    Got you.
  • BloodFlame

    Posts: 1768

    Jun 07, 2014 8:43 PM GMT
    I don't think you should feel ashamed. I mean, I may not want to be a type of person who sleeps with every guy but i won't condemn someone who chooses to.

    Even though some guys here said that you shouldn't feel obligated to tell the guys your intentions, I think it takes a certain type of person to be upfront about their intentions and that's commendable I think.

    Look, it's up to you. You should do what YOU want to do. None of us can tell you what to do.

    The only thing I suggest is if you plan to continue this path, consider being safe about it. It's better than worrying about catching something you don't want so just remember to be safe.

    Have fun.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 07, 2014 10:06 PM GMT
    use condoms!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 07, 2014 10:24 PM GMT
    OnceUponATime said
    tj85016 saidmaybe just work your way west and suck off the entire country icon_lol.gif


    I just might icon_twisted.gif
    yus!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 08, 2014 1:22 AM GMT
    as long as you tell them before hand your intentions then it's all fair game.