Need Advice of How to Get my Life In-Order

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 29, 2014 7:05 PM GMT
    I need to get my life in-order ASAP and have felt for the past year like I need a total life makeover.

    The short cliff noted version is I feel I'm not at the place I should be at my age and feel way behind all my other peers. For examples of what I mean here's what I mean:

    I live in a rented room from an old cat lady in a junky neighborhood

    I don't really have any friends which is very embarrassing to admit but spend nearly every weekend alone and socially isolated is not good/ especially given I live in NYC. Though I've learned people who I thought were friends really weren't. A combo of my breakup with my ex, fair weather friends and just general rudeness I encounter on a daily basis in the city has caused me to grow a bit cynical and jaded of others since there seem to be a lot of flakey people who I try to hang out with but are always busy or aren't sure if they'd like to...

    I'd like to start dating again but there's a lot of hurdles to jump through (it seems like the dating scene has moved online to apps and websites)

    I don't have a decent job still that pays a livable salary or benefits; I basically live at a low income. This effects the general overall tone and quality of my life and I think it's one of the reasons my ex broke up with me. I've been getting interviews but not offers... Which obviously is extraordinarily frustrating.

    No one's life is perfect but IMO my situation is bit ridiculous since these are major things that need to be corrected.

    I'm sure there's others who have been in a similar situation or have gone through periods where their life is in a rut. How'd you get out of it? I need some good advice.
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    Jun 29, 2014 7:20 PM GMT
    Erobert saidI need to get my life in-order ASAP and need a total life makeover.

    The short cliff noted version is I feel I'm not at the place I should be at my age and feel way behind all my other peers. For examples of what I mean here's what I mean:

    I live in a rented room from an old cat lady in a junky neighborhood

    I don't really have any friends which is very embarrassing to admit but spend nearly every weekend alone and socially isolated is not good/ especially given I live in NYC. Though I've learned people who I thought were friends really weren't. A combo of my breakup with my ex, fair weather friends and just general rudeness I encounter on a daily basis in the city has caused me to grow a bit cynical and jaded of others since there seem to be a lot of flakey people who I try to hang out with but are always busy or aren't sure if they'd like to...

    I'd like to start dating again but there's a lot of hurdles to jump through (it seems like the dating scene has moved online to apps and websites)

    I don't have a decent job still that pays a livable salary or benefits; I basically live at a low income. This effects the general overall tone and quality of my life and I think it's one of the reasons my ex broke up with me. I've been getting interviews but not offers... Which obviously is extraordinarily frustrating.

    No one's life is perfect but IMO my situation is bit ridiculous since these are major things that need to be corrected.

    I'm sure there's others who have been in a similar situation or have gone through periods where their life is in a rut. How'd you get out of it? I need some good advice.



    I am not really a life coach, but I can say this......

    Your tall! Tall people are usually in top position's of leadership and generally higher paid.

    Snap up the confidence you have at your disposal. Walk up right and COMMAND. You will find that simple posture repositioning will do wonders. Tell your self you will succeed daily.

    Get the book The Greatest Salesman in the World Book by Og Mandino http://www.amazon.com/The-Greatest-Salesman-World-Mandino/dp/055327757X

    It helped change my life for ever!!! YOU CAN DO IT!
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    Jun 29, 2014 7:23 PM GMT
    Your main pic almost makes me think you're at the Townhouse.

    But anyway, you tell us very little. Like your:

    - education
    - profession
    - employment history
    - goals

    Difficult to advise when you tell us nothing more than you need a makeover. From what to what?
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    Jun 29, 2014 8:05 PM GMT
    Art_Deco saidYour main pic almost makes me think you're at the Townhouse.

    But anyway, you tell us very little. Like your:

    - education
    - profession
    - employment history
    - goals

    Difficult to advise when you tell us nothing more than you need a makeover. From what to what?


    I hope that's a good thing. I need to update my pic honestly.

    True, I left out some important details in terms of career goals (which I need to solve first since that will solve my apt situation, finances, etc...)

    I graduated with a degree in urban planning and policy (the industry as a whole somewhat imploded during the recession and is having trouble coming back) I should have majored instead in business looking back... Ideally I'd like to get into something architecture or real estate development related. That most likely requires heading to grad school which is not financially feasible right now.

    Working in real estate marketing at a very small firm; they're financially struggling and the position is a bit of a "anyone can do this" type of position... Most of my experience has been a bit all over the place but as a sum it been in marketing for various real estate firms and tech start ups. I've been told I have an impressive resume so I'm not sure why I'm not getting offers after interviews...

    I would say I'm ambitious of what I want goal wise; but in the current economic climate you need to be professionally flexible. I've also dabbled a few years back in starting my own side business (web design) since doing my own thing for a living had crossed my mind
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    Jun 29, 2014 8:34 PM GMT
    Move out of NYC. Head to one of the many cities/states where real estate is booming. I'm sure your work experience will be more useful in those places.
  • Webster666

    Posts: 9217

    Jun 30, 2014 5:39 AM GMT
    xrichx saidMove out of NYC. Head to one of the many cities/states where real estate is booming. I'm sure your work experience will be more useful in those places.



    I agree, 100%.
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    Jun 30, 2014 5:56 AM GMT
    Hey man, sorry to hear. I'm sure there are many guys (including me) have been in similar situations before. Well, maybe all of this mess in your life can be a good thing. Look at it in a positive way.

    Your ex dumped you because you don't have a decent job. Money, chances are, he's just a mean douche and after wealthy guys. You should be glad that you got rid of him.

    I worked in Finance, Loan/Real Estate a little bit back in San Francisco in 2007-2008. I'd think the Real estate business is very cut-throat in NYC. (beside the fact I've seen Million Dollar Listing NY). You have to be very hustle, hustle to get through it or even get a sale. No wonder your company is struggling. Many start ups either end up dying out in the first 2-4 years. As for the interviews, you tried your best, if they don't hire you. It wasn't meant to be. Move on, better things out there line up for you.

    You should take this opportunity to pursue other careers or jobs that you want. Maybe move out of NYC, relocate to another state. As far as friends, you keep the ones that worth it and let the bad ones go. People will come and go in your life. I'd say don't swell too much on it. I think you're not ready in a position to date now. Just focus on your work, friendship life first, then go from there. But yeah, be positive in any situation and held your head high.

    ** I sorta considered moving to NYC a couple years back, but doing research on it on the work, rent, housing, people...etc. I just think it was too much fast-paced, energy for me. And one of my friend on FB was like bitching **her apt 500sq costs like $3000/month. Lol....I'm happy in SoCal for now. Good luck buddy.
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    Jun 30, 2014 11:37 AM GMT
    xrichx saidMove out of NYC. Head to one of the many cities/states where real estate is booming. I'm sure your work experience will be more useful in those places.

    Obvious but true.
    Take Houston for example. Booming economy, hot real estate market, low cost of living, a mecca for 20-somethings looking to kickstart their careers. It also has a laid-back social environment - in a place where everybody is from somewhere else, it's easy to make new friends.
    But it's not NYC. You have to decide what is most important to you at this stage of your life.
  • Aleco_Graves

    Posts: 708

    Jun 30, 2014 12:27 PM GMT
    Some good advice has been given to you here. I cant really give you specific advice as your description is very vague:
    If you don't know where to start when alot of work ( for change) is in front of you, identify the most dire things that need to change. Set short term goals, a AND FORGET ABOUT THE BIG PICTURE BECAUSE OFTEN YOUR ATTEMPTS TO CHANGE YOUR CIRCUMSTANCES SEEMS LIKE ITS NOT MAKING ANY DIFFERENCE TO CHANGE THE BIGGER PICTURE . Once you've tackled the first list of short term goals (like talking to some guys in your are on real jock/Finding a new possible place to live) set the next set of goals and eventually you can set a long term goal when you have a steady pace going. Good luck
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    Jun 30, 2014 1:47 PM GMT
    TexDef07 said
    xrichx saidMove out of NYC. Head to one of the many cities/states where real estate is booming. I'm sure your work experience will be more useful in those places.

    Obvious but true.
    Take Houston for example. Booming economy, hot real estate market, low cost of living, a mecca for 20-somethings looking to kickstart their careers. It also has a laid-back social environment - in a place where everybody is from somewhere else, it's easy to make new friends.
    But it's not NYC. You have to decide what is most important to you at this stage of your life.


    CAN YOU SAVE A LITTLE MONEY BEFORE YOU MOVE?

    If your answer is no, that's all the more reason to leave the city.
    If you have no money for restarting elsewhere, do what everyone must do: Move in with a family member while you look for a job---and accept any job you can find immediately!
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    Jun 30, 2014 1:49 PM GMT
    Focus on getting some money.

    Don't date yet.

    If a new friend or someone to love comes your way, Great!

    But that cannot be your focus now.
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    Jun 30, 2014 5:39 PM GMT
    Determinate saidFocus on getting some money.

    Don't date yet.

    If a new friend or someone to love comes your way, Great!

    But that cannot be your focus now.


    Thanks all, solid advice even though some of it is not what I'd like to hear but still realistic.

    It seems most people agree the logical thing is to make finding a higher paying job priority #1 which I agree with, staying in a low paying position for a number of years may make potential employers wonder and many long term employees have quit which is always a bad sign. While I agree moving out is also important I don't think the solution is moving away from NYC; this is where I want to be for another year or so and the crux of my situation mostly revolves around being in a low paid position... While I've thought about a move to Austin, San Fran or Boston but moving out of the city limits to a nearby burb is what I think would be a good compromise of things.

    But can't move in my own place without a higher income, so I need to start networking. That's how most people get better jobs these days it seems.



  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 30, 2014 5:54 PM GMT
    "It seems most people agree the logical thing is to make finding a higher paying job priority #1 which I agree with"


    Okay, you've proven to have good listening skills.
    I think you'll be fine!

    Curious though, why is it you want to stay in NYC for another year?
    Is this decision career-based?
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    Jun 30, 2014 7:21 PM GMT
    Erobert said
    I've thought about a move to Austin, San Fran or Boston but moving out of the city limits to a nearby burb is what I think would be a good compromise of things.

    SF and Boston would just replicate your NYC money-and-job problems. And if friendlessness is an issue for you, chilly Boston is the last place in the world you want to be.
    try Austin.
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    Jun 30, 2014 7:24 PM GMT
    First of all do not be so hard on yourself. Millions of other people and myself can identify.

    Society ingrains or indoctrinates people to define their worth through their status by wealth, income, job etc. The wealthy mislead people that you can have it all through education and hard work.

    This was partly true during the baby boom post (World War 2) generation but the disparity is growing. The economy actually in an era of Stagflation where the corporate world is actually restructuring or retrenching and there are creeping inflationary pressures. That means that the real economy is partially and slowly declining in some sectors and the true purchasing power is actually declining. Depending where you living in some countries you are living in emerging markets or possibly in deflationary economies.

    New York City is one of the most expensive cities to live in and you should not feel bad about the state you are in- hundreds of thousands of New Yorkers are in the same position.

    To get ahead for example there are no easy answers. What other people do is work an extra job if they can find one. Especially when they have children to support. This means sacrifice in your personal life.

    Today it is largely a service based and resource based economy. The majority of the new services today are directed towards the wealthy because they are looking to capitalize on and exploit this socioeconomic group.

    You should not always be buying into the hoopla. There is less legitimacy, respectability and real representation when it comes to what people are actually offering people.

    So what would you like to do with yourself and what type of person would you like to be. You can't always be happy with yourself with the choices that you may have to make to earn a living and there can be the personal sacrifices as well.

    Take stock of your life. Work on your personal relationships with friends and family. Seek out counselling if you need it and support groups.

    Try to be happy with being the best person you can be. Take value in being a a good friend, a good family member, and a good member of your community.
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    Jul 01, 2014 1:27 AM GMT
    Hm, I don't mean to be a buzz-killer but how do you propose getting a higher paying job? getting a new one?? new industry. I think it could work. However, most new employers will ask and verify your employment/pay history. I'd say be a little realistic and may accept something a little lower, if you expect your new salary to double or triple, no way. As far NYC, stay there as long as you like it.


    Erobert said


    Thanks all, solid advice even though some of it is not what I'd like to hear but still realistic.

    It seems most people agree the logical thing is to make finding a higher paying job priority #1 which I agree with, staying in a low paying position for a number of years may make potential employers wonder and many long term employees have quit which is always a bad sign. While I agree moving out is also important I don't think the solution is moving away from NYC; this is where I want to be for another year or so and the crux of my situation mostly revolves around being in a low paid position... While I've thought about a move to Austin, San Fran or Boston but moving out of the city limits to a nearby burb is what I think would be a good compromise of things.

    But can't move in my own place without a higher income, so I need to start networking. That's how most people get better jobs these days it seems.



  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 01, 2014 3:37 AM GMT
    LAXWill10 saidHm, I don't mean to be a buzz-killer but how do you propose getting a higher paying job? getting a new one?? new industry. I think it could work. However, most new employers will ask and verify your employment/pay history. I'd say be a little realistic and may accept something a little lower, if you expect your new salary to double or triple, no way. As far NYC, stay there as long as you like it.



    I should've clarified I'm not even making a standard entry level salary... This is also a bit embarrassing (but helpful for those who want to give advice) but I currently make around $20k.... And this is job full time in a "professional" office setting- it's a miracle I'm even still able to live in NYC.

    Standard entry level salaries are more in the range of $30k on the low end to $50,000+ depending on the industry. Bare minimum income for most US cities is $30,000 IMO

    That's why I want to at least double my income, I think earning at least $10,000 more is realistic and it's amazing what an extra $1000 a month can do for one's quality of life.

    Something to be grateful for is when I do get a decent paying job I'll have experience of being very thrifty and paying below average rent so I'll be able to save a lot which will help me catch up to where I should be financially for my age.