Dating colleagues: yay or nay?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 11, 2014 9:19 PM GMT
    To make a long story short I know he is interested. Whether he is interested in anything serious I don't know but he is interested.

    My problem is I'm very new in the job - like a week in - so do I really want to be messing around with a colleague? I had a hook up with a colleague years ago in another job and it went so wrong that I lost a friendship and I had to quit my job. I was 17 at the time though and I'm loads more mature now so I don't know if I should even pursue a friendship in case it does go wrong.

    Does anyone else have a word to say about dating a co worker?

    Other reasons I'm apprehensive are he is really really good looking (looks like a model) so it makes me nervous he might just want sex or to mess about. Also at work he is more senior than me and is more successful despite us being a similar age (don't actually know his age but he looks a similar age to me) so again I'm thinking why is he being so nice like what's the catch? Because he is my senior at work I worry I may have to leave if anything bad happens even though I actually hate the company I work for (and therefore I won't name it but it's a large pharmaceutical company - wish I had stayed at the coffee shop because I hate global companies) I like the people and the actual work so I'd hate to have to leave over something dumb.

    I've waffles off track but seriously has anything ever good happened from seeing/dating/flirting/anything with a colleague?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 11, 2014 9:30 PM GMT
    "I'm loads more mature now so I don't know if I should even pursue a friendship in case it does go wrong."

    Why not pursue the friendship first? Chances are the sexual attraction will wane and the friendship would endure, without anything going "wrong" first.
  • MikeW

    Posts: 6061

    Jun 11, 2014 9:34 PM GMT
    ^^ Sounds like good advice to me. Friends, just friends. Stay with that for at least three months.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 11, 2014 9:38 PM GMT
    Because he sent me a rude picture, and we flirt and we are already friendly but I don't want to get even more matey and then cross any boundaries. It might be best just to be professional because I don't usually pursue work friendships but we kind of clicked during my my first few days.

    I even went out with colleagues after work once which I never do I've always compartmentalized my social and work life since I started actual full time work but now I feel totally out of sorts.
  • MikeW

    Posts: 6061

    Jun 11, 2014 9:44 PM GMT
    Maybe I'm old school but for a senior colleague to share a nude picture of himself with a junior fellow seems highly inappropriate.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 11, 2014 9:55 PM GMT
    Yeah well we're about the same age and he isn't like a manager he's always arranging nights out etc and gatherings. I've never experienced this weird dynamic in a an office place where everyone seems happy and staff of all levels interact with each other its so weird. Maybe this is normal and I need to adjust to this new way of working.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 11, 2014 10:24 PM GMT
    Danny_boy93 saidYeah well we're about the same age and he isn't like a manager he's always arranging nights out etc and gatherings. I've never experienced this weird dynamic in a an office place where everyone seems happy and staff of all levels interact with each other its so weird. Maybe this is normal and I need to adjust to this new way of working.


    A weird sexual office dynamic is.....weird. It isn't normal if you feel uncomfortable. Do you have an employee handbook with rules and regulations? READ IT. It's potentially problematic for both of you.

    Office romances are nothing new. But so are the problems that result (legal and emotional), and why many companies forbid them. Even if the company has no objections.....think about why companies do.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 11, 2014 10:30 PM GMT
    Dating a mature colleague with whom you share a similar position in the company, and in a Secure job:
    GO FOR IT!

    Your situation:
    You answered your own question.
    Don't even try.


    I left a job at one of the hottest restaurants near me 3-4 years ago for this very reason. We dated for a few weeks extremely casually, it fizzled out, work became somewhat uncomfortable (for him) and He wasn't mature about it...
    I opted to leave. I was the New Guy in the place (albeit, the highest selling Server...) and I was disrupting the Social balance.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 11, 2014 10:33 PM GMT
    Danny_boy93 saidYeah well we're about the same age and he isn't like a manager he's always arranging nights out etc and gatherings. I've never experienced this weird dynamic in a an office place where everyone seems happy and staff of all levels interact with each other its so weird. Maybe this is normal and I need to adjust to this new way of working.



    Yes, sounds amazing!

    What happens when the new guy comes in to the mix? This guy has been around for a while, you're Brand New.
    Who get's to stay when/if it doesn't work out?

    Concentrate on work, befriend the bunch, make yourself in-expendible socially and professionally (if you enjoy the situation).

    Feel him out.
    Just don't feel him up yet.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 11, 2014 10:41 PM GMT
    PatLok saidLOL a "model" interested in you? Honey please, wake up.


    I said looks like a model. Keep up dummy!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 12, 2014 7:37 PM GMT
    Danny_boy93 saidYeah well we're about the same age and he isn't like a manager he's always arranging nights out etc and gatherings. I've never experienced this weird dynamic in a an office place where everyone seems happy and staff of all levels interact with each other its so weird. Maybe this is normal and I need to adjust to this new way of working.


    I have worked at places like that. It often seems to end with someone getting sexually harassed and quitting.

    Anyway, the answer is NO. Let him get to know you as a person. Maybe in the future he will be interested in a relationship or just a friendship. In the meantime, don't delete that rude pic icon_lol.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 12, 2014 7:51 PM GMT
    It can go either way. Make a decision and stick with it. Even if the worst happens, you'll still be able to overcome (unless he's a murderer).
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 12, 2014 8:06 PM GMT
    Danny_boy93 saidMy problem is I'm very new in the job - like a week in - so do I really want to be messing around with a colleague? I had a hook up with a colleague years ago in another job and it went so wrong that I lost a friendship and I had to quit my job. I was 17 at the time though and I'm loads more mature now so I don't know if I should even pursue a friendship in case it does go wrong.


    I'd say you have a previous experience to learn from. Otherwise, it depends on what your priorities are.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 12, 2014 8:44 PM GMT
    Rolfron said
    Danny_boy93 saidMy problem is I'm very new in the job - like a week in - so do I really want to be messing around with a colleague? I had a hook up with a colleague years ago in another job and it went so wrong that I lost a friendship and I had to quit my job. I was 17 at the time though and I'm loads more mature now so I don't know if I should even pursue a friendship in case it does go wrong.


    I'd say you have a previous experience to learn from. Otherwise, it depends on what your priorities are.


    That time was totally different though like that time I didn't even like the guy in that way (we were just friends) but I agreed to do it because I was sick of him making inuendos and comments and OTT flirting and when I wasn't working he would be messaging me online all the time, I wasn't even out at the time and it seemed like a good idea to get him to pack it all in.

    This time I'm not being harassed and he's only flirting a little but it's not uncomfortable even if it is slightly embarrassing. I am an introvert though and he works in the sales bit so he is completely extrovert so he isn't deliberately embarrassing lol.

    I think even though the circumstances are different I might just enjoy the flirting for now and leave it at that because I don't want to be part of an office gossip thing. I have worked in an office before so I know gossip can be really annoying!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 12, 2014 10:21 PM GMT
    Well, even though it's a different guy, it's still the same situation; you know these situations can go from good to bad in the blink of an eye, you have first hand experience with that and you're gambling with your job in that regard.

    If you like your job, I'd keep a good distance and spend some time to get to know him first. I would take extra caution and be extra positive that this is someone I'd want to engage in things with. Even then, things have the possibility of turning sour.

    I've never had a problem getting 'some fun' outside of work; I would rather get my booty elsewhere. Enter at your own risk.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 12, 2014 11:45 PM GMT
    I kinda don't believe this story.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 13, 2014 12:09 AM GMT
    I don't think it's a good idea but however, you should pursue it if you're feeling him. Sometimes, gay men fall in love at work. As long as the guy's not creepy.
  • tango02

    Posts: 71

    Jun 13, 2014 12:40 AM GMT
    A lot depends on how big the workplace is and how much up close contact you have with the individual. If it's just one office and everyone is right there beside you then it's probably better to get to know the guy for a while. If your job has multiple offices or floors and you only see the guy from time to time, then maybe you could consider taking action sooner.

    I was sort of involved with a guy I worked with not that long ago and it was a small workplace - and it was definitely awkward.