How the Actions of Others Should Not Affect How Others Feel About Themselves

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    Jul 03, 2014 6:09 PM GMT
    The relevance of other peoples' actions should not affect or have such a significant impact on other peoples' lives and how they feel about themselves but it does.

    Learning to live with the people around you is not always easy when you do not like what you see and learn about the other people on a day to day basis.

    I can see for myself. I can judge and think for myself. I know right from wrong. I know that there is the good, the bad, and the ugly. You simply can't ignore that or dismiss that. You have to learn to live with it.

    Unfortunately in this society it is the people who have power over you that get to impose their actions and behaviour on the other people. Whether it comes from family, friends, authority figures, or the enabled people. What other people are saying, teaching and doing is not always the right way for you or other people.

    To the point that people are oppressed- being excluded or marginalized. Why do you want to conform, seek acceptance or be part of this group if you do not feel it is good for you and other people?

    Having to learn at a young age to be independent from other people has given me the insight and perspective to think above other people. Not better than other people. Just different.

    We can't always choose who we associate with. Who we like or do not like or who we are angry or disappointed with.

    But we can choose not to be bitter and hate other people. Recognize that there is ignorance, indoctrination, learned behaviour, peer pressure, insecurity, personal gain among other reasons that teach other people to be the way they are and to impose their actions and behaviour on other people.

    To feel better about yourself you have to first believe and trust in who you are, what you are doing, and what you are feeling.
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    Jul 03, 2014 7:46 PM GMT
    Very wisely said, homejames. Thank You.

    But explain what you mean by this line:

    "We can't always choose who we associate with. Who we like or do not like or who we are angry or disappointed with. "
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    Jul 03, 2014 9:51 PM GMT
    stuartsmalley.jpg
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    Jul 04, 2014 3:14 AM GMT
    Determinate saidVery wisely said, homejames. Thank You.

    But explain what you mean by this line:

    "We can't always choose who we associate with. Who we like or do not like or who we are angry or disappointed with. "



    Well, for example, when I say I am sexually attracted to men, I am associated with the gay community. From then on, those who know this fact about me associate me with whatever gay means to them. I can be a degenerate or a saint, I can have it all together, or be incredibly misguided. I could be any number of things, because I am associated with an entity that is outside of my self.

    These are associations projected upon me by another person, and I cannot keep them from happening. As a result, I can be associated with individuals or acts I'd rather not be associated with--individuals like Dan Savage or acts the lewdness depicted on arbitrary porn sites. I'd not want people to think of certain things about me when I say I'm gay, but the behaviors of those individuals help structure their conception of gay individuals, whom to them are no different than the gay community.

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    Jul 04, 2014 3:25 AM GMT
    Fuck other people. They don't give a rat's ass about you.
  • jo2hotbod

    Posts: 3603

    Jul 04, 2014 3:26 AM GMT
    Sorry you always have power over your situation
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    Jul 04, 2014 3:56 AM GMT
    When did Toronto become Kampala?

  • heyom

    Posts: 389

    Jul 04, 2014 4:59 AM GMT
    Did someone say Kampala?

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    Jul 04, 2014 12:56 PM GMT
    A_Montax1 said
    Determinate saidVery wisely said, homejames. Thank You.

    But explain what you mean by this line:

    "We can't always choose who we associate with. Who we like or do not like or who we are angry or disappointed with. "



    Well, for example, when I say I am sexually attracted to men, I am associated with the gay community. From then on, those who know this fact about me associate me with whatever gay means to them. I can be a degenerate or a saint, I can have it all together, or be incredibly misguided. I could be any number of things, because I am associated with an entity that is outside of my self.

    These are associations projected upon me by another person, and I cannot keep them from happening. As a result, I can be associated with individuals or acts I'd rather not be associated with--individuals like Dan Savage or acts the lewdness depicted on arbitrary porn sites. I'd not want people to think of certain things about me when I say I'm gay, but the behaviors of those individuals help structure their conception of gay individuals, whom to them are no different than the gay community.



    Fair enough, but by living a righteous life, treating yourself and others well, you will just as inevitably shift (at least by a little bit) the perceptions of those who encounter you for those groups. Anybody who is being honest with his/herself will have to say, "I've heard XYX, but I know A_Montax1, and he isn't like that."

    In my volunteer work, we've found we make the most progress with one-on-one conversations. There is a fairly consistent correlation between people who acknowledge that they know at least one gay person personally and who affirm the rights of gay people. The most strident of the "anti" claim they have never met a gay person, even though we know this is crap.
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    Jul 04, 2014 6:24 PM GMT
    homejames saidThe relevance of other peoples' actions should not affect or have such a significant impact on other peoples' lives and how they feel about themselves but it does.

    Learning to live with the people around you is not always easy when you do not like what you see and learn about the other people on a day to day basis.

    I can see for myself. I can judge and think for myself. I know right from wrong. I know that there is the good, the bad, and the ugly. You simply can't ignore that or dismiss that. You have to learn to live with it.

    Unfortunately in this society it is the people who have power over you that get to impose their actions and behaviour on the other people. Whether it comes from family, friends, authority figures, or the enabled people. What other people are saying, teaching and doing is not always the right way for you or other people.

    To the point that people are oppressed- being excluded or marginalized. Why do you want to conform, seek acceptance or be part of this group if you do not feel it is good for you and other people?

    Having to learn at a young age to be independent from other people has given me the insight and perspective to think above other people. Not better than other people. Just different.

    We can't always choose who we associate with. Who we like or do not like or who we are angry or disappointed with.

    But we can choose not to be bitter and hate other people. Recognize that there is ignorance, indoctrination, learned behaviour, peer pressure, insecurity, personal gain among other reasons that teach other people to be the way they are and to impose their actions and behaviour on other people.

    To feel better about yourself you have to first believe and trust in who you are, what you are doing, and what you are feeling.


    These are all very fine and dandy words but the truth of the matter is is that most people are impacted by the people around them long before they can be independent from other people and those people have a great power to impart insecurities on us and greatly affect how we feel about our selves. Most of our insecurities, fears, phobias, prejudices, and the like are foisted upon us long before we know what they really are and before we have developed the proper coping mechanisms to deal with them so we are unable to counteract the negative impact they have on us.

    That is why other peoples' actions do have a significant impact on other peoples' lives and how they feel about themselves.

    Most of us spend their entire adult lives trying to undo the damage others did to us at a time in our lives when we were ill equipped to deal with it. Just ask any mental health professional.

    No one gets out unscathed in some form or another. We are not robots or Mr. Spocks. We have feelings and emotions.
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    Jul 06, 2014 2:47 AM GMT
    One of the many reasons as to why I do not fool with anyone too tough from elementary, Jr. high or high school. Granted, there are some I get along with still, but for the ones that used to make me feel like shit, they see me & some have it bad, whereas others have it REAL bad...

    One who used to drive me, took the easy way out & in my eyes, it was a very rotten thing to do (committed a murder-suicide, shot the mother of his kid & turned the trigger on himself; she survived, he didn't.); another ended up as a meth junkie with a felonious prison record; he, his wife & kids were victims of a forced home invasion that made the news. I had a 7th grade teacher who witnesses the abuse tell me to check myself before I wreck myself. Found out she dies of a heart attack in her sleep.

    How I was treated back in school sure as hell was no different in how I was treated around the gay community in my city. Even more amazing how karma works...the ones who gave me shit for being gay turn out to be gay themselves & then try to talk to me, like I forget that!

    I guess it explains why I've such a cold, icy disposition with people in general, including those within the gay community. Even more amazing when they see me & ask the dumbest question of all time..."Why you looking so mean?"

    I get invites for class reunions and I end up burning them for this mere fact- I don't want to be reminded of past scars, i don't want to hear that they're doing good & for the most part, I do not want to be bothered. They had my respect as a fellow classmate from the beginning; how they treated me was their one shot & that's all she wrote.

    I will admit, trying to work on my said cold, icy disposition is hard when people will go out of their way to call you all sorts of derogatory/perjorative names simply because they can't get their way with you.

    As the Queen of Hip-Hop Soul once said, "They'll never be happy because they're not happy with themselves."

    My $0.02...