Red flags

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    Jun 29, 2014 5:45 PM GMT
    When dating someone there are certain red flags that come up for me which make me not want to continue seeing the person. For instance, if the guy is constantly late to dates, the way he speaks and if I find myself trying too hard to pay attention to him. It sometimes can be as specific as how much drinks he ordered, the way he talked to the waiter or his mother over the phone icon_confused.gif I get a gut feeling that this person isn't right for me.

    What are some of the red flags you look for or notice when dating someone?
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    Jun 29, 2014 5:57 PM GMT
    To me a red flag would be if he asked to go back to mine or wanted me to go back to his because it would suggest he wanted sex.
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    Jun 29, 2014 6:07 PM GMT
    Danny_boy93 saidTo me a red flag would be if he asked to go back to mine or wanted me to go back to his because it would suggest he wanted sex.


    So innocent. I understand, you want more than a hook-up. Same here.
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    Jun 29, 2014 6:32 PM GMT
    Kuestion said
    Danny_boy93 saidTo me a red flag would be if he asked to go back to mine or wanted me to go back to his because it would suggest he wanted sex.


    So innocent. I understand, you want more than a hook-up. Same here.


    I probably just need to man up lol
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    Jun 29, 2014 6:33 PM GMT
    Kuestion saidWhat are some of the red flags you look for or notice when dating someone?
    The ones that indicate dangerous ocean conditions.

    Red-Flag.beach.jpg
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    Jun 29, 2014 7:12 PM GMT
    If they have just come out of a relationship , or keep on answering texts that's a turn off. I also have no tolerance for people who send drunk texts. If someone can't control their liquor then I have no time for them
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    Jun 29, 2014 7:24 PM GMT
    BlakeA saidIf they have just come out of a relationship , or keep on answering texts that's a turn off. I also have no tolerance for people who send drunk texts. If someone can't control their liquor then I have no time for them


    If someone has been in a relationship previously I think that's a good thing because it means they know how a relationship works and how to respect a partner etc so that would reassure me instead of putting me off.
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    Jun 29, 2014 7:31 PM GMT
    Someone that keeps going on and on about their ex. Why would I be interested?

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    Jun 29, 2014 8:27 PM GMT
    Danny_boy93 said
    BlakeA saidIf they have just come out of a relationship , or keep on answering texts that's a turn off. I also have no tolerance for people who send drunk texts. If someone can't control their liquor then I have no time for them


    If someone has been in a relationship previously I think that's a good thing because it means they know how a relationship works and how to respect a partner etc so that would reassure me instead of putting me off.


    That isn't necessarily true because it could also mean that the reason the person is not in a relationship anymore is because of the opposite of those things you listed.
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    Jun 30, 2014 3:54 PM GMT
    paulflexes said
    Kuestion saidWhat are some of the red flags you look for or notice when dating someone?
    The ones that indicate dangerous ocean conditions.

    Red-Flag.beach.jpg


    Lol


    and let's not forget that "big waves are just part of the ocean"
  • carew28

    Posts: 662

    Jun 30, 2014 5:52 PM GMT
    Asking to borrow money.
  • glowstik

    Posts: 150

    Jun 30, 2014 11:49 PM GMT
    So far you guys have pointed out some pretty clear cut ones. I'd also add someone talking about how commitment is a "problem", crazy this has come out on a first meets twice recently...

    What about this one though, "coming out" to family a few months ago. Would you proceed with dates with someone who may have never have had a bf/relationship?
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    Jul 01, 2014 3:03 AM GMT
    glowstik said
    What about this one though, "coming out" to family a few months ago. Would you proceed with dates with someone who may have never have had a bf/relationship?


    Well I'll just be glad he is out and being himself. The never-had-a-bf/relationship type is not a deal breaker for me probably because I got a healer complex. I like to fix things that are 'broken'. icon_biggrin.gif
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    Jul 01, 2014 3:32 AM GMT
    Danny_boy93 saidTo me a red flag would be if he asked to go back to mine or wanted me to go back to his because it would suggest he wanted sex.

    Red flag? Hun, that's a green flag for me, at least when I was still single.
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    Jul 01, 2014 4:00 AM GMT
    Jms31 saidSomeone that keeps going on and on about their ex. Why would I be interested?

    Yep, that's a killer for me. Others include:

    - How many millions he claims to have.
    - His psychiatric therapy (yes, I've had guys tell me that)
    - His ex-wife, in ways that make me suspect she's not so "ex".
    - Assorted other personal problems, that I really don't need to know on our first date.
    - Disrespectful to bartenders, servers, and other wait staff.
    - Taking non-essential cell calls in my presence, rather than going to voicemail.
    - Not handling his liquor well.
    - Poor grooming.
    - Unpunctual.
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    Jul 01, 2014 8:05 PM GMT
    Art_Deco said
    Danny_boy93 saidTo me a red flag would be if he asked to go back to mine or wanted me to go back to his because it would suggest he wanted sex.

    Red flag? Hun, that's a green flag for me, at least when I was still single.


    It's still a red flag for me because I'm still not that confident with sex (still fairly inexperienced) but unfortunately I rarely get a third or fourth date so I might need to make myself be ok with it and just get on with it lol.
  • phildec159

    Posts: 32

    Jul 02, 2014 7:22 PM GMT
    Danny_boy93 said
    Art_Deco said
    Danny_boy93 saidTo me a red flag would be if he asked to go back to mine or wanted me to go back to his because it would suggest he wanted sex.

    Red flag? Hun, that's a green flag for me, at least when I was still single.


    It's still a red flag for me because I'm still not that confident with sex (still fairly inexperienced) but unfortunately I rarely get a third or fourth date so I might need to make myself be ok with it and just get on with it lol.


    If it's a red flag for you, you shouldn't change yourself to try to accommodate what some guys want. There are other guys out there that feel similarly to yourself and will eventually gravitate towards you. As long as you have a strong sense of self, you'll find a guy that can respect that and he will be a keeper.

    For myself, I'm very straightforward about my desires. I usually do hookup very quickly and with guys that were interested in dating me, I've chosen not to hide my desire for sex. I didn't go on to list every guy i've had sex with but I would let them know I have been around. I do that because if they are interested in me, I need to know that they can accept me for everything that I am- even the less than savory sides of me. And if they can do that, I can love them as much as they need because I do have a big heart- I just stopped wearing it on my sleeve. Anyway, through all that and just being myself and honest about who i am, I was lucky enough to have been found by my bf and we are going on 10 months of dating and it's been amazing.

    Point is, be yourself. Don't change yourself to suit someone else's needs.
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    Jul 02, 2014 8:31 PM GMT
    Check for a tan line from a ring on his left hand.
  • Jon_Alex

    Posts: 44

    Jul 19, 2014 5:34 PM GMT
    Red flags:

    1. bad breadth

    2. not interested in intellectual conversations


    I don't care about things like therapy, never having had a relationship, personal issues. In fact, those things can make a person interesting.

    I've gone on a few dates where the guy proceeds to tell me lots of pretty personal stuff about his life and history. I actually found them kind of fascinating... the honesty can be kind of refreshing.
  • LEANDRO_NJ

    Posts: 1117

    Jul 19, 2014 6:37 PM GMT

    Red...green...yellow flags!? the more colored flags I can gather from the person I am dating, the more interesting and challenging it gets! lets face it no one is perfect. I used to be overly judgmental of every little thing about my dates, not anymore! that is not to say there are certain things I "may not" tolerate or find attractive about a guy during the getting to know stages of dating. But I always tried to put my suspicions, fears, and prejudices aside, and in the process give myself time to find those little hidden treasures, most of us hide out of fear of being rejected.

    Rude to the waiter, disrespectful to his mother, foul mouth, bad breath, drinking too much, very low self esteem, telling me about his personal struggles and problems while dating?( this last one I seem to have that affect on my dates icon_cool.gif and that's fine with me! but really at some point having we all done or being through the same things!? these issues does become a problem thou, when they are not dealt with, but I've known some of my previous dates to have resolved them! I often wonder thou how interesting and inspiring it would have been to witness these changes while I was with them.
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    Jul 19, 2014 6:54 PM GMT
    GAMRican saidCheck for a tan line from a ring on his left hand.

    Very good, I remember reading somewhere, and may have been a moment in a movie, where women are supposed to look for that sign of the cheating husband.