Hey guys,
I hope everyone is doing well. I have never written in one of these forums before so you'll have to be patient with me. I am writing this because I am hoping that someone can give me some advice so i have decided to reach out to the RJ family.
To start off I have been out of the closet for over 10 years now (since 2002) and I have never regretted that decision. I came out to my parents, friends at school and I could finally stop lying to everyone. It felt really good to tell the truth. I had these feelings for years and as many of you know it caused a great deal of guilt and heartache. Plus I come from a religious family and you can imagine what that was like. Then when I did come out I had to deal with the bigotry and intolerance of others, not to mention the endless barage of inane questions
How long have you known?
When did you know you were gay?
Who is the bitch in the relationship?
Are you a pitcher or a catcher?
Do you think you were born that way?
etc... and so on and so forth blah, blah, blah. I'm sure you guys have all answered the same bullshit questions before. Then you had to deal with the two facedness of people. We've all had family members who we thought understood then all of a sudden they change their minds because they become religious or they've thought about it a different way or whatever bullshit. It never ceases to amaze me at how toxic religion can be to a person's mind. It's like they become a totally different person and not in a good way.
Anyway, moving on. Here's my dilemma, in the last couple of years I have had a slight attraction towards women. Now this attraction isn't strong mind you, I only get turned on about 20% of the time but sometimes there are some girls that are so gorgeous that I can't help it. I mean I still like guys but I kinda like girls to.
The thing is that in the last few years or so my attraction to men has been on a steady decline. When I came out my attraction to men was very strong, but now it seems that my attraction to men and women are at the same level. I mean I am still attracted to men but it is not at as strong as is has been when I first came out or even as it was a couple of years ago. Right now it is the lowest it has ever been. I constantly go back and forth in my head comparing guys to girls and most of the time I am not attracted to girls but sometimes I do get turned on by them and I get stuck in a repetitive loop and can't think of anything else.
With all this being said here's the clencher: I HAVE NEVER HAD SEX BEFORE, WITH A MAN OR A WOMAN. I have only messed around with 2 guys but I was not really attracted to either one and it was never full on sex. One was a twink who I was fixed up with through some co-workers and the other I met online and he didn't have the body type that I was looking for and there really wasn't a connection, physically or emotionally.
Growing up and even when I came out of the closet I was overweight. I was an overweight child that turned into an obese adult and it had an enormous detrimental impact on my self-esteem. Most of the time I couldn't even look in the mirror so I never had the confidence to go up to someone and "pick them up". In the last few years I have really gotten my shit together. I have lost 50 pounds and even though i am not at my goal weight I am still working on it. I do Cross Fit about 3 times a week and try to lift weights in between classes.
I know that everybody's situation is different and there are some similarities for everyone but I'm wondering if anyone has ever been in this situation before. If so, what happened? Will my attraction to men ever come back? I hope so. Do I need to have sex with both and see what I like? What is going on?
Sorry this took so long but I have alot on my mind.
If someone can give me some advice that would be awesome. Just write your responses down below or you can contact me through my profile if you want to write a personal message.
Thanks guys and I hope you have a great night.