To the guy who deleted the "what does this mean" thread.

  • MikeW

    Posts: 6061

    Jun 11, 2014 1:29 AM GMT
    Ugg, so I'd written out a reply and when I went to post it you had deleted your thread. I'm going to go ahead and post it anyway without quoting you or your question.

    Now if you deleted the thread because you decided you didn't want to know what other people thought after all, that's cool. Just don't read below this line.



    Having been around awhile, I'd lay bets that several guys are going to tell you, "he's no longer that in to you," or some equivalent

    And, it may be so.

    But my position is, you're asking *us* and not HIM what (if anything) this means! Doesn't that strike you as a bit odd?

    Switch the situation the other way around. What message would you be sending this guy you've been seeing for about 9 months if you exhibited the same behavior. Now, before you go and say, "but I wouldn't do that," just hang with me here for a minute. Ok, so, I'm on the receiving end of this perceived message. Your behavior has changed and I don't know what this means. SO, rather than ask you what is going on and give you the opportunity to open up about it, I go to an online forum of strangers and ask *them* what you mean. I mean, I know it is the 21st century and all but I just don't think that is the way communication should work between two guys who appear to be interested in one another.

    So, educate me hereā€¦ why don't you just talk with him? Oh, and if possible, with some sensitivity to hearing what his answer is. That is rather than operating from the suspicion this behavior signals potential bad news for you two.

    I have no idea what his answer would be. I don't now if it would be truthful or if he even (consciously) *knows*. (I do crazy stuff all the time I can't figure out why the fuck I did it and I'm an introvert who introspects *a lot*.) But maybe its because I'm old or something but, you know, people need to talk about what they're feeling. They need to understand it and see how it fits in the "relationship," assuming there is one of some sort.

    It could very well be this behavior signals a loss of interest. But what sustains "interest"? Why do two men become *interested* enough in one another to want to spend more time together, rather than less? I would say it is obvious that, although sex is very important, sex itself is not enough to sustain this kind of *interest*. Something more is needed.

    I wonder what that could be?

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    Jun 11, 2014 1:43 AM GMT
    Good answer. No wonder you decided to open a thread to have it posted anyway ;-)
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    Jun 11, 2014 1:54 AM GMT
    Yes, thank you for the thoughtful response! You're right, I will have to address it head on--as awkward and as uncomfortable as I am with that. I definitely don't want to be in a position where I'm basically just being used and strung along. P.S. I deleted the thread because I realized I'd posted it twice in this particular forum.
  • MikeW

    Posts: 6061

    Jun 11, 2014 2:25 AM GMT
    willocdh saidYes, thank you for the thoughtful response! You're right, I will have to address it head on--as awkward and as uncomfortable as I am with that. I definitely don't want to be in a position where I'm basically just being used and strung along. P.S. I deleted the thread because I realized I'd posted it twice in this particular forum.

    Ah! Sorry I missed that. Well this is here now and can no longer be deleted but I'm glad you appreciate the response. icon_wink.gif

    I think it is great that people ask these kinds of questions, btw. I like seeing the different responses (well, some of them anyway, LOL). It's just that you get everyone's opinion and even if there's a majority opinion, you never know if it was the 'right' one until you ask the person sending the message.

    But I'm serious about the question I posed at the end, there.

    What is it that sustains our interest in a relationship? I'm not suggesting there is a *single* answer. I'm suggesting it is a worthy question for anyone wanting one to ask himself.

    Another good one is, when the interest level becomes uneven or unbalanced, where one is more interested than the other, what does *that* mean? What are the feelings going on behind it? Is it a judgment? A power trip or manipulation? Is it fear showing up? Is it confusion and uncertainty? Is it just 'not interested' (period)? You just never know. Could be any or several or something completely different.
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    Jun 11, 2014 2:29 AM GMT
    I just love that MikeW was undaunted in his desire to post his fully realized manifesto on the topic.

    Now there is someone who does not take no for answer! icon_smile.gif

    Good job Mike!
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    Jun 15, 2014 8:02 PM GMT
    Update. We had coffee, and he basically said he could not give me the sort of commitment that I wanted and deserved, given his current schedule and issues. He made obscure references to maybe being ready in the future, and continuing to rely on me for emotional support/remaining friends. Is this just a game he's playing? Why would I want to be his friend?
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    Jun 23, 2014 2:25 AM GMT
    I need closure on this, so I think the best bet is no contact for awhile and then maybe reconnect in about a month.