The Unique Challenges Of Coming Out As Gay Later In Life

  • metta

    Posts: 39108

    Jun 17, 2014 7:11 AM GMT
    The Unique Challenges Of Coming Out As Gay Later In Life


    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/06/14/coming-out-gay-late-in-life_n_5493292.html
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    Jun 17, 2014 11:42 AM GMT
    Oh please gay people in straight marriages. Should that not be bi people in straight marriages. Why do so many bis make out that bi is a dirty word, and refuse to stand under the Bi Pride Flag. Nope they would rather bee seen as straight, as young people then as gay people in middle to old age. Once they have no need for the wives so it seems.

    But I was out in the 1960's out in the Aussie bush, when baby boomers still hid away behind skirts of women, and children they created by having heterosexual sex, and seen as straight married people receiving all the rewards that came with their lifestyle choice; even if that choice was to live a lie, that effected many innocent. I also did not need gay role models to know I was not born to root females. I also started with accepting the way I was born, even though so many did not have the balls to do what I did at such a young age. So please stop with the propaganda of: but it was the 1940's 50's. I was out in the 1060's in the Aussie bush that was equal to the 1940's.

    I truly understand why many women feel absolute outrage, when they find out their husband also like the boys, and the different choices they would of made, if they only knew the truth.

    Nor did I hid away in underground bars and clubs. I helped bring it out in the open and let the sun shine down on hidden communities. I showed my love and affection for men in public out in the open in the 1970's, after I had been trustful about being attacked to males as a child in the 1960's to my family. when so many still hid away, awaiting for people like myself to help liberate them. But even today, people still make the choice to live a lie.

    But this was also a time when gay was gay, and gay was not bi, as there are those today who did hid away, want to hijack the meaning of gay to include themselves, and to also for many, to hid their past as straight married mothers and fathers; it seems their lie just goes on.

    I feel this also contributes to people believing that being gay is a lifestyle choice, as you have people who is one year married with children, and the next living in a gay ghetto with a same sex lover.

    But I being born a Tre Blu Homosexual, never had the choice to have a wife or to breed the heterosexual way. But then I also get to look back on my past with open truthfulness that started before I was even a teenager, and my youth was not wasted either on living a lie for self advancement; I was born a homosexual and not a bisexual.

    No I am not bi never have been, I was born a homosexual, and lived my whole life as one, and paid a price for doing so, that others have never been willing to pay. But coming out latter in life may include a surcharge for inditing others.

    But..... at the end of the day, I really don't care if bi's feel a need to stand under the banner of gay after they are done with their wives. But what identity does it leave us Bona Fide Homosexuals, who have never ever had a wife, hidden behind women and children or had kids the heterosexual way. To me gay fathers mean homosexuals who had children via artificial insemination. let alone sex with a member of the opposite sex, as we where not born bi, or are all of the one tribe. People who live/lived as straight breeding, belong to another tribe, other than us homosexuals. After all they have a flag and banner of their very own. You do not have to lie anymore.

    But there must be unique challengers for people who decided to live as straight when young, and take a wife have children, and are seen as straight family men, and them much latter in life wanting to be seen as something different. But they were also born with an ability to do something and make choices that us Bonafide Homosexuals simply were not. Thus the difference.
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    Jun 17, 2014 1:38 PM GMT
    Building on what Art (EDIT: Whoops! Sorry! I meant "SBart"! hee hee) discussed, there was an episode of Iyanla Fix My Life a couple weeks ago that had me tearing my little nappy hairs out.



    Fix My LifeFor Jennifer, her marriage fell apart six years ago when she found an explicit letter written by her husband to someone else.


    To viewers, it becomes increasingly obvious what the gender of the "someone else" is. But for this one-time pastor and father of two, David is of The Orientation That Dare Not Speak Its Name.



    So, David wants everyone to believe his "second life" revolves around an "addiction to p0rn." It sure sounds like his wife does, too. Note the times they repeatedly refer to "another person."

    David insists, repeatedly, he married Jennifer because he wanted to be "normal." And, right as Iyanla guides his little horse to the edge of the water, he says, quivering, "This Is Where I Meet My End." What?

    If you were like me, I probably owe you a new screen. Because I wanted to reach through my TV and grab this guy and scream, "YOU'RE EITHER BI OR YOU'RE GAY, DAMMIT! SAY IT! SAY IT!" Fortunately for him, Iyanla had just enough professional class not to do this. At least, not with the cameras rolling.

    I don't care what he comes out as, he simply can't keep stringing family along pretending to be some straight guy with a "p0rn addiction" so big he has to move out of the house.





    Where the insidious "ex-gay" industries thrive, they're largely preying upon otherwise mature gay and bi men who refuse to come out of the closet because of self-imposed "baggage," and those who won't recognize there's no binary when it comes to sexual orientation.
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    Jun 17, 2014 2:09 PM GMT
    "Item #3" is a little bit of what I was alluding to in the "I Have No Older Role Models" thread.

    Rick ClemonsProblem #3: Lost youth.
    One of the first things that happen for a late bloomer is this sense of needing to make up for lost time.

    As we all know, it's not really possible to do that, however, newly out adults tend to act like the immature teen they never got to be when they were younger.

    Even if you're the most levelheaded and mature adult you know, after you first come out you will probably act like a kid in a candy store, drooling over all the selections available to you in the gay dating buffet line.

    Just remember, the kid in the candy store often ends up with a stomachache and the same rule applies here. Over-the-top sexual and dating conquests do not necessarily lead to a healthy gay lifestyle.
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    Jun 17, 2014 7:24 PM GMT
    People may use the term community; when it's communities. We are not all of the one tribe, and shoving us all under the one banner does not make us one.

    I know there will be half brothers whinging on me, for not understanding and for not seeing things their way.

    But.......they have also not done the walk though life I have! Being out as a child in the 1960's, and not in some city, but out in the Aussie bush. But I understand I have done a walk they were not willing to do. I have lived my whole life as a homosexual/gay and now look back with deep pride for doing so.

    There are more to just labels, with the use of terms like gay and bi. We are not one tribe. Yet we have those who want us all shoved under the one banner of gay. Thus gay has been hijacked, and left us True Blu Bonafide homosexuals, with no tepee to powwow.

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    Jun 17, 2014 7:51 PM GMT
    Decadence_of_Art saidPeople may use the term community; when it's communities. We are not all of the one tribe, and shoving us all under the one banner does not make us one.

    Then just talk about your own community because clearly you don't understand mine.

    There are plenty of GAY men in marriages with women and they are NOT bi. That's just a crock of down under crap.

    The read this on HP and it's pretty accurate as to some of the issues. Mostly it's the fear but once a person has put that aside, the other items become the challenges faced. I've found that in my own case and that of many guys here on RJ that I've supported through the process of coming out later in life, we tend to deal with these challenges one at a time and try and figure out where we fit in. At middle age or older you realize there's much you've missed and you can't relive your life so you go through some phases to try and find your niche and comfort zone at your age appropriate place.

    It's also a balancing act with a family. Accepting continued responsibility for your children and working with your wife (if married) to ensure everyone is appropriately set.
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    Jun 17, 2014 8:09 PM GMT
    eb925guy said
    Decadence_of_Art saidPeople may use the term community; when it's communities. We are not all of the one tribe, and shoving us all under the one banner does not make us one.

    Then just talk about your own community because clearly you don't understand mine.

    Nor you mine. Nor have you lived the life I have by doing the walk my who life, and not living a lie. Thus we are not all of the one tribe, and all belong after the one banner of gay. But I have no issue with men who have been married to women but also like the boys, from having an identity of their very own; like bi; as you want to take away from us tru Blu Homosexuals.

    There are plenty of GAY men in marriages with women and they are NOT bi. That's just a crock of down under crap.

    The read this on HP and it's pretty accurate as to some of the issues. Mostly it's the fear but once a person has put that aside, the other items become the challenges faced. I've found that in my own case and that of many guys here on RJ that I've supported through the process of coming out later in life, we tend to deal with these challenges one at a time and try and figure out where we fit in. At middle age or older you realize there's much you've missed and you can't relive your life so you go through some phases to try and find your niche and comfort zone at your age appropriate place.

    It's also a balancing act with a family. Accepting continued responsibility for your children and working with your wife (if married) to ensure everyone is appropriately set.