Ugh, I wish I could escape my parents sometimes

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 30, 2014 8:33 PM GMT
    So, I'm 31 and still not out...well actually I say that. I told my mother a few years ago who wrongly dismissed my sexuality as a phase.

    Anyway, my parents have picked up on the fact I'm staying out until all hours seeing this guy who they don't know much about. They hate it and keep giving me grief over how this person is controlling and brainwashing me. Talk about major denial.

    I'm sick to the back teeth of this ignorance the whole time. People are born gay. Get over it!!

    It's time to come out soon, but I just feel awkward and frustrated about it all. I'm 31 and should be able to do what I want to do. It's my life, not anyone else's.

    Sorry for the rant, just needed to get this off my chest.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 30, 2014 8:35 PM GMT
    Are you sure you're 31? Sounds like you need to ditch the fam before you go insane.
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    Jun 30, 2014 8:37 PM GMT
    paulflexes saidAre you sure you're 31? Sounds like you need to ditch the fam before you go insane.


    Exactly! This is a ridiculous way to live, and I really can't take it any more.

    My mother very much tries to control every aspect of my life. It's crap.
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4435

    Jun 30, 2014 8:38 PM GMT
    I trust you're not still living at home at 31.....
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    Jun 30, 2014 8:41 PM GMT
    I can't afford my own place right now, and neither can many people my age in the UK. Times are tough here unfortunately.
  • WrestlerBoy

    Posts: 1903

    Jun 30, 2014 8:49 PM GMT
    Jms31 saidI can't afford my own place right now, and neither can many people my age in the UK. Times are tough here unfortunately.


    Birmingham LGBT 0121 643 1160

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    Jun 30, 2014 8:52 PM GMT
    WrestlerBoy said
    Jms31 saidI can't afford my own place right now, and neither can many people my age in the UK. Times are tough here unfortunately.


    Birmingham LGBT 0121 643 1160



    That's really helpful, thanks!
  • ballawin

    Posts: 6

    Jun 30, 2014 8:55 PM GMT
    Some day they will get over it and see that you are who you are. Most older parents would be the one to look down on gay as if it's a phrase.
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    Jun 30, 2014 8:57 PM GMT
    Destinharbor saidI trust you're not still living at home at 31.....
    There's no shame in single people living with their parents, at any age. It's way more economical than having a place alone. And it's more emotionally healthy, unless the parent/child relationship is toxic such as this.
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4435

    Jun 30, 2014 8:57 PM GMT
    Get three room mates and a cheap place. Start living your life. Times are tough everywhere. Your parents have every right to impose their will on you as long as you're still a kid living at home. Tough lesson but the truth. Most guys living at home just want to continue free rent and free food and free laundry and free room service. You're paying for it with your life.
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    Jun 30, 2014 9:01 PM GMT
    ballawin saidSome day they will get over it and see that you are who you are. Most older parents would be the one to look down on gay as if it's a phrase.
    Not they won't. I've been out for 22 years and my mom still believes I'm going to hell. It doesn't affect how she loves me, but it does affect how often (or seldom) we talk on the phone.
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    Jun 30, 2014 9:40 PM GMT
    Get out of there , move with some good mates of yours , or rent a room from someone ...
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    Jun 30, 2014 9:47 PM GMT
    neffa saidGet out of there , move with some good mates of yours , or rent a room from someone ...
    Or just live on the streets. One of my friends lived on the streets for a while to escape his family. Of course it wasn't because he's gay (he's not) but because he was on drugs. Either way, the dynamics are the same. He said he wouldn't trade his street knowledge for anything...very valuable learning experience (he's clean now).
  • tj85016

    Posts: 4123

    Jun 30, 2014 9:50 PM GMT
    take a page from Macbeth and find some hemlock
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    Jun 30, 2014 9:58 PM GMT
    Although I have been living away from home since 17, I feel you man. Moving out is probably your best option, both physically and mentally. You have the option to find a place close by if seeing them frequently is important.
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    Jun 30, 2014 10:51 PM GMT
    You're 31, why are you still living with your parents in the first place?

    It's time for you to grow up. You should have other concerns and not what your parents think of your internet friend, that would be normal if you were 15.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 30, 2014 11:22 PM GMT
    yep, you need to get out of there. you are a grown-ass man but she doesn't see you that way (you're her baby boy) and probably never will, especially while you're dependent.

    you're also due for another Talk with her but maybe not until you are independent, in case it goes bad.
  • Webster666

    Posts: 9217

    Jun 30, 2014 11:54 PM GMT
    As my mother used to say, "AS LONG AS YOU'RE LIVING UNDER MY ROOF, YOU'LL GO BY MY RULES."

    You have only one choice:
    Put up with the way things are, now, or move out.
  • WrestlerBoy

    Posts: 1903

    Jul 01, 2014 12:12 AM GMT
    I often note on this site that it's easy to be sarcastic, a dickhead, argumentative, quick with the "tough-love" advice, (all of which I am "guilty" of), but I hope I engage in those exchanges with other guys who are clearly capable of being sarcastic argumentative dickheads, as well.

    Then there are the new guys, who have been here for, say, a month, and if you take the time to read their forum posts.... they might actually need a little more genuine support than the idiotic offhanded remark.

    As I said, I can spot a "smart asshole", who can stand on his own two feet, just as well as he can me. But sometimes, guys, not everyone is built that way?

    Our judgment to the extent that it is needed... our compassion and understanding to the extent that it is needed more?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 01, 2014 12:47 AM GMT
    WrestlerBoy said
    As I said, I can spot a "smart asshole", who can stand on his own two feet, just as well as he can me. But sometimes, guys, not everyone is built that way?
    Our judgment to the extent that it is needed... our compassion and understanding to the extent that it is needed more?

    Agreed that the OP is clearly suffering. His situation deserves our compassion.
    But he does need some snark-free advice.
    As long as he is living with his parents they will feel it is their prerogative to behave as parents. He will remain unable to forge his own independent identity as a gay man until he has his own space to live in, however modest it may be.
    Times are hard for millenials, but as some above have suggested, roommates are an option. Most of us have shared apartments at some point in our lives and managed to get by. Even the sloppiest roommate is better than a vigilant and homophobic parent.
  • WrestlerBoy

    Posts: 1903

    Jul 01, 2014 12:51 AM GMT
    TexDef07 said
    WrestlerBoy said
    As I said, I can spot a "smart asshole", who can stand on his own two feet, just as well as he can me. But sometimes, guys, not everyone is built that way?
    Our judgment to the extent that it is needed... our compassion and understanding to the extent that it is needed more?

    Agreed that the OP is clearly suffering. His situation deserves our compassion.
    But he does need some snark-free advice.
    As long as he is living with his parents they will feel it is their prerogative to behave as parents. He will remain unable to forge his own independent identity as a gay man until he has his own space to live in, however modest it may be.
    Times are hard for millenials, but as some above have suggested, roommates are an option. Most of us have shared apartments at some point in our lives and managed to get by. Even the sloppiest roommate is better than a vigilant and homophobic parent.


    Without my going into public detail as to the psychological situations of some individual human beings vis-a-vis others... I think you know what I meant. Or maybe not.
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    Jul 01, 2014 12:58 AM GMT
    WrestlerBoy said
    TexDef07 said
    WrestlerBoy said
    As I said, I can spot a "smart asshole", who can stand on his own two feet, just as well as he can me. But sometimes, guys, not everyone is built that way?
    Our judgment to the extent that it is needed... our compassion and understanding to the extent that it is needed more?

    .


    Without my going into public detail as to the psychological situations of some individual human beings vis-a-vis others... I think you know what I meant. Or maybe not.

    Your point was well-taken but the OP still needs a nudge out of the parental nest.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 01, 2014 1:07 AM GMT
    Are you still living at home with your parents at 31? lol, move out bro like for real or at least get a roommate or live with your siblings or something. As far as being gay goes, just ignore them. Bring your boyfriend and make out with him in front of their face next time. Lol.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 01, 2014 1:23 AM GMT
    Ugh, I wish I could escape my parents sometimes

    Most of us wish we could escape our parents when we're growing up. And now that mine are both gone, naturally I would give anything to have them back. That's the way life is.

    You've gotten lots of good advice here (along with a few snarky comments). You cannot expect to be treated as your own man until you become your own man. That's the first thing you must work on. The rest will fall into place. Your parents are not the problem.
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    Jul 01, 2014 4:47 AM GMT
    paulflexes said
    Destinharbor saidI trust you're not still living at home at 31.....
    There's no shame in single people living with their parents, at any age. It's way more economical than having a place alone. And it's more emotionally healthy, unless the parent/child relationship is toxic such as this.
    This. In Germany you live close by to your family your entire life, if not in the same home. And the family home in Germany is very sacred, as countless generations have lived there.

    Americans have it ALL WRONG.