Fathers Day 2014

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    Jun 15, 2014 1:29 PM GMT
    It's Fathers Day today in the United States. My mother and father live in Florida so I generally only see them 2 or 3 times a year. My dad has many good points to his character but can also be a jerk. For example, when I was speaking wih him on the phone just now to wish him a happy fathers day he sarcastically asked if "my kids would be taking me out to brunch." This is a sore spot for me because, no, I'm not a father myself and that has been something that periodically makes me sad.


    And how are the rest of you doing this fathers day?
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    Jun 15, 2014 1:35 PM GMT
    My father came home every night like this. Consider yourself lucky.
    shining460.gif

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    Jun 15, 2014 1:45 PM GMT
    -He has a worse relationship than I do with his Dad...making it easy for me not to call.
    However he's mellowed with age; going so far as saying he loves me so I'll have to,if only, to keep my sisters from guilting me.
    I did buy dinner for my stag last night at work--his first year as a father with no support...about made him cry.
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    Jun 15, 2014 1:55 PM GMT
    I found out he was dead 12 years after...bless the interwebzzz.
    613752_1057081554.jpg
    He was pretty fucked up, but he had his good moments. Rest in peace, Dad.
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    Jun 15, 2014 2:37 PM GMT
    I had a great relationship with my dad but sadly he's gone. I'm also a dad and have a great relationship with my 3 kids. I'm very blessed. Today they've invited me to breakfast. I'll get up early, drive to their place and we'll go out. Afterwards, I'll pick up the tab for breakfast! I might get a gift, probably a card but maybe neither. Gotta love 'em and I do. I'll see 3 granddaughters who will grow up with a gay grampa and his partner and be a new generation that accepts gays for who they are. For me, that's the best Father's Day gift I can receive and it will be a good day.

    Sorry for all of you that didn't have positive role models and fun times with your dads. I tried hard not to be that dad and I think I succeeded.
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    Jun 15, 2014 4:13 PM GMT
    duluthrunner said...I was speaking wih him on the phone just now to wish him a happy fathers day he sarcastically asked if "my kids would be taking me out to brunch." This is a sore spot for me because, no, I'm not a father myself and that has been something that periodically makes me sad....


    I know neither you nor your dad but on reading that I thought he was saying how much he would have enjoyed brunch with his own child which he expressed in a way that he thought would get to you i.e. how would you feel if you had kids and at this age, with these many father's days left, they didn't take you to brunch?

    So was he trying to create a pain for you or was he expressing his own in a way he knew would get to you? Families know where the buttons are. It is up to us on whether we leave our buttons exposed and to what level we reach when pushed.

    There could have been an element of him trying to hurt you as you mention but I don't know him or you or your relationship to judge. It's curious though how people use their own internal damages to hurt others. For instance, just the other day, some uppity idiot told a lie about me, said I said things that I did not say. And so I told him to fuck off, a pretty natural response when someone is miscasting character. So the fool then called me a raging queen for telling him to fuck off. So naturally I called him an asshole in return. Not once did I initiate an attack but merely responded in kind to his passive aggressive attacks upon me. Be kind to me and I will flourish kindness upon you. Be an uncalled for douche and I will crush.

    But that's not how an observing acquaintance of mine reacted. Because of his own internal damages that inclines him to destroy what relationship begins to form, perhaps because of whatever damage he perceives having been purposely perpetrated upon him, perhaps by his dad, he didn't see my responses as directly related to the bullshit that was being dished my way but as me initiating an undue attack which is entirely untrue to the events as they unfolded, but entirely convenient to his own internal damages that might facilitate his destroying relationships.

    My own father's family abandoned his mom and him as a kid, a famous family about whose name he could not escape, always in his face. Damaged him severely, so much so, that he'd go onto abandon in numerous ways his own family later in life. Me growing up with him, he was emotionally unattached, though mechanically there, so he did more than his father did. I only met his dad twice in my entire life, though I'm told by my brother that our grandpa did call my mom to ask if we needed anything when divorcing my dad so I guess that was nice of him. My father calls him a whoremaster for leaving his mother.

    So dad did more than his dad, vacations though without interacting and he was financially responsible for us even though by his dad's actions he had to drop out of school to support his mom while he was growing up. But then as I grew older he abandoned me even more. Once he disappeared for 15 years but at that time I was handling my mom's Alzheimer's disease. So after I lost mom, it took me more than a year to find dad again. He and my brother hadn't spoken in nearly 40 years. I put them back together again.

    So my father did a better job at being a father than his father. And I was a better son to my dad, forgiving his trespasses upon me than my dad was to his father, and my brother is a better father to his kids than my dad was to him. We try to improve our lives as consciousness of our own beings unfurl and we find a way to forgive the sins of our fathers.

    Happy Father's Day.
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    Jun 15, 2014 4:44 PM GMT
    Love my pops. He's a good guy. I went to have breakfast with him and my mom this morning. He even paid. Chill as fuck. Love you, dad.
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    Jun 15, 2014 5:22 PM GMT
    I hated my father…. but my son bought me a great bottle of wine. We usually hit the local car show scene for Fathers day, but today I let him off the hook…he has been working back to back shifts… Im such a great dad… LOL.
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    Jun 15, 2014 5:52 PM GMT
    This thread is less of a father's day tribute and more like group therapy. Carry on. icon_confused.gif
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    Jun 15, 2014 6:02 PM GMT
    Mine is dead 2 years now, God Bless him...
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    Jun 15, 2014 6:08 PM GMT
    Fathers day is probably the worst day of the year for me. My "Father" ran off with another woman who was going to become a medical doctor and just left me. Didn't even say goodbye. I was robbed of all those experiences that a young man should have with his father. He hasn't been in the picture for 13 years now and there is no contact between us. Fathers day is just a constant reminder for me of the relationship I wasn't able to have. Can we just skip to tomorrow?
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    Jun 15, 2014 6:27 PM GMT
    theantijock said
    duluthrunner said...I was speaking wih him on the phone just now to wish him a happy fathers day he sarcastically asked if "my kids would be taking me out to brunch." This is a sore spot for me because, no, I'm not a father myself and that has been something that periodically makes me sad....


    I know neither you nor your dad but on reading that I thought he was saying how much he would have enjoyed brunch with his own child which he expressed in a way that he thought would get to you i.e. how would you feel if you had kids and at this age, with these many father's days left, they didn't take you to brunch?

    So was he trying to create a pain for you or was he expressing his own in a way he knew would get to you? ...


    I agree; you can read your dad's comment two ways. Either he expressed disapproval and disappointment over the lack of grandparents, or disappointment you aren't there.

    If you have a good relationship with your dad I'd suspect the latter over the former.
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    Jun 15, 2014 6:34 PM GMT
    My dad passed away when I was a young adult and we had a great relationship that improved as we both got older.

    As a father to teenagers my day started nicely with them making me breakfast. My younger teen son then wrecked the peace by acting like a stereotypic angst-filled, distraught drama queen regarding criticism for poor behaviour. icon_rolleyes.gificon_rolleyes.gificon_rolleyes.gif

    I just keep reminding myself that when it comes to teenagers "this, too, shall pass."

  • Webster666

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    Jun 16, 2014 3:27 AM GMT
    duluthrunner saidIt's Fathers Day today in the United States. My mother and father live in Florida so I generally only see them 2 or 3 times a year. My dad has many good points to his character but can also be a jerk. For example, when I was speaking wih him on the phone just now to wish him a happy fathers day he sarcastically asked if "my kids would be taking me out to brunch." This is a sore spot for me because, no, I'm not a father myself and that has been something that periodically makes me sad.


    And how are the rest of you doing this fathers day?



    You really should copy what you said above, and send it to your father.


    As for me, my father is long dead.
    He died from emphysema, after smoking for about 50 years.
    We were never close...
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    Jun 16, 2014 3:44 AM GMT
    ^^
    Thanks for the advice. I don't think I will though. Not worth it to me to make a big deal about it with him. I started this thread and that was sufficient "therapy" for me...
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    Jun 16, 2014 4:15 AM GMT
    My father passed away 2 years ago St. Patrick's Day, but today wasn't as rough for me as I thought it might be. It helps to think happy thoughts.
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    Jun 16, 2014 11:26 AM GMT
    Spent the day with my son at a water park...both of us sunburned, but still an awesome Dads Day.

    Joshua