Should I re-friend this guy?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 23, 2014 4:31 AM GMT
    A year and a half ago, I got to know this really hot guy and his circle of friends. He is especially kind to me, but I kept having to remind him "no grey areas" since he is flirty and texts me very often despite him having a boyfriend. He once made a move on me when I let him crash at my place after a late night out together w/ other friends, at which I banished him to the couch, and thereafter avoided him, responding to his texts minimally and eventually ignoring him altogether

    My ex (who was by then just a frd) kept assuring me what a horrible person he is and how he abuses his boyfriend emotionally. This, coupled with the fact that this guy's submissive boyfriend and most of his friends are far more average-looking than he is, suggested maybe he prefers less-attractive lovers/friends in order to control them. But my other friend, who hasn't been in the scene nearly as long as my ex, has a very positive impression of him, attempted-cheating aside.

    Half a year ago my circle of friends split in factions - vapid village queens and my ex on one side, and my much-smaller group of remaining friends on the other side. Lately I've been disillusioned that our group has become nearly as bad as the gays we left behind, as well as disappointed in the quality of guys I've been dating (never wanted a 2nd date with any of them), so I've been looking for "better" friends, in different scenes, in the hopes they'll lead me to the kind of guys I do want to date.

    Hence, last night, after dinner with some straight friends, I didn't want to go home yet, opened POF on my phone and arranged a friend date with the first decently-written profile with a photo that messaged me, attractive or not. He was already out with 2 friends, and invited me to join them. Great, so I went... and the 2 friends were that guy and his boyfriend.

    My "date" turned out to be really nerdy, so it was kinda embarrassing being seen like this... then 2 other of his friends stopped by, reminiscing "aww yes the grindr days" after learning about me (they too are in a LTR). I had to reiterate that I was impulsively trolling for new friends lol.

    Other than that, the conversation was great like it always has been, to the point where - in hindsight - his boyfriend and my date got totally left out. Afterwards he messaged me on facebook and texted that the stars were aligned, because it was exactly 365 days ago that I last ignored his text (it was), and he rarely ever hangs out with the nerdy friend. We texted back and forth for an hour (80% him) before I had to cut it off, agreeing to not disappear again.

    He's just so nice to me that I can help but want to re-friend him. For all I know, his advances a year ago could be just a moment of weakness and that he's changed lol? In the very least, he's just a means to meet new friends...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 23, 2014 5:11 AM GMT
    I dunno :c

    Try it, I do this all the time... You can always just un-friend him being like.. Wow.. No, you are exactly what I thought..

    Or you can be pleasantly happy icon_biggrin.gif
  • highforthis

    Posts: 680

    Jun 23, 2014 5:22 AM GMT
    I'm guessing from the availability of spontaneous dates, and the frequent running into familiar faces lol, that you live in Seattle's gay village? The village does attract a certain kind of people...
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    Jul 02, 2014 12:47 AM GMT
    ^^Lol, yep I do. More convenience to work than anything.

    So I decided to let this guy initiate all the hangouts, just to avoid sending the wrong message (one of my close friends is already convinced that I slept with the guy when he crashed over - because apparently any card-carrying gay would cave to a hot guy's advances in such close quarters).

    We hung out as a large group this weekend at Pride; somehow he always finds a seat next to me wherever we go, or "accidentally" touches my arm or shoulder. Part of me wishes he'd just break up with his boyfriend, so I can fuck his brains out and get it over with icon_twisted.gif My friends even encouraged it. Gay village life for y'all, smh...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 02, 2014 1:38 PM GMT
    gooddaytoday said ... My "date" turned out to be really nerdy, so it was kinda embarrassing being seen like this ...

    you might be looking for a date with the same disagreeable attitude your friends have. You dont have to show off your date, rather you have to respect him.

    should you re-friend your original friend?
    yes. Friends generally cast out people you would not want a relationship with. Dont know why guys want to enforce some sort of moral code. Have fun with your friends. Its more important to avoid the surprise finding your partner husband cheating on YOU.

    It is not a requirement your friends like who you are dating. Probably better off dripping your friends if you enter a serious relationship anyways.

    be that boy that people talk about as being in a stable relationship for 5-7years. Pool your talents together with someone where the couple adds up to more than just 2.0
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 03, 2014 3:15 AM GMT
    No, I think you already know the answer and honestly you need to stop making excuses for him.
  • mybud

    Posts: 11819

    Jul 03, 2014 3:20 AM GMT
    He guy hasn't changed but I feel you like the attention...Do what you will.