The guy i like hates gay people...

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    Jun 18, 2014 4:29 AM GMT
    I am really bad at these kind of things. I'm in an Asian sports group over at UCLA, and have become good friends with the members. There was one guy who i have always kind of had a thing for... and i thought he might possible be gay.

    We hangout a lot outside of basketball of football games. He's always inviting to come have dinner with him, he once bought me some blue flowers... cause blue is my favorite color. And he's always resting his head on my shoulder etc.

    A lot of the other guys i play sports with do this with me. But not usually in such an intimate way... so maybe i got the wrong vibe. Today we went and had dinner once i was done with work. He doesn't know I'm gay... and i decided that maybe I'll tell him today... and see if he says anything.

    He's christian, but i didn't realize how christian. And we actually started talking about people of different religions and homosexuality. Too which he basically said ''all homosexuals are not genetic, i think they were abused mentally or sexually as a kid and act on horrible desires because of that and i hope they all come to GOD''

    That really hurt hearing him say that stupid shit. I always looked up to him as a smart and well rounded guy! then he says some bullshit like this. A lot of people in my hometown subscribe to this similar point of view. And to hear a guy i admire say this stuff really made me sad.

    Sorry that this was long... but i really don't know now. I have admired and been friends with him for a long time. And he's friends with everyone else in our group... but i feel very weird being close to him knowing he has these feelings.

    icon_confused.gif
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    Jun 18, 2014 4:31 AM GMT
    He bought you flowers?? What straight guy do that? (Hint: none).
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    Jun 18, 2014 4:39 AM GMT
    Keeping flowers aside...
    he's either speaking truth or just playing with you.
    In either way, it's better in my opinion to come out(if you are openly gay, otherwise it's up to you)

    if he's speaking truth from his perspective, he thinks he's right because he had never experienced any gay person in his life, like a friend or a colleague; or had bad experience; or just judgemental.
    You can prove him that he's wrong.
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    Jun 18, 2014 4:40 AM GMT
    I think you're jumping to conclusion that he hates gay people. He never actually said that. I think you should still keep your friendship with him. icon_confused.gif

    I actually had a crush on my straight friends before. One of them is a self-professed homophobe. The most miserable time of my life. icon_cry.gif
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    Jun 18, 2014 4:42 AM GMT
    it's time to activate your gay superpower: change his mind.
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    Jun 18, 2014 4:47 AM GMT
    giphy.gif
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    Jun 18, 2014 5:05 AM GMT
    Sounds to me like he's a closet case.
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    Jun 18, 2014 5:09 AM GMT
    HAHAHAHAHA
    Asian Christian.

    back when I used to go to my evangelical chinese church, I would hear spouts of homophobia, and also anti-celebrities cause they're not chrisitan, and some other BS i cna't remember. and in between there are sermons that have a few minutes of chinese culture stand in and how it relates to the topic.

    back on topic. asian people can be really stubborn. religious asian people can be ultra stubborn. smart (or in those science/math degrees), but also religious and asian people can be extremely stubborn.

    Hell, one of my sunday school teacher works with genetics I think, but I don't remember if he said anything homophobia.


    #im sorry if i sound like I have a lot of angst against asian christian #how do i apologize for my childhood and teenhood influence #still have some resentment
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    Jun 18, 2014 6:15 AM GMT
    ehhhhhhhhhhhhhh

    I read the title and was like....


    Why do you talk to him?
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    Jun 18, 2014 7:47 AM GMT
    leafgreen saidHAHAHAHAHA
    Asian Christian.

    back when I used to go to my evangelical chinese church, I would hear spouts of homophobia, and also anti-celebrities cause they're not chrisitan, and some other BS i cna't remember. and in between there are sermons that have a few minutes of chinese culture stand in and how it relates to the topic.

    back on topic. asian people can be really stubborn. religious asian people can be ultra stubborn. smart (or in those science/math degrees), but also religious and asian people can be extremely stubborn.

    Hell, one of my sunday school teacher works with genetics I think, but I don't remember if he said anything homophobia.


    #im sorry if i sound like I have a lot of angst against asian christian #how do i apologize for my childhood and teenhood influence #still have some resentment


    I grew up with a Buddhist and Christian background. Luckily my dad was a Japanese Buddhist... but i found out about Asian Christians. They can be some real crazy motherfuckers! and can be very stubborn in the believes and values they hold. The christian (AKA white side of my family) had a lot of crazy christian on that side... so i have some childhood resentment too lol.
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    Jun 18, 2014 7:52 AM GMT
    The reason i said ''i am really bad at these kind of things'' i mean with telling if a certain guy is gay or not. I never just explicitly ask it like that.

    And, i'm a very open minded guy. But.. i thought the flowers thing was a little out there. The other guys i hangout with we hug, embrace, and don't mind being touchy feely. But i NEVER had a straight guy buy me flowers before... so maybe i read into that too much? maybe some guys do that for others guys... i really don't know icon_lol.gif

    I've only been coming g out to people for about a year or so. And most really don't care about it at all. There's a few who were confused but got over it.

    I have changed some friends minds on homosexuality. Once i came out they realized a close friend could be gay! and that made them a lot more open minded. But when you think all gay people are fucked up in the head from childhood or something... i don't know if coming out would really help change his mind.
  • MikeW

    Posts: 6061

    Jun 18, 2014 7:59 AM GMT
    Growing up gay around Christians, especially fundamentalist Christians, can definitely give one a *lot* of reasons to feel a TON of resentment. I mean, come on, they make such a big deal about being gay. Did Jesus say ANYTHING AT ALL about holding hands with your boy friend, making out, blow jobs, ass fucking? ANYTHING? No. He didn't say anything about it, and if it was so DAMN important you know he would have. The fact he said nothing at all tells me it is NO BIG DEAL. Nobody's business if you do. So, yeah, resentment. I've never gotten over it and never will. Fuck them. What a bunch of idiots icon_mad.gif
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    Jun 18, 2014 10:35 AM GMT
    The bigger the homophobe, the more likely he's Gay. Republicans and religious zealots especially!
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    Jun 18, 2014 3:10 PM GMT
    lifeduringwartime23 said
    leafgreen saidHAHAHAHAHA
    Asian Christian.

    back when I used to go to my evangelical chinese church, I would hear spouts of homophobia, and also anti-celebrities cause they're not chrisitan, and some other BS i cna't remember. and in between there are sermons that have a few minutes of chinese culture stand in and how it relates to the topic.

    back on topic. asian people can be really stubborn. religious asian people can be ultra stubborn. smart (or in those science/math degrees), but also religious and asian people can be extremely stubborn.

    Hell, one of my sunday school teacher works with genetics I think, but I don't remember if he said anything homophobia.


    #im sorry if i sound like I have a lot of angst against asian christian #how do i apologize for my childhood and teenhood influence #still have some resentment


    I grew up with a Buddhist and Christian background. Luckily my dad was a Japanese Buddhist... but i found out about Asian Christians. They can be some real crazy motherfuckers! and can be very stubborn in the believes and values they hold. The christian (AKA white side of my family) had a lot of crazy christian on that side... so i have some childhood resentment too lol.


    haha, yes. my mom sometimes does thing where she combines her homophobic christian ideology and chinese culture psychology to put pressure and guilt trip and some psychological attacks on me, essentially saying i can't be gay... living with Christian asian can be crazy.

    at least my mom isn't the kind that makes me need to get all A's or other thing that somehow procrastination and distraction is demonic. (humans are required to take breaks XD)

    also, my gaydar is beyond broken too. I can't tell that fine line between bromantic and gay. If anyone know where I can get my gaydar repaired and upgraded, lemme know (and maybe OP too).
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    Jun 18, 2014 3:14 PM GMT
    if you want to throw him into a depression have sex with him
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    Jun 18, 2014 3:51 PM GMT
    paulflexes saidSounds to me like he's a closet case.


    Yes
    and in the most self-hating of ways.

    I hope the next time you will learn what I have and that is to halt their hate speech to inform them of your orientation.
    I have yet to find a person that didn't automatically start back-peddling.
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    Jun 18, 2014 3:53 PM GMT
    lifeduringwartime23 said ... he said ''all homosexuals are not genetic ...
    his opinion only matters if he is into Genetics Chemical biology Chemogenomics Genomics bla bla.
    Otherwise just his version of junk science belief system.
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    Jun 18, 2014 3:53 PM GMT
    JarIan saidif you want to throw him into a depression have sex with him

    what?
    Think you meant to say: "Let it go".
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Jun 18, 2014 4:57 PM GMT
    After hearing that, I think I would be thinking... "OK, I think I've heard enough" and time to adjourn this scene....meaning, I doubt if you are going to change his mind anytime soon and if you do, it won't be as a "male interest" of his.

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    Jun 18, 2014 8:35 PM GMT
    Based on my experiences, Asian Christian people are very hardcore. I'd just stop going to the group and stay away from them. It's not worth your energy, or affections over. You just seem to hang out with the wrong crowd. Maybe they're trying to convert you with all these nice *gestures. UCLA has a gay chapter, ton of gay organizations/clubs on Campus. Lol, why would you even pick a **Christian/Asian/Sport** group to hang out is beyond me. icon_rolleyes.gif
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    Jun 18, 2014 9:31 PM GMT
    MikeW saidGrowing up gay around Christians, especially fundamentalist Christians, can definitely give one a *lot* of reasons to feel a TON of resentment. I mean, come on, they make such a big deal about being gay. Did Jesus say ANYTHING AT ALL about holding hands with your boy friend, making out, blow jobs, ass fucking? ANYTHING? No. He didn't say anything about it, and if it was so DAMN important you know he would have. The fact he said nothing at all tells me it is NO BIG DEAL. Nobody's business if you do. So, yeah, resentment. I've never gotten over it and never will. Fuck them. What a bunch of idiots icon_mad.gif


    Also it's important to pick out the religious messages of the bible and not confuse them with the cultural attitudes of the times. I find a lot of religious people seem to want to be in the world as it was thousands of years ago and hate progress despite the fact they like a lot of the modcons the new world offers.
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    Jun 18, 2014 9:45 PM GMT
    LAXWill10 saidBased on my experiences, Asian Christian people are very hardcore. I'd just stop going to the group and stay away from them. It's not worth your energy, or affections over. You just seem to hang out with the wrong crowd. Maybe they're trying to convert you with all these nice *gestures. UCLA has a gay chapter, ton of gay organizations/clubs on Campus. Lol, why would you even pick a **Christian/Asian/Sport** group to hang out is beyond me. icon_rolleyes.gif


    It's not all christian sports team. Most of the people in there are different religions. This guy just happens to be very christian.
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    Jun 18, 2014 10:06 PM GMT
    I think you should've taken this as an opportunity to defend homosexuality and educate him, although I understand your reluctance; I would've been just as disappointed hearing this from someone I thought was an admirable guy.

    I laughed, because this story reminds me of the scene from the movie Borat when he says "You're telling me that the man who tried to stick a rubber fist in my anus is a homosexual?". At the same time, I really feel for the guy, it sounds like he has a long road ahead of him - as most gays do who are indoctrinated by strict conservative Christianity.

    On the other hand, maybe he is just a really friendly, bromantic type of guy.
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    Jun 18, 2014 10:57 PM GMT
    [quote][cite]David3K said[/cite]He bought you flowers?? What straight guy do that? (Hint: none).[/quote)

    And what other straight guy rests his head on your shoulders, , he hinting and hitting on you, but move cautious and go slow to give home time to come around o the full feeling
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    Jun 18, 2014 11:54 PM GMT
    I wish a straight guy buys me flowers. icon_wink.gif