Why do people bully & gang up on people?

  • Nearon

    Posts: 56

    Jul 02, 2014 11:12 PM GMT
    I'm currently experiencing this pettiness in the workplace. It's like you may have graduated but high school never ends. These four guys that work in my department always ostracize me and try and belittle me in front of customers. I went to my supervisor and he basically tells he "prove me it" so I'm like what do I do? I try and express to them that they make me feel uncomfortable but they tell me I'm being crazy/paranoid. But they whisper about me behind me back and say hurtful things about the way I dress/how I talk. I seriously dread going to work because of these guys, I feel like I'm in high school all over again dealing with bullies.
  • jo2hotbod

    Posts: 3603

    Jul 02, 2014 11:16 PM GMT
    Quit, no need to put yourself through that. Threaten your boss if fails to take action you'll pursue sexual harassment charges with the corporate office
  • WrestlerBoy

    Posts: 1903

    Jul 02, 2014 11:18 PM GMT
    Nearon saidI'm currently experiencing this pettiness in the workplace. It's like you may have graduated but high school never ends. These four guys that work in my department always ostracize me and try and belittle me in front of customers. I went to my supervisor and he basically tells he "prove me it" so I'm like what do I do? I try and express to them that they make me feel uncomfortable but they tell me I'm being crazy/paranoid. But they whisper about me behind me back and say hurtful things about the way I dress/how I talk. I seriously dread going to work because of these guys, I feel like I'm in high school all over again dealing with bullies.


    Your profile does not say which state you are in. Where are you?
  • WrestlerBoy

    Posts: 1903

    Jul 02, 2014 11:27 PM GMT
    Nearon saidI'm currently experiencing this pettiness in the workplace. It's like you may have graduated but high school never ends. These four guys that work in my department always ostracize me and try and belittle me in front of customers. I went to my supervisor and he basically tells he "prove me it" so I'm like what do I do? I try and express to them that they make me feel uncomfortable but they tell me I'm being crazy/paranoid. But they whisper about me behind me back and say hurtful things about the way I dress/how I talk. I seriously dread going to work because of these guys, I feel like I'm in high school all over again dealing with bullies.


    Send me a mail in private, if you would prefer.
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    Jul 02, 2014 11:51 PM GMT
    Sorry you're going through that.

    If you're doing a good job and your supervisor knows it, you don't have to care about what they'll say. In time, they will have nothing to pick on you.

    You can focus on building good relationship with your other coworkers, supervisor, and customers.

    Or if it gets to be too much and unpleasant, can you look for a new job?
  • WrestlerBoy

    Posts: 1903

    Jul 02, 2014 11:53 PM GMT
    polfsky saidSorry you're going through that.

    If you're doing a good job and your supervisor knows it, you don't have to care about what they'll say. In time, they will have nothing to pick on you.

    You can focus on building good relationship with your other coworkers, supervisor, and customers.

    Or if it gets to be too much and unpleasant, can you look for a new job?


    He shouldn't have to look for a new job. In most states, creating a "hostile working environment" is against the law and constitutes "constructive dismissal." And that = $$$. He could sue, and win, for enough that he culd live for a year while looking for another job.
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    Jul 02, 2014 11:57 PM GMT
    WrestlerBoy said

    He shouldn't have to look for a new job. In most states, creating a "hostile working environment" is against the law and constitutes "constructive dismissal." And that = $$$. He could sue, and win, for enough that he culd live for a year while looking for another job.


    I agree that he shouldn't have to quit to run away from problems. However if the harassment can't be proven to the supervisor or if it's subtle, he wouldn't have the ground to sue them.
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    Jul 03, 2014 12:28 AM GMT
    Just leave. I've had to do it in the past and even though everyone's like you shouldn't have to I instantly felt relieved. It's only after you leave you realise how much the stress of it was bringing you down.

    If you can sue the company then that's a bonus!
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    Jul 03, 2014 1:52 AM GMT
    The world is infected by asshole culture.
  • WrestlerBoy

    Posts: 1903

    Jul 03, 2014 1:55 AM GMT
    polfsky said
    WrestlerBoy said

    He shouldn't have to look for a new job. In most states, creating a "hostile working environment" is against the law and constitutes "constructive dismissal." And that = $$$. He could sue, and win, for enough that he culd live for a year while looking for another job.


    I agree that he shouldn't have to quit to run away from problems. However if the harassment can't be proven to the supervisor or if it's subtle, he wouldn't have the ground to sue them.


    And that why I am asking him to mail me in private. I'll decide if he has grounds or not.
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    Jul 03, 2014 4:27 AM GMT
    Ya'll may want to read some of the other drama threads the OP has started before you start calling the NAACP or put your Human Rights sticker donations to work.
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    Jul 03, 2014 5:00 AM GMT
    WrestlerBoy said

    And that why I am asking him to mail me in private. I'll decide if he has grounds or not.


    Cool that you're helping him out. Sometimes bad stuff like this happens and it can be an opportunity/pressure for you to move on and find something better. Who knows he may land on a better job with pleasant coworkers, higher pay, etc.

    Sometimes best revenge is living well.
  • lvzhi

    Posts: 122

    Jul 03, 2014 7:10 AM GMT
    because they are hyenas
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    Jul 03, 2014 4:13 PM GMT
    Sounds like the boss knows exactly what's going on. Time to cut the brakes on their cars.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 03, 2014 4:23 PM GMT
    so-chummy_zpse2d18f06.jpg

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    Jul 03, 2014 4:37 PM GMT
    I do not know the specifics of your situation but it might be a better idea to see if you can transfer to another department or another location when another position becomes available.
    In the meantime, you have to look at it from where it is coming from and take it in stride. Gay men have to live with the stigma and the harassment. Whether it is occasionally from the coworkers or the customers who disapprove. We are different from them and they don't like it.
    In Canada there are Human Rights and the Labour Board where people can file complaints on Human Rights issues ,Workplace Harassment and Health and Safety Issues.
    Larger Companies are obligated to have their own policies and procedures on these issues. It is possible that your workplace has this. Find out about it.
  • mybud

    Posts: 11837

    Jul 03, 2014 4:38 PM GMT
    You have severe low self esteem and instead of seeking help, to belly ache constantly on here. Some victims yearn to be victimized.Countless gays remain in abusive relationships because they feel and act just like you. This may sound rude or hurtful but it's the truth. My dad had a saying, Shit or get off the pot". Think about it.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 03, 2014 4:49 PM GMT
    mybud saidYou have severe low self esteem and instead of seeking help, to belly ache constantly on here. Some victims yearn to be victimized.Countless gays remain in abusive relationships because they feel and act just like you. This may sound rude or hurtful but it's the truth. My dad had a saying, Shit or get off the pot". Think about it.


    Excuse me. Not every one is born into a position of privilege and has a silver spoon in their mouth.
    Some people do not have the luxury or the ability to live a life of being entitled and enabled.
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    Jul 03, 2014 5:07 PM GMT
    mybud saidYou have severe low self esteem and instead of seeking help, to belly ache constantly on here. Some victims yearn to be victimized.Countless gays remain in abusive relationships because they feel and act just like you. This may sound rude or hurtful but it's the truth. My dad had a saying, Shit or get off the pot". Think about it.


    That's a bit offensive to some people. Not arguing just pointing it out.
  • FRE0

    Posts: 4865

    Jul 03, 2014 6:25 PM GMT
    Nearon saidI'm currently experiencing this pettiness in the workplace. It's like you may have graduated but high school never ends. These four guys that work in my department always ostracize me and try and belittle me in front of customers. I went to my supervisor and he basically tells he "prove me it" so I'm like what do I do? I try and express to them that they make me feel uncomfortable but they tell me I'm being crazy/paranoid. But they whisper about me behind me back and say hurtful things about the way I dress/how I talk. I seriously dread going to work because of these guys, I feel like I'm in high school all over again dealing with bullies.


    A few decades ago, I had to face a similar problem. I shall be daring and mention the name of the company.

    In 1962, for one year I worked for A T & T in downtown Minneapolis. There was a tradition in that department of hazing new employees. The guy who was hired before me had become so desperate that he actually invited a tormenter outside for a fight.

    The hazing consisted of snide remarks, undo criticism, and hiding equipment that was necessary to work efficiently. All this occurred in direct sight of the management; they did nothing. Since it was in direct sight and not hidden, it would have been useless to report it. I figured that if I quit in less than one year it would not look good on my job record, so I resolved to stick it out for a year which I did even though I hated to go to work every morning. I was able to find another job before quitting.

    A T & T had an enviable record for being well-run, but it was not, at least that department was not well-run. They had an obsolete training course which had become irrelevant. Employees eavesdropped on private long-distance conversations. On one occasion, about five guys were eavesdropping on a long-distance conversation when a man and woman were having telephone sex. Once a woman was selling magazine subscriptions using a WATTS line and, because of her odd way of speaking, someone connected a loud speaker to the line so that everyone in the department could hear her conversations.

    Well-run companies will not permit hazing or bullying. Probably when hazing and bullying occur, the company also has other problems and is not well-run even if it has a reputation for being well-run.

    How to deal with such bullying has to be an individual decision based on many factors. Making suggestions is fine, but we cannot know all the factors which the victim must consider.
  • mybud

    Posts: 11837

    Jul 03, 2014 6:39 PM GMT
    homejames said
    mybud saidYou have severe low self esteem and instead of seeking help, to belly ache constantly on here. Some victims yearn to be victimized.Countless gays remain in abusive relationships because they feel and act just like you. This may sound rude or hurtful but it's the truth. My dad had a saying, Shit or get off the pot". Think about it.


    Excuse me. Not every one is born into a position of privilege and has a silver spoon in their mouth.
    Some people do not have the luxury or the ability to live a life of being entitled and enabled.
    It's sounds like you think I did...Privilege has nothing to do with it..It's all about the drama..Now get your shovel and eat all this shit up...Awwww fuck bye.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 03, 2014 7:03 PM GMT
    You know why? Because they are miserable and want you to feel the same way.
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    Jul 03, 2014 7:29 PM GMT
    i experienced this with my Ex, he bullied me and when i finally broke free he had his friends gang up on me and started bullying me, im surprised his mother hasnt bullied me cuz she would do something like that.


    they talk behind your back because theyre cowards and cant face you face to face
  • buddycat

    Posts: 1874

    Jul 03, 2014 8:13 PM GMT
    mikeyslc saidThe world is infected by asshole culture.


    +1
  • Joeyphx444

    Posts: 2382

    Jul 03, 2014 8:29 PM GMT
    You need to get off RJ and get to a THERAPIST SERIOUSLY