Reconsidering ex

  • whytehot

    Posts: 1167

    Jun 13, 2014 5:21 AM GMT
    I broke up with an awesome guy 5 months ago after dating for 4 months. The problem at the time was that we were too different; I found him too positive, too young, too fake, too popular, too feminine, lacking original thought, and his fashion career was a turn-off. Our opinions always clashed, and I never quite understand the logic behind the things he says. We remained friends, even as it got awkward whenever he appears to be trying to reignite the flame, but he hasn't tried that in a long time.

    My friends had been scratching their heads at the break-up "you looked soo good together!" and chastised me for wanting a clone of myself, but it has only taken until recently for me to realize that it's not really what I want. I had failed to appreciate all the nice things he had done for me, and had totally misunderstood him. He wasn't too positive and fake or stupid, I was just too cynical.

    Turns out he's also more than just another gay fashionista - I googled his name for the first time and it's all over the web; his work is internationally recognized... how he managed that between all our sex and his creative date ideas is an achievement worthy of mad respect.

    The feminine part I could actually live with; my desire for equally-masculine guys had more to do with projecting to the world my ideal of what gayness is supposed to be. I've been hanging out a lot (3-5 times a week) with a close friend who is just like me, and it's caused me to realize I need to change... I need someone who is different and good in all the ways that I am not.

    I'm going to crawl back to him tomorrow.
  • BloodFlame

    Posts: 1768

    Jun 13, 2014 5:52 AM GMT
    whytehot saidI broke up with an awesome guy 5 months ago after dating for 4 months. The problem at the time was that we were too different; I found him too positive, too young, too fake, too popular, too feminine, lacking original thought, and his fashion career was a turn-off. Our opinions always clashed, and I never quite understand the logic behind the things he says. We remained friends, even as it got awkward whenever he appears to be trying to reignite the flame, but he hasn't tried that in a long time.

    My friends had been scratching their heads at the break-up "you looked soo good together!" and chastised me for wanting a clone of myself, but it has only taken until recently for me to realize that it's not really what I want. I had failed to appreciate all the nice things he had done for me, and had totally misunderstood him. He wasn't too positive and fake or stupid, I was just too cynical.

    Turns out he's also more than just another gay fashionista - I googled his name for the first time and it's all over the web; his work is internationally recognized... how he managed that between all our sex and his creative date ideas is an achievement worthy of mad respect.

    The feminine part I could actually live with; my desire for equally-masculine guys had more to do with projecting to the world my ideal of what gayness is supposed to be. I've been hanging out a lot (3-5 times a week) with a close friend who is just like me, and it's caused me to realize I need to change... I need someone who is different and good in all the ways that I am not.

    I'm going to crawl back to him tomorrow.


    Sometimes, you don't realize what you had until it's gone. It's cool that you learned this sort of... Lesson? Ahem, anyway, don't beat yourself up too much. Everything happens for a reason. The breakup between you two gave you the time to see what you really wanted so that has to count for something right?

    Anyway, if your ex is still interested in trying a relationship, I say go for it but if he doesn't want to be with you again, you'll have to accept it. And even then, if it doesn't work out, you have an idea of what you want for your next mate. Good luck.
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Jun 13, 2014 6:19 AM GMT
    Only you can know what will make you happy. Just keep in mind that nice does not equal compatible. Think of the long term ... Very long term ... What is the right thing for the long term
  • Kjonyou

    Posts: 93

    Jun 13, 2014 8:04 AM GMT
    You may not have appreciated all he was at the time, but it sounds like now that you found out he is "well known" then its OK to be with him.

    In reading your post, it dose not sound like you are compatible. There is a difference between wanting a clone and not having anything in common.

    Long term relationships come down to this: Do you enjoy being around him? Not can you put up with his shit because you don't want to be alone.

    If you go back, will you ENJOY his positive, youthful, fake, popular, feminine side?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 13, 2014 12:05 PM GMT
    whytehot saidI broke up with an awesome guy 5 months ago after dating for 4 months. The problem at the time was that we were too different; I found him too positive, too young, too fake, too popular, too feminine, lacking original thought, and his fashion career was a turn-off. Our opinions always clashed, and I never quite understand the logic behind the things he says. We remained friends, even as it got awkward whenever he appears to be trying to reignite the flame, but he hasn't tried that in a long time.

    My friends had been scratching their heads at the break-up "you looked soo good together!" and chastised me for wanting a clone of myself, but it has only taken until recently for me to realize that it's not really what I want. I had failed to appreciate all the nice things he had done for me, and had totally misunderstood him. He wasn't too positive and fake or stupid, I was just too cynical.

    Turns out he's also more than just another gay fashionista - I googled his name for the first time and it's all over the web; his work is internationally recognized... how he managed that between all our sex and his creative date ideas is an achievement worthy of mad respect.

    The feminine part I could actually live with; my desire for equally-masculine guys had more to do with projecting to the world my ideal of what gayness is supposed to be. I've been hanging out a lot (3-5 times a week) with a close friend who is just like me, and it's caused me to realize I need to change... I need someone who is different and good in all the ways that I am not.

    I'm going to crawl back to him tomorrow.


    So obviously a troll.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 13, 2014 1:53 PM GMT
    whytehot said ... we were too different; I found him too positive, too young, too fake, too popular, too feminine, lacking original thought, and his fashion career was a turn-off. ...
    the other 95%, the straights, their partners are totally different. It is possible two can pull it off. Is there enough love that you two respect each other? What do each of you bring to the table that makes things add up to more than 2.0?




    whytehot said ... after dating for 4 months ... Turns out he's also more than just another gay fashionista - I googled his name for the first time and it's all over the web; his work is internationally recognized... how he managed that between all our sex and his creative date ideas is an achievement worthy of mad respect ...
    -how can you know someone for 4 months and not know what his professional life goals are? How self centered can you be.
    -the relationship thing is sharing your life. Your challenge is to be able to support enable him even tho his life is so different from yours




    whytehot saidI broke up with an awesome guy 5 months ago ... I'm going to crawl back to him tomorrow.
    best of luck. I hope everything works well. Just thinking it will be more work than you anticipate.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 14, 2014 2:05 AM GMT
    When I got into the gay world I realized in hindsight that I had embraced the general culture of being better is being athletic, hairless, masc & adopt hatred toward fem guys.
    Truth it is it BS, there isn't such a thing as a gay community.
    Guys seem to just put on a show and keep up appearances.
    My last bf was fem and he was the NICEST guy I had ever met.
    Since then, my attitude toward fem guys has completely changed.
    Love whoever makes you happy & good inside. Cheers
  • whytehot

    Posts: 1167

    Jun 14, 2014 4:54 AM GMT
    Gonna consult a couple more friends before making the move. Don't want to regret it later and hurt him a second time.

    pellaz saidhow can you know someone for 4 months and not know what his professional life goals are?

    I knew he was ambitious, but didn't realize how good he is at what he does. He showed me his designs many times, and my layman eye didn't think it was that brilliant haha.



    kjonyou saidYou may not have appreciated all he was at the time, but it sounds like now that you found out he is "well known" then its OK to be with him.

    In reading your post, it dose not sound like you are compatible. There is a difference between wanting a clone and not having anything in common.

    Long term relationships come down to this: Do you enjoy being around him? Not can you put up with his shit because you don't want to be alone.

    If you go back, will you ENJOY his positive, youthful, fake, popular, feminine side?


    It has nothing to do with his fame for sure. I think my initial discomfort with his fem and people-pleasing character had more to do with my ideology than our interactions, because I really enjoy his company. Now I think I should actually learn from him.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 17, 2014 3:33 PM GMT
    Now you really have to think if this is a best move for both of you...
    Not just what is better for you...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 17, 2014 3:52 PM GMT
    bottom line?:
    if you can totally support his life style not just tolerate it get back together.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 17, 2014 8:12 PM GMT
    Your friends have a point, but I think the converse of purposely dating your clone, is purposely dating someone who is the opposite of you... it's kind of the same thing.
    But if you really do have lingering feelings, go for it. Just don't do it because he got successful.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 17, 2014 9:49 PM GMT
    BloodFlame saidSometimes, you don't realize what you had until it's gone. It's cool that you learned this sort of... Lesson? Ahem, anyway, don't beat yourself up too much. Everything happens for a reason. The breakup between you two gave you the time to see what you really wanted so that has to count for something right


    This precisely.

    I've let a lot of good opportunities slip out of my hands. I think what I took away from most of those situations is to learn to appreciate what I have when it's right in front of me, not when it's already behind me. Most of the time, by then, it's too late.

    The grass will always be greener on the other side; the effect is an illusion.
  • theonewhoknoc...

    Posts: 714

    Jun 18, 2014 4:41 AM GMT
    Ajjax said Just don't do it because he got successful.


    Gays are too sex-obsessed to care about whether a guy is successful. The OP is simply less turned off by knowing that his ex is a step up from typical fem gays doing stereotypical fem things.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 18, 2014 5:42 AM GMT
    Consider consulting a professional counselor to determine why you broke up with him in the first place and if anything has really changed.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 28, 2014 9:42 PM GMT
    that was my problem both my Ex's were fake and only cared about themselves
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 29, 2014 9:25 PM GMT
    whytehot saidGonna consult a couple more friends before making the move. Don't want to regret it later and hurt him a second time.



    So your going to reconsider the reconsider?
    Then don't even think about it.

    While you are at it, grow up. You've been out a year, had 1 relationship and messed it up. You've been antagonistic with me on every post.

    You make childish statements:
    "LOL. The only people who ever complain about ageism anyway are the ones looking to fuck much younger guys."

    And dumb ones: "You can always tell when they're being themselves or just overcompensating, as soon as you hear their voice."

    Almost every comment on here you've made is ill advised. You typically made opinions that are groundless:
    "He showed me his designs many times, and my layman eye didn't think it was that brilliant haha."
    At least you admit to this one. Give him 5 years, hopefully he can find someone with a modicum of sense.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 30, 2014 3:56 PM GMT
    OP !!!!!!


    Tell me what happened! Did you talk to him yet?? How did it go???
  • whytehot

    Posts: 1167

    Jun 30, 2014 8:13 PM GMT
    We've been back together for about a week now.


    theonewhoknocks said
    Ajjax said Just don't do it because he got successful.


    Gays are too sex-obsessed to care about whether a guy is successful. The OP is simply less turned off by knowing that his ex is a step up from typical fem gays doing stereotypical fem things.

    Exactly this
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 30, 2014 10:51 PM GMT
    whytehot saidWe've been back together for about a week now.


    theonewhoknocks said
    Ajjax said Just don't do it because he got successful.


    Gays are too sex-obsessed to care about whether a guy is successful. The OP is simply less turned off by knowing that his ex is a step up from typical fem gays doing stereotypical fem things.

    Exactly this





    Awwwwww so cute of you guys haha. glad to hear it tho