Being with a man for the first time - help please!

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    Jan 07, 2009 12:17 PM GMT
    I am currently 30 years old. I am very fit, attractive, and have to this point always been with women when it comes to sex. However, ever since I was young, I know I have had an interest in being with men. At 16, I was already buying some of the gay illustrated story books and by 18 I was calling the sex chat lines jerking off on the phone. As I hit my twenties, my yearning to be with an older, experience man (I guess a TOP) continued to grow very strong. I visited my first sauna at 21 but after walking around for 10 mins, I just got too scared and left. I travel for business frequently and have attempted on a few occasions to hook up with someone I have contacted on internet sites for older/younger. Last year there was one guy who I was positive I would hook up with and finally experience man-man sex; however, an hour before, I became too nervous and called it off. But again, my yearning continues to grow. I struggle with my concern over STDS/AIDS as well as just the guilt I think I might feel after such an experience. On the other hand, I don't want to go through life and not experience or at least try something out that I so yearn for. Can anyone help me and let me know if they ever went through the same feelings and struggles? Also, I have always fantasized about giving head to a guy and can people fill me in on the risks of HIV if giving head without a condom?

    THanks,
    Ian
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    Jan 07, 2009 1:46 PM GMT
    You story sounds allot like mine. I felt like I was in hell! I finally decided when I was 24 years old that life was just too damn short not to go for it. So, just go for it!

    If you continue to struggle you can also seek out a therapist in your area. They can help you talk through the perceived guilt and fears. A support group could be good too. I am sure you could Google one in your area or ask about one at your local gay community center, if you have one.

    Of course its wise to be safe. You can find the answer to your oral sex question here http://www.cdc.gov/hiv/resources/qa/qa19.htm

    Best of luck with it all,
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    Jan 07, 2009 2:49 PM GMT
    The risk of giving a blowjob to a guy without a condom is low but not zero. If you are really concerned do not brush your teeth before sex, and swish some warm saltwater in your mouth before giving the bj. If you feel some stinging then you may have a cut that you did not know about.

    The only thing you need to remember about blowjobs is that cum and pre-cum can transmit HIV if the person is infected (unlike saliva), so you don't want the cum or pre-cum to get into your bloodstream.

    Have fun.
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    Jan 07, 2009 3:15 PM GMT
    SurrealLife saidIf you are really concerned do not brush your teeth before sex


    Needless to say, but I'll say it anyway: don't floss, either.

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    Jan 07, 2009 3:30 PM GMT
    I would suggest meeting someone in a non-sexual situation prior to making it sexual with that person...it might help alleviate some nervousness/pressure and give the other person the opportunity to "read" you and (hopefully) take things a bit easier on you (bottoming for the first time isn’t very easy...it takes time and patience for the top).

    Maybe meet for drinks/coffee or something with the intent of sex after...and if you don’t feel right about it before the sex, just call it a night. The last thing you want is for some douche bag to pop your cherry just to get off.
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    Jan 07, 2009 10:15 PM GMT
    paradox said
    SurrealLife saidIf you are really concerned do not brush your teeth before sex


    Needless to say, but I'll say it anyway: don't floss, either.



    Good point, but hopefully people don't floss independent of brushing their teeth, but I guess you never know.
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    Jan 07, 2009 11:48 PM GMT
    Ian,

    First things first. It is great that you show so much concern about STIs. But fear of catching something shouldn't cripple your sex life. Go to Planned Parenthood or AIDS Community Services and say "hey, I know nothing about STIs. What do I need to know?".

    Now, if you are looking for someone to pop your cherry, have you considered an escort? You set the date, the location, and the activities (provided they are game). The knock on your door and if you chicken out, you pay them their cash and they go. But, it is as discrete as you are going to get without a poorly lit sex club. Web sites like /www.rentboy.com/Splash.aspx?ReturnUrl=/Default.aspx>rentboy let you browse ads for the one that tickles your fancy.
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    Jan 08, 2009 12:01 PM GMT
    Thanks guys for all the great advice and much appreciated! I think I will go for it eventually and hopefully on my next business trip. Cheers, Ian
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    Jan 08, 2009 1:20 PM GMT
    I'll be in NY at the end of the month. If you're hot, I'll help ya out...icon_wink.gif