is it really necessary to die alone

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    Jun 16, 2014 4:00 PM GMT
    we have been together 5 years and last Sunday we spent the evening watching the Tony Awards with his x-bf.

    a remarkable man:
    The x-bf was a diabetic since early childhood. Now blind, kidney transplant and problematic frequent visits to the hospital for pneumonia (no immune system). Possible rejection too.
    -he went to work the next Monday.

    he died early Tuesday morning.

    we are going through the motions:
    -found a facility for the cremation
    -filed in probate court this morning for executor
    -we have been cleaning up his belongings

    he was 46.
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    Jun 16, 2014 4:16 PM GMT
    sorry to hear it man icon_sad.gif

    i heard a stat the other day that 1/3 of people with diabetes don't even know they have it. that's pretty stunning.

    http://www.nih.gov/news/pr/may2006/niddk-26.htm
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    Jun 16, 2014 5:08 PM GMT
    We are all going to die alone unless we die in a car accident or earthquake with our loved ones. I see death like falling asleep minus the waking up part. Death is part of nature. I don't get why people see death like something evil. We are all going to die someday and we are all going to lose someone we love someday.
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    Jun 16, 2014 5:21 PM GMT
    I was not with my Mother when she died. She was in a coma; in the last stage of dying from cancer. I had spent three hours with her that day, alone with her in her room. I talked to her. I told her how much I loved her, told her about all the good memories that she gave to me.
    I swabbed her mouth. The last thing I did before I left was to put some lotion on her arms.
    I was home alone about 12:35am, standing in front of a mirrored dresser. All of a sudden, I felt a weight lifted off my shoulders...I knew she was gone.
    I got into bed around 6:30am, just thinking. The phone rang at 6:45. I knew who it was. They told me she passed away at 3:05 or something, but I knew better.
    Should I have been there with her? I ask myself that, sometimes. I don't know. She was a private person. I think I did the right thing. At least I hope so.
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    Jun 16, 2014 5:33 PM GMT
    I find the OP confusing. Was this pellaz's partner? Did they live together?

    My first partner literally died in my arms (of AIDS). With 3 other of our friends around him. Not easy, a brave thing for them to choose to do. It told me a lot about gay community, that some guys here diss.

    It's not "necessary" to die alone. But sometimes it happens. Accients happen. My Mother died of a sudden heart attack in her hospital bed, all alone. I was really upset by that. I was a thousand miles away.

    And then my Father died of a heart attack too, in the bedroom right next to mine. We think about 4 in the morning. I never heard anything. I found him on the floor beside his bed the next morning. Do you wanna know how bad that makes you feel?

    Both my parents died alone, and that haunts me. But my grandmother died in bed in front of me, when I was 10, with all her family around her.

    I really don't know if it matters or not. You die, you die. Better I suppose if it can be staged, but we don't always control how it happens. So I don't understand the OP's use of the word "necessary".
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    Jun 16, 2014 10:23 PM GMT
    Pellaz -- I'm very sorry for your loss.

    David
  • Webster666

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    Jun 16, 2014 11:47 PM GMT
    I wouldn't say that it's "necessary" to die alone, but that's the way a lot of us will go. Shrug. It's tough when anybody dies. Sorry you guys are having to go through this...
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    Jun 17, 2014 12:00 AM GMT
    Clearly he wasn't that alone
    He had you two.
    I do hope this won't stress you guy's financially, as can happen.
    Bless you guys.
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    Jun 17, 2014 1:34 AM GMT
    I am so sorry for your loss , it is always heartbreaking when someone you care for passes to the other side .
    But memories are here for us to remind us of all the good moments passed altogether .
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    Jun 17, 2014 1:40 AM GMT
    totally sorry about the confusion:
    he was my partner's x-bf
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    Jun 17, 2014 1:44 AM GMT
    Big Hugz to you both... losing someone you love is always a kick to the gut and very unsettling.
    Hang in there.
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    Jun 18, 2014 6:21 AM GMT
    WTF :C


    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MRFzq5L2Aak
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    Jun 18, 2014 9:28 AM GMT
    owl_bundy saidsorry for your loss.

    unless you die at the same time as somebody else in the same room or spot like a car, a building or something, you're pretty much dying alone. even worse if there's people around you that are watching you die even in a room full of people. that's horrible. just imagine, you're basically on a hospital bed about to die from cancer or whatever, feeling your organs shutting down and them overdosing you with morphine or whatever drug, and you're suffering while there's people that are able body, not even knowing the pain that you're experiencing that will be going about their lives tomorrow while you'll be gone tomorrow all crying and shit. man..... who the fuck wants their last moments alive to be some depressing shit? there's people that i guess when they go out, they want their family or whoever to be around them to make them feel less anxious about dying. if i were to die, i would like to die alone in the woods. icon_lol.gif yes, emo. at least, i wanna die somewhere that i like alone. fuck being in some hospital, hooked up to some life support machine.


    me too.....I will find a floatation or raft..float out to sea and feed myself to the sharks. Idon't want anyone to see me morbid.
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    Jun 18, 2014 9:40 PM GMT
    my condolences icon_sad.gif
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    Jun 18, 2014 9:54 PM GMT
    dustin_K_tx said ... hope this won't stress you guy's financially, as can happen ...
    his medical bills may be high.

    even tho he had a will he forgot to put a proper beneficiary in his insurance and 401K's so all that goes to his christian sister.
    dosnt matter i guess.
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    Jun 18, 2014 10:18 PM GMT
    Who's to say that the presence of a loved one at the time of an uncomfortable, undignified death provides comfort or discomfort but the deceased, and they're not talking.

    I was at a hospital bedside for two deaths. The first as the morphine was deliberately over-administered, the second also during the final death rattle, within 15 minutes of her eyes glazing over and her breathing becoming labored, signaling that she'd decided to leave the party. I can only hope I was a comfort in those last terrible moments but you never know. I'm the type to shuffle off quietly to the elephant's graveyard but not everyone is.
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    Jun 18, 2014 10:22 PM GMT
    You might have someone by your side, but make no mistake about it.....the process of death must be done alone. There are many people with near death experiences that say people come in spirit form to greet us when we die.
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    Jun 18, 2014 10:23 PM GMT
    eagermuscle saidWho's to say that the presence of a loved one at the time of an uncomfortable, undignified death provides comfort or discomfort but the deceased, and they're not talking.

    My grandfather passed away this past January, and he had the rare privilege of all 4 of his children and his wife (my grandmother) being there to see him off on his last day of life. He died at home, as he wished, and when he was taking his last breaths my mom and her siblings described him as being at great peace and ready to go. My grandmother gave him the same three kisses that she gave him every night in their 61 years of marriage, and then just minutes later he died. I can't imagine a better way to go than to be surrounded by your loving family, united despite differences to be there for your passing.

    On a side note, it's my grandmother's 83rd birthday today. It's her first birthday in 61 years without her husband, my late grandfather. I can't imagine the mixed emotions she must be feeling today.