Help with attraction towards best friend!

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 08, 2009 5:41 AM GMT
    Hello All,

    So, here is the situation. I am completley in love with my best friend. He is the most wonderful, fun, attractive, sexy man I have ever met. He is literally perfect from his head to his toe. Seriously from his hair to his feet ... soooo sexy. The problem is, that I have no idea if he is even gay ... I know that it has been a few year since he was in a relationship .. and that he is extremely horny .. I just dont know how to go about approaching the situation without ruining our friendship. I can't get him out of my head .. he is all that I think about, and i want him soooo badly! Please help!
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    Jan 08, 2009 6:12 AM GMT
    its very natural for a gay man to develop feelings for his best mate, you would usually spend a lot of time together, you share things with each other, your there for each other and you go out and have fun together, not only that you can be totally your self with him..

    But he is just a mate, hes a friend, be happy with what you have and don't potentially ruin something good for more when you most likely wont get it.
  • SwimNP

    Posts: 50

    Jan 08, 2009 5:20 PM GMT
    I have a question. Does your best friend know that you're gay? Not to indulge a possible fantasy but if he is really gay then he could be pondering the same thoughts. You'll both be dancing around the "Pink Elephant" in the room until one of yall come out. If it's you don't come out and then say that you like him all in the same sentence (please for the love of cheesecake lol). Truthfully I've done that before so I know what you're going through. Bonding with a hot straight guy. Straight guy spends all his free time with you because he isn't dating (refer to nowadays as a "Bromance"). Gay guy develops feelings and the slightest hint of straight guy being gay is blown WAAAAAY out of proportion.

    If you have already come out to him, well, this it has already been stated somewhere on the forums. Straight guys will be (and are) great friends with gay guys as long as they don't feel threatened (like confessing your undying feelings towards him). Think of it this way, gay guys are best friends with girls. How would you feel if your best girlfriend told you that she was in love with you the moment she saw you?

    Take the friendship for what it is. If he knows you're gay, then sadly the ball is in his court. Unless you want to risk it.....

    Oh yeah, don't wait forever for a guy to come out of the closest (if he is gay)
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    Jan 08, 2009 5:23 PM GMT
    Chances are he is straight so don't get your hopes up. I would first of all let him know that you are gay before approaching him on your feelings.
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    Jan 08, 2009 5:35 PM GMT
    DO NOT DO A DAMN THING!!! Leave it alone!!!!
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    Jan 08, 2009 6:45 PM GMT
    He is your best friend in the whole wide world and you don't know what his sexuality is?
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    Jan 08, 2009 7:12 PM GMT
    Don't act on this. It's confused infatuation, not love. I've been down this road once... your insanity will clear up with time.
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    Jan 08, 2009 7:15 PM GMT
    Awww Josh23canada, I am so sorry for you! I have been in that position twice; with my best gay friend and my best straight friend. You need to get over it but you are in for some serious misery on the way!

    When I told my gay friend he was stunned and I believe the first thing out of his mouth was "Ewww, that would be like f***ing my brother" He was totally cool with me, kissed and hugged me, but it was clear we were never going to get together. It hurt for a long time but I got over it in large part because he was so loving and supportive and we are still very close friends today; 30+ years and counting.

    If your best friend is straight it's going to be extra tough because he will not be able to be so supportive and he will likely be scared. you must convince yourself that HE WILL NEVER LOVE YOU IN A SEXUAL WAY. If you cannot get over it you will have to part ways. When I told my best friend that I had feelings for him, it was in the course of telling him that we had to part ways because being around him was making me miserable. He was relaxed and sad about it because it was CLEAR that I knew THERE COULD NEVER BE ANYTHING BETWEEN US. Fortunately I was able to get most of it out of my system and we eventually were able to be friends again.

    I know you don't see it this way now, but it's nothing but poison and you HAVE to get it out of your system or walk.
  • 2theTEE

    Posts: 637

    Jan 08, 2009 7:35 PM GMT
    lilTanker saidits very natural for a gay man to develop feelings for his best mate, you would usually spend a lot of time together, you share things with each other, your there for each other and you go out and have fun together, not only that you can be totally your self with him..



    Don't be tempted in sharing the same bed...it can be so arousingly frustrating ! Especially when things are happening (ex: his leg crossing over mine, me kicking his leg off, him doing it again, etc etc) and you're just thinking the whole time, * wtf is happening, why is he doing this and is he really "asleep" ? *

    Ah...fun times.


    And to the OP: Just go with the flow and try not to take advantage of him when he's drunk...and if you do, well at least you tried and that's all that really matters.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 08, 2009 7:41 PM GMT
    I suggest you risk it! I say go for it, you only live once so just be sorry for the things you've done rather than those which would leave you wondering forever! Hurry before someone else less than you bag him up!

    Case in point:


    Before you thank me later, make sure you're insured. icon_cool.gif
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    Jan 08, 2009 7:58 PM GMT
    Best thing you can do is keep it as it is. Tricks come and go. Best friends are hard to come by.
    Without being in the same room as your two, I can assume that if he was lusting after you it would be obvious and you would not have to ask for our help.
    Even if he is gay it does not mean you have to screw around. Keep it as it is.
  • hartfan

    Posts: 1037

    Jan 09, 2009 6:20 AM GMT
    I've been there before. All of the above are good advice. If you're not out to him, you should tell him. If he is your best friend and you trust him, you owe him to tell him about who you really are. As far as telling him that you like him, I would avoid that because it is very likely to cause awkwardness in your friendship. If he is gay, and has feelings for you, perhaps some day he will decide to approach you. But until then, you have to take care of yourself. You have to accept that nothing is going to happen between you two and find some way to move on. It's not easy: it sucks and it hurts like hell all the time. What helped me was that I know that if there's ever a chance we're gonna turn out alright, I've got to be a strong person and the best I could ever be, for he deserves nothing less.
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    Jan 09, 2009 6:30 AM GMT
    If he really is that great of a friend then you shouldn't do anything that may jeopardize your friendship. I'm talking specifically about trying to out him or trying to put the moves on him. If he thought it were important for you to know then he would have told you. If you can think of a good reason to tell him that you are gay then do so. Just remember true friends only keep secrets to protect the ones they care about.