Narcissist? Closure? How to move on?

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    Jun 15, 2014 7:33 PM GMT
    So here goes. First I would like to say hello to everyone icon_redface.gif. I am new here. My name is Alex. Nice to meet you icon_smile.gif.

    There reason I decided to open a new thread was because I was sort of dumped by my long distance boyfriend. Well the thing is that we both agreed to end it.

    I met J. about two years ago. We met through Facebook. But only a year ago we started having meaningful conversations via Facebook messages, so the only logical thing to do next, was to start talking on the phone. The first time I've heard his voice , my heart melted. I literally felt butterflies in my stomach. He was the first gay person that I talked to using my voice. We continued to talk for about two months, but after those months have passed he started fading out and disappearing, by gradually becoming more and more distant, until he stopped replying to my messages. I decided that was it, and moved on by deleting my account and focusing on my studies. But five months later, I decided to send him a friend request and message from my new profile. He replied and accepted my request, and asked for my phone number. He told me that he lost both his phones while fishing that's why he couldn't contact me anymore. I know this was a lame excuse, but I bought it icon_rolleyes.gif.

    The first night we talked from 10 p.m to 8 a.m. This continued until it became a habit, and then a routine. The first thing we did when we woke up, and the last thing before going to bed was to call each other. Sometimes we would talk on the phone all day long. I know this was not necessarily healthy, but I was in love. And so I thought was he. He still lives with his ex of five years and doesn't have a job. He said that they haven't done anything in years even though they still sleep in the same bed. My ex also likes expensive things, and before he was with me he wanted to be with a sugar daddy, but things between the two of them did not work out, because the daddy wanted someone fit. I Yeah. I know. icon_redface.gif

    The first time we met, I was absolutely exhilarated. I had to ride the train for about 5 hours, and get up at 3 a.m in order to get on time. We went at a small coffee shop and talked. Afterwards we met with his friends. He came earlier, before them to meet me. He held my hand in his hand, while we were in his friend's car on our way back to the train station, and we even went to the bathroom together, and we kissed. It was magical, despite the location. It was the first time that I kissed a man, especially someone I had feeling for. All the way back, I felt literally drugged .with, well, love. The trees seemed greener, the birds were singing more beautiful than ever. Everything seemed magical. But since then I should have sensed that something was off.. In the first place he said he is more taller than me, and when we kissed I touched his lips with my tongue, and he went off like "Stop it Alex! You are like a lizard", and barely touched his lips..

    Time went on, and season came and went. For the winter holidays my parents decided to invite him over. He stayed 10 days with me, and said that we are a couple without asking me first. I found that a bit weird, but I rolled with it. I thought these days were going to be fantastic, but.. It was not like that necessarily.. For one thing he told me about his sad childhood. About how he never had a normal Christmas, a happy memory from that time. I felt really bad about this. Maybe this is why my parents actually decided to invite him over. That is not the point now though.
    He told about how much he wanted to decorate the X-mas tree. So you can imagine how excited I was to be able to offer that to him.. Well the thing is he started saying that I should have washed the tree before, when I joked about it being a bit dusty, and also half way through the decoration he gt bored and started rushing me.. Also in the middle of the night he sent me downstairs to bring him sweets. He complained that I take too long to wash the dishes, and one time I was changing in front of him, and he started criticizing my body, "You look good naked, but if I were you I would be ripped. You are fit, but that's it." I felt literally like shit.. He is chubby. I never had a problem with this. When you love someone you do not care about stuff like that. At least I know that I do not. And immediately after he "attacked" me, he told me to go do the shopping that we were supposed to do together alone. I felt like an expendable object. We did not really do anything sexual, and he used to blame me that I am too sexual, and that I should go and masturbate alone in the bathroom. I decided this was all in my head. I wanted to believe that he saw me the same way that I saw him.
    While he was at my place, he made plans about our future, about leaving Romania and getting married in another country. My parents have some friends in another country that promised me that I could get a job there. He also used to tell em that I will never find anyone better than him. When i asked him why he thinks so highly of himself, he answered I know what I have to offer!".After the ten days were up, things were still peachy between the two of us. He continued to say I am handsome, the love of his life, and the most important person in the universe icon_eek.gif.

    After my parents turned around 360 degrees, and decided that my gayness is just a phase things started changing, but we continued to talk just as much as before. Fastforward to April 2014, he started acting distant after he heard that those friends can no longer help me. He went almost no contact for two weeks. He told me that he will not be able to talk to me because his grandma is sick, and that his sister is around him all the time. I understood this and accepted it. After he came back, he told me that I pissed him off that I sent him messages asking about how his grandma is feeling. But something happened in the meantime. Those friends called and said that maybe they can help me get a job, but I did not tell him this. Eventually I gave in and told him, he was lovely once again. Before I left the country we skype'd and he declared my unlimited devotion and love.

    Things did not work as planned, and I had to come back home. After I came home, I sensed that he was very distant on the phone. I asked him what is wrong. He said that eh doesn't know. He afterwards started accusing me that I did not try hard enough to find a job. That I am weak. His ex had the habit of talking over us when we were talking, and he said something like "you were so horny with me. I miss that. You sucked me so good in the beginning",I felt like shit when I heard that.. but I got the courage to ask him if he finds me physically attractive, he said that yes.. with half of his mouth. He said that he is just not that sexual, that it is his problem, not mine. But I insisted and he admitted that maybe he is not that attracted to me, and that my questions made him realize this.. Since the beginning he told me that I am not the type that he usually falls for.. I asked him the next day if he is sure that he doesn't love me anymore, and he confirmed this once again. He was so cold, so distant, like ice. I never knew this side of him. Since then he stopped contacting me, and before he told me that I am his soul-mate, that he wants to tattoo my name on his body, that he will never leave me, not even if I was paralyzed.. He even swore love to me in the church.. Not that it mattered to me since I am an atheist, but I got emotional.


    Sorry for this long story. He was my first boyfriend. I needed to get it of my chest. Now I just wish to move on, but I do not know how..
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    Jun 15, 2014 7:50 PM GMT
    Okay, first of all I would like to welcome you to RJ, we are happy to have you.

    And can I just say that you're writing is every eloquent, and it was a pleasure to read.

    Okay so, I know this may sound really cliche', but, you really do deserve better. A guy who has no self respect for himself or others especially a guy who is as loving and understanding as you are, deserves someone who will actually care about you, and your feeling and what you want in a relationship. I feel like there were a lot of manipulation, in your story and while we maybe caught up in the moment of what we may think is love, always trust your intuition, because if it doesn't feel right- chances are it isn't.

    you look like a really handsome fellow, and you deserve someone better, someone who will love you just the way you are.
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    Jun 15, 2014 8:00 PM GMT
    Varus saidOkay, first of all I would like to welcome you to RJ, we are happy to have you.

    And can I just say that you're writing is every eloquent, and it was a pleasure to read.

    Okay so, I know this may sound really cliche', but, you really do deserve better. A guy who has no self respect for himself or others especially a guy who is as loving and understanding as you are, deserves someone who will actually care about you, and your feeling and what you want in a relationship. I feel like there were a lot of manipulation, in your story and while we maybe caught up in the moment of what we may think is love, always trust your intuition, because if it doesn't feel right- chances are it isn't.

    you look like a really handsome fellow, and you deserve someone better, someone who will love you just the way you are.


    Thank you very much for your reply and for taking the time to read my pathetic story Varus! Your words mean a lot to me. You have no idea. I guess the saying is right, "if something looks to good to be true, it probably is". I guess he just used me to pass the time. For example if a TV show that he was interested in, was on, he would hang up, but I couldn't do the same. Thank god that I do not watch TV, but I do like to watch American Horror Story and The Walking Dead.
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    Jun 15, 2014 8:15 PM GMT
    GameOverPaladin said
    Varus saidOkay, first of all I would like to welcome you to RJ, we are happy to have you.

    And can I just say that you're writing is every eloquent, and it was a pleasure to read.

    Okay so, I know this may sound really cliche', but, you really do deserve better. A guy who has no self respect for himself or others especially a guy who is as loving and understanding as you are, deserves someone who will actually care about you, and your feeling and what you want in a relationship. I feel like there were a lot of manipulation, in your story and while we maybe caught up in the moment of what we may think is love, always trust your intuition, because if it doesn't feel right- chances are it isn't.

    you look like a really handsome fellow, and you deserve someone better, someone who will love you just the way you are.


    Thank you very much for your reply and for taking the time to read my pathetic story Varus! Your words mean a lot to me. You have no idea. I guess the saying is right, "if something looks to good to be true, it probably is". I guess he just used me to pass the time. For example if a TV show that he was interested in, was on, he would hang up, but I couldn't do the same. Thank god that I do not watch TV, but I do like to watch American Horror Story and The Walking Dead.


    I don't necessarily think that if something is too good to be true it probably is. I think there are a lot of good guys out there, but we are just afraid to get close to those who we think are too good for us, so we shy away and make assumptions, and never give it a second thought, and label and stamp that person as too good for "me".

    well going through this experience, I'm sure you learned a lot, and I think this will make you a stronger person, and learn somethings not only about people but the bigger lesson is learning more about yourself. I know dating I learned more about me, then I did more about the other person if they decided to stay.

    p.s. those are good shows I hear.
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    Jun 15, 2014 8:26 PM GMT
    Well the thing is I live in a small town. So there are no viable options for me right here. I am not too sure that I am ready to meet new people either. Yes. Those shows are terrific! icon_biggrin.gif I highly recommend them.
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    Jun 15, 2014 8:58 PM GMT
    255f6f1440c2cb5380201060fcadef00.gif
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    Jun 16, 2014 11:36 AM GMT
    Scruffypup said255f6f1440c2cb5380201060fcadef00.gif


    Are you saying that I am lucky that I dodged a bullet? I guess that you are right.. But he used to say I am the only person that he ever loved.. He would cut his finger if necessary for my happiness icon_eek.gif.
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    Jun 16, 2014 1:55 PM GMT
    GameOverPaladin said ... My ex also likes expensive things, and before he was with me he wanted to be with a sugar daddy ...
    usually a bad sign.


    icon_sad.gifsorry for your current emotions
    you had a life before this all started so you have to find that again.
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    Jun 16, 2014 3:30 PM GMT
    Unbelievable. Let me get this straight, this guy is jobless, lives with his ex (presumably for free) and has the nerve to come down on and ignore you for "not trying hard enough to find a job"?

    Oh, excuse me; hello Alex and welcome to RJ. I'm sorry to hear about the losing your first love; we've all been there (or will be there, unless we're lucky enough). It can be a traumatic experience - knowing that "magical" feeling or place you were at, walking on blissfully cloud nine... then suddenly, flat-lining with an impalpable connection, uncertain of where exactly that rich morsel of life went.

    Learning how to "get over" these experiences is incredibly daunting. Every waking second of the day, he may be on your mind. It's hard to focus on yourself or to remember what kind of person you were before you met him. Just when you think you've reached that day in the morning where you wake up, refusing to let it all in, you'll meet your match: a song or a sound, a picture, an image or a sight, a familiar smell that will allow you to reminisce on old times for the slightest second... then suddenly you're breaking down into an uncontrollable stream of tears, lying on the bathroom floor in self-defeat and feeling ever so pathetic. Yeah, I've been there.

    There is no right way to "move on" or "get over" it. I think time itself is the only real necessary element here. Your brain has a long road to walk on it's own, and how it walks that road all depends on your mood or attitude at any given moment. Sometimes you just need to be upset, and sometimes you need to be tough enough to keep it all in throughout the day. It's hard.

    On the situation itself, it sounds like "J" was a selfish, manipulative, deceitful, (insert any nasty adjective used to describe someone who takes advantage of others for their own gain or benefit), incapable of empathy or emotion and lacking the ability to actually love another human being, let alone giving them the attention and appreciation that they actually deserve. This is someone who has learned to take advantage of others in order to get what they want out of life because they dont have any of the necessary elements or characteristics to get it themselves. Once he learned that you depended on him for affection and attention, he knew that he could use this to his advantage. He would make you feel ashamed and guilty in order to make you feel like you owed him something. Once he learned about your job situation - or that there wouldn't be much more that he could take from you, you became nothing more but a nuisance to him; he dropped you like a fly. People like these are the worst kind; the bane of humanity.

    Varus is absolutely correct in saying that you deserve better. You are sweet, compassionate and caring; you want nothing more than to experience love through others and that is a gift that must be cherished and reserved for only those who deserve it. J was totally unworthy, by any definition. It is people like him that extinguish the flames of love itself and turn the idea into nothing more than a fairytale. Uggghhh icon_rolleyes.gificon_rolleyes.gificon_rolleyes.gificon_rolleyes.gif.

    I totally understand your living circumstances and it must be tough coming from a small town with limited or obscure opportunity for gay dating. My advice is to look out elsewhere, wherever is closest but larger and more open. Hang in there; there are good guys out there and I hope you find them.

    Good luck icon_biggrin.gif
  • PR_GMR

    Posts: 3831

    Jun 16, 2014 3:58 PM GMT
    Basically, I want to take Rolfron's post above and frame it because it's the absolute truth. His post x 100000000000!

    Alex, this guy that you're suffering for, J, is a complete, unadulterated LOSER. In reading your post, I cringed so many times, I thought I was watching a horror movie. Let me get this--You fell *long distance* for a fat, unemployed loser that's still living and *sharing* a bed with his ex boyfriend?
    I want to scream! icon_surprised.gif

    Alex.. destroy all communication with this douchebag. Block him on Facebook. Delete his phone number. Delete all email. Forget that this barely human douche exists, have no contact and move on. Please put your pennies together and move to a bigger city and meet other gay men. I guarantee you your experience will improve times a thousand once you move. Just chalk this one up to your first experience and leave him behind firmly in the dust.
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    Jun 16, 2014 6:12 PM GMT
    GameOverPaladin said
    Scruffypup said255f6f1440c2cb5380201060fcadef00.gif


    Are you saying that I am lucky that I dodged a bullet? I guess that you are right.. But he used to say I am the only person that he ever loved.. He would cut his finger if necessary for my happiness icon_eek.gif.


    Yes, that's exactly what I'm saying. The man is what I call an Emotional Vampire. He will suck the life out of you every time you're around him.

    Words are cheap. And you seem to have a selective memory on the words he's used on you. He also made fun of your body, told you you were not his type and told you he's not in love with you....just to name a few. But somehow you focus on him saying he'd cut his finger to make you happy. I think you have a dangerously low self esteem, which is pretty common for a lot of gay men. You would probably benefit a lot from therapy.

    Not only should you refuse contact from this guy, you should block his number on your phone, block his email and Facebook. The only solution to getting over this and thinking clearly is ZERO contact with this loser. You may still miss him for a while but it will pass if you do this. You can't control your feelings, but you can control your actions....which in time will alter your feelings.
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    Jun 16, 2014 9:30 PM GMT
    pellaz said
    GameOverPaladin said ... My ex also likes expensive things, and before he was with me he wanted to be with a sugar daddy ...
    usually a bad sign.


    icon_sad.gifsorry for your current emotions
    you had a life before this all started so you have to find that again.


    That's a good way to put things into perspective. I need to learn to love myself enough to not let these types of predators get to me in the future icon_smile.gif.


    Rolfron saidUnbelievable. Let me get this straight, this guy is jobless, lives with his ex (presumably for free) and has the nerve to come down on and ignore you for "not trying hard enough to find a job"?

    Oh, excuse me; hello Alex and welcome to RJ. I'm sorry to hear about the losing your first love; we've all been there (or will be there, unless we're lucky enough). It can be a traumatic experience - knowing that "magical" feeling or place you were at, walking on blissfully cloud nine... then suddenly, flat-lining with an impalpable connection, uncertain of where exactly that rich morsel of life went.

    Learning how to "get over" these experiences is incredibly daunting. Every waking second of the day, he may be on your mind. It's hard to focus on yourself or to remember what kind of person you were before you met him. Just when you think you've reached that day in the morning where you wake up, refusing to let it all in, you'll meet your match: a song or a sound, a picture, an image or a sight, a familiar smell that will allow you to reminisce on old times for the slightest second... then suddenly you're breaking down into an uncontrollable stream of tears, lying on the bathroom floor in self-defeat and feeling ever so pathetic. Yeah, I've been there.

    There is no right way to "move on" or "get over" it. I think time itself is the only real necessary element here. Your brain has a long road to walk on it's own, and how it walks that road all depends on your mood or attitude at any given moment. Sometimes you just need to be upset, and sometimes you need to be tough enough to keep it all in throughout the day. It's hard.

    On the situation itself, it sounds like "J" was a selfish, manipulative, deceitful, (insert any nasty adjective used to describe someone who takes advantage of others for their own gain or benefit), incapable of empathy or emotion and lacking the ability to actually love another human being, let alone giving them the attention and appreciation that they actually deserve. This is someone who has learned to take advantage of others in order to get what they want out of life because they dont have any of the necessary elements or characteristics to get it themselves. Once he learned that you depended on him for affection and attention, he knew that he could use this to his advantage. He would make you feel ashamed and guilty in order to make you feel like you owed him something. Once he learned about your job situation - or that there wouldn't be much more that he could take from you, you became nothing more but a nuisance to him; he dropped you like a fly. People like these are the worst kind; the bane of humanity.

    Varus is absolutely correct in saying that you deserve better. You are sweet, compassionate and caring; you want nothing more than to experience love through others and that is a gift that must be cherished and reserved for only those who deserve it. J was totally unworthy, by any definition. It is people like him that extinguish the flames of love itself and turn the idea into nothing more than a fairytale. Uggghhh icon_rolleyes.gificon_rolleyes.gificon_rolleyes.gificon_rolleyes.gif.

    I totally understand your living circumstances and it must be tough coming from a small town with limited or obscure opportunity for gay dating. My advice is to look out elsewhere, wherever is closest but larger and more open. Hang in there; there are good guys out there and I hope you find them.

    Good luck icon_biggrin.gif


    Thank you for your wonderful reply and warm welcome! You are right. Even since the beginning of the relationship I felt like something was off. I've just heard that he will go to Spain , to his friend's wedding. His friend is going to marry a much older guy, that he only met 6 months ago.. He is only going to marry the guy to get his citizenship.. I have found a guy that is interested in me.. But I feel like I am cheating my ex. We met up and we did some stuff, but I couldn't keep my eyes open. I felt like whore, and I shouldn't feel like that since I am single..

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    Jun 16, 2014 9:35 PM GMT
    PR_GMR saidBasically, I want to take Rolfron's post above and frame it because it's the absolute truth. His post x 100000000000!

    Alex, this guy that you're suffering for, J, is a complete, unadulterated LOSER. In reading your post, I cringed so many times, I thought I was watching a horror movie. Let me get this--You fell *long distance* for a fat, unemployed loser that's still living and *sharing* a bed with his ex boyfriend?
    I want to scream! icon_surprised.gif

    Alex.. destroy all communication with this douchebag. Block him on Facebook. Delete his phone number. Delete all email. Forget that this barely human douche exists, have no contact and move on. Please put your pennies together and move to a bigger city and meet other gay men. I guarantee you your experience will improve times a thousand once you move. Just chalk this one up to your first experience and leave him behind firmly in the dust.


    PR_GMR, you are right.. Reading all of this and playing it again in my head.. I feel the same way as you did when you read it. The sad part is that I still have moments when I would like "take back all the bad, just so that I can have all the good". I am still trying to find excuses for him, even though there are none.. Today I talked to a mutual friend and he told me to go NC on him.

    My ex messaged me on Facebook and he told me that I can call him anytime if I want.. Yeah.. He's a narc alrig
    ht.


    Scruffypup said
    GameOverPaladin said
    Scruffypup said255f6f1440c2cb5380201060fcadef00.gif


    Are you saying that I am lucky that I dodged a bullet? I guess that you are right.. But he used to say I am the only person that he ever loved.. He would cut his finger if necessary for my happiness icon_eek.gif.


    Yes, that's exactly what I'm saying. The man is what I call an Emotional Vampire. He will suck the life out of you every time you're around him.

    Words are cheap. And you seem to have a selective memory on the words he's used on you. He also made fun of your body, told you you were not his type and told you he's not in love with you....just to name a few. But somehow you focus on him saying he'd cut his finger to make you happy. I think you have a dangerously low self esteem, which is pretty common for a lot of gay men. You would probably benefit a lot from therapy.

    Not only should you refuse contact from this guy, you should block his number on your phone, block his email and Facebook. The only solution to getting over this and thinking clearly is ZERO contact with this loser. You may still miss him for a while but it will pass if you do this. You can't control your feelings, but you can control your actions....which in time will alter your feelings.


    Once again you were spot on! I guess the saying is right "Actions speaks louder than words". I was the perfect victim. Naive and young. The thing is he used to tell me that I will never find someone better, that he is the only one that will accept me how I am icon_redface.gif. Meaning inexperienced.
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    Jun 16, 2014 9:59 PM GMT
    GameOverPaladin said
    PR_GMR saidBasically, I want to take Rolfron's post above and frame it because it's the absolute truth. His post x 100000000000!

    Alex, this guy that you're suffering for, J, is a complete, unadulterated LOSER. In reading your post, I cringed so many times, I thought I was watching a horror movie. Let me get this--You fell *long distance* for a fat, unemployed loser that's still living and *sharing* a bed with his ex boyfriend?
    I want to scream! icon_surprised.gif

    Alex.. destroy all communication with this douchebag. Block him on Facebook. Delete his phone number. Delete all email. Forget that this barely human douche exists, have no contact and move on. Please put your pennies together and move to a bigger city and meet other gay men. I guarantee you your experience will improve times a thousand once you move. Just chalk this one up to your first experience and leave him behind firmly in the dust.


    PR_GMR, you are right.. Reading all of this and playing it again in my head.. I feel the same way as you did when you read it. The sad part is that I still have moments when I would like "take back all the bad, just so that I can have all the good". I am still trying to find excuses for him, even though there are none.. Today I talked to a mutual friend and he told me to go NC on him.

    My ex messaged me on Facebook and he told me that I can call him anytime if I want.. Yeah.. He's a narc alrig
    ht.


    Scruffypup said
    GameOverPaladin said
    Scruffypup said255f6f1440c2cb5380201060fcadef00.gif


    Are you saying that I am lucky that I dodged a bullet? I guess that you are right.. But he used to say I am the only person that he ever loved.. He would cut his finger if necessary for my happiness icon_eek.gif.


    Yes, that's exactly what I'm saying. The man is what I call an Emotional Vampire. He will suck the life out of you every time you're around him.

    Words are cheap. And you seem to have a selective memory on the words he's used on you. He also made fun of your body, told you you were not his type and told you he's not in love with you....just to name a few. But somehow you focus on him saying he'd cut his finger to make you happy. I think you have a dangerously low self esteem, which is pretty common for a lot of gay men. You would probably benefit a lot from therapy.

    Not only should you refuse contact from this guy, you should block his number on your phone, block his email and Facebook. The only solution to getting over this and thinking clearly is ZERO contact with this loser. You may still miss him for a while but it will pass if you do this. You can't control your feelings, but you can control your actions....which in time will alter your feelings.


    Once again you were spot on! I guess the saying is right "Actions speaks louder than words". I was the perfect victim. Naive and young. The thing is he used to tell me that I will never find someone better, that he is the only one that will accept me how I am icon_redface.gif. Meaning inexperienced.


    Yup, and guys like him just hope you're naive enough to believe them. Oh well, none of us are born knowing this stuff. I've met some real winners in my younger days with stories that would make your ears melt! One of them turned out to be on America's Most Wanted. icon_neutral.gif
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    Jun 16, 2014 10:17 PM GMT
    GameOverPaladin saidThank you for your wonderful reply and warm welcome! You are right. Even since the beginning of the relationship I felt like something was off. I've just heard that he will go to Spain , to his friend's wedding. His friend is going to marry a much older guy, that he only met 6 months ago.. He is only going to marry the guy to get his citizenship.. I have found a guy that is interested in me.. But I feel like I am cheating my ex. We met up and we did some stuff, but I couldn't keep my eyes open. I felt like whore, and I shouldn't feel like that since I am single..


    Although it may have been too soon for a hook up, you're absolutely right and I'm glad that you've came to the right conclusion. This is exactly how people like him want you to feel, even after doing business with them. It's very mentally pathological; it's like they're spreading an unhealthy disease. I've nothing but disgust for their ilk and I pray for them.
  • BloodFlame

    Posts: 1768

    Jun 16, 2014 10:45 PM GMT
    Rolftron always knows the right thing to say.
    And I'm sorry that happened. It sucks and this guy sounds like a parasite. A horrible parasite. It's better that you broke things off now before it got more "deeper". Like Scruffypup said, you dodged a bullet there and now you won't have to worry about wasting anymore time on such a guy.

    Whatever you do, don't go back to him. Because if you do, he'll probably get the notion that he can have you wrapped around his finger at the push of a button. So focus on yourself, do what makes you happy. Indulge in your hobbies (or get some), hang out with your friends and family, anything that makes you happy. And i promise you, he'll become noting but a faded memory and a learning experience. Don't give up hope either. There are good guys out there. Believe me, I know how hard it is to find people who will genuinely like you but you just have to keep your head up. I have to follow this myself when I'm in my dark moods lol. But I'm sure when you find that guy who likes you for you, it's going to be a great day.

    So keep your chin up and good luck!
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    Jun 17, 2014 4:59 AM GMT
    Scruffypup said

    Yup, and guys like him just hope you're naive enough to believe them. Oh well, none of us are born knowing this stuff. I've met some real winners in my younger days with stories that would make your ears melt! One of them turned out to be on America's Most Wanted. icon_neutral.gif


    For real!? OMG! icon_eek.gif I am sorry that you had your fair share of deceivers.

    Rolfron said

    Although it may have been too soon for a hook up, you're absolutely right and I'm glad that you've came to the right conclusion. This is exactly how people like him want you to feel, even after doing business with them. It's very mentally pathological; it's like they're spreading an unhealthy disease. I've nothing but disgust for their ilk and I pray for them.


    Yes. You are right. It is so weird how we miss abusers more than the people that treat us nice. This new guy was 10x more intimate and into me, and we barely just met. So I guess that I am not that ugly. The thing is that after the 1st time that I met with this guy, I realized that I put my ex on a pedestal, without him deserving to be there, since he never did anything to prove my love. He used to say that if he didn't love me he wouldn't have came to my parent's house, but c'mon it was vacation, and his ex is crazy an demanding. So it was more like a win-win for him. When I asked him if he loved me he always said that I should just feel it, he avoided giving a straight answer many times or he would say something like "I love you, stupid!", which I found a bit offensive, but I thought it was normal. I am sure that I am not everybody's type, but there are still people that find me attractive, and are drawn to my personality. This new guy wants me to spend the weekend with him, but the thing is that I still feel sort of guilty for meeting with him. FML! All my life I wanted my fairytale. Well not really, but I wanted to be with just one guy, and my ex knew exactly what to say to make me believe he was the one. He even said that we have similar values, and that is what will keep us together forever. Lies, all lies.


    BloodFlame saidRolftron always knows the right thing to say.
    And I'm sorry that happened. It sucks and this guy sounds like a parasite. A horrible parasite. It's better that you broke things off now before it got more "deeper". Like Scruffypup said, you dodged a bullet there and now you won't have to worry about wasting anymore time on such a guy.

    Whatever you do, don't go back to him. Because if you do, he'll probably get the notion that he can have you wrapped around his finger at the push of a button. So focus on yourself, do what makes you happy. Indulge in your hobbies (or get some), hang out with your friends and family, anything that makes you happy. And i promise you, he'll become noting but a faded memory and a learning experience. Don't give up hope either. There are good guys out there. Believe me, I know how hard it is to find people who will genuinely like you but you just have to keep your head up. I have to follow this myself when I'm in my dark moods lol. But I'm sure when you find that guy who likes you for you, it's going to be a great day.

    So keep your chin up and good luck!


    >Hug< Thank you for your reply. You are right, I need to find a guy that likes me for me. I know that I am not perfect, but the thing is nobody else is. We all are flawed, and that is the beauty of human nature. I hope that one day I will find out what love looks and feels like. Atm I am too hurt to even think about a new relationship, and I doubt I will trust a guy when he will say "I love you" ever again.