Getting to know someone and being patient

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 24, 2014 8:30 PM GMT
    Ok, this is kind of bothering me lately, so thought I'd ask for other RL'ers their experiences with this. Whenever I meet someone that i'm totally into, I seem to get very impatient and have difficulty waiting and taking the time to really get to know someone. Not only does this make me go probably way too fast for the other person, I think it can also come across as desperate or even stressful for the other person involved. Both of which I obviously want to avoid.

    Can anyone recognize this?

    Once I get something in my head, I become VERY determined and impatient. Recently I met a guy for first time during some group activity from a LGBT group and we got it off pretty well. I'm very attracted to him and want to explore if it's mutual. First signs were very positive. I'm meeting him again in a couple of weeks, but the wait until then is literally killing me.

    Is it better to wait sometimes and let things flow naturally or should I give into my instincts and push myself sooner towards him with the risk of overwhelming him and perhaps even losing his interest in getting know me further?

    Despite early positive signs, it's pretty stressful not knowing whether it's mutual or not. Thanks for replies and insights.
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    Jun 24, 2014 8:44 PM GMT
    Yes, I recognize this. It's called "being desperate and stressed". They are both forms of anxiety. You may also be an intense person.

    Consider how you might relax more and take some time to lighten up and get to know the other person. Consider that what you may be experiencing could be a form of social anxiety. If you get this feeling in other social settings, consider how a therapist/counselor may be of help.

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    Jun 24, 2014 8:53 PM GMT
    GAMRican saidYes, I recognize this. It's called "being desperate and stressed". They are both forms of anxiety. You may also be an intense person.

    Consider how you might relax more and take some time to lighten up and get to know the other person. Consider that what you may be experiencing could be a form of social anxiety. If you get this feeling in other social settings, consider how a therapist/counselor may be of help.


    Yes, it is probably some form of anxiety. I don't meet a lot of people with whom I hit it on instantly and when that does happen I just lose it lol
    You are right that I have a rather intense personality....

    Luckily this doesn't happen in any other social settings or i'd be a constant wreck icon_razz.gif
  • PR_GMR

    Posts: 3831

    Jun 24, 2014 10:09 PM GMT
    I experience the same thing, and yes, as GAMRican posted, it is a form of social anxiety that you'll have to learn to control.

    I recently met someone who I really struck a connection with. Right from the get-go, there were massive fireworks, and I've been wanting to see more and more of him. But... he's very busy, has many things on his plate, and has little time to hangout. I last saw him last Wednesday.. and even though our recent time together went very well, I've been stressing because he hasn't replied to a couple of friendly phone calls over the weekend. It's been several days, and I'm definitely been dealing with that anxiety--I want to make things move faster, but know that it's best to really slow it down.

    I think it has to do with having been single for a very long time. I've not been in a relationship in many years, so a part of me wants to establish that connection and relationship right away. I fear being lonely. And it also doesn't help that I'm having a tough time getting a new job.. so I've lots of free time in my hands.. and too much time to think. The best thing is to keep busy--with work, with life, with friendships, hobbies--and understand that if the other person is feeling you, the connection will grow organically.
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    Jun 24, 2014 11:37 PM GMT
    actually i'm kinda going through that myself. I'm dating this one guy, and I just want to hang out with him all the time, and when he says he can't because he's always working on some project, I become distraught, and ideas start flowing in my head, what if this, and that. And I had to look at myself for a moment and realize I sound crazy. We just met, and there is no need to rush anything, because romance just doesn't magically appear, it evolves over time. So, I'm learning to just be by myself and be happy, go out with some friends to keep your mind off of things, do some activities, it really helps getting your mind off of boys.

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    Jun 25, 2014 6:48 AM GMT
    Yes, trying to do that as well now. Keeping myself occupied prevents me from doing anything stupid. Ty for replies.
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    Jun 26, 2014 3:50 PM GMT
    That is exactly how I got Syphilis ...

    Be patient!!