What is it going to take to make me learn...

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 02, 2014 9:31 PM GMT
    ...that all guys on Grindr are shit? Dated yet another guy for a few weeks. He was so quick to tell me that he hates the sleaziness of Grindr, and that all he wants is a monogamous relationship. We spent some time around each other and slept together.

    I find out tonight that he's on Grindr looking for a quick hookup, and stating he can accommodate.

    Yet again I feel so damn cheap and disgusting. I wish I could just learn my lesson and delete my profile from Grindr forever, but I can't help it.

    Another rant over.
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    Jul 02, 2014 9:34 PM GMT
    Maybe you should start thinking with your head instead of your dick.



    sry to put it so bluntly.
  • PR_GMR

    Posts: 3831

    Jul 02, 2014 9:37 PM GMT
    Was it officially over before you found him back on Grindr? Or was he creeping?
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    Jul 02, 2014 9:40 PM GMT
    PR_GMR saidWas it officially over before you found him back on Grindr? Or was he creeping?


    We were supposed to meet today. He was online this morning and updated his Grindr profile to say he was looking for sex right now.

    I really liked him as well. It's like a huge kick in the face
    icon_sad.gif
  • PR_GMR

    Posts: 3831

    Jul 02, 2014 9:51 PM GMT
    Jms31 said
    PR_GMR saidWas it officially over before you found him back on Grindr? Or was he creeping?


    We were supposed to meet today. He was online this morning and updated his Grindr profile to say he was looking for sex right now.

    I really liked him as well. It's like a huge kick in the face
    icon_sad.gif


    That is douchey.. block and move on. Unfortunately, at your young age, guys like him will come a dime a dozen.. I'm sorry, man.
  • Danskerb

    Posts: 286

    Jul 02, 2014 9:52 PM GMT
    I think its silly that people use Grindr to try and build relationships and have communication. That is not what it was intended for. We all know that.
    We also know that gay men are the worst it seems with being monogamous.
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    Jul 02, 2014 10:08 PM GMT
    I hear you 100% I was seeing a guy and I can't believe I fell for his country boy act. He seemed legit too when it came to him wanting something more, and I fell for it.

    Though I learned a valuable lesson, to never trust a guy until he has proven himself other wise, so now when guys message me I pretty much read all of them for filth until they show me they are 1- interested in more then just my looks. 2- they are looking for something real 3- they don't just talk about seeing each other real fast real soon. Because if a guy is really interested in you they will stick around and try to get to know you before they jump into something like meeting up real fast.

    Tips that I have found real helpful are:

    1- if they constantly talk about how you look take it as a hint that they are only focused on your appearance and not for your more important qualities

    2- If they want you to go over their place. JUST SAY NO! it's a death trap.

    3- If you have my problem "GGS" (good guy syndrome) then I highly suggest you not show them that you wear your heart on your sleeve it will only bite you in your ass (and not the good kind of way) I understand that going into shark infested waters with your heart bleeding all over isn't the best thing. With grindr, expect all these guys to be players and to not fall for their hand, you need to learn to play the game. So don't fall for their bluffs, and know that you have a ace up your sleeve, you just need to learn to play your cards right.

    4- Make them earn sex, and don't just give it to them. I've found that when I make guys wait for sex it either goes one of two ways. They either stop talking to you because, lets face it you're not an easy bitch to real in, so they just give up, or two they will actually respect you and stay around, and if you're even luckier they will actually fall in love with you. It has happened.
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    Jul 03, 2014 2:13 AM GMT
    ^great post! I really need to stop falling in love with idiots so quickly and believing their crap.
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    Jul 03, 2014 2:29 AM GMT
    Varus saidI hear you 100% I was seeing a guy and I can't believe I fell for his country boy act. He seemed legit too when it came to him wanting something more, and I fell for it.

    Though I learned a valuable lesson, to never trust a guy until he has proven himself other wise, so now when guys message me I pretty much read all of them for filth until they show me they are 1- interested in more then just my looks. 2- they are looking for something real 3- they don't just talk about seeing each other real fast real soon. Because if a guy is really interested in you they will stick around and try to get to know you before they jump into something like meeting up real fast.

    Tips that I have found real helpful are:

    1- if they constantly talk about how you look take it as a hint that they are only focused on your appearance and not for your more important qualities

    2- If they want you to go over their place. JUST SAY NO! it's a death trap.

    3- If you have my problem "GGS" (good guy syndrome) then I highly suggest you not show them that you wear your heart on your sleeve it will only bite you in your ass (and not the good kind of way) I understand that going into shark infested waters with your heart bleeding all over isn't the best thing. With grindr, expect all these guys to be players and to not fall for their hand, you need to learn to play the game. So don't fall for their bluffs, and know that you have a ace up your sleeve, you just need to learn to play your cards right.

    4- Make them earn sex, and don't just give it to them. I've found that when I make guys wait for sex it either goes one of two ways. They either stop talking to you because, lets face it you're not an easy bitch to real in, so they just give up, or two they will actually respect you and stay around, and if you're even luckier they will actually fall in love with you. It has happened.


    that's really good advice. i can't even add anything icon_smile.gif
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    Jul 03, 2014 3:22 AM GMT
    It's a maturity thing...

    For you.

    You've got to take into account how and why you met him. Unless you've had an explicit conversation about where things are going with you two, hanging out with him for a few weeks doesn't imply exclusivity.

    Tell me, how did you "find out" that he was trying to hook up?
    Did you see him online when YOU were online? (Hypocritical)
    Did you log on with the intention of spying on him? (Trust issues far too early)
    Did you have a friend bait him on grindr? (I don't even want to talk about this one. Ew)

    Give him some breathing room. Don't bring up his hookup. The playing field is level and you can't expect more from this guy yet... You met mutually in a very promiscuous venue.

    P.S. the Show Me - don't Tell Me rule is a good one. Everyone says they "never hook up". Everyone wants to believe they are "Different". People hopefully grow out of it with age. I, for one, am up front that I enjoy sex.. and I am willing to move into exclusivity after a serious trial period.
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    Jul 03, 2014 3:25 AM GMT
    Jms31 said^great post! I really need to stop falling in love with idiots so quickly and believing their crap.


    You didn't fall in love with him. You fell in love with an idea.
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    Jul 03, 2014 6:34 AM GMT
    Ekho said
    Jms31 saidGrindr

    The thing about grindr, is that you're starting a conversation based off of someone's sexual attractiveness, it carrys a kind of 'vibe', especially on grindr where it's normal/accepted to go out and hook up with a complete stranger. even if you meet someone and you both have intentions of not taking it further then that, the energy of the app follows you both.
    Personally, I think grindr is a death trap.
    My bestfriend, before that got fucked up, went out and had a 3some with two guys who told him they were clean.
    They were HIV positive, they lied and my friend isn't phased now because they've got him hooked on 'Tina', crystal meth, a popular pnp drug used in casual grindr hook ups.
    Anyway, more about that- he ended up dating one of the guys (who gave him HIV) and now their boyfriends, and I had to end my friendship with him because he told me he and his boyfriend were having threesomes with guys off of grindr.
    I asked if they tell them.
    He flipped the fuck out said its none of my bussiness (true) and said only if they are going to have sex, and that a hook up isn't always sex, but other things. So no. Then he deleted me off of fb ig twitter
    Well you can get HIV from other things too.
    I was never on that app, I always had a bad feeling about it. The icon is a skull. Beware



    I wanted to rebuttal this: but decided not to.
    Use with caution..?
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    Jul 03, 2014 7:16 AM GMT
    ThePenIsMyTier said
    Jms31 said^great post! I really need to stop falling in love with idiots so quickly and believing their crap.


    You didn't fall in love with him. You fell in love with an idea.


    That's what I need to stop doing.

    This one seemed so different TBH. We spoke for months, and he even said about leaving sex until after we'd dated 5+ times. We went on long walks hand in hand, and I spent several long days at his place having dinner, and watching DVDs etc. I let my guard down thinking he was legit.

    I was really gutted last night. I was fed a load of crap about him hating NSA and being terrified of HIV, and there he was offering it on a plate to any guy. I feel cheated.

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    Jul 03, 2014 7:21 AM GMT
    Ekho said
    Jms31 saidGrindr



    The thing about grindr, is that you're starting a conversation based off of someone's sexual attractiveness, it carrys a kind of 'vibe', especially on grindr where it's normal/accepted to go out and hook up with a complete stranger. even if you meet someone and you both have intentions of not taking it further then that, the energy of the app follows you both.


    Well said! I keep putting faith in the stupid app that I'll find the one, and it just never happens. It's time I just accepted that fact and grew up a bit.
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    Jul 03, 2014 7:36 PM GMT
    Ekho said
    Jms31 saidGrindr



    The thing about grindr, is that you're starting a conversation based off of someone's sexual attractiveness, it carrys a kind of 'vibe', especially on grindr where it's normal/accepted to go out and hook up with a complete stranger. even if you meet someone and you both have intentions of not taking it further then that, the energy of the app follows you both.


    Personally, I think grindr is a death trap.
    My bestfriend, before that got fucked up, went out and had a 3some with two guys who told him they were clean.

    They were HIV positive, they lied and now he has it.

    They told him a couple weeks and a couple hooks up more after. and my friend isn't phased now because they've got him hooked on 'Tina', crystal meth, a popular pnp drug used in casual grindr hook ups.

    Anyway, more about that- he ended up dating one of the guys (who gave him HIV) and now they are boyfriends, and I had to end my friendship with him because he told me he and his boyfriend were having threesomes with guys off of grindr.

    I asked if they tell them.
    He flipped the fuck out said its none of my bussiness (true) and said only if they are going to have sex, and that a hook up isn't always sex, but other things. So no. Then he deleted me off of fb ig twitter

    Well you can get HIV from other things too
    .

    I was never on that app, I always had a bad feeling about it. The icon is a skull. Beware


    fuck that shit, this is the only time where the trash will actually take itself out.

    and by that I mean-

    tumblr_ma07iac4of1rdq2opo1_500.gif
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    Jul 03, 2014 7:44 PM GMT
    I confronted this guy earlier and he's claiming that he posted his profile headline about NSA as nothing more than a joke. He's apparently extremely offended that I would suspect him of being a slut and has asked me not to contact him again.

    He did seem very genuine when we dated and chatted before, but you have to see it from my POV as well. He could still be feeding me a load of bull, but I don't know what to think.

    I've completely deleted that awful app from my phone. Mr. Right is out there somewhere, and I doubt he's lurking on a sleaze site.

    As you all were icon_rolleyes.gif
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    Jul 03, 2014 8:41 PM GMT
    Jms31 saidI confronted this guy earlier and he's claiming that he posted his profile headline about NSA as nothing more than a joke. He's apparently extremely offended that I would suspect him of being a slut and has asked me not to contact him again.

    He did seem very genuine when we dated and chatted before, but you have to see it from my POV as well. He could still be feeding me a load of bull, but I don't know what to think.

    I've completely deleted that awful app from my phone. Mr. Right is out there somewhere, and I doubt he's lurking on a sleaze site.

    As you all were icon_rolleyes.gif


    don't fall for that bs. It's his way of making him sleep better at night, but really knowing he's just a piece of trash.
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    Jul 03, 2014 8:49 PM GMT
    There are plenty of guys who are looking for a relationship on Grindr. They are a minority but not a tiny one. To get the most out of it in your circumstances be clear in your profile and don't be afraid to block someone or stop talking to them. Also don't be disheartened if the attractiveness level of guys that contact you goes down (maybe by a lot). Make a judgement on whether to compromise or hold out for what you want.
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    Jul 03, 2014 8:56 PM GMT
    Ohno saidThere are plenty of guys who are looking for a relationship on Grindr. They are a minority but not a tiny one. To get the most out of it in your circumstances be clear in your profile and don't be afraid to block someone or stop talking to them. Also don't be disheartened if the attractiveness level of guys that contact you goes down (maybe by a lot). Make a judgement on whether to compromise or hold out for what you want.


    + 1, agreed with Ohno completely. I logged on Grindr now and then. Most of the dudes are just looking for hook ups or they're just visiting. OP, You shouldn't compromise your values or expectations based on a few bad apples. If you like someone, he doesn't like you back. Move on. You, of course, can do the same to the guys who message you. I'd just block guys who I feel are just weird, rude or disrespectful in their profile or messages. Don't get into this situation of like back and forth and let him Guilt-trip you. The last guy lied to me on Grindr about his age/height and weight. So now, I'm just more cautious.
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    Jul 03, 2014 9:14 PM GMT
    Jms31 said...
    Yet again I feel so damn cheap and disgusting. I wish I could just learn my lesson and delete my profile from Grindr forever, but I can't help it.

    ...


    I've found that I am motivated to "change" when I have the right mix of "desire" and "pain". Sometimes it takes quite a bit of "pain' to get me to change, even though I'd much rather be motivated by "desire".
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    Jul 03, 2014 9:24 PM GMT
    GAMRican said
    I've found that I am motivated to "change" when I have the right mix of "desire" and "pain". Sometimes it takes quite a bit of "pain' to get me to change, even though I'd much rather be motivated by "desire".


    Why is it always about SIZE with you?
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    Jul 03, 2014 9:24 PM GMT
    Jms31 said...

    He did seem very genuine when we dated and chatted before, but you have to see it from my POV as well. He could still be feeding me a load of bull, but I don't know what to think.

    ...


    From my experience, "People Lie!"
    Whether it's a little one, or a big one, people lie. For me, the trick has been to find the people who don't tell the big lies, and minimize the little lies.

    I know I've got a true friend when they tell me the truth I don't want to hear, but need to hear. Usually this is preambled by, "Alan, my brother, I love you very much, and...(Insert cold, harsh truth here)." I usually begin finding a chair by the time the first part of the phrase is starting to come out. Sometimes, once I've had a seat on a chair and am holding on really tight, my really good friends pause and tell me "Perhaps sitting on the floor might be more comfortable for you before I continue?".

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    Jul 03, 2014 9:29 PM GMT
    Jms31 said...
    Yet again I feel so damn cheap and disgusting. I wish I could just learn my lesson and delete my profile from Grindr forever, but I can't help it.

    ...


    ha..."but I can't help it"...add "you don't understand" and you sounds like my alcoholic sister.
    -Grinder: gateway to unlimited penis.
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    Jul 03, 2014 9:53 PM GMT
    dustin_K_tx saidJms31 said...
    Yet again I feel so damn cheap and disgusting. I wish I could just learn my lesson and delete my profile from Grindr forever, but I can't help it.

    ...



    ha..."but I can't help it"...add "you don't understand" and you sounds like my alcoholic sister.
    -Grinder: gateway to unlimited penis being catfished and feelings like a used condom.

    Fixed. icon_lol.gif
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    Jul 04, 2014 1:38 AM GMT
    Lol, it's true, It's like having an alcohol problem but in this case, it's a Penis issue.

    dustin_K_tx saidJms31 said...
    Yet again I feel so damn cheap and disgusting. I wish I could just learn my lesson and delete my profile from Grindr forever, but I can't help it.

    ...


    ha..."but I can't help it"...add "you don't understand" and you sounds like my alcoholic sister.
    -Grinder: gateway to unlimited penis.