Trouble Giving Compliments ?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 10, 2014 8:12 PM GMT
    A friend of mine pointed out to me recently I have a real problem giving out compliments.

    Either I fail to dole them out or give out backhanded ones.

    Thinking about it I do struggle sometimes because honestly it feels like weakness to me for some bizarre reason.

    Anyone else have the same issue ? icon_lol.gificon_lol.gif
  • Bunjamon

    Posts: 3161

    Jun 10, 2014 8:21 PM GMT
    Telling someone they look good or that the food they cooked you is delicious is "weakness?" Why is that?
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    Jun 10, 2014 8:51 PM GMT
    nope
  • MikeW

    Posts: 6061

    Jun 10, 2014 9:53 PM GMT
    Are you an introvert? Do you tend to be reserved? Does it often seem to you that complements are flattery (having an element of dishonesty)? If so, I can relate.

    Like so many things it is just a habit. I often see people giving someone complements and it just feels 'fake' to me. They're doing it to win favor or approval or to manipulate the person they're complimenting. I don't like this perception.

    On the other hand, those times when I am complemented--and more importantly, *thanked* for having done something that was truly appreciated--I see how much I like that.

    So I'm making an effort to thank people and compliment them when I feel it is deserved (rather than keeping it to myself). It isn't easy breaking the habit of *not* acknowledging the value or appreciation of other people. But I'm getting better at it, thank you! icon_wink.gif
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    Jun 10, 2014 10:44 PM GMT
    Compliments are overrated. Be sincere in dealing with others, know when to give an honest compliment and when to change the topic.
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    Jun 10, 2014 11:39 PM GMT
    "All the sweet things I don't saaaaayaaaa, are gonna get me in trouble some dayyaaayayayaya"

    :c

    The key to giving compliments is being brief so as to not cause awkwardness!

    icon_smile.gif

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    Jun 10, 2014 11:40 PM GMT
    bhp91126 saidCompliments are overrated. Be sincere in dealing with others, know when to give an honest compliment and when to change the topic.


    or this - I recently read this. :c
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    Jun 11, 2014 2:30 AM GMT
    I used to have trouble giving compliments, but eventually realized it was because I also had trouble receiving them. My own low self-esteem prevented me from showing appreciation to others without making it a backhanded compliment, and anytime someone would compliment me I would shrug it off as though it were just a joke. A prime example would be someone saying "nice shirt" and I'd reply "oh it's just a second-hand rag I picked up at a thrift store" instead of simply saying "thank you."
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    Jun 11, 2014 2:31 AM GMT
    bhp91126 saidCompliments are overrated. Be sincere in dealing with others, know when to give an honest compliment and when to change the topic.


    You're pretty.
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    Jun 11, 2014 2:33 AM GMT
    paulflexes saidI used to have trouble giving compliments, but eventually realized it was because I also had trouble receiving them. My own low self-esteem prevented me from showing appreciation to others without making it a backhanded compliment, and anytime someone would compliment me I would shrug it off as though it were just a joke. A prime example would be someone saying "nice shirt" and I'd reply "oh it's just a second-hand rag I picked up at a thrift store" instead of simply saying "thank you."


    Nice comment ! ;-)
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    Jun 11, 2014 2:33 AM GMT
    minox said
    paulflexes saidI used to have trouble giving compliments, but eventually realized it was because I also had trouble receiving them. My own low self-esteem prevented me from showing appreciation to others without making it a backhanded compliment, and anytime someone would compliment me I would shrug it off as though it were just a joke. A prime example would be someone saying "nice shirt" and I'd reply "oh it's just a second-hand rag I picked up at a thrift store" instead of simply saying "thank you."


    Nice comment ! ;-)
    Thank you. icon_biggrin.gif
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    Jun 11, 2014 2:51 AM GMT
    paulflexes saidI used to have trouble giving compliments, but eventually realized it was because I also had trouble receiving them. My own low self-esteem prevented me from showing appreciation to others without making it a backhanded compliment, and anytime someone would compliment me I would shrug it off as though it were just a joke. A prime example would be someone saying "nice shirt" and I'd reply "oh it's just a second-hand rag I picked up at a thrift store" instead of simply saying "thank you."


    This is especially a big problem for me. I have to stop myself from scoffing or rolling my eyes when complimented and consciously force myself to say thank you and mean it. Maybe even give one back non-sarcastically.

    Friend: "Wow, you've lost so much weight. Congratulations!" icon_biggrin.gif
    Me: thanks icon_neutral.gif

    Friend: "Congrats on getting into the medical academy!" icon_biggrin.gif
    Me: thanks icon_neutral.gif

    It's a problem I'm working to fix but nothing worth having comes easy, I guess.


    P.S:
    I've been lurking for sometime and I honestly never would have guess someone like you (paulflexes)would have had self esteem issues. Maybe its just me judging a book by its cover but you all over the forums, you seem funny as hell. Like you've always been like that. Gives me hope I can reach that state of mind some day too.
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    Jun 11, 2014 3:01 AM GMT
    MAGNUM_OPUS said
    paulflexes saidI used to have trouble giving compliments, but eventually realized it was because I also had trouble receiving them. My own low self-esteem prevented me from showing appreciation to others without making it a backhanded compliment, and anytime someone would compliment me I would shrug it off as though it were just a joke. A prime example would be someone saying "nice shirt" and I'd reply "oh it's just a second-hand rag I picked up at a thrift store" instead of simply saying "thank you."


    This is especially a big problem for me. I have to stop myself from scoffing or rolling my eyes when complimented and consciously force myself to say thank you and mean it. Maybe even give one back non-sarcastically.

    Friend: "Wow, you've lost so much weight. Congratulations!" icon_biggrin.gif
    Me: thanks icon_neutral.gif

    Friend: "Congrats on getting into the medical academy!" icon_biggrin.gif
    Me: thanks icon_neutral.gif

    It's a problem I'm working to fix but nothing worth having comes easy, I guess.


    P.S:
    I've been lurking for sometime and I honestly never would have guess someone like you (paulflexes)would have had self esteem issues. Maybe its just me judging a book by its cover but you all over the forums, you seem funny as hell. Like you've always been like that. Gives me hope I can reach that state of mind some day too.
    Thanks! The funniness is actually residue left over from my low self-esteem days when I would use humor as a cover-up for emotional trauma. And you're right...it's not an easy thing to fix. It took years to realize how bad I was hurting, and how much worse the cover-up was making it.

    Hang in there and keep working on it. It's totally worth it. icon_biggrin.gif
  • Webster666

    Posts: 9217

    Jun 11, 2014 3:07 AM GMT
    Wow, that seems odd, to me, because I find it the easiest thing in the world to give compliments. It makes me feel good, and it does wonders for the other person.
  • disasterpiece

    Posts: 2991

    Jun 11, 2014 3:54 AM GMT
    I used to have a similar problem. I couldn't give away compliments because I didn't feel important enough to give my compliments any credits. Like who cares if I, of all person, thinks this or that about you ?

    Also, I felt odd about receiving compliments because I didn't relate to them and felt like they were forced. Some of them really are, and you can feel it. Yet some of them are heartfelt and those are the ones that count. And they do count for lots icon_smile.gif
  • killercliche

    Posts: 948

    Jun 11, 2014 8:19 AM GMT
    If you acquire a solid sense of self and security in yourself, it shouldn't be much of a problem to casually compliment someone. It seems as though a lot of posters are placing a ridiculous amount of gravitas to doling out or receiving casual compliments, and it seems to spring from allocating far too much import to the opinions or perceived opinions of other people. My advice: don't do this.
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    Jun 11, 2014 9:22 AM GMT
    I try to give compliments more and I am getting better at it but I still worry the compliment may not be well received/cause offense. Funnily enough to get better at it in real life I started by doing it online because you can't see the other person's face as they read it and it's kind of helped me to do it more face to face.
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    Jun 11, 2014 8:12 PM GMT
    A lot of replies seem to suggest that it stems from fear and a lack of confidence.

    That rings true to me.