Finding out your friend has cheated on his girlfriend (who is also your friend)

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 22, 2014 2:39 AM GMT
    My straight friend (who I secretly have a crush on) also happens to be my boss. We've become pretty close since he took over the small business he was working for last year and I became his employee, as we previously were co-workers at another job together for a couple of years which is how we got to know one another.

    During the last year, I've also gotten to know his girlfriend and I've become really good friends with her as well. I always hang out with them, and they never make me feel like the 3rd wheel, always including me when they go out with their other friends. They've both told me that I'm actually their best and only REAL friend and the only one they can truly rely on. Needless to say, I'm close with both of them.

    Anyway, my straight friend was in a relationship for 7 years prior to this girlfriend. They broke up and got back together many times, both of them cheating on each other (I don't know about her, but I know he's slept with a lot of other girls while he was with her). Anyway, he's told me that he wasn't really in love with her and what not and they were really young when they started going out.

    With this girl it seems different. They really seem to love each other and you can tell it is real. He is 28 and she is 27. This past December he moved out of his parents house, and they got an apartment together. I always hear them discussing marriage and children and their future together.

    However, I just found out from a mutual friend that my friend (the guy) cheated on her when they went to Atlantic City together a few months back. I went to dinner with this mutual friend about a month ago and I could tell that he wanted to tell me something, but I didn't press any further. During another conversation via text tonight, I got it out of him that my friend fucked another girl. I promised this mutual friend that I would keep it between us and I of course have no plans on telling my friend's girlfriend or asking my friend/boss about it.

    But I just feel so bad for her for some reason. She knows about his past with his ex-girlfriend and has some issues trusting him and didn't really trust him going away with his friends, but she ended up letting him and what did he do? Exactly what she feared - he cheated on her. I wasn't there, but I feel kind of shitty knowing this information now.

    Anyone else ever been in this situation?
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    Jun 22, 2014 2:41 AM GMT
    What a tough situation. Some people will call you a bad friend if you tell her and some will call you a bad friend if you don't. It's like a paradox.
  • onefortified

    Posts: 1630

    Jun 22, 2014 2:42 AM GMT
    Stay out of it.
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    Jun 22, 2014 2:49 AM GMT
    kevex saidWhat a tough situation. Some people will call you a bad friend if you tell her and some will call you a bad friend if you don't. It's like a paradox.


    Exactly.

    I mean I wasn't there and I didn't see anything happen so it's not like I know for sure. But I don't see why this mutual friend would lie about it. The only thing I can possibly think of, is that he may be jealous because me and my friend/boss have gotten really close and they now don't hang out as much, so maybe he's trying to stir up some drama?

    Also, my friend/boss hooked up with his ex-girlfriend either before or after he started dating her, and denied it when he was asked about it so he could be holding some grudges over that...but I still can't see him making this up, because if my friend ever found out he told me, he would confront him about it.
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    Jun 22, 2014 2:52 AM GMT
    onefortified saidStay out of it.


    This.

    Unless you want to fuel drama.
  • MikeW

    Posts: 6061

    Jun 22, 2014 3:06 AM GMT
    So you "know" something third hand. It may very well be true, fact is though it isn't any of your business. From what you said, it looks like you put yourself in this situation *wanting* to know what this third hand had to say.

    I tell my RL friends this: "I don't like gossip. Don't ever tell me *anything* you expect me to keep secret from a mutual friend. To me it is a form of lying and it's not going to happen."
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    Jun 22, 2014 3:11 AM GMT
    MikeW saidSo you "know" something third hand. It may very well be true, fact is though it isn't any of your business. From what you said, it looks like you put yourself in this situation *wanting* to know what this third hand had to say.

    I tell my RL friends this: "I don't like gossip. Don't ever tell me *anything* you expect me to keep secret from a mutual friend. To me it is a form of lying and it's not going to happen."


    So are you saying you would say something if you were in my situation?
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    Jun 22, 2014 3:12 AM GMT
    GAMRican said
    onefortified saidStay out of it.

    This.

    Unless you want to fuel drama.

    Agreed.

    About the only time it might be viable to say something is if he's bi and he's bareback bottoming.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 22, 2014 3:13 AM GMT
    Gossip is spreading rumours. If you have evidence to sustain your claims then tell her. It's not a rumour, it's a truth.
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    Jun 22, 2014 3:44 PM GMT
    kevex saidGossip is spreading rumours. If you have evidence to sustain your claims then tell her. It's not a rumour, it's a truth.


    But I wasn't there and didn't see anything, so technically someone telling me something is a rumor.
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    Jun 23, 2014 12:36 AM GMT
    Anyone else? icon_sad.gif