Addicted

  • itsjojobxtch

    Posts: 27

    Jun 23, 2014 1:47 AM GMT
    Me and this guy have been seeing each other for a year now and we're just compatible in bed. We're pretty much addicted to each other for the sex part. On my side, I've been growing feelings for him (sex turned into feelings), but on his side he didn't because he says that we're only compatible in bed so he's been feeling guilty and pressure for disappointing and hurting me because I was getting my hopes high. We were so focused on each other that we would forget about our other friends. We would see each other very often every week. He has feelings for me too, but not as strong as mine. So he decided to pull the plug and completely stop seeing me and ever since I've been I guess depressed and overwhelmed. It's so hard for me to accept this sudden change and I'm still not over it. I'm confused, frustrated, upset, mad and sad. I keep thinking about him and I'm always tempted to text him and ask to see him again. I don't know what to do anymore ... Help ?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 23, 2014 1:57 AM GMT
    Have you two considered going to a couples counselor in order to learn 1) each other's communication styles and forms of showing "love"; 2) what each of you is really seeking from a relationship and this relationship in particular; 3) an agreement on how you two are going to proceed together (or apart) going forward.

    Because if either of you is not getting what you want, or either of you is being forced into accepting a situation which leads to resentment, then the relationship is probably doomed and you both might consider that both of you would be better off cutting it off now and seeking your happiness with another.
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    Jun 23, 2014 2:02 AM GMT
    GAMRican saidHave you two considered going to a couples counselor in order to learn 1) each other's communication styles and forms of showing "love"; 2) what each of you is really seeking from a relationship and this relationship in particular; 3) an agreement on how you two are going to proceed together (or apart) going forward.

    Because if either of you is not getting what you want, or either of you is being forced into accepting a situation which leads to resentment, then the relationship is probably doomed and you both might consider that both of you would be better off cutting it off now and seeking your happiness with another.


    It sounds like they consider eachother FBs more than boyfriends from this post...


    OP, confirm?


  • MikeW

    Posts: 6061

    Jun 23, 2014 2:24 AM GMT
    GAMRican is quite right. Relationships are about some sort of commitment (could be anything, really). But to go into couples counseling presumes a level of commitment that may not be present.

    I get there is an emotional imbalance here. The first question is, though, what do you want to do about it? Right now you're feeling the itch and the question is, are you going to scratch it or not?

    As I see it, there is no right or wrong here exactly. Its a choice and some choices may be better than others. But either choice has consequences, good, bad and unforeseeable.

    Now is the time to ask yourself what you really want. Obviously you want sex (who doesn't!) but equally obviously you're wanting something more than that, too. Nothing wrong with that! But if there is an imbalance, people are going to get hurt. Scratching the itch won't really help that. Not saying don't scratch, just know what you're doing.
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    Jun 23, 2014 2:26 AM GMT
    GAMRican saidHave you two considered going to a couples counselor in order to learn 1) each other's communication styles and forms of showing "love"; 2) what each of you is really seeking from a relationship and this relationship in particular; 3) an agreement on how you two are going to proceed together (or apart) going forward.

    Because if either of you is not getting what you want, or either of you is being forced into accepting a situation which leads to resentment, then the relationship is probably doomed and you both might consider that both of you would be better off cutting it off now and seeking your happiness with another.


    The other guy never considered OP as his boyfriend, he broke it off when OP tried to get things serious, he's obviously not intersted, so going to a couples counselor is way out of place here.

    OP, that guy is not worthy of your time. Try find someone else who you're attracted to and whos willing to get into a relationship with you. The guy made it clear he's not intersted and contacting him again wont do you any good.
  • Webster666

    Posts: 9217

    Jun 23, 2014 2:33 AM GMT
    Congratulations !
    Now, you're free to go out and find someone who deserves you.
  • itsjojobxtch

    Posts: 27

    Jun 23, 2014 3:15 AM GMT
    GAMRican saidHave you two considered going to a couples counselor in order to learn 1) each other's communication styles and forms of showing "love"; 2) what each of you is really seeking from a relationship and this relationship in particular; 3) an agreement on how you two are going to proceed together (or apart) going forward.

    Because if either of you is not getting what you want, or either of you is being forced into accepting a situation which leads to resentment, then the relationship is probably doomed and you both might consider that both of you would be better off cutting it off now and seeking your happiness with another.


    I asked him to settle down, but he says that right now he's not looking to be involved in a serious relationship. On the other hand, he gives me hopes by saying that maybe one day he will change his mind and look to be in a relationship which is what makes me stay because I really want this to work. He's quite older than me and we have different mindset, but I'm trying to work on it ...
  • itsjojobxtch

    Posts: 27

    Jun 23, 2014 3:25 AM GMT
    MikeW saidGAMRican is quite right. Relationships are about some sort of commitment (could be anything, really). But to go into couples counseling presumes a level of commitment that may not be present.

    I get there is an emotional imbalance here. The first question is, though, what do you want to do about it? Right now you're feeling the itch and the question is, are you going to scratch it or not?

    As I see it, there is no right or wrong here exactly. Its a choice and some choices may be better than others. But either choice has consequences, good, bad and unforeseeable.

    Now is the time to ask yourself what you really want. Obviously you want sex (who doesn't!) but equally obviously you're wanting something more than that, too. Nothing wrong with that! But if there is an imbalance, people are going to get hurt. Scratching the itch won't really help that. Not saying don't scratch, just know what you're doing.


    Well I clearly know what I want I just don't know how to get it ... I really wanna get to the next level, but I know there are things that need to be worked out first.
  • MikeW

    Posts: 6061

    Jun 23, 2014 4:36 AM GMT
    itsjojobxtch said
    MikeW saidGAMRican is quite right. Relationships are about some sort of commitment (could be anything, really). But to go into couples counseling presumes a level of commitment that may not be present.

    I get there is an emotional imbalance here. The first question is, though, what do you want to do about it? Right now you're feeling the itch and the question is, are you going to scratch it or not?

    As I see it, there is no right or wrong here exactly. Its a choice and some choices may be better than others. But either choice has consequences, good, bad and unforeseeable.

    Now is the time to ask yourself what you really want. Obviously you want sex (who doesn't!) but equally obviously you're wanting something more than that, too. Nothing wrong with that! But if there is an imbalance, people are going to get hurt. Scratching the itch won't really help that. Not saying don't scratch, just know what you're doing.
    Well I clearly know what I want I just don't know how to get it ... I really wanna get to the next level, but I know there are things that need to be worked out first.

    You can't change another person or make them be what you want them to be. I don't even recommend trying. The problem with waiting till he is ready is he might never be ready. So, why should you wait? What's in it for you?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 23, 2014 4:41 AM GMT
    I know your heart is broken and it hurts like hell, but time will heal. Actually not seeing him should make it easier for you to move on. If it's meant to be, it will come back to you.